___shesinfinite (___shesinfinite) wrote,

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Today was a lot better than the few before. I think all of these mixed emotions have a lot to do with Bob's anger towards me. He barely talks to anyone in the apartment anymore, and I don't understand why.

I keep wondering if it's for the better or not. Straight up? Way less drama when he isn't around. But the shitty part is all of my friends aren't as happy, including myself.

March is hard enough. I don't want somebody I consider a brother to me to feel like he doesn't have a place to go or friends to talk to. We were so close, and then BOOM, drama overload. I hate that such dumb shit is keeping us from hanging out. Let me punch your butt again :c

Calvin's been... incredible. I feel so shitty sometimes. I feel like I'm this enormous burden emotionally right now. But, he's been crazy supportive, and puts up with all my bullshit. Which I'm so ridiculously thankful for because there were times when he was jobless that I felt like I needed to break up with him. But, I told myself he wasn't Brian. And that things are different now and he believes I'm worth something, just like I feel about him. And so we take care of eachother. And when we're poor as fuck right before payday, we share food and cigarettes. And when we can't turn the heat on in the apartment to save money, we cuddle under his blanket, and reassures me that it's all worth the hard stuff.

When I cry, he holds me. He doesn't have to ask why, or if everything is alright. He just knows that all I need is to know I'm not alone in any of this, and that he loves me. And thinks I'm the best girlfriend ever, ha. And that I'm perfect for him.

The 12th will be six months. Six. Fucking. Months. Even douchey broke up with me the day before this glorious event. I can't deny that I'm terrified of that happening. But I'm trying to keep my mouth shut about said suspicions because I don't need to be the idiot who put that idea into his head.

Anyways. Ha.

I talked to Calvin about the whole Bob sitch. And he told me that him reacting this way isn't my fault. And I'm so glad. I'm so glad everyone has been so supportive.

Yesterday, Deva told me that everyone in the apartment has been saying that they want March to be easy on me. That the last thing anyone wants is to make this month any harder on me than it has to be. I almost cried. I couldn't believe that these people, my family really cares about me as much as I care about them.

Ugh. I don't even know.
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