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___killher 01.

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[28 Nov 2006|06:58pm]









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[27 Nov 2006|10:29am]


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[26 Nov 2006|11:03pm]

I've been painting alot. its nice. I really want to get in touch with Cynthia Pryor, but since I don't know any kids in Tuscarora, I don't know how to contact her. maybe i'll 411 it later. Hope she remembers me. I want to send her my portfolio. I've been hanging out with Motis and David alot. hahah they are so funny. both of them make me laugh so much. 

I really can't wait for Christmas. Chad is sending 2000$ for the Charity me and nina are over. It is a good feeling to know that I'm helping somebody I care about the 3rd christmas in a row. It makes things feel organized, and gives me some sense of...growing up? because this time a few  years ago, all I could think about was myself. 

I'm glad thanksgiving is over. Its almost Christmas. I've been shopping online alot for peoples presents. I still don't know what to get jonathan. I was thinking a plane ticket to come see me. haha. but who knows. I can't really think of anything that I want personally. maybe money to get my hair done? i'm getting tired of the whole white and black shit. everybody has it.

I need a winter jacket. yeah yeah its florida but jacksonville is fucking freezing.

I forgot to say what I was thankful for:
I'm thankful for God
I'm thankful for anxiety medicine
I'm thankful so much for my family and friends.
I'm thankful for everything I've learned.
I'm thankful for Good books and poetry.
I'm thankful for my talents.

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NOSEY LITTLE BABY. [22 Nov 2006|09:38am]
[ mood | awake ]

LAST NIGHT/LAST DAY WAS REALLY FUN be jealous. really jealous..

I met up at the mall with Nina, Ant, Bobby and Andddrewwww. It was fun. We went back to Ninas place and hung out. Ordered Pizza and watched super troopers. lol. I had so much fun. Motis came by too. Then drew. then a few other guys. haha ITS FUN BEING ONE OF T WO GIRLS AT A GET TOGETHER. you get alot of attention!! haha  I'm excited to hang out with everybody more. I'm feeling better. 

Is anybody else not excited about thanksgiving? I really missed hanging out with Ant. Hes so cool. and now that his crazy ex bitch girlfriend is out of the picture we're allowed to hang out again! lol. guess she thinks I was competition? cool. haha except me and him are just friends.
Andrew reminds me of Josh. alotttttt.

I look like a fat hog. But yeah.

It was fun, so Whatev.
Friday... I'm going to Regret and forgive again's show in Daytona....is ANYBODY else coming with me?!
Yeah. but. I work today at 5. Hopefully I'll make some money because I am Christmas Shopping soon for everybody. Plus me and Nina are buying christmas for somebody and need lots of dollaz for that. So I'm getting all stressed. Its crunch time nigga. I MIGHT be getting a sidekick 3 soon. so my number may be changing again.

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been there, and DONE THAT baby. [19 Nov 2006|11:11pm]
[ mood | bored ]

if there was a better way to go then it would find me. I can't help it the road just rolls out behind me. Be kind to me, or treat me mean. I'll make the most of it i'm an extraordinary machine.-fiona.

my fuggin' life story. two entries in one day. means SOMEBODY is bored. [me.] I finally uploaded the Jax pictures. its about time right? they're mostly stupid. but its alright. so maybe I won't upload them right now. I'm thinking about making my livejournal completly friends only. I feel like i've got.... undesignated lurkers. If i've given you my livejournal username and invited you to read it then... you know who you are and your good :-] but anybody else can go die. just kidding don't die.

no fat girl remarks please.

Speaking of fat I was watching the movie Thin on HBO. anybody else seen it yet? its seriously... amazing. I love that movie. it is really disturbing to know that i'm really into reading about the fixations women have on eating. maybe its because i'm crazy and fucked up myself. maybe not. I always wanted to go to some kind of facility specializing in the kind of shit that makes me fucked up. not a wack job house. but like a treatment place to help me find alternative ways in coping with my feelings. i dunno. its really expensive and i could think of a few other things to buy with 4000$ and spend with my time then to do that. Also, I don't know of anybody in this world besides little baby pre teen bitches and hoes with no job that have like 4 weeks of their life to spare. I'm a busy person.

I should be an art therapist. Apparently thats a fun profession and then I get to relish in what crazy people have to say on a daily basis. how exciting. I don't know what the FUHHHGGGG i'm gonna do about anything anymore. I'm such a confused caroline right now.
Type your cut contents here.

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owowowoowowowpenisowowowow [19 Nov 2006|12:45pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

I'm beginning to plan alot of shit out in my head. like...when/ if i'm going to register for classes next semester. or if i'm going to move up to jacksonville for january through june.I really really like it up there...and ...the people. are really nice. haha. :-] Its really cold in my house this morning and i hate it. my stomach hurts. I was reading all the entries from the past couple days and the common line in all of them is, I feel like shit. lol.

new years was fun. I hope it is as fun this year as it was last year..

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!! that picture says so much. from the drink in ninas hand, to the hair tie in jonathans hair. JesuS. lol wow. "are you making yourself throw up jonathan?" "no." hahahahaha then i took the picture and the camera showed otherwise. This year should be two times as fun. Ninas got her apartment back and Brooke will be here this time. hell yeah nigra.

so yeah. 

OH YEAH! some stupid Arab at the mall in lakeland asked for my number last night. it was discusting. then he had the nerve to try and sell me a dumbass hair flat iron for $200. haha. I told him i was going ou t to the car for the money, then just never came back. Also, I am offically 7/16th in the gauge sizzzeeee. it hurts. they're all bloody and shit. ew. I don't think I'll be going any bigger. it really really hurt this time.

I keep seeing Amber Shannon at Wal-mart. dumbbitch.

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beepbeepbeep [17 Nov 2006|11:31pm]
[ mood | happy ]

So I took a little road trip with Brooke up to Jacksonville... it was really fun. Like really really. I loved it.  The housing wasn't all hurricane proof, I could see my breath in the air, and the apartment my dad is staying in during the week is seriously amazing. like think of the nicest hotel you have stayed in, fully furnish it with beds and stuff that are REALLY NICE and add a butler, & maid. It was right on the river. We went walking downtown and everything. its so beautiful and busy there. the sky lights up at night with electric blue where the bridge is lit. its so amazing up there.

Plus, spending time with Brooke was seriously a blast as it always is. I haven't laughed so hard in the longest time.  
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting.

yeah, what if i was texting you?!?!
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I HATE GHETTO FUCKASS PEOPLE. [14 Nov 2006|12:23pm]
[ mood | sick ]

i didn't go to school today because I feel sick. So until 5, I guess I'll work on my ceramic pieces and try to clean my room because, somehow it got really really messy. I hung out with nina inbetween working a double all day long. it was really nice. shes fun to be around. we got sushi then cam back to the house and played games with lacey. Then took pictures outside in the front yard because it was really nice out. HAHA look at how much air i got in that jump.

awww my little niece!! haha I love her so much. shes always so damn happy...her and her big ol' head. she can't come over today because i'm sick though and dont' want to make her sick too :[ So how about, so much shit happened last night and I ended up having to go down to the police station. crazy right? it was so gay. a bunch a fucking idiot black people came out of their cutless and beat the fucking shit out of my friend bobby. and I had to make a statement because me and nina were the ones that had to call the police. 

That experience kind of made me consider being a social worker. They pay is kind of shitty, but I could actually do something to make a difference. Or i could do what my mom did for a long time and be a Resource mother who helped teens deal with young pregnancy. Except the areas you have to visit are kind of dangerous sometimes. I remmeber once i stayed home from  school and i had to go with her and sit in the car. She had 911 dialed and told me to press send it anything happened. 

God i don't want to work tonight! I FEEL SICK!.... so.......... who wants to come visit in December to see me? :] eep!!!

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[ mood | cranky ]

I don't know how else to start this off. but say HI. so, there. hi.
 I'm a mess today. I feel like crap. My throat is killing me. Stupid illness. gawddddd. shoot me in the face. hey, nina got snakebites today. she did really good this time! haha no rolling around or freaking out. they look badassssss. I was there for moral support. Now ignore my hair...I finally washed it... :-x haha it was getting sick. In the first picture i'm beating her like a bitch that owes me money....

yessss. i remmeber when one of my ex friends got her lip pierced she flipped a bitch over it like it hurt so bad. then nina takes it like a pro. HAHA what a wimp. ok so in the bottom right picture you can see kind of a big yellow bag. its my new baby :-] anyway. I can't sleep. I'm thinking too much again. haha when i need to use my brain i can't because its always somewhere else but when i want to sleep its thinking. that didn't make sense... 

I keep reminding myself that I am an adult now. I can make my own decisions and choose to ignore what my parents think. What they say matters and everything I just wish they could see that I'm growing up and I need to make mistakes and do stupid things so I know better later. I'm not going astray. I'm not doing drugs or fucking anyone. I'm just defining myself so later I feel secure enough to take on what I want to do.

jdkal;fjdkafl; jdkl;afjd

tomorrow i'm going to keep busy. 

I have alot of ceramic pieces that need glazing. lots of glazing. I'm going to take it home and try to work on it. My mom is going to jacksonville i think so it'll just be me, molly and the baby at my house. I re-read billy collin's book of 180 extraordinary poems for everyday.. again. I'm deprived. on so many levels and at this point i think i'm just going to accept it and try to cope. 

I wish i had a fucking clue as to what to go to school for... i wish someone would do it all for me. i'm so...


1. Prone to or characterized by indecision; irresolute: an indecisive manager

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I THINK DREW GAVE ME STREP! [05 Nov 2006|10:49pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

I am going to take it upon myself to get in the car and drive to Josh's for my CDs. I miss them. Even though by now i'll probably think they suck. I still want them. I am Fiona deprived. I've been staying busy lately. Inbetween work and school I don't have much time to just...sit and be a lazy fuck. which thats ok. because I need the money and even though i'm going to hair school next year, i still want to pass my classes so all that money wasn't a waste. 

I dyed my hair again. you can hardly tell but whatever. oh and got new earrings. they smell like shit.

I made Landon hold my hand today it was funny. I think it caught him off guard. Hes still bitter towards me because he thinks I didn't call him back the other friday, but i did. haha. oh well. me him his cousin and nina are going to the social on friday to see cute is what we aim for. Last time I saw them I got all...gay about everything because the singer reminded me of josh. HAHA. meh-

Jonathan isn't coming for thanksgiving anymore. but maybe Christmas. thats a maybe though. haha WHAT THE FUGGGGG mannnnn. whatev. anyway. even though i've seen is a millon times I watched the suicide girls first tour. I swear to god those SG are so fucking amazing. I want to be one. damnit.

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[03 Nov 2006|11:18am]
[ mood | amused ]

go kill yourself. ugly. :]

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a 5$ tip is a shitty tip. [01 Nov 2006|09:26pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I went to bed at 4 or 5 this morning and was able to make it to my 8oclock ceramics and sculptures class. haha i have no idea how i did that. I'm SO tired.

So halloween at Ninas was amazing. hahaha. jeez. I love my life.. I decided I was going to show off my fat body and dress up like a jungle slut. I teased the crap out of my hair and did my makeup all heavy. the most fun part was dressing up, then having people stare at us when we went to be photographed with Warren at work. HAHA. 

its all blurry but whatever. 

Longggggg story short, I had fun and I'm glad I decided to get up and go instead of feeling sorry for myself. After all its hard to upstage a obnoxious whore like me. ;-] yeahhh. I think I'm gonna try and get a second job. since i found out that I've got alot more free time in between working every night at 5 and going to school monday-friday.  Pac sun is hiring I think. Or bath and body works. I don't know..

I'm excited for June.

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[28 Oct 2006|03:45am]
[ mood | anxious ]

So, I just got back from the Cobb. I swear to god i'm so happy I'm past the little 15 16 year old phase where you get dropped off places by your mom to go watch a movie with friends. haha they're so gay. trying to smoke cigs like its cool or something. which is is...but still. Saw 3 was really good. its so graphic though, kind of made my stomach hurt. 

Last night I went over to Ninas, got take out and watched the movie Waiting. Shes all worried about her boyfriend whos in Afganistan. I would be too. anyway, Jonathan is coming down with Elizabeth on Thanksgiving since they'll be in Georgia anyway. that should be fun. uhhh. what else... oh yeah my dress came in the mail finally!

you can't see it in this picture. and thats fine. I decided I really miss my long ass hair. I could do so many cool things with it. but on the other hand my short hair is SO EASY to manage. and I don't have alot of time to spend on my hair. i'm a busy college person and resturant server..

I have been thinking ALOT lately. so much its making my head hurt. we're starting to get really busy as shit at work but thats nice. I get money, and thats something i'll be needing alot of for the near future.. : ] I'm going to be spontaneous in June. hopefully when all these old ass snowbirds come down for the winter I'll be making at least 600$ a week. that will add up fast... now if only i can break my fixation on online shopping!! what the fuck! haha

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[16 Oct 2006|09:15pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

 I had so much fun :]

The visit was worth it. and I really really enjoyed spending all that time with jonathan. I didn't realize how much I missed him and everyone else till I went up. Going alone is actually kind of nice because then I don't have to worry about anybody else but myself! haha and I know I can have fun there so its no stressing over anything gay either. 
he gave me some new gauges.

as if the wall was that interesting.. The only thing that sucked was the cold weather, and that was only gay because I didn't have a winter jacket. It was so weird driving by my old house. apparently, its being occupied by a bunch of black people that don't know how to cut the grass and put up matching curtains. Thats what my neighbors get for being assholes all that time. HAHA once Alex tried to get him mom toc al the police on my sister molly for punching him in the face because he was being a dick to me, jonathan, and brooke. HAHAHA

I really should go clean my room. The Carswells house is always so tidy and shit. I don't know how his mom does it!! it makes me feel like white trash. haha. Brooke let me borrow her alaskan green boots. except now I don't have anything to wear them with. But i I like how they feel on my footsies. I don't feel motivated at all. School is gay. I am this [-] close to just going to cosmotology school and working with my dad at his newspaper in Jacksonville this January. I'm gonna pack nina in a bag and bring her with me. I am so excited about the move. because its huge. Its like the Richmond, VA of Florida. and its closer to jonathan! haha only by like 3 hours but still! 
even though my head looks like a penis...

hahahaha look at that head.
Everyone looked so good up in Maryland! All grown up and stuff. haha except jonathans neighbor timmy. hes looked the same for the past 4 or 5 years to me. only taller. anbody that knows him would agree. haha. Oh yeah. I went into coffee gourmet. haha its only the cool place after i move away. how typical. I saw nathaniel. he gave me a huge hug and i barely know him but its ok! haha

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[24 Sep 2006|02:02pm]

My bones are shattered. my pride is shattered and in the midst of this self inflicted pain i'm falling more in love with every single word.

I'm falling head over heels for you again.

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[17 Sep 2006|09:56pm]
so, whos gonna help me make a T-shirt with my face on it?
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[14 Sep 2006|10:29pm]
[ mood | fdjkalf;djsakl;f ]

Come on love run with me
Get the hell out of this town
So we can get a better feel for each other
I'll take you, back to, when you
Remembered how you used to
Just live your life a little for me
Take the time to let it go
Step away and watch me grow

So let's get a little closer now
Let's get a little closer now

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[13 Sep 2006|07:42pm]
[ mood | content ]

So I cut all my hair off  yesterday. I woke up feeling like shit, and after debating whether to do it or not, I thought what the hell. so its done and I like it.  Its a millon times easier to manage and stuff. so yeah, cool. its kinda funny because not many people have noticed!! haha. oh well.


i'm trying to get my slam down to a science before I go in front of people at the Naturala [sp?] cafe in downtown Orlando. I'm nervous!!! ususally the slam poetry contests are filled with black people, which is fine but they're so passionate  and into it. I hope I'm the only white person there. That will be fun. I haven't been able to get my nose out of the Language of life Book jenna got me for my birthday. It feels like i'm in high school again. 

I wish there was a group of slammers like the DC writers core up in MD. does anybody from creative writing remember them? I really wanted to join but my dad thought it'd be funny to move us to Florida. I want to start a poetry in motion. I am annoyed at myself for not enrolling in Creative writing this semester before it got filled up. how stupid of me.

I want it to storm.

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oh its what you do to me. [09 Sep 2006|10:00pm]
[ mood | content ]

I worked a double today. Mom and dad came in and sat in my section. :] they are so cool. haha they really are though. It was really busy. I'm so tired and sore. I almost got in a fight with this girl who works with us because she was being a dick face to nina. over nothing. haha whatev. 

I'm really happy. I have all the friends I need in my life right now. I miss some of them, & really wished others lived closer but at least i know they're there for me. I really do love them all so much. 

[from left to right , Nina, jenna, me, and Brooke is the one washing her face. haha.]

I miss my boys in Sarasota. the'yre so funny. I miss jonathan because, its just him. and hes so good to have around. I miss jenna. shes in Indianna visiting her grandma for a week. then shes going to Georgia to visit her old best friend Amelia. 

This song is kind of sad.

I really want to paint my room.

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[09 Sep 2006|09:42am]
hey so tell me a secret.
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