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Things will get better, with you or without you..

Your greatest fear, is your greatest accomplishment

My mom told me that when I was little, and it's always stuck too me. Alot of people words have stuck with me the past few days, things either Tracey have told me.. Cristy.. Maura.. Danny; alone anyone. But what most sticks out is a conversation earlier in the week with Alex. He amazes me sometimes, let me just tell you. See, after all these thougths get bobbled up and shit.. I have no place to speak of it unless through my journal.. but I thought otherwise this time so instead I had choosen to have a deep conversation with Alex and I was just amazed by what I learned about him. He is by far, one of the most strongest guys I've ever met in my life. He really is, and honestly he made me see something in guys I've never looked at so now it's easier to understand their minds. Haha, sounds weird huh? Yeah I know, but it's the truth.

See, when my mom told me that quote, she told me it so I would remember so I could fall back on it at a certain time when I needed to just organize my world into a way that is easier for myself and others around me. Understand this, I've gone through alot of shit in my life and have always become flustered when more happens (ie: losing a best friends and alot of life challeneges.) With my learning comprehention problem, I choose to never put that on file because I didn't want to be known as the girl who is suffering from a retardation in the brain growing up; I wasn't physically incapable of doing things-- it was just understanding them you would have to repeat them. Probably the wrong choose ever getting involved into the drugs, but I learned from that am I right? Yes! Well anyhow, growing up was hard. I never, like I said before, wanted to be on file that I had a problem. I already got taunted enough for my eyebrows and my slow actions.. but people just looked past it never thought, 'wow.. you're really slow, are you retarded?' seriously that is the most stupid word I've ever heard in my life, think about it? What if your son/daughter/neice/newphew/cousin etc.. was retarded.. would you sit there and yell across a room.. "JESUS JOHN YOU'RE SO RETARDED!" before even thinking, ohmygawd they are retarded. You would look at them, sad right? Or would you just laugh (if you answer to this, don't worry some people just don't show sympathy or remorse for this such of a topic.) I never really ever took people saying it as an insult because nobody really knows accept within my family just because I choose to work hard for EVERYTHING I earned through my grade school..middle school..and high school career. Just the way it was, I never wanted that that label on my forehead ya know? My mom always had to speak through words for me.. as in write them down or say them straight to my face so I would understand. Acting on something was near immpossible because I would and still just give you funny looks as in, what the hell? I lived by quotes growing up, my Mom and GaGa would always feed me the best of quotes just to help me understand more things around my world. This quote is my quote for life. It's so true, if you think about it in the right kind of way and tell you the truth-- it's perfect.

I don't know, just a bunch of ramble on about a quote that means alot to me at 2am. In general, a change could put me through alot of shit but it's only for the better. So only making this experience more worth while just is what I'm looking for.

Words from the wise Tracey: the greatest love can be the love that's willing to let go.
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