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(no subject) [Jul. 21st, 2007|10:00 pm]
i can't believe that josh and i are getting married in like 2 and a half months!! i thought that by now i would be terrified but i'm actually not. i really can't wait for the wedding... i wish it was sooner. if it wasn't for me wanting a big wedding, we would have gone to vegas or something to that effect. but i want my big wedding.

lily's getting big. she turned 10 months old on the 20th. i can't believe she's almost a year old. she pulls up now and cruises. not too long and she'll be walking.

and josh and i decided to have another baby. my ex boyfriends sister had her baby 3 weeks ago and i saw him and held him and i wanted another one. and josh has been on this for about 4 months so now that i finally want another one, he's excited. josh wants a boy and i don't really care. in a way i want a girl because lily will be close in age to her and it will be like me and laci but in a way i want a boy because i already have a daughter. i just want a baby.

laci got out of rehab. she's getting married next summer. right now her and paiden are living with mom until her and her boyfriend find somewhere. she's doing really good.

a guy i used to work with got in an accident july 4th. he's in critical condition.


i have pictures but don't feel like uploading them. i'll get around to that one sometime.
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(no subject) [Jul. 11th, 2006|01:31 am]
[Current Location |angels and airwaves - the adventure]

so laci dropped off paiden tonight because josh told her it would be fine... i work tomorrow morning. so seeing as how travis lives like 2 minutes away from the store...and since he loves me... he's going to watch paiden from 8-4 and then he's bringing paiden to work with him so that i can leave straight from the store without going over to the house. i was going to just have my cousin watch him but he has football stuff so he can't.

tomorrow i work with kw. it shall be interesting. i'm glad i have a morning shift though... i missed josh today lol. i'm used to seeing him around 6 and i didn't get to see him tonight until almost 11. and i was with him for maybe 20 mins before we went to bed... and now i'm up because paiden woke up and eventhough he loves coming over here, he can't spend the night. he misses his mom so we just went into lily's room and we rocked for about a half hour before he fell asleep... and now i can't go back to sleep. so i just put paiden in bed with josh and decided that i would check my email and get on here for a little bit.

but i should probably go back to bed seeing as how i have to get up at 6:30 and be at work by 8... well i'll be in carrollton at like 7:30 because i have to drop paiden off... and i just wish that i could be around to watch travis attempt this. he's never babysat before so i figured that a 2 year old will be the perfect first babysitting job.

and i had an appointment at 10 am and lily is doing so much better then she was at my last appointment. i'm measuring perfectly.

and this is my schedule for the week:

tues -> 8-4
wednesday -> 2-8
thursday -> 1-7
friday -> off
saturday -> 3-9
sunday -> off

not too bad. no stress what so ever. i basically stand in one spot. and the manager is so much better than the ones at mcdonalds. i like him even more than i liked lee. it's pretty much, as long as everyone gets their work done, you can talk and whatever. and the other cashier that i worked with for like 3 hours seems really nice... unlike the girls at mcdonalds.

but yeah. i'm going to bed because i have to be up pretty soon.
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(no subject) [Jun. 14th, 2006|05:42 pm]
am i a fool for this?
it's hard not to be a fool for you
when you're whispering this & kissing that.
oh you make it so hard to be smart about this.
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(no subject) [May. 2nd, 2006|05:00 pm]
i think i might delete this journal. no one ever comments on here so really, what's the point in writing in here?
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(no subject) [Dec. 28th, 2005|11:02 am]

Christina Marie
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remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor? [Sep. 21st, 2005|04:13 pm]
[How I Feel Right Now |apatheticreminiscent]
[What I'm Listening To |My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay]

my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me, so won't you kill me so I die happy? my heart is yours to fill or burst. to break or bury. or wear as jewelry, whichever you prefer...

and you stood at your door with your hands on my waist and you kissed me like you meant it. and i knew that you meant it...
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(no subject) [Jun. 4th, 2005|10:35 pm]
;;;;;;;;;;;:¸_____________, :;;;;;;;;;`¸
`:;;;;;;;;;;;`;__________, :;;;;;;;;;;;`¸
_ `:;;;;;;;;;;;`, , _______, :;;;;;;;;;;;`¸
___`:;;;;;;;;;;;;_______, ;;;;;;;;;;;;:
___________`·¸:;;;;¸., .¸;;;;;;·
____(`*·.¸ (`*·.¸ ¸.·*´) ¸.·* )
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(no subject) [Jun. 1st, 2005|01:00 pm]
OK so Monday night I had to give Chalmer a ride home from work. He was supposed to get off at 9 but I had never closed so he was going to stay until 10:30 with me and then Lee asked him to stay until 11 to close drive thru so I had to stay until after 11 and I smacked my elbow off of the corner of one of the trash bin thingys while I was mopping and it finally stopped hurting.

Anyways, he has a girlfriend and I obviously am dating Jon and so I didn't think it would be that big of deal. Well, when we were in his driveway he was teasing me and telling me I was a goofball and I went to go and smack his arm and he started holding my hand. Then he was staring at me and he's like "No I shouldn't because you have a boyfriend." So he kissed my hand and gave me a small kiss on the cheek (and I gave him one back on his cheek) and then he left.

Yesterday morning, he went up to Wal Mart with me to drop the negatives of my prom pics off to get them put onto a disk and we were just driving around because he didn't have to be at school until 1 and it was 11:30 so yeah. He was telling me about how he thinks that him and his girlfriend are going to be breaking up when she gets back (she's in Europe on foreign exchange). He said that they've been dating for almost a year but she's been gone 9 months of that year and she's changed while she's been over there and everything. Then he was like staring at me the whole time I was driving and I flipped out on him because I could see him looking at me. LOL.

Jon called me while I was on my way to drop Chalmer off at the school and I had no clue where I was going and Chalmer was trying to tell me where to go without saying anything because he didn't want Jon to be mad at me. So it was a big mess but once I got off the phone, Chalmer told me where to go and everything. Then he left.

So when Jon called he told me that he was leaving this morning to go down to Texas with his aunt for 4 days. I was upset because I've been grounded for a week and it would be 4 more days that I couldn't see him. So I went over to his house around 1 and spent time with him. When we were on our way to get something to eat he asked me what was wrong with me because I looked all sad. I told him that in a way I didn't want him to go to Texas but I wanted him to go because I didn't want him to stay here just because of me and that you don't always get a chance to go down there. I just felt like crying and telling him to stay with me and not leave. So we sat at the Dairy Bar for like 2 hours just eating and talking. When he found out that June 3rd was on Friday, he said that he couldn't go to Texas because he has drivers ed next week and he has to be there Friday for some reason. So he's not leaving now.

So I was supposed to be home at 6:30 because spending 5 and a half hours with him was enough but didn't get home until 8 so I got in trouble and grounded again. We left to get something to eat at 6 and if we wouldn't have had to wait 30 mins for our food, I would have been home earlier and maybe even on time. But for some reason, mom doesn't understand that. But I've been trying to get her to not ground me because for one I am 18 and another reason is because I had barely seen Jon in the past week and I don't want to go another week. She doesn't understand what it's like to love someone so much that if you don't see them for ONE DAY the whole day just seems to drag along and you're like lost. Maybe it's because I'm attached to Jon or something. But I love him too much to not see him for another week. And I don't work until Saturday and Sunday night so I'd be so bored the rest of this week.

But anyways, after arguing with her I called Chalmer and he was doing chores so he said he'd call me back. So I called Jon and talked to him and he said that if I would have listened to him, I wouldn't have gotten into trouble. And we almost got into a fight because I was like "You know you'll miss me if I get grounded for another week" and he said that he wouldn't because it was my fault. So I said that I could be gone for the whole summer and as long as he had his x box, he wouldn't miss me. So he got mad and shut it off and I said that he could go ahead and play and I'd sit in silence like I always do while he plays whatever it was that he was playing. Then someone called and the phone started beeping and it was my uncle so I got off the phone.

Then Chalmer called and I called him back on my cell phone and I talked to him. Then he had to get off and call me back because his mom needed the phone. He was going to go with me to pick up my pictures today but I don't have my car since mom took it to work since her car is leaking something.

He called me at 8 this morning to see if I was going to Wal Mart. Since I wasn't, he had to go to school at 8:15 and sit there and do nothing since he goes to the Career Center for half a day and the only reason he's going the rest of this week is for football practice.

Even if I wasn't dating Jon, I don't think I'd date Chalmer. I've known him for like 2 weeks and can already talk to him about anything. I wouldn't want to mess that up. So in order to avoid confrontation, I'm gonna not go places with him anymore and just talk to him every once in awhile on the phone. We both like each other but I'm in love with Jon and maybe if it doesn't work out between Jon and I then we'll see what happens but I'm not leaving someone I love that much for something that isn't a sure thing.
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(no subject) [Mar. 5th, 2005|03:49 pm]
I'm done.

In 1 month and 10 days, I'm moving out of this house.

I don't want to but I just seriously can't live here.

My mom's been a bitch ever since I started dating Jon and she can't get it through her head that she isn't going to make me break up with Jon just because she doesn't like him. No matter how hard she tries. I'm sick of listening to her talk about him and his family when she doesn't even know them.

There's other reasons too but that's the main one.

I miss dad. I want to live with him. I called him last night crying and he said that I'm welcome there anytime but I can't just get on a plane and move to California.

My situation is a lose-lose situation.

I could move out to California and live with dad but be miserable out there since Jon wouldn't be there with me or I could stay here and be miserable because I hate living here and I'm only happy when I'm with Jon.

I'll just stick staying here and move in with my brother since it's a 2 bedroom apartment and since Ryleigh's crib is in his bedroom, there's a spare bedroom.
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Another pointless entry... [Jan. 19th, 2005|10:29 am]
[How I Feel Right Now |nervousnervous]

I don't understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm saying is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end
And it's better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn
It's gonna burn for me to say this
It's coming from my heart
It's been a long time coming
But we done been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn

When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
Cause the feelin ain't the same find myself
Callin her your name
Ladies tell me do you understand?
Now all my fellas do you feel my pain?
It's the way I feel
I know I made a mistake
Now it's too late
I know she ain't comin back
What I gotta do now
To get my shorty back
Ooo ooo ooo ooooh
Man I don't know what I'm gonna do
Without my boooo
You've been gone for too long
It's been fifty-leven days um-teen hours
I'ma be burning till you return (let it burn)

When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn (let it burn, let it burn, you gon'learn)
Let it burn (gotta let it burn)
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know its best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (ooooh)
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (yeah)

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh
Ooh ooh oooh (can ya feel me burnin?)
Ooh ooh ooh oooh ooh oooh

So many days, so many hours
I'ma still burnin' till you return

When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Last night I went to Jon's game. They lost. As usual.
Came home and watched American Idol and tried going to bed at 10. But I couldn't sleep so I got up and looked out the window and saw that Josh's light was on so I went over there bc I really needed someone to talk to.
So I was over there until like 1:30 talking to him.
And now that I talked to him, I still don't feel better. I feel like instead of talking to Josh, I should really be talking to Jon. But I feel like I can't say some of the things that I do to Josh and everything.
Last week, Jon told me that the whole week, he'd felt all nervous bc he thought that something felt wrong. Like we were going to break up and everything. Now I'm kind of feeling the same way.
And my dreams last night didn't help me feel any better.
My first dream was that Jon and I just got to school and there was maybe only 10 people there. Well Jon and Darren walked off and left me and Joanie. I have no clue where they went. Then I saw them just walking around the hallways and Jon never said anything to me.
Then my second dream was that I got to school and was standing there with Joanie and Jon came in but never came over to us. Again there was only a couple people at school. Then we went to our lockers and I got my stuff for Chem 2 and I stood there waiting for Jon and when he was done at his locker, he just walked off with Darren. And never came to my locker. So I went to homeroom and throughout the day, he never said anything to me. Then we had some assembly and Joanie and I sat by Jon and he never said anything.
Then my third dream was that we had a two hour delay and I never got to talk to Jon.
My fourth dream was Jon calling me and telling me that he was grounded until August for sleeping with me.
Then my brother woke me up to tell me that school was cancelled so I didn't get to finish the dream.
So I dunno.
And I can't see him today bc it snowed and the roads are bad. And I can't get down his road bc it's probably too bad.
So I'll have to wait until tomorrow to talk to him and by then, I'll probably be afraid to.
I love Jon. I'm more in love with him than I was with Josh. And we've only been dating not even 5 months.
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