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hey lush...

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(6 fallen stars | xo*)

[04 Oct 2004|11:00pm]
will everyone do me a favor and keep me in your prayers?

i`ve been homeschooled since 8th grade. when i was in 7th grade we had a gang of racist guys threaten to shoot every white kid that walked out of every exit door at the end of one day; i heard and told my mom. she called the superintendent. he investigated and found it was true. i finished out that school year, and the next year went to homeschool.

in 9th grade i started citizen`s highschool, but they didn`t offer enough credits to get me into the college i wanted to go to; so i switched to christian academy of america. they booted me back into the 10th grade, when i should of been a junior, and since then i`m having crap getting caught up because i`m lazy.

see, when i went through all of the hardships and walked away from God, i also walked away from having any normal life whatsoever and refused to do my schoolwork. so now i`m desperatly trying to catch up so i can graduate in may with my original class, if not before.

so what i would really really really appreciate is if you could all please pray that i get the willpower and desire to do this and get caught up and past where i need to be majorly quick so i can get highschool behind me and move onto college.

thank you<333

(16 fallen stars | xo*)

[03 Oct 2004|12:34am]
do any of you ever hear a song that isn`t a christian song and think of Jesus? i did that today.

i don`t know if any of you know who ryan cebrara is, but he sings a beautiful song called "on the way down". i heard it and the thought that this could be a christian song instantly fell upon me. ok, maybe i`m a little bit psycho, but i really feel like this.

see, i`ll show you.
the lyrics are:

"sick & tired of this world.
there`s no more air.
tripping over myself; going nowhere.
waiting; suffocating; no direction.
i took a dive and...
on the way down i saw you and you saved me from myself
and i won`t forget the way you love me.
and on the way down i almost fell right through
but i held onto you.

been wondering why it`s only me.
have you always been inside just waiting to breathe?
it`s alright; sunlight on my face.
i wake up and yet i`m alive cause`
on the way down i saw you and you saved me from myself
and i won`t forget the way you love me.
and on the way down i almost fell right through
but i held onto you.

i was so afraid of going under, but
now the weight of the world feels like nothing. nothing.
you`re all i want.
you`re all i need.

see, before i changed i had a very negative spirit. i felt broken; and i guess i enjoyed feeling that way. i was sick of the world and everything that went on in it. it seemed like it was all childish games, and i got really tired of it. i was at my lowest point when i came back to church.

when i did i saw Jesus in a new light and he saved me from myself; from the world; from everything else that i was dealing with. i almost fell through everything that i grew up on; him, but i held onto what i knew, and it led me back, and now he`s got a hold of me.

before i would feel so alone in a way i never have, and i`m almost sure it was because i strayed and my relationship with the Lord was barely existant. i would ask for forgiveness over and over because i felt so dirty and unclean. but now i realize he was always there, he was always inside of me, i just needed to let my flesh go and give his spirit room to breathe the breath of life into me.

and now i know that every morning i wake up i`m his child. i`m getting closer to him; i`m closer to him than i`ve ever been and i plan on being as close to him as i possibly can. i know he`s with me. i know i`m saved. i`m spirit filled, and i`m walking the right path through him because my steps are ordered of God. now when the weight of the world and everything that seems to be going on get me down, i can brush it off and feel free in my spirit because, glory, hallelujiah, Jesus set me free.

(4 fallen stars | xo*)

[02 Oct 2004|02:38am]
[ mood | excited ]

tonight we had dance practice and it was so much fun!

i`m kind of sore because i`m not used to moving like that; but other than that it`s all good. i think it went quite well.

my church dance team "Christ Crusaders" (we just started), are doing a routine thingy to the song "shackles" by mary mary, and another one to "we speak to nations" by lakewood. they`re beautiful! shackles was a blast!

i`m really glad we`re doing this because i`m learning to praise the Lord more in everything that i do instead of just singing and lifting my hands in worship. i believe dancing will bring out the inner spirit that i`m yearning to let out, and let me praise God in a way i never have before.

it`s kind of a crazy, everything i love doing seems to be falling into place. thank you Lord! not only am i having a blast doing it, but i`m doing it for the glory of our Heavenly Father, which makes it 100x`s better.

i am truly blessed.

((i`m going to comment today<3))

(13 fallen stars | xo*)

[30 Sep 2004|07:43pm]
[ mood | content ]

it`s really irritating to see how people are so uncomfortable with change. how they can`t accept people for who they change into be. it just goes to show you how completely messed up this world is.

i got a phone call last night. it was one of my "friends" telling me they talked to one of my best friends, and they`ve been discussing how my life has changed. how apparently "erika doesn`t even know who she is anymore".

you know it seems like since i`ve changed my life for the better; since i came back to Jesus, everyone and everything is trying to put me down and tell me "i`m a poser", that i don`t even know who i am anymore.

a comment was made that i went from prep to punk rocker to claiming to be a christian. you know what? i don`t claim to be a christian, i am a christian and i live it!

things changed a couple of months ago when i went back to church and was prophesied over. i knew then and there that it was time to make a change, and start living my life for Jesus the way he intended me to. i was tired of thinking "oh, if i do this, i know he`ll forgive me because he died for me!". it never hit me that he died because he loves me, and i should show my love for him by my actions and helping lead others to him.

since then i`ve drastically changed. i went from being in a band; a hardcore punk rocker; major band promoter; a rock & metal concert junkie; etc, to listening to pretty much nothing but Christian music. i read the bible every day. i pray every day, usually numerous times. i try and witness more. i`m in my church choir, i`m on our dance team called christian crusaders. people have told me that it`s amazing how i`ve changed, they say i don`t act the same anymore, that i don`t even look the same.

when i got filled with the holy spirit and spoke in tongues that made it open even wider. i have an amazing belief in our Lord, Jesus Christ, and i know that i can do all things through him because he strengthens me.

but you know what? it doesn`t make me mad that they`re saying this, because i know who i am. i know what i am. i`m content with who i am, and nothing they can say or do is going to stop me from becoming closer to my Lord, my God. and if they have such a big problem with be fixing my eye on my eternity, then they weren`t good friends to begin with. especially to sit and degrade someone who they claim to be best friends with.

i pray that the Lord helps me to lead them unto him, and that he gives me an even greater strength to overcome these situations when they pop-up, and let people be able to see that i`m not backing down or out any time soon.

(3 fallen stars | xo*)

[22 Sep 2004|02:10pm]
new me.
new journal.

it`s that simple, right?

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