Tags: senior year


what can't we face... if we're together?

So I've been thinking lately. Things are so different and confusing right now. I don't know what to do when it comes to my life. Family. Friends. School. & last, Love. *scoffs* Love sucks. I'm not in love, but I definetly have a idea.

The thing is... I don't know if I like feel anything right now. I mean, I used to feel feelings about people, but lately I've been detached. Which is weird because I always viewed myself as a attached-person. So, do I like him? No. Yes. Maybe. *sigh* It's not going to happen. It never will. I should give up on him. On them.

Off Topic: I GOT to see Brokeback Mountain. GOT. to see. I was hoping to watch it Friday, but it's not out yet. Damnit.


Almost three weeks, since my best friend, Trent left. He went to Texas to visit this guy he'd met online. Crazy, I know. I told him that he shouldn't go. That bad things happen to people like that. People who meet people online and never come back.

Basically. I'm pissed. I'm mad at him. And I'm mad that didn't call me, like he SAID he would. :( So, I don't know what I'm going to do. I hope he comes back this week, cuz if he doesn't I'm going drive down to Texas and bring his fat ass back here. Or call the police. [Stephanie's Idea]

I just hope that nothing is wrong. That he's ok. because I couldn't deal with losing another person I love in my life, right now. I can't.

But I don't understand!

Some of you might know.
Some of you might not know.

This Thanksgiving was the best time, I had. All my cousin & their kids were there and everyone was so happy and there were no fights, my cousin and I didn't even fight. And we usually fight alot. It was great. I'll never forget it.

Saturday, I was supposed to go to [my last year as a senior]the christmas parade. Well... *sigh* That day was the worst day in my life. My dad died that day. He either had a severe heart attack, because he had heart problems already, and/or had an aneurysm.

I'm not 100% sure what caused it. I was confused the whole time, everyone was screaming and they took all the kids in my room and I had to watch them, while not knowing what the hell was going on. My cousin's husband found him outside laying on the ground. I doubt that there would've been a way to prevent it.

I'm worried about my mom and my sister. Mostly my mom. She's so lost and I can't stand to see her like this. Everything is so different and confusing right now. I don't like change. I don't like how things are going to be now. But hopefully we'll get through it. We were going to have a birthday party for him Sunday. We were going to have alot of people there and take pictures of him and the family... I wish that he would've stand longer.

I knew that he wasnt going to make it, because of all those heart problems but I wanted him to at least see me graduate. But I guess that's not going to happen now.