Tags: life


I might get used to giving up

How do you know it's time to just forget the person? I have a hard time doing that. I just don't understand why I'm not good enough to forgive, to be friends with again. I'm sick and tired of people leaving. I feel like I'm the only one that cares about the person still, when the person doesn't really think of me at all anymore. I wish I didn't care but I do.

You can apologize till you are crying and begging but... what's the point if they don't forgive? Even if you don't believe in God. You must believe in forgiveness. You can't force people to forgive and can't force then to be your friend again.

I know I have my mistakes and my POV's. I should watch what I say but doesn't mean it was towards a certain person, you know? I have thoughts in my head often random thoughts. I want to ask/share/etc them.

I don't know what to do. I wish I wasn't pathethic and I wish I wasn't crying. Thinking about why they aren't talking to me, instead of my schooling, family, health etc.

I just can't accept giving up. I think a friendship is worse than breaking up with a partner.

I Will Always Be Your Friend

I Know Who You Are Inside

I Am With You Till The End

Never Far Behind

I am standing in the distance

You can take your time

And I will be there waiting

Never Far Behind


1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

Danced to "Telephone" on my prosthetics? Umm.... pregnancy photos, it was scary but then it was fun. Had a friend take photos of me with my bare legs exposed and I rolled in dirt. Um... printmaking, so difficult. Make food jewelry!


2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

LLLLLLLLLLOL. I looked to find my last years but... apparently... I didn't post it. I'm lame. So... no and yes.


3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Crap. Like close close? No.


4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not to me but to some other people. :(


5. What countries did you visit?

None but I'm content knowing I accomplished that two years ago. I can't believe it's been two years!


6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

More control of anger and emotions. Be nicer and more helpful to people. More photoshoots/projects for my portfolio. More creativity and just being happier with life. I would love getting a job and my biggest is getting a van. It would literally change my life so much. I don't think people understand how it would. Confidence.


7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Christmas this year was the best Christmas I've had since my father died. It was such a great Christmas and I just loved this Christmas break, even if I didn't have internet, it was nice to spend time with my mother and sister.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Being able to dance better and to walk pretty dang good. Finding out I got RHI Patient of the Year 2009 and wining merit awards for all three of my photos! Making food jewelry with my sister!


9. What was your biggest failure?

&Not controlling my anger and emotions. Also confidence. Losing my SSI case... etc.


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?



11. What was the best thing you bought?

HMMMMMM.... My new camera and hard drive.


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

The guy who lives in a van down the river.


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Jeff. LOL. Some others... but guys suck.


14. Where did most of your money go?

Food. Some for presents for next year. Food. Clothes. Food. Electronics. Oh did I say Food?


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?



16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

"Telephone" - Lady Gaga


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Happier!

ii. thinner or fatter? LLLLLLLLLLLLOL Fatter? Idk idk

iii. richer or poorer? Idk. Poorer?


18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Giving up on SSI and just... trying to get a job I guess. Although I was emotionally unstable at the time still. Hang out with my homies.


19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Farmville. FACEBOOK. Eating. Being a girlfriend 24/7.


20. How will you be spending Christmas?

WOO! I already spent it.


21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?

Jeff. Susan. Txting Shay alot.


22. Did you fall in love in 2010?

Love has many meanings... plus I'm still with the same human.


23. How many one-night stands?

OH BOY TONS. LOL JK. NONE of course...


24. What was your favorite TV program?

Okay..... I watched King of the Hill seasons 1-13 over four times my Fall semester on Netflix. I fell in love with "Survivors". "The Walking Dead" was awesome. "V" was neat. Reality tv like Dad Camp, Teen Mom, 16 & Pregnant, You're Cut Off, Bridalplasty. The Nanny (MISS THAT SHOW), The Soup. TRU BLOOD. Psych. The Office.


25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?



26. What was the best book you read?



27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

The Black Keys(WATCH TIGHTEN UP). Paramore.


28. What did you want and get?

E- reader. New hard drive.


29. What did you want and not get?


30. What was your favorite film of this year?

SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD!!!!!!!!! =0  HP&TDH with Shay!


31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Spent it with the family and Shay! I was 22!


32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?



33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

LOL. No fashion. BUT I had cute socks, shoes and boots.


34. What kept you sane?

Watching Netflix, facebook and.... taking photos.


35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Eliza Dushku! Seth Green!


36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Health care?


37. Who did you miss?

I miss talking to Shawn, Chris and Dank. Calvin, Connie. Sean, John. Alot of people... :(


38. Who was the best new person you met?

KENDRA CREEK! She was the most amazing person I've ever met! <3

ALSO.... Amber!!!! Man, you've been through so much for so long and I'm glad to have met you! <3


39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:

Life sucks. We all know this but... it really could be worse. Don't take everything for granted. Be grateful for what you have when you know there are others that so worse off than you. I try to do this as well... Even if I don't have my legs... I'm grateful for having my arms, being able to not have chemo or spine surgeries. I'm grateful for not being blind or deaf.


40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

My head is full of space junk
But your words are getting through
I'm riding on the space junk
And it's bringing me to you


But I don't understand!

Some of you might know.
Some of you might not know.

This Thanksgiving was the best time, I had. All my cousin & their kids were there and everyone was so happy and there were no fights, my cousin and I didn't even fight. And we usually fight alot. It was great. I'll never forget it.

Saturday, I was supposed to go to [my last year as a senior]the christmas parade. Well... *sigh* That day was the worst day in my life. My dad died that day. He either had a severe heart attack, because he had heart problems already, and/or had an aneurysm.

I'm not 100% sure what caused it. I was confused the whole time, everyone was screaming and they took all the kids in my room and I had to watch them, while not knowing what the hell was going on. My cousin's husband found him outside laying on the ground. I doubt that there would've been a way to prevent it.

I'm worried about my mom and my sister. Mostly my mom. She's so lost and I can't stand to see her like this. Everything is so different and confusing right now. I don't like change. I don't like how things are going to be now. But hopefully we'll get through it. We were going to have a birthday party for him Sunday. We were going to have alot of people there and take pictures of him and the family... I wish that he would've stand longer.

I knew that he wasnt going to make it, because of all those heart problems but I wanted him to at least see me graduate. But I guess that's not going to happen now.