is anyone here good at designing blogs? i'm ready to move on to one -- but every time i try, it looks like crap and i give up.
help a sista out, s'il vous plait!
From WHAT I LOVED by Siri Hustvedt, pp 128-129.
"It was late when I walked into Matt's room that night with a glass of
water to put on his night table. Erica had already left him. I leaned
over and kissed his cheek, but he didn't kiss me back. He squinted at
the ceiling for a couple of moments and then said, 'You know, Dad, I'm
always thinking about how many people there are in the world. I was
thinking about it between innings at the game, and I got this really
funny feeling, you know, how everybody is thinking thoughts at the
same time, billions of thoughts.'
'Yes,' I said. 'A flood of thoughts that we can't hear.'
'Yeah. And then I got this weird idea about how all those different
people see what they see just a little different from everybody else.'
'You mean that every person has a different way of seeing the world?'
'No, Dad, I mean really and truly. I mean that because we were sitting
where we were sitting tonight, we saw a game that was a little
different from those guys with the beer next to us. It was the same
game, but I could've noticed something those guys didn't. And then I
thought, if I was sitting over there, I'd see something else. And not
just the game. I mean they saw me and I saw them, but I didn't see
myself and they didn't see themselves. Do you get what I mean?'
'I know just what you mean. I've thought about it a lot, Matt. The
place where I am is missing from my view. It's like that for
everybody. We don't see ourselves in the picture, do we? It's a kind
'And when I put that together with people thinking their zillions of
thoughts -- right now they're out there thinking and thinking -- I get
this floaty feeling.' He paused. 'On the way home in the car when we
were all quiet, I thought about how everybody's thoughts keep
changing. The thoughts that people were having during the game turned
into new thoughts when we were in the car. That was then, but this is
now, but then that now is gone, and there's a new now. Right now, I'm
saying right now, but it's over before I've finished saying it.'
'In a way,' I said to him, 'that NOW you're talking about hardly
exists. We feel it, but it's impossible to measure. The past is always
eating up the present.' I stroked his hair and paused. 'I think I've
always loved paintings for that reason. Somebody makes a canvas in
time, but after it's made, a painting stays in the present. Does that
make sense to you?'
'Yes,' he said. 'Definitely. I like things to last for a long, long
time.' Matthew looked up at me. Then he took a breath. 'I've made up
my mind, Dad. I'm going to be an artist. When I was little I thought I
would try for the Major Leagues. I'll always play ball, but that's not
going to be my job. No, I'm going to have a studio right here in the
neigborhood and an apartment close by, so I can visit you and Mom
whenever I want.' He closed his eyes. 'Sometimes I think I'll make
great big paintings, and other times I think I'll make pretty small
ones. I don't know which yet.'
'You have time to decide,' I said. Matt turned onto his stomach and
gripped the covers. I leaned down and kissed his forehead."
"This made sense to me. We are, each of us, functions of how we imagine ourselves and of how others imagine us, and, looking back, there are these discrete tracks of memory - the times when our ties are most sharply defined in relation to others' ideas of us, and the more private times when we are freer to imagine ourselves." - Gourevitch
i guess, if all else fails, i have great hair.
... i love you.
i wish shira would answer her phone.
goo goo dolls / counting crows tonight. amazing. fucking trashed. with chris, lisa, kristen oristano, sam b, caitlin, gina, deana, pete, brad, karissa, deirdre, bryan, etc.
fucking awesome, more about that tomorrow when i am SOBER.
"Let the poets struggle to describe your heart
your art of love and your love of art."