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[01 Nov 2004|05:33pm]
i miss the feces out of this journal.
oh well. if you havnt already hurry and
add me on younger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_than
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[21 Oct 2004|09:11pm]
younger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_thanyounger_than KTHANX, I ADDED MOST OF YOU THAT WERE ON MY FRIENDSLIST ON THIS USER NAME, IT'D BE NICE IF YOU ADDED ME BACK, BECAUSE I LOVE ALL OF YOU, AND WANT TO READ YOUR POSTS. (:

comment, add, me add. [20 Oct 2004|11:01pm]
new journal,
it ll be friends only.

gah. [20 Oct 2004|09:21pm]

i miss pickle, i miss having friends, i miss the mungia brothers, i miss church, and the top floor of parking lots. and a bunch of other things.</td>

[20 Oct 2004|08:25pm]
way too many times i feel like i have to prove my exsistance.

[18 Oct 2004|06:29pm]
yeah, its raining, and i love it like every other person,
i love every part rain, except when it spinkles, and you just
atrat smelling liek wet dog after you dry up. i the overcast,
and i love how it sky looks so clear after it rains. i liek
that the ground it wet, and theres a few puddles along the way,
i feel like rain cleans eveyr thing up. julie and i walked home
in the rain today, i got drenched, my hair is sitll pretty wet,
i guess it was okay. hopefully neither of our
colds got worse. me having a short sleeve sweater, and wearing
beaded indian shoes didnt help much in the rain. the weather is
getting cold and i need more winter clothes. hopefully i find
something atsalvation army on wendsday. i ve been really indifferent
about alot of things and i havnt been thinking too much, so i guess im
content. in that im not depressed. but really i think i need a new
batch of people to meet and get to know. i feel like i ve got too know
alot of people and there is no one i careto get to know. i found good,
but temporary. people in this small city is just all so self centered,
and close minded. im really going to consider this moving situation.
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[17 Oct 2004|09:25pm]
i dont really expect any thing from any one any more.
gosh i am such a pessimist.
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not implying to my parents. [17 Oct 2004|07:33pm]
some parents really need to grow up and be examples to their kids and teach thier kids some stinkin morals.
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[17 Oct 2004|05:36pm]
gawd im really too stinkin irrational soemtimes.

[17 Oct 2004|05:07pm]

it's not changing yourself, rather it's self control.
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[17 Oct 2004|09:00am]
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[16 Oct 2004|04:05pm]
people in india made shoes for me.
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[15 Oct 2004|05:22pm]

school and finance has bugging the feces out of me. and i really really didnt want to goto school, i looked like the bigges bum today, people literally told me i look like a little bum, it was cute, but its alright, its friday. i didnt talk much the hole day untill 5th period, when i saw that my horrible english teacher wasnt there, i was never so happy to have a sub in a class. and 6th period we had a sub too, it was cool, even though i love mrs sulkis, i refused to do the work she left us and just socialized with kelly and gabriel. aww sweethearts. yah, and every one was packed up 10 min before the bell. it was amazing. and the sub didnt mind at all. i went to sams after school, and i met sgt. peppers and met all his new fishies. and i had sam buy me food. yay for burritos. and mexican rice milks. after i got dropped off at home and went to church, sometimes the kids at church make me feel so big, i want to be able to do cartwheels without hurting any one, nor my self. i think i did one almost cartwheel, after a billion tries, and its really sad to see little versions of me. its really, but its oaky because i know they ll turn out fine, its just sad that they have to have to so har don themselves when it isnt that bad. a few scratches on your arm will go away... haha i am in a good mood finally, im enjoying every minute of it, i just have a weird feeling about tommorow, but i ll murder the psat. so its alright. every one bailed out on homecomming on the last minute. bahh. im going to fake it for the night and have somem fun. good bye,

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[14 Oct 2004|08:07pm]

i keep my self awake with instant energy,
all all sorts of things that dont natually
belong in my body, and im surrounded with
people that are aging without wisdom, i
critisize my self, yet i make my self believe
im better than alot of people only because
i can acknowlege my faults, when really, i
am no better than they are, i let my faults
be, they are too firmiliar to me. i shouldnt
break any news to any one, i should let them
figure and see things for themselves, i need
to stop caring so darn much for alot of people.
im so sick of high school, teenage things,
to the point where i dont care much about it
if it just flies by, im fed up with realizing
something then it going back to my original thought,
if that made any sense, it goes back and fourth,
& its getting really confusing now. i just want
to be sure about things, and of my self. and
stop trying to live other people's lives for them
and learn to be more articulate. i just cannot seem
to cope with being a bit less free to achieve
greater complete freedom. i feel like moving to
another city, or something, i feel like getting
to know people that i ve never even seen till then,
and them getting to know me from scratch. i
think i got too much downey in me right now. yuk.
im going to have a horrible time at homecomming.

"they that can give up essential liberty to obtain
a little temporaty saftey deserves neither libery
nor saftey." -Benjamin franklin

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[13 Oct 2004|11:39pm]
i havnt really done layouts
in ages, but i was bored and
did something, ___float
i feel like it looks too messy.
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aww. [13 Oct 2004|07:57pm]

i have major emotional swings. its funny. one minute i hate the world the next i love it. and im laughing
my heart out. my mom bought me a mini rose, its funny how she knows me so well sometimes.
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[13 Oct 2004|05:55pm]

i havnt been able consentrate on any thing, nor get my mind to focus on one thing for a moment. itd been wondering aroung in irrelevant places, i ll read words yet i wont know what im reading, i think of something to say in my mind, yet i say another. its really weird, and frustrating. i am way too irrational sometimes. i let my emotions be the tyrant. and my body and mind seems to do what it pleases, and believes in the things it says. i guess i got rational jen to nuetralize me, im faking alot of things at this point in my life, and i have no passion for any thing, which leaves me with no priorities, no motives. what am i to do in these situations? i have no clue. bah.

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i liek funny last names. [12 Oct 2004|04:24pm]

i can be really stinking happy at times, its sort of
sad that when i stop thinking, i get happy. late start
was cool, so was one lunch. i saw people i havnt seen
in a really long time and it was sort of akward, but i
liked it alot. i miss just standing around with omar,
alfredo, and those boys. changes arent my thing. i end
up missing random things that were that important.
i miss standing around infront of the vending machines
with tan, miguel and adrian, saying i miss all this
is pointless and wont make me stop miss them. if that
made any sense, but it was nice having one lunch and things
be a bit similar to how they were. it was nice talking
to joe and omar at the same time.
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[11 Oct 2004|10:45pm]
so lifes been weird.
i havnt really updated about my life
in my LIVEjournal in awhile.
and im not planing on it. gawd its already 11.
i was planning on going to bed at 8 30.
wow i am awesome. yeah. things with friends
are better due to me droppping all of it.
its alot better that way, i was expecting too much
our of a 15 year olds friendship.
yeah picture.
and i really miss football games, and
alot of other things, how kelly was, monica,
and yeah football games. people need to stop
changing for the worse. and i need to stop
criticizing other people.

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[11 Oct 2004|07:29pm]
its my first shower since thursday,
i am eating a eggo for dinner,
and im going to bed at 8:30
and tommorow is late start.
tonight is going to be amazing.
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[09 Oct 2004|03:40pm]
i am going to homecomming.
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WOW! [07 Oct 2004|01:38am]

that was an amazing performance, who ever slept through it, wow what a shame. jenny looked beautiful. aww im so proud haha im such a geek. i stayed up by my self, the living room felt so big. and after the performance i clapped by my self. yay, the whole show was amazing. (: and its all on film yay!

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CONNAN O'BRIEN! [06 Oct 2004|05:58pm]
i am so excited. im curious what
song they ll play, theres an art/photo
contest for yearbook, student life,
im gonna give it a try for fun.
i need a nap so i can stay awake
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[03 Oct 2004|03:48pm]
i am alot more sure of my self than maybe two months ago,
i know why i feel what i feel, and why i do the things i do.
i am more self confident. but not in a coky sort of way, and
im sure thats why i ve been caring alot less about my looks
and what others think of me or my actions etc. go me, haha
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[02 Oct 2004|12:11am]
happy happy october, only because the worst month is over.
err. i just realized i skipped septembers period.
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im being really immature and lame, i dont care. [01 Oct 2004|06:21pm]

im at the point now where i dont give a rats poop about any thing. mainly the people i love most. friends sorry to announce you with the horrible news. ha, i am dissapointed with all of you, and im sure you ll know who you are. it seems like i can never stick with a group of friends. and i alwyas drift away from people, usually its me messing and and being dumb, but this time really its me giving up. im sick of trying my best to not drift, and stick around, and not seeing any effort back, im sick of asking my self if i mean as much to you as you mean to me, im sick of being left behind at places, and im sick of tryin to look after all of you (even though it is out of genuine thoughts and caring,)and none of you appreaciating any of it. a cared hello, or a call would be nice, rather i get neither and i ll have to yell over you for you to even notice im there. yeah i need to let go of summer. so long summer friends.

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[30 Sep 2004|06:16pm]
i ll try to organize my thoughts by writting in an online journal, i ll usually sit down with a can of arizona green tea or maybe cranberry juice, and the other hand filled with junk food, that is soon to clog my arteries. today i sat alone on the step in anticipation, but even after whatever came along i was waiting years for, i was still sitting there, because no one asks if i want to get up and go, walk, and talk. i sat and look blankly back at you, your happiness is gone unnoticed by the mukky clouds of anguish and bitterness in my eyes. it is just a phase, its just me. but sometimes i get so desprate, i ll shout, "I AM ALIVE JENNY!" with a shakey voice and a spark in my eyes, hoping to be heard. but soon i find i cant act out of emotions, and calm down again. and i dont like to admit that shes just like i am, and i ll think to my self, a high school cliche, i dont feel like i belong, but i ll give it a try and try to conversate with a random remark, "i really love the weather today,"
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[29 Sep 2004|01:05am]
when i say i am staying awake because of my project or lab,
i am probably just staying up so i can watch connan.
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[27 Sep 2004|11:10pm]

life has become an oddly figure,
best friends have become strangers
and random acquaintances are my
place of comfort, fond faces have blurred
while i sit and spin in my chair with wheels.
grown weary, she ll watch as friends
passed by, bleach in her hair,
gave away viginity like a
candy bar, shatters of broken hearts left
behind, pick them up with cuts in her
fingers. soon she had mascara smeared on
her cheek and her hair like a rats nest.
secrets are kept and friends flee.
while she sits there and spins in
her chair with wheels.

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[27 Sep 2004|08:20pm]
i miss a timid hand reaching for my cold fingers.
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[26 Sep 2004|11:14pm]
im so sick of unreliable internet piscture hosting sites.
photobucket is being crayz, if it does any thing like what
digitalstar did, im so going to kill my self. im a nerd,
and i ve been listening to alot of music through my horrible speakers.
belle and sebastian is my all time favorite as of right now.
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[25 Sep 2004|09:40pm]
i forgot how its like to have your own computer,
i went bananas today when i got the speaker to work.
the cord was nibbled up by elia, but i put a new adaptor
in and it worked. i was so glad. aim has been acting quite
strangely, and its frustrating when you try to talk to some
one and you get disconnected. i am illegally down loading music
liek i have never done before. i really miss sitting around
and listenign to belle and sebastian or velvet undergrounds, and
etc, (anything else besides rilo kiley and the beatles)
i cleaned alot of my room today, that makes me really proud of my self.
i want people over in my room now, i have a new desk, its a lot
smaller but alot cuter, and i dont have boxes laying around in my room now,
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[25 Sep 2004|03:42pm]
september is the longest and the worst month of the year,
i cant wait till october, it is going to be the most memorable
month of my life.
october 2,
october 6,
october 12,
october 30,
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code names for bananas. [25 Sep 2004|12:37am]

tracie preda, i came across this picture and i liked it alot, that was the night you told me
a secret, the one only three human souls would know. your personalitie keeps my sprits up, and your sweet
dear heart keeps me a bit sweet too. i love you very much and miss doing eveyr thing with you and seeing you
every stinking day. i loveyou dear, alwasybe optimistic and keep your head up. i love you tracIE pie.
117651352 | WONT WAIT.

cranberry juice and careers. [24 Sep 2004|11:56pm]

i ve never been too good with changes, nor was i ever brave enough for needles. advil will calm me down, and will be my strongest weapon at times. toughen up she said, it came tumbling as she stood there, minds out of her reach, and she'd question sanity. comfortable where she stood, knowing it ll ALL tumble down in the end if nothing was done, but shes never been good with changes, and comfortable where she is. nor was she strong enough nor couragous enough for any thing. she cries over song lyrics, lyrics become her spokesperson, and melody her vicodin.

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[22 Sep 2004|08:57pm]
[ mood | tired ]

school, i sat around with
joe and the boys at lunch.
i like sitting under the tree
in the grass. and i miss joe
and those boys. we acted like
random pokemons. i miss og pokemon.
ben gave us a ride home,
it wasnt crowded, i had
to walk to the dentist by
myself, he said i need to
stop eating starburst and
skittles. and that i need
to brush my teeth even though
i am really tired and i knock
out sometimes. i walked to
jens and we went to church.
i dont like having spoiled
bratty friends, because i feel
really poor, i miss getting
presents for my birthday too.

i havnt talked to alot of
people and some of my friends
are taking it personal, and
i feel really alone at times.
and wortheless too. we starting
taking notes in history, i
miss social studies. church
was okay, i talked to jen, it
felt like i havnt talk to her
in forever. i like a bear as a friend.
alot, hes funny. he sat next to me and
jen at church. i want to go to
home comming. i think some one
that isnt lame should ask me. uh huh.
my feet feel really tired, i feel like
i was at disney land.
picturesCollapse )

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likely. [21 Sep 2004|08:49pm]
[ mood | calm ]

this is my third time posting because i am an idiot, first i wrote a long paragraph about how much i miss every thing and being so naive. but i realized thats veyr repeatitive in my journal, and there was really no point in posting. i have a tendancy to try to bring back memories, i need to learn to keep them as memories. well after that post i was posting a post some what liek this one, but i accidentally shut off the computer. yeah what an idiot. well today was school day liek any other tuesday, i dont hate school as much as i used to any more. i am coping and im just too lazy to care much. but im starting to do school work, so im not that big of an idiot. i took pictures in all my classes except pe. because we were dressed and out in the black top. nick hebert and i walked around the black top making animal noises. all my other classes were okay. julie and i didnt have to walk home today, we were jammed in to ben little sports coope, i was sweating like a little pig. i miss ben being really fat and having a double chin. after school i rested for a while and had to walk to clc. we had a full class, jeannie was there. i am alot more acquainted with the people there now which is cool. i talk to paul more again now, and i talk to jeannie. i had to stay five minutes for talking. and i went home. i miss pointless fone conversations with jeannie on the fone which lasted for hours and hours...
ps. its almost october, i cant wait.

picturesCollapse )

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[20 Sep 2004|09:51pm]
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hi [18 Sep 2004|08:56pm]
i posted three times today,
im sure you dont mind.
go visit my photo journal.
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[18 Sep 2004|07:02pm]
i like it alot when i get mentioned in some one elses livejournal,
and i really like it when people tell me they read my livejournal.
127651352 | WONT WAIT.

playa del rey [18 Sep 2004|02:53pm]
[ mood | content ]

beach clean up was hard,
only because there was no trash to pick up.
but pizza after at the beach pizza place was
good. i was so exhausted. i walked too much
to pick up too little trash. i skiped my figure
drawing class so i didnt see my share of naked
people for the week. there was traffic on the
way back to chruch. traffics never been so good
to me. i love it. i took a hour or two nap. it was
amazing. i ve been lacking sleep this past week.
last night i played with macro lense and angles.
it was fun. macro lense is fun. yay cool.
macro lense photos and more.Collapse )

247651352 | WONT WAIT.

[17 Sep 2004|11:15pm]

i ve been doign okay, i sort of liek school because its keeping things off of my
mind. the song across the universe by the beatles have been stuck in my head on re play. that song is wonderful. and it wonderful when fiona apple sing it too. any way, i ve been doing alright. other than i dont have much friends around. but i shouldnt be complaining because im never there for them. i dont know the proper way to look after some one i care for. all i do it say out spoken things to them and expect them to change. i need to be more of a optimist. and i need to know where to draw the line between free and out of control. life isnt all about living for yourself, trying to find who you are etc. it really isnt. its about way of finding the right amount of freedom. and ways to use that freedom without taking advantage of it. and making your life count. i dont know if im making any sense. bahh, so lately i ve noticed my self catching my self right before i say something about some ones appearance. i am way to out spoken. and i say alot of unneccessary things. and i ve realized how shallow i might come off, looks dont really carry much value for me, but i just seem to notice every thing alot, and saying out loud. and from others perspective i come out as a vain and shallow. when i dont really mean half of the things i say. so im cutting down on my words. life hasnt been miserable and im happy for that. itd be cool if i was actually happy. tommorow is beach cleaning day. i guess thats some what making a difference, yay less dirty beaches? (: haha.

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wendsdya?? [15 Sep 2004|09:30pm]
i spent the day with a bunch of people.
beau, annie, kimery, church people etc.
annie came over and brought me cheesecake,
and a flower then made a card. it was cute.
then i walked to church with annie and kim
well sort of. annie took the bus home.
church was pretty cool, it made me happy,
at least for a split second. i really miss
my friends. i miss just having them around
and hanging out doing nothing. i took friends
for granted. i always do. always did. and
i regret alot. and im an idiot for typing all
this up and hoping one of them will comment
something nice or something. i really am.
even though they dont even have internet any more.
i hate that i dont know much about these twins any more.
i hate that i dont have common sense at times,
i hate that peopel dont realize i grow up.
wow. i hate alot of things i wont be able to quit
listing. why is achieving untimate happiness
such a hard thing to do. why is living so hard.
wow. and people shouldnt assume things from reading
a few sentances from my livejournal. because im not
going to write my whole life story out and have it
be uploaded in the internet. but i ll let you
know when im happy. thatd be fuckin great.

57651352 | WONT WAIT.

across the universe. [14 Sep 2004|08:07pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

its saddening to see people that were important to me in my life run along fine with out me, and its saddening that i dont want to let any thing go, when something leaves i go chase after it, wishing itd come back and be the same, the way it was. i need to learn to let go, and keep memories as memories. sometimes i think the world revolves around me. i am anal. i want every thing done my way, or i go nuts. its sad to realize that there are things in life that i wouldnt be able to do and things i wont be able to have. but i know i should be consentrating on what i have and will be able to have. but my mind drifts quite often. and i focus on so many unnecesary things, and i can be a big drama queen at times. but things around me is going by, i forget that my peers grow up too, and that things arent the same any more, shes driving and she has a job and she doing this and that. every one is moving on with their lives. even ice cream trucks go 80 miles per hour....

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[11 Sep 2004|09:51pm]
i ve been really enjoying the days of fall,
i dont remember the skies being so blue and clear,
clouds being so define and separated from the
clear blue sky. and clouds of so many shapes.
some remind me of powder sugar on a funnel cake
and some remind me of explosions. either way i
think its interesting and even beautiful. and clouds are always moving. people are always moving. no one
or thing is going to stay beside me the rest of my life.
and clouds are always moving.
37651352 | WONT WAIT.

hi. [10 Sep 2004|11:00pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]

i ve been struggling emotionally and phsycally more than i have ever these couple of days. i hate that i have absolute no control over my body. i am weaker than ever before. i ve been desperate enough to reach out to some friends, and random acquaintances, i can say i ve lost a great sum and gained a greater sum. and i feel like i am slowly pulling through. things get a little better after you make yourself believe there better. live lies and lies will come true in some sense. im trying my hardest to be optimistic. im trying to give every thing another chance, if not a few more. i think i ll be up on my feet in a few days.

37651352 | WONT WAIT.

hi again. [07 Sep 2004|09:29pm]
so after school and after playing with the fobs for a few hours i had to go to clc. jeannie wasnt there so i was there with bunch of people i didnt really know, but i guess it was cool. i walked home after class around 7 30. i really liked the weather outside, and i really liked walking. i like being outside at night. it feels like ive grown a shell, and i ve been distant from every one, even my closest friends, my family. i really miss every one. and my self. bahh. i miss the whole school deal, home comming and other dances, and i miss doing homework sort of. i miss listening to elvis costello.
67651352 | WONT WAIT.

2months after. [06 Sep 2004|04:40pm]
first day of school was odd,
i felt like i was going back for
registration. i was happier than
i ve been. but i was still in a
weird mood, it was interesting to
observe people eveyr one is so
different and so confused. or frustrated.
i didnt really go around saying
hi to every one like people
usually do. i just sat around with
jeannie. lately i ve been feeling
more asian than ever. the favortie part
of my day at school was my 6th period.
i really like my world history teacher.
she seems a bit crazy, but i really likeher.
we are going to get along very well
i can just sense it. the whole split
lunch thing bugs me but its done and
bahh whatever. i have 1st lunch.
67651352 | WONT WAIT.

[06 Sep 2004|01:28am]
green tea ice cream would helpCollapse ) alot right now.
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conclusion. [05 Sep 2004|11:39pm]
i think too much.
27651352 | WONT WAIT.

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