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March 2007
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i'm having surgery. and yeah, it's serious. i'm not making up shit or being a suck, because yeah, you try having bone surgery and you tell me how that works out for you. so leave me alone, stop judging me, thinking that i'm just doing it for cosmetic reasons, and all i want is attention from people. no one knows even close to any of the reasons for this surgery, it's not voluntary, its necessary, i'd like to see any of you being able to go through something like this and being able to handle it half as well as i've been doing.

just because i don't enjoy getting myself tanked several times every weekend, doesn't mean i don't have a social life. maybe because i don't enjoy harming my body and potentially other people's bodies in that way does not make me less of a person or less of a friend, less of a person that someone wants to hang out with. if that's the way i am then that's the way i am, so fucking deal with it. let's see where you all are in 10 years from now, getting nowhere in your life cause you can't pry your fingers off that bottle. i have ambition, i have goals, i have ideas that only i know of, that i plan on achieving, that i'm not gonna get done by sitting around waiting for people to accept me for me, not try to force me to do things that aren't me, not try to change me so that i become another clone. that's not me.

i really like how i've poured my heart and soul into our graduating yearbook, and half of the graduating class can't even do me the respect of handing in any of their grad surveys in on time, about a month late now and don't have them all in. or only about a dozen baby pictures in and their due at the end of the week. i've spent every spare moment i have into that yearbook, i've made 25+ pages, all on my own, and no one seems to even care. let's see how much everyone would care if i just stopped working on it, stopped doing anything, and just dropped out. you'd have no yearbook, no colour pages for everyone's oh-so important grad pages, which will take me hours and hours of labour to finish on time before i go and pursue my future only days after graduation. no one gets it. these things aren't asked for on a certain day just for the hell of it. there are deadlines. we've already missed one deadline, i had to work my fucking ass off to save our colour grad pictures. thnx everyone.

T-13 days & counting.

i'm scared shitless.

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