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the ubiquitous dommykins

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Closing time -- Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end [26 Feb 2005|11:43pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]


However, I will have a new journal soon, and if I want you to see it you will be friended. I told myself I would wait until graduation to do this, to totally redefine myself and weed out things I was finished with, but things have changed.

I think it was a pivotal day a few weeks ago when I realised that if I don't want to be the socially awkward girl in the corner, then I don't have to be. I guess I could check my archives and figure out exactly when, but that's not important. The important thing is that I have changed.

I have realised so much about myself, about beauty and potential and skill and love and friends in the past few weeks that I can't possibly define myself by this journal anymore. One of the first entries in this journal was about how I couldn't commit to anything. I figured that this journal would last no more than a few months. I couldn't deal with being constantly defined as one thing, hence I had a million AIM names too. I was always redefining my image, because nothing fit.

Commitment changed now: I can't part with my AIM name because it defines me so much now, but this journal doesn't. I almost made it a year with this journal. Almost. That's commitment to me. And now, commitment means commiting to being a new me.

And suddenly I feel like a different person. I feel like my spectrum of friends and interests have shifted slightly, and left me more satisfied with myself.

I really, from the bottom of my heart, want to thank Kelly and Conor for everything they have imparted me with [this sounds like goodbye but of course it isn't!!!] and the self esteem they've helped me build. A year ago, I didn't know what it felt like to have a best friend, let alone two. I feel understood with you guys.

And really, I feel very understood all of a sudden. Like those two seconds when everything is clear, the world isn't reeling quite as fast as usual. I feel as though I'm unique enough to be myself, but not so much as that I'm misunderstood.

This change was inevitable, and I was really hoping to save it until May when I could close up the year. Right now, February 26th, my year has ended. I'm still stuck in highschool.

Watch "Melvin Goes to Dinner".

It will change your life too.

A fond farewell, unless I see you again.
- Carmen, ___staticfuzz

[bottom line: goodbye, i'll have a new journal soon, if you're awesome you'll see me soon, i'm just rambly and dramatic.]
5 comments|post comment

stolen from ronanddraco [18 Feb 2005|04:20pm]
There's been an accident, and my memory's been wiped. I have no recollection of who I am. Tell me about myself. What do you know about me? What kind of person am I? What are my likes and dislikes? How did we meet and how long have we known each other? Is there one thing in particular that stands out about me? Tell me who I am.

When done, post this in your own LJ to see what people say about you!
4 comments|post comment

how was I supposed to know those were your famous last words [06 Feb 2005|04:53pm]
[ mood | tired ]

[this is spawned from many events, not directed towards anyone in particular, though with a few in mind, a few of which don't read LJ anyway]

I don't like being the peacemaker.

Well, yeah, if the shoes fit... sometimes though I wish I weren't.

I can't stand making people mad though; I have a horrible conscience and I end up sacrificing myself in order to remedy the situation.

I also don't like trying to convince people that they are beautiful.

This never sinks in with some people: When you've convinced yourself that you're ugly, how can you come off as anything other than that?

Sure I'm not size 1 and/or model-esque, but I think that I'm well enough. I think that I am pretty. I think it's a combination of features and passion that make me pretty. Even though I've never had a boyfriend, I still think I'm pretty.

I have flaws, alot of them. I get in trouble alot at home, I start fights with my dad for no reason, I have no motivation, I get worse grades than I could, I eat too much, I trust too easily, I have many complaints but few solutions.

But jeez, just use your flaws to your advantage; don't emphasize them in public forum.

Learn to love yourself, please. Otherwise, it brings things down for others. Everyone has a tough time learning to be ok with who they are. Having to constantly keep someone else at a high level of self content, while still convincing themselves that they are ok, well it's difficult.

Bottom line: If you don't love yourself, no one else can either.

Sorry for venting. Maybe this is more for me to remember.

5 comments|post comment

2 hours late [04 Feb 2005|08:10am]
I spent my morning tweaking my layout and pondering how horribly I'm going to fail AP Euro.
1 comment|post comment

PSA [02 Feb 2005|05:42pm]
[ mood | music geeky ]

I have to restrain myself not to just post another entry of mindless babbling, instead, I am creaming myself over this song and I insist you must hear it.


go there and go to Audio and download Green Hill. it is gorgeous and it is making my afternoon. also download the other song, because well... the guests kick ass.

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Self explanitory [29 Jan 2005|09:02pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Onto the crazy adventureCollapse )

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What have I accomplished today? [29 Jan 2005|12:29am]
[ mood | horrible cold ]

Nothing! Just kidding, I won't make that worthless of an entry.

+gossiped with ms egan about other teachers. I love the candid nature of being her aide, when we both sit down and admit that ms hamill is indeed, a giant douche.

+cried during dr. zhivago. and then realized I cry during too many movies. I hadn't even been paying attention to this movie, and then end made me tear up.

+drove places that shouldn't be driven. at fast speeds. in shotgun. brilliant.

+saw a brilliant band consisting of a guitarist and a keyboardist. and they sang original songs.

+saw a horrid band slaughter american idiot, some offspring songs, and closing time (a song that until then had personal significance)

+saw awesome kid do the best cover of I Believe In A Thing Called Love...ever.

+had some pizza bagel bites & coke & epic hamburger today.

in conclusion, the st. joe shindig was awesome. i smell a new posse, that would kick ass.

5 comments|post comment

That color bar thing. [27 Jan 2005|04:18pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Kelly & Conor should especially click here.Collapse )

Why oh why do you log off as soon as I finish? *sob*

3 comments|post comment

Shit... [17 Jan 2005|12:18pm]
[ mood | too mad to feel anything ]

So guess what?

My hard drive fried this afternoon.

Pictures, poetry, icons, documents, my final draft of LoTR paper, a shitload of mp3s... bye bye.


6 comments|post comment

___staticfuzz = new layout [26 Dec 2004|06:11pm]
RoTK, cause I'm in the mood.

Textures from deviantart
Stains were googled ["coffee stain", "stain", "splatter"]
RoTK pics from here

Do you like?

[if it's cut off, press F11]

designed in 1024x768 resolution.

/end transmission
3 comments|post comment

and so it is... [18 Dec 2004|03:24pm]
[ mood | emo ]

"and so it is/ no love no glory here/ no hero in her sky/ i can't take my eyes off of you/ just can't take my eyes off of you/ i can't take my eyes off of you..."

I can't believe how emo last night turned out. But I'm getting over it.

I love all of you guys who were there, even though it might not seem like it. I would fucking put my life on the line for every single one of you. Please don't ever forget that.

7 comments|post comment

[17 Dec 2004|10:26pm]
2 comments|post comment

<3 [17 Dec 2004|05:35pm]

the end.
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stolen from methehobbit [07 Dec 2004|05:42pm]
Post a comment with a memory of me.
Any memory.
Then post this in your journal.
See what people remember about you.
4 comments|post comment

For Martha/ anyone else who wants to know [05 Dec 2004|02:57pm]
Franz Ferdinand @ HFSmas nutcracker:

-Michael [with "come all over me" :D]
-Auf Ausche
-Dark of the Matinee
-Take Me Out
-I'm A Villan
-Darts of Pleasure
-This Fire

The Killers:
-Jenny Was My Friend
-Somebody Told Me
-Midnight Show
-i dont know the title but there's a lyric "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier"
-Mr. Brightside

I'll post later about how awesome it was :D
2 comments|post comment

I've been arsed to do another Top Ten of sorts [03 Dec 2004|04:31pm]
[ mood | geeky ]

Best AP Euro AnticsCollapse )

more to come! comment with further thoughts!

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warning: pic spam ish post [02 Dec 2004|04:05pm]
[ mood | ap euro lovin ]

My Top Ten Favorite Musicians/Bands [cut to save your FL]Collapse )

Top Ten Favorite Movie Characters [FL friendly]Collapse )

Some other quizzes...Collapse )

3 comments|post comment

[27 Nov 2004|10:39am]
[ mood | creative ]

DC Comrades:

I've almost finished a model of "the house" on Sims2. It has the tower and a hot-tub, and rooms for everyone. Ill take pics later, for now wish me luck, I am applying to Hollins.

♥ carmen

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Fill this out please! :) (stole-d from crashseven) [23 Nov 2004|08:06pm]
[ mood | blank ]

1. Name:
2. What makes you happy:
3. What have you been listening to lately:
4. Do you enjoy reading my LJ:
5. If so, why:

1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a band, song or album:

1. Tell me one thing you love about me.
2. Tell me two things you love about yourself.
3. Look through the comments, and when you see someone you know, tell them three things you love about them.
4. Do this in your journal so I can tell you what I love about you -- and if you've already done it, tell me so,
so that I can go back and give you some love.

5 comments|post comment

Stress [19 Nov 2004|12:58pm]
[ mood | blank ]

I hope some college accepts me soon so I don't kill myself in the process. I was out Monday at Hollins, and stayed home today cause I feel meh-y. I wasn't supposed to stay home but whatever.

I spent the time working on my Hollins essay which sounds like utter shit. In other news though, I'm hooked on the O.C. and it's uber soap opera want-to-smack-the-screen ness. Again. I feel bad. Lost was brilliant this week, ne? I loved Sayid's backstory... uh oh about "Alex" though. I think he's mixed in with the survivors...ooh what if they pull a Resident Evil Alfred/Alexia story? Haha. Just kidding. I feel rather stream of consciousness-y. Lookie at my new icon, yum. <3

back to slaving away over

How do you enjoy expressing your creativity; 500 words or less.


btw for conor: the movie now involves Billy being in one of those silly "Adopt an underpriveledged child" commercials... and he has scottish bagpipe music as his soundtrack :D

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