Virgin Suicides

(no subject)

I will not dread tomorrow.
I will not let this situation get the best of me.
I will not let this get me down anymore.

I will be proactive.
I will think positively.
I will not let the past dictate my future.
I will look to the future and enjoy the present.

I will trust.
I will not jump to conclusions.
I will listen.
I will not be quick to anger.
I will be placid.
I will keep my cool.

I will stop being laxadaisical. 
I will take charge of my life.
Virgin Suicides

(no subject)



1.  Happy Together--The Turtles
2.  Do Wah Diddy--Manfred Mann
3.  Help Yourself--Tom Jones
4.  You've Got a Friend--James Taylor
Virgin Suicides

(no subject)

Dear Me,

Next time you want crash a wedding, at the very least, remember to turrn your headlights off.  This will save you the complete agony of having to ask other guests to give you a jump while you're trying to make a clean and inconspicuous getaway.

It will probably make it less obvious that you're there to the person whose wedding you're crashing.  This is key, so drama doesn't ensue and so you don't get beat up, and burnt by cigarettes.

Get your act together.


Virgin Suicides

(no subject)

It's time to stop being a fat ass.  123.6.  Seriously?  When did that happen?  I've gained like 8 pounds in a week.  Disfuckingusting.  Run.  Run.  Run.  Stop eating out 84 times a day.  Detox starts.

I have to finish the dishes.  Stellar.  I'm beat.

Going to Charlotte for School #17 Flower City Planting Day in the morning.  I should walk the pier while I'm there.  And take my journal.  We shall see.
Virgin Suicides

(no subject)

Today's Events:

(-) Being woken up by work
(+) Going to Tully's for lunch
(+) Miniature Golfing
(+) 2 hour nap
(+) Run
(-) Ipod being stolen out of my car while it was sitting in my driveway
(+) Clean room
(+) No jury duty tomorrow

(+) my loser ass sister took my Ipod.

Disregard this paragraph:

Good day.  I'm livid about my Ipod being stolen.  There was a hacky sack outside of my car, so at least they left something in it's place.  I hate my neighbors.  I'm not pissed so much about the fact that my Ipod is gone.  Like, it sucks because now I don't have anything to listen to when I run and drive and stuff.  It's the fact that 2 years worth of music, 2 years worth of memories, 2 years worth of bonding is gone.  If I see my neighbors jamming out on a pink Ipod I'm going to go all Liam Neeson-Taken on their asses, literally. 

That movie is bad ass.  I never thought I'd consider Liam Neeson hot, but that did the trick.

Anyway, I passed my classes.  D in Income Tax.  C- in Intermediate 2.  Good job.  Way to over achieve this semester.  I'm disappointed in myself.  Hopefully they're transferable.
Virgin Suicides

(no subject)

Sinead O'Connor- Nothing Compares to You:  I love the amount of emotion that is gradually eminent as she sings this.  It moved me to tears.

So, I need to refocus and put things into perspective:

1)  I finally need to get around to cleaning my room.  It's literally been a mess since my birthday...over a month ago.  I know that it's been since my birthday because I still have birthday gift bags scattered everywhere.

I also have like 4 weeks of clean clothes to transfer into my dresser.  I need to purge my dresser of all the clothes I don't wear.  And I need to tag all of the clothes I think that I wear but don't with dates so I can go through my dresser again in a couple months and get rid of them for good.

2)  I've decided that my body is on a detox walk over Glendale Park, over sidewalk chalk someone wrote in red, "start over".  Starting tonight, after I binged on Union Hill spaghetti.  I need to get back into running.  I need to stop consuming garbage.  I feel like crap and I'm getting fat, again.

3)  I need to get my act together with school.  I refuse to check my grades because I did poorly.  I didn't apply myself at all.  Good job.

Anyway, while I was driving up to camp Sunday night, I started thinking about my life, and how if I got into a car accident and died I would never be able to tell the people I care about, what they meant to me.  So, because I'm paranoid, and I feel like tragedy is going to strike me young, sometimes, I'm writing letters to the people who have touched my life and have shaped me into the way I am.  Then I am going to put them in my glove compartment, so I'll be able to convey that to them.  It's not premeditated.  I'm not planning on doing this then driving myself off a bridge or anything like that.  I just want to be thoughtful.


Virgin Suicides

(no subject)

Note to self:  Next time you want to let selfish assholes, who have a complete lack of regard for people, back into your life because you think they've changed, do yourself a favor, and save yourself the hurt, and tell them to fuck off.  You'll thank me for this advice a couple weeks down the road when promises have been broken, and you've been lied to, and you're blamed for the whole thing because you weren't understanding, and you gave too many ultimatums. 

Funny thing is, I would have understood if I would have been given the chance to.

Note to him:  There's so much I want to say about how much of a shitty person you are, and, believe me, you more than deserve to hear it, but I digress.  You don't care enough about yourself to be the person you want to be, so you won't care at all about what I have to say. 

Just know this, I knew Monday that you would blow me off on Wednesday.  It's so true to your character that I just accepted it, even though I wanted you to show me differently.  I wasn't surprised by that at all.  What I was surprised about was that on Wednesday, after you had decided to blow me off, I saw you at Wegmans with your friends, well before you even saw me.  I was 5 feet away from you at the Redbox next to yours.  I didn't say anything to you, not because I didn't have plenty to say, but because I have class and I didnt want to publicly air how much of a tool you are to all of Wegmans.  You, on the other hand, ran away like a fucking coward.

And, in that moment, it occured to me that, that you're a sorry excuse for a human being, and that you don't have as much guts as you think you do.  At least I sucked up my issues with you and still went to rent a movie, knowing fully well that you'd be there when I got there.  You couldn't even handle being there, and that is sad.

I hope that you regret the choices you've made in regard to me for the rest of your life.  You will never get another chance from me, and I hope that it eats at you.  I deleted you, virtually, from my life, and I don't want you back in it.  Crystal may be your best friend and you may love spending time with her, but I don't see her wanting you the way that I wanted you.  You're going to be lonely for the rest of your life because she'll get married and have kids, and she may even move on from you, and if that happens, you'll be completely alone.  And when that day comes, I just want you to know that you deserve it.  You absolutely deserve it.
Virgin Suicides

(no subject)

Lemon potato's:  check.
Pepsi:  check.
This equates to the best meal of all least at 10 on a Thursday night after work.  I don't know why I don't get these more often. 

There is a random copy of Webster Schroeder Presents:  Beauty and the Beast from April 02, 2009, at my house.  Bizarre.  I don't know where it came from.  As if I need yet another reminder in this town of how things never came to fruition.  Geez, what am I even talking about?  I knew it wouldn't.  I hoped it would, but deep down I knew that things wouldn't be different.  That still doesnt take away the sting of it all, though.

I can't believe it's only 11:11.  This day is passing so slowly.

I don't think it's unhinged of me to care about people.  I may not care about politics, and the corrupt inner workings of the government, and American Idol, but I can say that I care about people, and having meaningful relationships with them, and being kind to them, because that's the least I can do.  If that means that I'm naive, and that I'm missing out on the bigger picture, which supposedly is that nothing matters because we're all going to fall into the black abyss in three years, then so be it.  I can deal with that.  At least I gave a damn about something while I was here.

This post doesn't flow well whatsoever.

Welcome back, me.