1 year later...

Wow... It has been more than one year since I've posted. I guess I've been busy... living life and all. I think I became busy as time went on, and much rather preferred writing in my actual journal than typing everything up on a computer screen, it gave me a sense of reality. In the end, I think all I was really afraid of was to grow up and face the fact that I had to one day. One day I would have to get a car, one day I would have to get my license and one day I would have to get a job. So much has happened in this past year that it is almost... Scary. The people whom I use to talk to have completely disappeared from my life and now, I feel as if I kind of broke free, but simply in the wrong way.

I found a notebook the other day with many numbers in it... It practically broke my heart. I felt as if I let myself go through all that time going through depressions that I forgot about those that live farther away from me. In a way, they were all my lifeline several times throughout my life, listening to me and speaking to me. When I found that phone book, those are the people who I wish would talk to me again... To at least say hello, I'm alive, and how is your life? Even if I have too many things that have happened, even if we have argues and even agree to never speak to each other again, I want those people to simply talk to me for one day and to tell me how is it going.

My whole entire year was filled with me living, I think, I needed that as a suitable remedy for the years beforehand. I needed that to know that I'm flesh and blood. I took photographs, I lived my life and I met people that mean so much to me, even if we talk only once a week. I experienced life, and I'm so happy I got away from the pixels and the online drama, yet, at a complete expense of my valued friendships from the internet...

I guess, here are the people I found in my phone book that I basically grew up with before we all parted our ways, and their area codes. These aren't all the people, of course, but at least the ones I were able to retrieve from my book. I realized that there were a lot of ripped pages, so I'm sorry if you're actually able to read this and I left you out.

Mike (609) --- I remember him being the most wonderful person in the whole world. He was the only one I spoke to on the internet long after we "broke up". He was there for me in so many situations. In the past month or two however, I lost contact with him because he hurt my feelings, again, with being completely apathetic towards life. He was my only best friend for such a long time, and even if I have all his contact information, I wonder if I would ever lose my pride to speak to him again. I wonder most, if he would like to be my friend again. I know he hasn't forgotten me.

Mel (830) --- She was someone who I completely admired, and always sought to her for advice... I really did love her as a human being, but as time went on, she started drifting herself from me to the point where it felt as if she was intentionally doing it. I always felt it was because she had a closer bond with Ally, but I never told her so. I simply let her go, and I regret it horribly, but what could anyone do but hope there would be an answer once again? I feel she forgot all about me, and yet, I still hope she can receive me as a friend again, and speak to me. I'm so sorry if I ever did anything to you, I hope you forgive and remember me.

Chris (609) --- Ally's ex, Mike's ex best friend. I believe they still talk however not as much. I don't really care to speak to this person ever again.

Ally (403) --- Ally Ally Ally... I remember that her and I stopped talking with a bad ending. I'm sure she forgot about me or hates me, but I always wanted to message her again to say how sorry I am. I always wanted to tell her that I treasured her, and I don't know what got into me. I always wanted to keep her close and listen to her, but I was simply too depressed. I was too broken, and too confused. I was being a complete child back then, and yet, I should have done something to save that close bond that we had. I still wish that little piece of her that liked me for who I was surfaces in her and calls me, but I know its all just some fantasy that I will never be able to fix. After months of thinking about it, I realized I loved Ally above the rest. I want the best for her future, because she is someone I will never forget, and hope to speak to again.

Nick (609) --- I spoke to him for quite some time after I stopped talking to people on the internet. He enlisted in the army, well, not the army, but something else. After a while he never called me back and I never spoke to him again. He's about the only person I'm planning to try and call to contact him, as that was how our friendship always went, I was always comfortable talking to him. I hope he is doing well, and I hope the number that I wrote down a year ago still functions, though I doubt it.

Ray (361) --- Someone who I thought was a beautiful person, and who I could have been with. I always wondered what it would be like to speak to him again, though I know things would be much different as they were.

Jen (512) --- She was a great personality and a lot of time. I still often times wonder how she is doing.

I hope one of you, or anyone from the past calls me and tells me how its going, even if it is just to say hello and that things have been the same... I especially want to talk to Mel, Nick, and Ally again... So if you by any chance read this, please just contact me and tell me about your life. Please do.

Well, I guess I'm ending this at that. I might post more some other time, but then again, I might not. Who knows.

Well... Here is my contact information. Like I said, please do the best you can to contact me. It can be at whatever time, and wherever I am, I'll speak to you...


My E-mail - Ingenues.epiphany@gmail.com
AIM (Preferable) - She Abhors
Cell Phone number (very preferable) - 305 910 8608

So yeah... I hope to hear from at least one of the bunch. Well, if not, then it wasn't without effort...