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Buhbye, __allnightdiner. [13 Jan 2005|08:42pm]
Ask to be added [over there, not in this entry].
Don't automatically assume I'm keeping you.

0013 & Comment

[13 Jan 2005|05:22pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I'll be alright, I'm just missin' you, and this is me kissin' you...X's and O's, and a letter from home. I hold it up and show my buddies like we ain't scared, and our boots ain't muddy. And they all laugh 'cause she calls me honey, but they take it hard, 'cause I don't read the good parts. I fold it up and put it in my shirt,
pick up my gun, and get back to work...and it keeps me drivin' on...waiting on letters from home.

[!] = so true for me, so far...

You know you're a military girlfriend/fiancee/wife when...
♥ You don't mind a phonecall waking you up at four in the morning. [!]
♥ You tell people that ask that he's "only" been gone a month. [!]
♥ The smallest contact from your man makes your entire week. [!]
♥ You cry over an e-mail that says nothing more than "hi" and "I miss you". [!]
♥ You e-mail everyone in your address book when you receive a one-liner e-mail from him. [! - Well, I post an entry, I don't e-mail - ;)]
♥ Those recruitment commercials on TV make you cry because you're so proud. [! - I don't cry, but it means more than it did before...]
♥ You sleep in PT attire, cuddled up in a poncho liner because it's the closest you can come to being with him. [! - PT attire, yes...poncho liner? No. Hehe - :)]
♥ You get super excited just knowing that he tried to call but wasn't able to get through. [!]
♥ Your favorite man to see every day is the mailman [what a love/hate relationship that is!]. [!]
♥ You refer to everyone who isn't in the military as "civilians". [! - I've been known to. Not all the time, though.]
♥ You can rattle off the time in perfect military time without having to think. [! - I'm getting good at it, that's for sure!]
♥ You get excited when you can name the assault rifle correctly. [!]
♥ You feel yourself growing more and more in love with him even while he's far away. [!]
♥ Planning letters/care packages and putting them in the mail is more exciting than going out for a night on the town with the girls. [!]
♥ You don't mind tripping over combat boots left in the middle of the bedroom floor.
♥ While enjoying an evening alone together, your boyfriend shows you all the different ways he knows how to kill or incapacitate a man, and then you casually continue cooking dinner as though it's perfectly normal. [! - Okay, not in that exact context, but he's showed me things, and it didn't really seem like anything huge; just normal "military stuff"...]
♥ You find yourself learning phrases in foreign languages from letters, and aren't surprised when you realize you know how to say, "Throw down your weapons and lay down on the ground!" in Arabic.
♥ You hold off on seeing certain movies so you can see them with him when he comes home. [!]
♥ You want to roll your eyes when you hear someone say, "I haven't seen my boyfriend in a week!" [! - Do I ever!]
♥ You can go from being happy, to sad, to lonely, to angry, to proud, and back to happy in a matter of less than an hour. [!]
♥ You sleep with the phone right next to you, just in case he calls. [! - Every single night; you better believe it.]
♥ If he's deployed, you don't care how your hair looks, nor do you care about wearing makeup...and the people at your work ask about him every day to see if you've heard from him. [!]
♥ You start saying things like, "Wow, that is a really nice box. Are you going to use that for anything?" to total strangers.
♥ You can give the rates for all the long distance calling cards on the market without hesitation. [!]
♥ You feel lucky for each second granted to the two of you. [!]
♥ Every new watch you buy had a two timezone feature.
♥ You are three-thousand miles apart and you don't notice the time difference and talk until five in the morning his time and two your time on a school night. [! - Well, work nights...and we notice the time, we just don't care.]
♥ Your cell phone shows eighty-seven screens full of the number two for "repeat message" after you hear he left you a voicemail. [! - Haha!]
♥ You get used to your plans changing at the last minute. [!]
♥ You have seen the following movies more than one-hundred times: Full Metal Jacket, Platoon, Heartbreak Ridge, The Right Stuff, Top Gun, Apocalypse Now, We Were Soldiers, Black Hawk Down [! - Not quite a hundred...]
♥ When you haven't heard from him in a while, you find yourself reading the old letters you have received...it's just comforting and makes you feel close in a way. [!]

0013 & Comment

[12 Jan 2005|08:55pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

Laura, here is your horoscope for Wednesday, January 12th: Possibilities turn you on. You just can't wait for the future to get here. Do you realize how close it is? Think about how you could be more prepared. The real glory belongs to the one who markets a great idea.


I just got done printing out all of mine and Jarrod's e-mails. I tend to lose Outlook Express once every few months, so I figured it'd be smart to print them out just to be safe. I'd be a very upset girl if I lost them all. These will be fun to read back on! I keep thinking as I write in my [offline] journal how cool it'll be to read it in a year, or two years, or ten years...just to look back and read about how things were and say, "I made it!" - I read a comment that Heather left in Peggy's journal earlier saying something similar. She's been through deployments before with her boyfriend, and she said it's so cool to read back on past journals and see how far you've come. How cool - :)

Maria said she's gonna buy me a puppy. She said I need a little Chihuahua like Paris Hilton's. How cute! I wish. She said I need a dog. Do you know how many people have told me that? Seriously...what is this? Haha. Jarrod even said, before he left, that he was gonna buy me a dog to keep me company. Then he changed it to, "When I get back, we're getting a dog. A German Shep." - Uhhhh-huh. Kay.

What else did I want to say? I had stuff in mind, and I just blanked.

I want this month to be over with for so many reasons. January, please end. And I'm gonna be nineteen in less than two months. Wow. That's soon. I feel like I should be older for some reason. How random and odd is that?

I wanna watch Waiting To Exhale. That's one of my favorite movies. One of the first times I hung out at Jarrod's house, it was one of the nights that I stayed until like two in the morning, then he brought me home...'cause sleeping over was forbidden then or something. Anyway, he fell asleep from a busy day at training, and here I was, laying next to him, watching Waiting To Exhale on VH1 and sobbing as he's snoring. Haha. I just love that movie. I wanna buy the DVD. Or maybe one of you could buy it for me for my birthday! - ;) - I'm so kidding. - I'm listening to the soundtrack...that's where all of this talk came from.

I just e-mailed Jim. Jim is...hmm...how do I explain this? Okay, here we go. Jarrod's church is right down the road from my church. My youth group and Jarrod's youth group were once very close and did everything together. Jim was Jarrod's youth pastor. [I don't know if Jarrod and I ever met through youth group events...not that either of us recalls, but it's possible...] - Anyway...Jim and Mike [my youth pastor] are very close. Jim left that church last year around this time to go across state, but Mike still keeps in contact with him. Sooo...when Jarrod and I found out that we both knew Jim, Jarrod shared with me that Jim has made a huge impact on his life. Apparently Jarrod was having major problems a couple of years back, and Jim was always there to talk to him. He played a big part in turning Jarrod around. Jarrod asked if I could get in contact with Jim and send him his e-mail address so that he can then write letters to him, maybe, while he's on deployment. Well...I e-mailed Mike and asked for Jim's e-mail address and Mike just sent it to me tonight along with a note that said, "By the way, he had many good things to say about Jarrod. That's a good thing." - So, I dropped Jim an e-mail...just saying hi since I haven't seen or talked to him in a while...telling him Jarrod and I were together...and telling him that I gave Jarrod his e-mail, so he'd hear from him in due time. Jarrod told me to exagerrate the fact that he and I are very happy together. He said Jim would really be happy about that; that first he'd be shocked to hear that he and I are together, since apparently I'm the good little church girl, and Jarrod had all of the problems or whatever. He said Jim would be so proud and happy, though. I'm eager to hear back from Jim. - /end Jim story

La-dee-da. I don't know what else to say. I need to tidy up this room a bit, then I might read or exercise...or both. Ta-ta!

0017 & Comment

[11 Jan 2005|01:01am]
[ mood | chipper ]

I want to go see Ryan Cabrera at the Electric Factory in Philly...February nineteenth.

Anyone wanna go? It's general admission. Twenty-five buckaroos.

0017 & Comment

[10 Jan 2005|06:13pm]
I can't believe I'm posting these, but, they were requested...so, of my hundred-some clips, these are the best I could muster up to post. I'll have more in a few weeks...much better than these, and more originals! - ;)

01. "In Your Presence" by Jeremy Camp ; me singing and playing guitar
02. "Why Can't I" by Liz Phair ; me singing and playing guitar
03. "Sea of Faces" by Kutless ; me playing guitar
04. "One of These Days" by Michelle Branch ; me singing and playing guitar
05. "Wild Horses" by The Rolling Stones ; me singing and playing guitar
06. "Here Am I", worship song ; me singing and playing guitar
07. "No One Has To Know" by me! ; me singing and playing guitar
08. "Outrageous" by Britney Spears ; me singing with track
09. "[I've Got That] Boom Boom" by Britney Spears ; me singing with track

Be delicate with comments, now. I never claimed to be Shania Twain or Jewel or anything - ;)

P.S. Thanks, Heather...

Directions: Go back and copy & paste the first sentence for the first post you made each month over 2004, then post this in your LJ.

January: Hellllooooooo, trustworthy friends! ;)
February: Aww...Yay for picture messages.
March: Okay, I'm done changing layouts.
April: Ever have one of those dreams that are so real you can see them?
May: Guys, I'm about to cry.
June: I got an A on my short story for Writing!
July: I'm so nervous.
August: Happy August!
September: Being his arms just feels so right...*sigh*
October: What a complete sweetheart.
November: I hope Bush wins the election.
December: Whoops.
0062 & Comment

[10 Jan 2005|10:56am]
[ mood | amused ]

Haha. I just got an e-mail from some guy asking me to play at a Christian music festival...and I don't even have any song clips up or anything.

We are currently booking bands for the Christian Festival "Freedom Fest". Freedom Fest is an outreach that will be held on July 15-16 2005. It will be located in Enola, Pennsylvania at the River of God Church, which is about 10 minutes from Harrisburg. There will be one stage inside and one stage outside. We are booking bands such as Disciple, Dizmas, Last Tuesday, Staple, and many more. We have been searching aroung and loading up local artist aswell and came across your website on purevolume.com. If you would be interested in playing you can send your booking information to *******. If you have any questions you can e-mail me or you can call me at ***-***-****.
Justin Barlup

Of course I'm not going to do it, but I just thought it was really funny. I forgot I even had a profile up on PureVolume.

009 & Comment

[09 Jan 2005|06:48pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

I hate waking up from a nap groggy. I was reading my book [The Notebook] and fell asleep around four...and now I'm all groggy. Not to mention that I fell asleep to my parents bickering about any tiny thing under the sun, and I hadn't heard them until since I woke up, until just now...bickering about something again. Sheesh. I'm already grouchy when I wake up...I don't want to hear other people grouchy. That just adds to my grouchiness! - :\

I had barely any gas in my car, and five bucks in my pocket. This means, the gas had to last me 'til Thursday [next payday]. My dad came upstairs earlier and said he wanted to take my car to show my grandparents. I told him he couldn't because I barely have any gas. His response, "I'll put gas in it." - Score! I didn't even have to be all "pity me", and he offered. Woohoo! I now have a full tank.

Maria and I went to the mall for lunch & such after church. Every single store was having a sale! Of course! When I don't have money, there are sales galore. I thought maybe something great was going on. Every single store almost was having 60% off and 70% off. Crazy. We ran into Ryan and Stacy [Jarrod's cousin]. That was really cool and coincidental! It was so great to see them both. I'll barely get to see them until Jarrod's home again, so it was rare and awesome to run into them. They were shopping for his cousin Chad's birthday [Stacy's brother], which is today. Hehe.

I really don't feel like writing any more. Half of this entry was written earlier, I just didn't post it, and edited it a bit...

I'm gonna do who knows what until it's time to go to sleep again.

P.S. Kristen, I had a dream about you right before I woke up. I was reading your journal and you posted a big entry about how you were pregnant "again"...heh. You said something like, "This is the second time. I wish I were more responsible. All I have to say is, don't mess around with someone you barely know...you may have consequences. I guess I'll be spending the rest of the night at the toilet." - Hahaha. What in the world?! - Uh. I hope you're well, and unpregnant - ;)

0011 & Comment

[07 Jan 2005|08:10am]
[ mood | random ]

My mom had a dream that Jarrod & I got married. Then I had a baby. The whole time, my mom was at the grocery store with my grandmother, and she was yelling at my grandmother because she didn't get to go to my wedding and see my baby...and she was screaming at her. Haha.

My back hurts. Ouch. Now onto seven hours of standing on those beautiful concrete floors I know and love.

I want to go back to bed. I'm trying to think of what I wanna buy at work to eat for breakfast...for my healthy breakfast.

Did I mention my hair is platinum? Parts of my hair are really white...woo! Don't make fun of my morning face. My eyes are still all squinty...and the lighting is awful, so my roots and stuff still look dark with this lighting...ah well. You get the point.

P.S. I feel like Denise with this random entry - ;)

0023 & Comment

[06 Jan 2005|10:46pm]
[ mood | refreshed ]

I love being random, and I love Megan...and I love having my own car.

I picked her up at work and we went to a new salon and both of us got our hair "did". She paid! She got her hair cut, and I got mine trimmed and colored. Wee! It's way platinum. I've gotten my hair done professionally three times in the past [I always do it myself], and each time I did, I was disappointed. I am going back to this girl. She did a great job. I told her to cut as little as possible, and it barely looks like she cut it at all...she just redefined my layers...and she touched up my roots. It's verrryyy blonde. Yay! And the girls there were so sweet. Afterward, she recommended this BedHead stuff called Dumb Blonde. It's a deep conditioner. So, I bought that. Then my stylist, Sabrina, and the girl Stacy who shampooed my hair and was cracking me up doing so [she was so funny], were commenting on "how much I look like Paris Hilton". It was kinda funny, because the last time I got my hair done at the other salon, I told the girl that I wanted platinum hair, and she said, "You don't want Paris Hilton hooker blonde!" - and I felt like saying, "Uhh...actually, I do!" - And after Sabrina was done doing my hair at this salon, she and Stacy said it on their own..."You look so much like Paris Hilton! That color looks so great on you with your skintone!" - I was like, I like these girls! - haha. So, Megan & I are happy with our new 'do's and are gonna keep up with our salon visits - :) - And now, since she was so kind to help me out in a time of need [ha!], I told her she doesn't have to pay me for gas for the rest of the year when I run her around. Muahaha. Fair trade?

After our salon visit, we ate dinner in the mall, then headed to Target. I got the Troy DVD [mmm...Brad Pitt and sale! - Shh! Budgeting starts tomorrow - ;)], then we headed to Starbucks. Fourth visit this week. Yum. Then I dropped her off at home, and here I am. I'm really tired, so I'll probably head to bed soon. Actually, I got a magazine, so I'm gonna read that, then go to sleep.

Thanks for all of the comments. It felt really good and uplifting to read them. I just got so crazy because it hit me so fast, and I had plans at the moment, and my dad always comes up the second I come home on payday and is all, "Hand me the money."...the second I'm in the door. I've paid for everything my whole life. I can't even tell you the last time my parents bought me anything I wanted. I'm not complaining at all; don't think that. I have been buying my own clothes since I was about thirteen...my own CDs...my own everything. I pay for my gas. I pay for my car. I pay for my insurance. I pay for my cell phone and computer bill. I pay, I pay, I pay. I'm not a spoiled, little brat. I understand their reasoning in me paying them for "rent". I get the money back when I move out, anyway. It's just frustrating when that's all I have. When it all boils down to it, it's my own fault...which is what I admitted to, anyway. Them making me pay is only going to help me, and it's teaching me responsibility. I am thankful for it. I just need to learn to budget. It takes time, but I know I'll get through it just fine. Thanks for all of the reassurance - :) - I still think growing up sucks, though - ;)

Jarrod called me earlier today, as I briefly said in the last entry. He called me around one-thirty to tell me he was in Germany. I felt awful, because his dad bought him all these phonecards for Christmas, and he's calling me. Then he tells me to tell his dad that he got there safe and that he loves him. So, his dad comes back into the pharmacy, and I tell him what Jarrod said, and he says, "Oh, so he called you?" - I felt thisbig. Then he said something along the lines of, "Yeah...it's best to keep sending him phonecards. I bought him a bunch for Christmas, and they're not cheap. They'll come in handy. Just keep me updated." - I felt so bad. Next time he calls me [he said he'd talk to me soon], I'm gonna tell him to call his dad if he hasn't. - He also said to me on the phone that I should be getting a letter in the mail. He said either today or tomorrow, and I didn't get it today, sooo! - I'm kinda eager to see what it is. Well, okay, I'm really eager! Yesterday he said it was a package...today he said, "Did you get my letter?" - Eee! I can hardly wait.

So anyway, along with the new attitude, the new hairdo and the new year, I'm starting a strict diet tomorrow. I lost six pounds over the holidays, and right after, I gained it back. Sucks. I'm going to be as strict as possible with what I eat, and I'm going to start running and walking on the treadmill and doing other little exercises. - So, I'm starting my "resolutions" a week into the new year. I seem to do that every year. Tomorrow starts the new me...wee!

I'm really tired. I'm gonna go read and catch some shuteye. Nitez.

0015 & Comment

[05 Jan 2005|08:29pm]
[ mood | numb ]

He called when he got to Atlanta, we said goodbye, and hung up. He called back five minutes later, said he wanted to make sure I wasn't crying, told me the guys all said they wished me the best, and to tell me he was so sorry for everything last night...we said goodbye, and hung up. I called his house to tell his parents that he landed fine and was leaving soon for Germany.

...then he called me back two minutes later. He said they were standing around, waiting to load up their luggage. Then, "Okay, I have to go. For real this time. I love you so much, baby..."

Annnnd boom.

I'm not crying. I'm actually fine. I guess I should stop dwelling on that, and be happy that I asked God for strength and He seems to be giving it to me. Instead, I'm all, "Something is wrong. I should be crying." [Well, now, gee, who do I sound like last night, looking for something wrong?] - I think Jarrod was thrown off that I wasn't, too; that's why he kept calling. I feel fine, though. I think, maybe, it's because I've still been hearing his voice, too. I don't know what it's like yet to go a day without hearing his voice. Even when he was in Washington, I heard from him at least once a day. So, I think it'll hit me when I don't hear from him at all tomorrow...or the next day...or the next day...

But for now, I'm gonna shut up and be thankful that I'm dealing with this well at the moment.

I have a new layout. I think I like it. Have a look.

Anyway...My tummy is growling. I'm gonna go write him a huge e-mail, put some more songs on his MP3 player, then watch more of my Simple Life DVD and get something to eat. Goodnight.

P.S. I went drink crazy at work today. I bought hazelnut hot cocoa, regular hot cocoa with marshmallows, French vanilla, and...Andy...I got chai! Yes, yes, I did. I'll let you know what I think of it. I thought you'd be proud. - And Maria and I almost went to Starbucks tonight for the third time this week already...but I declined, wanting to wait for my phonecall and finish up laundry and such. Maybe tomorrow, Maria? I get done at four. - :)

P.P.S. I am in love with this song. I love Genesis. I love Phil Collins.

Edit: Let the sappy e-mails begin...Collapse )

0013 & Comment

[05 Jan 2005|08:12am]
[ mood | depressed ]

He leaves for Germany in a few hours. Yeah, we're down to hours now. He called me last night and we talked for two hours on the phone, and all it was mostly me being a mess of tears, and not in the way I expected. We were joking about something, and I joked back with him, and he got really defensive and snapped. Then he apologized like crazy, like he's done in the past, saying he's just so stressed, and that he's "too damn happy" for this to be true. So, in other words, things are too great, and he keeps seeking out something to go wrong - :\ - He said his life has never been so perfect, and no one has ever made him feel completely happy; that something has to be wrong...so basically he keeps "testing" me. It's frustrating, but I don't know...I guess I sorta' see where he's coming from. I understand, anyway. It's not fair to me, but it's something I guess I'm willing to deal with for him. Well, it is something I'll deal with. Anyway, he said he sees me giving and giving, and I do everything I can for him, and he does nothing for me. This obviously isn't true, but amidst all of this, I totally lost it and was crying like crazy...then his voice got quivery, and he just kept telling me he was sorry and that he loved me and then threw in, "I guess you expected some movie-like goodbye, and now I fucked that up." - :\

We hung up on a better note. He has been cheated on over every period of time that he's been away, so no matter how much I tell him I wouldn't dare hurt him like that, he still holds onto the possibility. I think I got through to him last night through my tears, though. I was really sobbing like crazy and told him I meant it with all of my heart that I wouldn't dare think of hurting him like that ever. He kept saying, "Thank you"...and he sounded so sincere, like maybe I actually got somewhere with it. I hope so. It's so hard, because I know he wants to believe me as much as I want him to, but it's happened so much before that he's sorta' "on guard", which I understand...it's just something I have to prove.

Then I started explaining to him how I feel like I don't have many people to talk to. I mean, I know you guys offer, and I really appreciate that, but only maybe three or four of you have actually been through this situation or are going through it. I appreciate what you guys offer, please don't think I don't, but sometimes you just need more than that. You need someone who will completely understand what you are going through because they've felt it. So, I explained to him that I didn't have many people to talk to who understood and felt what I'm feeling, and he was all, "Well, here's an idea...you can talk to the man you're talking to right now. He understands and hurts just as much as you, if not worse." - Beautiful response, but this morning will be our last time vocally communicating until who knows when. I guess this is where letter-writing comes in.

I don't know. I have to go get ready for work. He told me to keep my cell phone on at work and answer as much as I can, 'cause he's gonna call me at every break he gets from flights. He's flying from Seattle to Atlanta, then directly to Frankfurt, Germany. Next month he gets his laptop, and he's looking into a webcam so we can see each other. That thought excites me more than you could know. I hope this follows through; them getting their internet connection...I really do. I hope I'm that lucky.

Again, thanks for all the support you guys are offering and have been offering. Don't think I won't come to you to talk if you offered. I didn't mean that at all. At times you just need more than that; that's all. I love you guys.

Edit: He just called. His flight doesn't leave 'til ten there [one here], then he'll get to Atlanta around seven here...so, at least I won't be working when we say our final goodbyes. I was fearing that. And also, I just wanted to add...I don't expect you guys to leave me comments every time I post something like this. I just need to get it off my chest. 'Cause I know you all are repeating yourselves, and that gets sickening on your end, so don't think I'm expecting to hear encouragement every time. I just need to get this stuff out, and this is where I choose to do it. I don't expect, "Be strong...I'm still praying for you..." - every time. I know you guys have Jarrod & I in your thoughts and prayers, and I appreciate that so much. - I just wanted to say that; I don't want you to think that's why I'm doing this...just needs to come out somewhere! - ;)

0023 & Comment

[04 Jan 2005|12:41am]
[ mood | okay ]

I do so well when I'm out with friends. When I'm out, my mind isn't focused solely on being without him. So, yesterday I went out with Maria. We went to WalMart to get some things for my car, then we headed over to Best Buy, followed by Barnes & Noble and Starbucks for some drinks. I was doing good. I came home and cleaned most of my room. It was an absolute pigsty. I had also bought some picture frames at WalMart, so I printed out pictures and put them in my frames...cleaned the computer room for the most part, etc...keeping myself busy. Then he called, and I was still doing pretty good...until he asked if it hit me yet that he was really gone, and I said, "No, not yet. It will tonight."...and right after that, he said, "I am so depressed, babe. I mean...worse than usual. I just want to be home with you. I hate this." - and I lost it. Even if he is missing home and depressed, he's never expressed it, like he has to be the strong one. This was the first time I've ever heard him say anything like that. Without a single thought put to it, I started bawling and said, "...or maybe right now [that it hit me]." - He asked if I was crying, I said yes, he apologized...it was ucky. We talked a few more minutes and got each other laughing a little, then we hung up.

I laid in bed replaying "True" and "She's" by Ryan Cabrera and just cried and cried. While we were walking through Central Park on Wednesday, "True" was playing at the ice skating rink, so that's what it reminds me of. It felt good, but I almost hurt too much to even cry. Like, a part of me wanted so badly to get it all out and torture myself with the music so that would happen, but I couldn't. I eventually fell asleep, and he called at one thirty and woke me up. We talked for a good fifteen minutes, but all I remember of it was, he asked if I was crying, which I was...I woke up crying...and he said, "I'm so sorry, baby. I feel so horrible.", and I asked why, and he said because he left me here all alone. Gosh - :\ - I told him it's what he had to do and that it was silly to feel bad, and he continued on with, "It'll only make us stronger. We're gonna make it, okay?" - We played phone tag a few times today, but haven't really gotten to talk, so he should be calling soon.

As far as I know, this will be the last time I talk to him on the phone...until further notice. He leaves for Germany tomorrow. What time? I don't know. Before I finished my post, he called, and is calling back in ten minutes. He said he's not leaving tomorrow, 'cause such and such forgot to plan transportation...sooo, scratch that. - He's in Germany for a few weeks, then he heads to country. We've already planned - he's getting a laptop, and he has his digital camera with him that takes video...and he just found out that they'll have internet connection, so we can IM and e-mail and stuff. Not often, I'm sure, but nonetheless. How great is that?! So, we're gonna either e-mail each other photos and video, or we're gonna burn them onto DVD-R's and mail them that way. Either way, I'm so thankful for technology!

Anywho...sorry. I'll stop talking about him. I went out tonight. Megan and I went to get her tongue pierced, then we went to the mall, then we went to Barnes & Noble and lounged with some Starbucks [I'm telling you, it's my new addiction]. M Wizzle came, Maria and Nat came, Nikki and Dennis...and Wayne. Yeah. Megan invited him. That's the first I'd seen him since we broke up. Maria was like, "You wouldn't like that if Jarrod was with Sarah...", and she was partially right, but Wayne's not psycho over me like Sarah is/was over Jarrod...and I have absolutely no feelings for him, obviously. It was still a little weird, though. He was being his usual, perverted self, mostly just talking to Megan, and flirting with her. She had fun with that. Haha. It was a good time at B&N, though, for sure. Then Megan, Dennis, Nikki and I went to Mickey D's, got some late night food, then Megan and I spent a good hour in WalMart. I got more picture frames, a new ink cartridge, and some other things...Took Megan home, and here I am. I'm gonna print out some more pictures, I think...and work on Jarrod's MP3 player. I'm mailing it to him once he's in country, 'cause I didn't have time to put songs on it. I guess I didn't update you guys on that. We took it to WalMart and they exchanged it for us. So, I'm working on putting songs on it again, then I'm going to mail it to him. He's also sending his scrapbook back to me so I can finish it [we obviously didn't have time to finish that like I planned, either], then I'm mailing that back. So...I have lots to get on!

Other than all that jazz, not too much else is going on. I think I'm gonna get going. I'm sorry I haven't been commenting much lately. I'm getting there, I promise.

0028 & Comment

[02 Jan 2005|08:55am]
[ mood | sad ]

He's gone - :'(

I guess I have loads to update on...

New York, New Year's, etc...Collapse )

0069 & Comment

[31 Dec 2004|01:14am]
[ mood | drained ]

You give me that little sliver of hope when I see no light at the end of the tunnel. When my thoughts have run dry, you are there to comfort me and listen to the unspoken. You're right there to be my all and put forth every single thing you have just to see a smile on my face. The thoughts you speak out loud are identical to mine that are kept quiet at times. The future plans you speak of; I've never seen my future so clearly laid out before me. When my tears are uncontrollable and you're not sure why, you refuse to leave my side until you're positive I'll make it through the night...and if I don't, you assure me you're there to listen if I should have to call. You keep my best interests in mind and you do everything in your power to keep a smile on my face. I share with you what I sometimes cannot share with my best friends...although you are now one of them; someday you'll be my best friend...'til death do us part. When I think of you leaving my side, of having to go through my birthday, Valentine's Day, the entire summer, and Christmas again next year...all alone...it absolutely tears me apart. But then I realize that you'll be going through the same thing, only worse. If for no one else, not even myself, I want to be strong for you. I want you to be confident that you have a woman who loves you so much more than she's ever loved anyone in her life waiting at home for you...to comfort, to hold, to listen, to talk to, to cry with, to smile with and to laugh with...forever.

Baby, I love you. You...only you...forever. I've never felt so complete. I could die tomorrow and honestly had said I felt complete. I have you...and although I may not have you physically in the next year, you will always be in my heart and on my mind, and always by my side in everything I do...every move I make, every thought that enters my mind and every dream that should meet me in the middle of the night. I love you so much it hurts...it's not cliche', it's the truth. You are the very beat of my heart, and life without you isn't life. I started living and truly loving the day that I met you. You've taught me to appreciate the little things that we so often forget. To appreciate love. To appreciate someone to have and hold and talk to. To appreciate hearing someone's voice. A hug. A kiss. Falling asleep on someone's shoulder. Merely seeing the face of the one you love. Now comes the hard part. The part not everyone has to deal with, but we will. An entire year without seeing you. Rarely ever hearing your voice. Not feeling your touch. Not kissing your lips or falling asleep by your side. Not talking to you when I can't talk to anyone else. Knowing you're an American solider walking into a country where you're absolutely depised...where you're the enemy...where you're hated and wanted dead. That scares me more than anything in the world...but evenso, you give me that tiny ray of hope that I didn't think existed. You give me something to wake up to and something to smile for when nothing else does the trick. You're everything to me...Thank you for what you've given me, what you've taught me, and most of all, for your love, devotion and strength. You're my strength when I'm weak and the smile through my tears. You complete me. I love you, Jarrod Michael...forever and for always.

009 & Comment

[27 Dec 2004|07:37pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I don't have much time, 'cause I have to take a shower and get some things together before Jarrod calls to tell me he's coming for me.

So, the party was awesome! I slept in yesterday, then went to pick up Megan. We went to the mall for a little. I bought a new shirt and hairwrap. We then went to WalMart and met up with Maria to get food and new makeup and stuff for the party. Megan and I came back to my house and got ready. Jarrod, Ryan and Tara came, followed by Maria and Nat, and we all drove to the Rec Center to set up. The party went really good, I think. I had tons of fun dancing. Not everyone who said they'd be there showed up, but the people I cared about were there, and we had a great time! As you'll see, I took loaddddsss of pictures. Great time shakin' our bootayz - ;) - About halfway through the party, it started snowing out. It was really pretty...a really light covering over the cars, ground and trees. Perty!

After the party, I dropped Amy off at her house, then Tara, Ryan and Jarrod came back and helped me unload the extra food and soda and my stereo. Tara went home, and Jarrod, Ryan & I went back to Ryan's house for the night. Sat and watched some TV while the boys had a little somethin' to drink, and we were out like nothing. So tired from all that dancing [me...definiltely not them! I got Jarrod to dance once, and Ryan wouldn't dance, either...goofy boys!] - Woke up kinda early this morning, walked across the street to a diner, had some yummy breakfast, then went to the mall for a total of fifteen minutes before Jarrod had to bring me to work where things were kinda long and boring for five hours.

Now he's out to dinner with his family, but he said he would call me when he's done, and we're gonna do something. Not sure what yet. If he can't think of anything, I may suggest going to WalMart. I'm not sure if I want to exchange his MP3 player or get store credit and he can just get other stuff. I dunno...but I think WalMart might be a nice end to the night. Haha.

I work tomorrow afternoon, then I'm not sure what's up. Oh, wait, his parents are having a party at his house. I almost forgot. So, I'm probably spending the night there tomorrow night, then Wednesday we're going to NYC for the day! Eee! - And Thursday I get my car! Yay!

Welp, I'm gonna go...byeee! - ♥

Beware, if you have a slow connection, this will take forever to load. There are over forty pictures...

Turn me on, turn me onnn...Collapse )

0042 & Comment

[26 Dec 2004|01:45am]
[ mood | groggy ]

Jarrod came to my house around one. He opened his presents. He liked the scrapbook, but the MP3 player didn't work. Yeah. The first one I bought froze up and I had to exchange it...this time I finally load five-hundred songs and it works perfectly fine until the day I give it to him. I purposely went through each and every song individually and found out what album it was from and categorized them by genre, etc...each one...and now it's pointless, because for whatever reason, it's decided not to work. And guess who doesn't have her receipt? Yeah...me - :( - I wanted to cry when he turned it on and it didn't work. Of course, him being the sweetheart he is, replied with, "Well, we'll return it and get a new one, and this time we can sit and put songs on it together." - But baby, that's not the point. Argh. I am so aggravated by that. Stupid technology.

We then went to my grandparents' house because my aunt and uncle and cousins were there. We were there a little over an hour, then drove to his aunt's house for dinner. Dinner came later than usual, so Jarrod crashed on my lap for a little while I talked with his dad and uncle and watched football. Then we ate a very, very yummy meal, then watched some CSI with his cousins, and cuddled tons [his aunt has the most comfy couches ever...ahhh] - thennn his aunt pulled out old videos of Jarrod and his cousins when he was about four at an Easter egg hunt...haha. Cutest thing ever. He, Ryan and his cousin then played video games and such, then around ten he brought me home.

The second we left his aunt's house, this weird feeling came over me and I felt so numb. It was so early and he was bringing me home, and all I could think was, "I have to sleep alone tonight. It's too early, I'll never fall asleep. What are we going to do tomorrow? We haven't even made plans. What if we don't make plans until later in the afternoon? The morning will go so slow." - I was being so selfish. I swore to myself before he came home that even if I felt that way, I wouldn't let it show, because I have to be strong for him. He doesn't need this extra baggage of emotions on him. I felt that way last night, too, on the verge of tears at any second. Tonight he kept asking what was wrong on the way home, and I kept telling him it was nothing and would change the subject. Well, then he got pissy and I kept asking him what was wrong and he kept telling me nothing. He came inside my house, we hung out with my brother, Veronica and Maranda and my parents a little, and right away he wanted to leave. I understood, because number one, he was tired and had a half-hour drive home so as it was...and number two, he hasn't had time alone with his parents yet, and they left a little before us from his aunt's house, so, since it was early, he could talk with them tonight. But all I cared about was me, me, me.

So, we're standing on my porch in the freezing cold, and I start crying. Good Lord. Talk about having the emotions of a pregnant lady [perhaps it's just my stupid PMS? grr...don't get me started]. He's hugging me and I'm tearing up. He pulls back, presses his forehead against mine and asks me what's wrong. It's dark and he still doesn't notice the glassiness in my eyes. I turn to the side to try and look away, and he pulls back and puts his hands on my shoulders and shakes me and he's like, "Laura...what is wrong with you? Why in the world are you crying, baby?" and he starts opening my door and says, "We're going back inside to talk. I'm not leaving you like this." - We walk up to my room and I tell him what's going on in my head, and he starts tearing up. I got the "This isn't going to be fun...we just have to get through it together." speech, then we headed back down to the porch, said goodbye again, the end.

Well, not really. I then came up to my room, didn't bother changing into pajamas, just fell into my bed, covered up, turned off the lights and planned on falling asleep. Then I kept visualizing the day he leaves. Then I kept thinking about how I have to work almost every day this week, and it's going to suck more than anything this week that could possibly suck. So many things just kept running through my mind; how great it feels to be in his arms, and how I dealt without having any of that for two months, but now I have to deal without it for fifteen, and my God...my heart felt so heavy and broken at the thought. I just feel so weak. I don't want this to effect the rest of the week, and I wish I could say wholeheartedly that I wouldn't, but that would be a lie. I just hope we don't have to go through this again. So far he's been home three nights, and all but the night he came home, I've, out of nowhere, felt like bawling. Tonight I let it all out, though, so hopefully that'll be the last straw. Prayers? Thoughts? They'd be appreciated - :\ - I hate feeling this way, and I know he does, too. I hate the whole thought of it all, and I hate being so afraid.

My eyes are so tired and cried out. I need sleep. He called me not too long ago to tell me that he read my entire scrapbook word for word, and we had quite possibly the best, most open conversation ever. He, first off, said thank you to all of you who left encouraging messages. Then he asked what all I write "in this journal thing" that people know so much. Haha. And he said that after he read the whole thing, he realized how much I really love him to put so much time and effort into it...and I started telling him how since he's been home, I feel like saying "I love you" isn't enough...and before I could even finish my thought, he said, "Stop. I know exactly what you mean...exactly. I think that's why I say it so much, because I don't know what else to say to describe what I'm feeling..." - Ugggghh.

Tomorrow night is the big party! Yay! Maria and I are getting up early and making a WalMart run to get food and some last minute decorations and such. Jarrod has some family stuff to do in the afternoon, then he and Ryan are coming to my house, probably, to follow us to the Rec Center. I cannot wait to shake my thang on the dancefloor - ;) - He claims he doesn't dance. We'll see about that! - ;) - I made all of the mix CDs this morning. I'm playing DJ Laura again. I'm so excited. Expect LOADS of pictures tomorrow night.

P.S. This song is great. Download it. I don't know how I came across it, but I'm so glad I did. I can't stop playing it now.

Ooo, did I mention I have lots of pics? - ;) - Sleepy time! Enjoy...

Have yourself a merry little Christmas...Collapse )

0027 & Comment

[25 Dec 2004|01:25am]
[ mood | loved ]

Life is just...perfect.

So, for starters...Merry Christmas, my loves! - :) - Be safe and have fun and eat lots [but not too much], and take lots of pictures and all that fun holiday jazz.

I just...gosh. I can't explain it for the life of me. Us being apart for those two months was...I don't know, but it's true when they say distance makes the heart grow stronger and fonder. How true, how true. I honestly feel like saying "I love you" isn't even enough anymore. 'Enough' as in enough to describe what I'm feeling verbally. So many times already I've gone to say "I love you" and that just doesn't seem like it says enough. It's like I'm looking for a word that's greater than 'love', and I can't find it. Haha. - I'm absolutely at a loss for words with this boy.

The day went so slow yesterday. I went back to Jarrod's house with his dad after work at one, and his parents and I sat around by the fire and listened to Christmas music and prepared for Jarrod's little welcome home party. Jarrod had two flights. One was from Seattle to Atlanta, and the second was Atlanta to Harrisburg. Well, he arrived in Atlanta on time, but his flight back home was delayed almost two hours. His parents and I were already on our way to the airport, which is almost an hour-and-a-half drive, so once we got to the airport, we found a bar & grill typa' doohickey and had something to eat. It killed time. Next thing we knew, flight 4717 was being called...the plane had landed! - We rushed to the gate [okay, so we didn't rush...we walked at a normal pace...haha] and waited. Anticipation is killer! - ;) - He finally walked off, and when he was walking toward us, my first thought was, "He looks taller!" - haha! Sorry. I wish it were something more romantic than that, but I'm being honest - ;) - He came over and hugged his dad, then hugged his stepmom, then he hugged me for what seemed like five minutes, and handed me a chocolate cupcake he got on the plane, I guess [which, come to think of it, I left in his room...whoops?] - We then proceeded to get his luggage, hitched a shuttle and got back to the car.

The drive home was nice. He laid across the entire backseat with his head on my lap and kept stealing kisses and hugging me and...ughhh - :) - I made him a CD one of the first weeks he was in Washington and mailed it to him, and it has this song on it by Adam Watts called "How Does It Feel". I absolutely adore that song, and now it's one of his favorites, too. So, out of the blue, he got up, dug through his luggage, and came out with his CD player. He put one earpiece in my ear and one in his and started playing the song. He was laying on my lap and we were just staring at each other as the music played, "Beautiful lady...how does it feel...to know that you've got me head over my heels?" - Le sigh. It was like movie material...we couldn't take our eyes off of each other.

We got back to his house where his brother Josh, his wife Stacy, and his best friend Ryan were. The first thing Jarrod did was grab his keys and take his car for a spin around the block. He was so excited to drive again. While he did that with Ryan, I sat in the living room and met his brother and his wife who is six months pregnant. They're both really nice. I don't know why, but I expected his brother and I to clash...well, it was quite the opposite. We didn't even introduce ourselves before he was saying, "So, you know Hoop?" and I'm like, "Hoop?" and he goes, "Yeah, Hoop!" in a duh, you-know-who-I'm-talking-about-brotherly-annoying tone. In the same tone, I shot back, "Uhhh...Hoop who?", and apparently it's this guy Brian that works in the store with me. I didn't know his last name was Hoop. Anyway, Josh is friends with him, and that was his conversation starter. Followed by, "I'm Jarrod's brother, Josh, by the way." - Later we went to Dunkin' Donuts at midnight, and he said to me, "So, we finally meet! I've heard so much about you. Ya know, Ryan and I were so drunk yesterday and I was thinking of all these questions I wanted to ask you, and now I'm not really asking any. The first thing I wanted to say to you was, 'So...you're the one doing my brother, huh?'" - Haha. How lovely. The sense of humor runs in the family, apparently - :\

Annnnnyyyway. If you're still reading this, kudos to you for putting up with my ooey-gooey happiness - :) - After Dunkin' Donuts, Josh, Stacy and Ryan headed home, and Jarrod and I went to my house to get a bag for overnight, then went back to his house and cuddled lots and lots and fell asleep around three. We woke up around ten-thirty, got ready, and headed to Chili's to meet up with Ryan for lunch. Jarrod then took me to work for my big 'ol four hours. My mom picked me up at six and we went back to my house just as Ryan and Jarrod were pulling up. I got ready, and we all headed to my church for the candlelight service. It was pretty nice. After that, we went to Jarrod's aunt's house where I met more of his family. We had two hours to kill before it was time to go to his church's service at eleven, so we laid on the couch and cuddled more, and the cousins in the family all opened presents.

His church's service was pretty boring, but we managed [yes, we went to two church services...God points!] - ;) - We then came back to my house where I opened my Christmas presents. I got a new digital camera! Wee! It takes video and all. I'm so happy. I knew that was what I was getting, but now I really have it, so yay! And perfect timing! - We've been taking pictures with his new digital camera, but I won't have them until tomorrow, then I'll post. I promise to take tons and tons of pics, especially tomorrow.

It's so crazy. Last night he kept saying, "We're gonna get married."...and tonight while we were laying on his aunt's couch killing time, he was like, "Seriously, baby...I don't want anyone else. I want you for the rest of my life. When I come back after these two years, we'll get married." and I just kinda smiled and nodded, like, "That's cute!" - and he was like, "I'm so serious. What abot if we wait six months after I come back? I mean, we can get engaged and just wait it out to figure out when exactly to get married, but ya know. Give me time to make enough money to buy you the beautiful engagement ring you deserve." - And for the first time ever, this crazy feeling came over me, like this is real. This is really happening. I am really crazy in love with a man who is crazy in love with me. We'd do anything for each other, and here we are talking about engagements and such [even if it is in two years, because trust me, I love him to death, but I don't think know being engaged right now isn't what either of us needs...] - It's just so crazy. If this were any of my friends who just met a guy three months ago and was already talking this kind of future planning, I don't know...I'd think they were insane and I'd probably be lecturing them on how they should rethink their sudden decisions. But I've never been so sure about a thing in my life. He is it. He's the one...forever and for always.

Okay. I'm done being sappy. He just left about a half-hour ago, and he said he'd call me before he went to bed. When I wake up, I'm supposed to call him, he's gonna come get me, we're gonna spend time together, and then I think my brothers may be coming over. He's going to his aunt's house for dinner. I was invited, but the times might be a problem; clashing with when my family is coming and he has to go to his. So, we shall see.

Either way, I absolutely promise to get at least a few pictures up tomorrow.

For now, I must put the finishing touches on his scrapbook and wrap up the MP3 player in all its goodness. I hope he likes it! - Have a great holiday, guys. Seriously, be safe.

:) - ♥

Edit: I figured out my new digicam a little...yay!

Yeah, it's late and I'm sleepy...don't go there - ;)
Finished up scrapbook...Collapse )

Edit: Wow. Santa was extra nice to me this Christmas! My new digital camera takes video, too, for over three minutes...but it doesn't tape audio. So, my parents are giving me my mom's old one [the one I usually use to take pictures with, anyway]...her $450 Olympus! Woo! So, I got two new digital cameras for Christmas. Wowza - :)

0024 & Comment

[22 Dec 2004|05:09pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

As of Friday, that nice, '96, black Jetta with the sunroof, gorgeous black interior, brand new tires and brand new paintjob will be mine for a mere $4,900. The deal is sealed; the dealer just called. Now we just have to get the loan tomorrow, and Friday [more than likely, at the earliest], I'll be drivin' that baby! - I'm talking to Ryan now [Jarrod's best friend], and he said both he and Jarrod are good at installing CD players, and Jarrod's first car was a Jetta, and he installed one in his, so I may have to put my baby to work while he's home - ;) - Muahaha.

Did I mention he comes home TOMORROW!? - :) - At this time tomorrow night, I will be in the car with Rick & Susan, driving to the Harrisburg airport! Eeeee!

I'm spending the night at his house tomorrow night, then I work 2-6 on Friday. Christmas Eve I'm going to his church, coming home, Saturday's Christmas, obviously...Sunday is mine and Maria's party...Monday I'm not sure what's going on other than work. Tuesday Jarrod's parents are having a party at their house. Wednesday we're going to NYC. Thursday I don't know what's going on. Friday is New Year's Eve...not sure what's going on then, either. New Year's Day...then Sunday...well, we'll ignore Sunday until the morning of - :\ - So! Honestly...not sure when I'll post next. Probably Christmas Eve from the looks of things.

Lastly, in great news [well, mostly great]...Diane is coming back to work on Monday. She's our only full-timer. Now, generally, because she's the morning girl with Lisa and has forty hours, I'd be cut back to about twenty hours a week [I'm around thirty-five right now]. So, I would be looking for a new job...but Lisa is leaving to go to Fred's store to work now. It's so much more convenient for her. It's slower-paced, it's a lot closer to her house. So, I'll be getting her hours! How great, right!? So, I'll be hanging around thirty-two hours a week yet. Beautiful! I'm so happy. Although I won't have Lisa to joke with - :\ - But we already promised to e-mail each other inside jokes. Haha.

Everything's going so great right now...♥

Have a great holiday if I don't talk to you before then, guys! - :)

P.S. Aww, I have one of the best best friends ever - :')

0026 & Comment

[22 Dec 2004|01:13am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Gah. I'm so sick of people lacking creativity and a mind of their own.

I've deleted five people from my list recently who were copying my screennames, layouts, pictures, etc...but she's by far the worst at the moment. Down to her away message being identical to mine. Sheezum. [I know some of you have her on your list...]

I don't get what the big deal is. What possesses one to go and copy every little thing another person does? What fun is there in that, really? I don't understand the way these people think.

0044 & Comment

[18 Dec 2004|10:43pm]
[ mood | refreshed ]

Fresh start, kids!

In short, the Jetta my dad went to check out for me today was no good. He said there were big dents, the rims were ugly, and the paint job was lousy. So, no Jetta for Laura. At least not that Jetta. We then went to look at tons of other cars after I was done work, and the only other possibility right now is a white, '95 Passat. Tan, leather interior, moonroof, all that jazz. Not in bad shape at all, but they're asking $5,995 for it at the dealer, and I didn't want to my dad didn't want me to spend more than about $3,500 on my first car. He later found a black, '99 Jetta, 6-disc CD changer, automatic, in excellent condition, for a mere $4,995. It's so inexpensive 'cause there are 100,000 miles on it and it's a newer model. He's calling the insurance company on Monday to look into how much my insurance would be with that car, then I guess he's going to call the guy who's selling it. How nice it would be to own that baby!

Tomorrow is the Christmas Cantata at church. This is the first year I'm not in it. Go figure, this is also the first year that I'm not sick. Two years ago I had the flu and mouthed practically the whole thing, and last year I couldn't perform at all because I had Pneumonia and a temperature of 104.5. It saddens me that I'm not in it this year because of such petty things [on both of our parts, of course] like [fake, two-faced, hypocritical] people who I couldn't stand to have to see at practices and such. Maybe that's a lame excuse on my part, but hey. That shouldn't even be an issue at a church, but oh well. No use getting into that topic. The fat lady has sung that tune before.

After church, my mom's side of the family is coming over. That's always a really great time. There's no sarcasm in that statement. Both of my brothers are coming with their wife and girlfriend, and my niece and nephew, of course. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmother...I love it. Expect a big 'ol picture post tomorrow.

That's about all for today. Ta-ta.

001 & Comment

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