(no subject)

What's the point of getting all worked up over what happened so many months ago?
It's hard to ignore you, but honestly I'm tired of your games and BS, and I'm tired of you hurting me.
I don't think we'll ever be friends unless you genuinely change.
And you know its hard because for three years it was you that was always there.
And even though what we had was nothing close to normal, you were my best friend and my lover.
But thats the past, and now I am moving on.
I have to just let you live a lie and be in denile and just hope that one day you see the pain you have caused.
Until then you will be in my heart, but I don't really know about in my life.

On a different note, the guy I am with--Chris, is perfect. I really feel like he has come such a long way...
and you know what? I have too. Even though I really feel he has a lot to learn, I understand where that agression comes from
and I know how to calm it, and sooth it, and he knows how to do the same for my raging emotions.
I was pretty crazy when I met him. Wanted only to party, drink to get drunk, and go out to just be an emotional wreck at the end of the night.
How cliche of me.
But he some how dragged me out of that darkness and scolded me for being so ridiculous.
No one ever told me the truth about how I was when I drank.
How carefree I really was.
He really did drag me out of that tunnel.
I don't smoke anymore, and I quit cigs a while ago.
Idk what the fuck was wrong with me.
It's almost like I rebeled against so many things that I suddenly just hated about myself.

I hated being innocent for so long I guess.
But with him, I feel innocent again. I feel fresh and ready to conquer new things.
I just appreciate little things.
Like movie nights, and long drives, and when he runs his fingers through my hair
Sounds so damn cheesey but it's real.

I really don't want to jinx it, but I really do love my job.
Yes my feet hurt, Yes I come home smelling like dogs,
Yes I am tired beyond belief because I am working so many hours AND going to school from 7-2
BUTTTT, it's so rewarding to have a job that I actually do like to get up for.
And working for this company is honestly the best because now I feel like I belong to something where
everyone has the understanding of what they love
kind of like school.


meow meow meow.
i really want taco bell.
I want to try the volcano taco.

work from 2-10.
i'm going to beg to leave early.
I have sooo much homework.
=( !

+++ they best let me because I picked up a 7am-3pm shift yesterday! after closing the day before mannn.
lmao.

I hope I get a promotion.
  • Current Mood
    creative creative

(no subject)

this week has been really damn random.
i'm just going to lay low and not get my hopes up too much.
things just kind of seem too good to be true.
and you know what they say about that.
if it sounds too good to be true...
it probably is.
whatever, we'll see.
i'm hopeful (:
this could be one of the biggest doors that has opened for me
if all of this goes through.
  • Current Music
    nfg --its not fault

story of my life.

I'm sittin' here all by myself, just trying to think of something to do.
I'm trying to think of something--ANYTHING, just to keep me from thinking of you.
But you know it's not workin' out cause you're all that's on my mind.
One thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind.
and i didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
and i didn't mean to get so close, and share what we did.
and i didn't mean to fall in love, BUT I DID.
and you didn't mean to love me back
but i know you did.


I'm sittin here trying to convince myself that you're not the one for me.
But the more I think, the less I believe and even more I want you here with me.
you know the holidays are comin' up
i don't want to spend them alone.
memories of christmas time with you will just kill me if i'm on my own.

and i didn't mean for this to go as far as it did.
and i didn't mean to get so close, and share what we did.
and i didn't mean to fall in love BUT I DID.
and you didn't mean to love me back...

i know its not the smartest thing to do,
we just cant seem to get it right
but what i wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight.

im sittin' here tryin to entertain myself with this old guitar
but with all my inspiration gone, it's not gettin' me very far
i look around my room, and everything i see reminds me of you
oh please baby, wont you take my hand
we've got nothin' left to prove.


and i didn't mean for this to go as far as it did.
and i didn't mean to get so close, and share what we did.
and i didn't mean to fall in love BUT I DID.
and you didn't mean to love me back...
and i didn't mean to meet you then
we were just kids,
and i didn't mean to give you chills,
the way that i kiss
and i didn't mean to fall in love
BUT I DID --and you didnt mean to love me back
but you did.
  • Current Music
    pwt*

(no subject)


DEAR LIVEJOURNAL,
YOU'RE GAY. YOU SHOULD DISABLE COMMENTS ON __BABYPHATS JOURNAL BECAUSE
REGAURDLESS OF WHAT THE TOPIC IS--NO OWN COMMENTS. OH YEAH THATS RIGHT
MYSPACE TOOK OVER AND DECIDED TO STEAL THE WHOLE COMMENT THING.
WAIT SCRATCH THAT, COMMENTS AREN'T THAT IMPORTANT ANYWAYS, BUT THERE
WAS A TIME YOU WERE POPULAR, AND PEOPLE ACTUALLY WROTE IN THIS SHITE
&&& POSTED PICTURES, AND COMPLAINED ABOUT GOOD STUFF, AND NOT THE SAME
OLD BOY PROBLEMS. LIVEJOURNAL, I MISS THE GOOD OL' DAYS.

♥ YOUR OLDEST FRIEND,
JAMIE.

(no subject)

this fucking roller coaster never ends.
the puzzle is all coming together
and the picture SUCKS.
THANKS A LOT.
  • Current Music
    NOBODYS LISTENING -linkin park

(no subject)


"i drift away to a place another kind of life.
take away the pain, i create my paradise.
everything i held has hit the wall.
what used to be yours, isn't yours at all.
falling apart in all that im asking
is it a crime, am i over-reacting?
oh, he's under my skin just give me something
to get rid of him.
i've got a reason now to burry this alive
another little white lie.

i do believe you didn't try.
i do blame you for every lie.
when i look in your eyes,
i don't see mine."
  • Current Music
    Skin -Alex johnson

dragon flies make me happy.

back from santa barbara.
i officially LOVE mackie&tyesha&i've always loved christina&charisma.
so many new inside jokes.
team meetings.
grubbin in mackies room.
SOUP BOWLS!
another fun summer at cheer camp.
i needed a break.
COME TO VALLEY ON SEPTEMBER 3rd!
Charisma& I are going to be cheering!



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  • Current Music
    fatboy slim -rockerfeller skank.