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[18 Nov 2004|01:47pm]
game over.

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[15 Nov 2004|02:17am]
[ mood | tired ]

this weekend was incredible. friday i drove to connecticut to visit my sister at fairfield in the pouring, freezing rain. i finally made it there around 8:30ish and we partied at her townhouse. it was mayhem. her roommates and friends are awesome, and i even got to meet that boyfriend from northport i never had. ha. it's such a small world sometimes i can't deal with it. anyway. saturday morning i headed out and drove back to long island. i immediately picked billy up and we spent the entire day together and it was just something amazing. i can't even begin explain what he does to me and in how many ways he does it, but i know it's something more comfortable than i have felt in so long. so i think i'll keep it for a while. :). um. i got to see janelle at the kids store, thank god, because i don't know what i would have done if i hadn't seen her this weekend. i don't know what the hell i'm going to do with myself when she leaves for cali, but i'm so sure she's going to be successful out there. and she'll be happy too. and i want her to be happy. plus, i'll go visit a lot anyway. :). so this morning i went out to breakfast with my parents. we were talking about a lot of random things, and they told me that if/when i study abroad next year, they'll come visit me and we can travel a little before i come home. i got so excited, and i honestly can't even believe that i could potentially be living in rome for 6-8 months of my life. seriously. i think it's such an incredible opportunity and if i can manage to pull it off, i think it could possibly be one of the best experiences of my entire life. someone say a prayer for me. please?

i ran some quick errands before i picked up brie and drove back to loyola. the car ride home was absolutely amazing. it was such a beautiful day today; the sky was so incredibly clear and the sun was shining so brightly into my car and i didn't mind it a bit. it set just as we were crossing the verrazano, and as we made it onto the turnpike, the sky was changing from a light blue to a dark blue, and there were planes above us in a perfectly straight line getting ready to land at the newark airport. i swear, it was one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen. and we blasted konstantine. and it was almost perfection. it was one of the only times i've been truly happy driving back to school. i love appreciating silly things like that. it makes every worry seem so insignificant.

now i'm back at school. it's 2:30am and i've done no work. fabulous.

time for sleep. goodnight all. <3.

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[10 Nov 2004|09:09pm]
[ mood | bored ]

just got back from an amazing dinner. i am full and in no mood to do work at the moment, so in lieu of that, i stole this from vw, moe and tina. thanks girls. :).

enjoyCollapse )

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[09 Nov 2004|09:10pm]
you're a blue-eyed lightning bolt.
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[09 Nov 2004|02:31pm]
i just spent the entirety of my early afternoon browsing through previous entries. i found two in particular that struck me and made me miss a lot of things.

1. italyCollapse )
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overdue [07 Nov 2004|05:46pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

i don't even know what to say here. i haven't updated since the election, (and that wasn't too much of an update, really), so i feel strangely obligated to write. i'm still terrified for my life after tuesday's events. i'm just hoping that bush proves me wrong; i hope all of my fears and accusations are unfounded and that mr. president can pull through and do something monumentally beneficial for the country. i'm still following through with the plans i've had for years now: i'm moving to europe after i graduate. thankfully this means i won't be around for the next election. i cannot bear to witness where our country will be at that point, mostly because i certainly cannot see any signs of the republican states becoming any less ignorant to the world around them. the exit polls indicated that the majority of americans voted for moral reasons. what happened to foreign policy? what about domestic policy? can't we realize the distinct separation of church and state? how can you inflict your moral beliefs on quite possibly one of the most diverse populations in the world? give me the answer and i will shutup. until then, i'm going to fight this.

"all that's necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

and honestly. i didn't type this to start a livejournal debate. so please don't be ridiculous about this. i'm not pointing any fingers; i'm not making any obnoxious statements or relying on unsubstantial evidence. i'm just saying how i feel. that's all. :).



besides all of this mess, things have been okay. janelle came down on thursday for the weekend, and it was incredible having her here. we took her out to the bars on friday night, and saturday we just spent the day shopping, got dinner, and stayed in to watch episodes of the OC (i can't help loving seth cohen. i'm sorry.) i'm so glad she got to come visit, because i know she needed to just get the hell out of long island for a little and have fun. but yea. we took random pictures; i don't even know what we were doing or what we were trying to accomplish, but nonetheless, enjoy. if you can.Collapse )

2 comments|post comment

election 04 [03 Nov 2004|07:14am]

we're screwed.

i'm leaving the country and i'm not coming back til 2008.
7 comments|post comment

[02 Nov 2004|02:54pm]
you kill me;
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[31 Oct 2004|11:12pm]
[ mood | happy ]

okay. so i'm not going to update this and talk about how unbelievable our weekend was, because only you and i know. and that's all that matters. as long as we know, who the hell cares what everyone else thinks.

it's just you and me. and i couldn't be happier.

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[30 Oct 2004|10:19am]
'i had a really nice time last night.'
'i had the best fucking night of my entire fucking life last night.'

-eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
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!!! [28 Oct 2004|12:47pm]
i know this is overdue, but..
finally FINALLY pictures from loyola/smithtown weekendd:

here !Collapse )
1 comment|post comment

[28 Oct 2004|12:14am]
[ mood | content ]

you make me so incredibly unbelievably amazingly happy and i've never used that many adverbs to modify an adjective before in my life. so thank you; for having such a wonderful impact on me and for giving me a really good reason to throw a lot of words together. :):).

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dot com [27 Oct 2004|10:25am]
i am unhealthily addicted to thefacebook.com.

and i'm excited to go home...
(happy now babycakes?)

4 comments|post comment

[26 Oct 2004|02:07pm]
hey, ben gibbard,
um, will you go out with me? :).
3 comments|post comment

[25 Oct 2004|02:29pm]
i would love to see saves the day play holly hox forget me nots live


just once.
and then i could die a happy girl.

2 comments|post comment

i loved you, guenivere [24 Oct 2004|05:34pm]
[ mood | confused ]

goddamn. this weekend was incredible. i had such an amazing time with varin and dustin and also of course with my roommates. :). i have tons of pictures that i want to post so badly but photobucket is acting up again (as a result of this school's awful internet connection i'm sure), so hopefully i can get them up here soon. now it's sunday and thus begins another hectic week of classes and work, and as excited as i was to go home, i'm not so sure anymore. i'm just not so sure. although i am very excited to see the format and of course to see janelle. and hopefully i can meet up with the nyu crew. but things are getting strange, as they always do, so all i can be at this point is indifferent.

eternal sunshine tonight?
please. please.

all i've been able to listen to this week is death cab. is that odd? i've developed some crazy psychological and physiological dependence on them. they just make me feel really good.

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[22 Oct 2004|01:45pm]
i'm so sick of having to bite my fucking tongue.
the end.
4 comments|post comment

[20 Oct 2004|12:37am]
[ mood | content ]

i have a permanent smile on my face and i can't even help it and i don't care how wrong or how strange this is because for some reason it just feels so right for the moment and all i care about is the moment because why should i think about anything besides this exact second the future doesn't matter we can't control the future and i can't change the past all i can do is immerse myself in how i'm feeling at this exact second and that is complete happiness and comfort with the situation i'm faced with and as much as you're thanking me i have to thank you ten times more for being so genuine and amazing and making me feel so on top of the world.

i needed to get that out. i can't believe how good this feels.

2 comments|post comment

we're dead [19 Oct 2004|02:15am]
[ mood | drained ]

i hate mondays. with a passion. i hate my 8am class even more; brie and i ended up sleeping through it today. whatever; he doesn't take attendance anyway, and i honestly just can't handle the class anymore. it's like, his lectures are so loose and ambiguous, and then he slaps this quiz in front of us that asks us things we NEVER went over in class or lab. what the hell. this isn't what college is supposed to be like.


heath and i had our philosophy midterm at 9am. it wasn't so bad i guess. it's just good to know i have one down. two more left; let's see if i make it alive. i tried desperately to study for research methods earlier tonight but i managed to fall asleep literally with my face in my textbook. nikki took a picture. it's priceless. i'll post it soon. anyway. it's 2:17am and i've only made it through chapter 1. i have to study up to chapter 5 by 3:05pm tomorrow. i don't know if i can handle that. i just need this week to be over.

and then maybe fly through next week so i can get home already. :).

kremer stopped by before with ice pops. it's weird having him so close. i swear, amidst all of our yelling fits in high school i never would have EVER imagined that he'd be in my college dorm at 2am on a monday having an intense conversation in our pajamas. but it was good because it was a nice break from my immense ammounts of work, and the ice pops made my throat feel better since i'm suffering from a stress-induced cold.

that's all, really.
tomorrow's another day.

goodnight. <3.

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:cough: [18 Oct 2004|01:50am]
[ mood | curious ]

tell me
what you
when you
were gone
& so

oh the ambiguity. and the confusion. and the immense rush of everything all at once. why does everything come in large doses? better yet; why is it taken away as quickly as it comes? but it hasn't gone yet, so i'll stick it out and see what happens. and i'll take it for everything it's worth.

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... [17 Oct 2004|05:16pm]
this weekend was amazing. and although i should be completely satisfied, there are some things i wish i would have done. but i guess they can't be helped, really, because had i known three days ago what i found out last night, i would have acted immediately. but now all i can do is sit in baltimore until the next time i'm in town and see what happens. my life is a series of waiting lines. but i don't mind it; i'm not going to wish the time away. for now i'm going to eat this chicken cutlet sandwich claud's mom made for me, clean a little, and maybe get some work done. gotta just go with the flow; gotta roll with it. that's all for now. hope you all had a good weekend wherever you were. <3.
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oh love. [16 Oct 2004|11:21pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

the city was amazing. i can't thank you enough, varin, for having janelle and i stay over. we had the best time.

pictures !Collapse )

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[15 Oct 2004|07:47pm]
i love john welsh for keeping my hands warm and accompanying me on the scariest journey ever to baldwin.

and now i'm going to the city. bye. :).
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[14 Oct 2004|11:33pm]
[ mood | calm ]

so okay. i'm home. this was my first time ever driving from baltimore to smithtown by myself. it was a really peaceful drive, and i wish i had my camera going over the verrazano bridge so i could take a quick shot of the nyc skyline. but oh well. i called janelle while i was driving to the mall to tell her i hadn't even gotten onto i95 yet; i walked into the store minutes later and surprised her, and we both did our girly laughs and hugged each other. and honestly, after starting to talk to her, it was like i never left. i love that about our friendship. anyway. so i came back home, went out to dinner with my mom, watched the presidential debate (amazing by the way), and then janelle slept over and we watched eternal sunshine and ate way too much candy for our liking.

i stumbled into the adult store this morning around 10:45am and worked til 4pm. i know that's not that long; i intended to work til 6 or 7, but being that i was up til 3:30am last night, i couldn't stay. but it was fun (even though i was the only brand rep there for a few hours), and it was good to hang out with eric the toms.

when i got home i passed out. i set my alarm for 8:30pm cause i wanted to go out, but after it went off i knew i was way too exhausted for anything. for some reason though i couldn't go back to sleep, which is why i'm here now.


home's been good to me so far. i'm looking forward to tomorrow; i have to run some errands and i'm gonna make sure that includes eating some good new york pizza. then around 5ish or so janelle and i are heading to the city to visit all my nyu buddies. i'm SO excited. we'll be back saturday, so i'll update then. hope all is well with everyone. :). goodnight. <3.

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UNCHeelz3: best debate ever? [13 Oct 2004|11:36pm]
YES. it was.

kerry did his homework while bush obviously stared at "a painting in the oval office." haaaa. i love it. hurry up election day !

now i'm going out with janelle. :).
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[12 Oct 2004|12:40am]

this is my favorite picture from the weekendCollapse )
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wow. [11 Oct 2004|07:49pm]
[ mood | good ]

i'm happy. and i don't really know why that is, really; i just know things have been comfortably pleasant lately. nothing incredibly amazing or monumental has happened, it's just everything in my life has sort of fallen into a peaceful balance that i am so content resting in. i think it's because i talked to pat the other night, and for the first time since we broke up, i feel so completely okay with it. he is my best friend in the world and i feel closer to him than i have ever felt to anyone, and i want him in my life regardless of what his relation to me may be. we've both settled and although we've each taken a step forward, that doesn't mean we've taken a step apart. and it was good that we both realized that. i am so lucky that we had such a healthy relationship enough to be okay being best friends after the fact. besides that, things at school have been getting nothing but better. and it's funny because when i say "better," it almost implies that things have been worse, but they haven't. each day is wonderful, and the day after that completely blows the day before out of sight. it's mostly because of my roommates; i'm sure. i know i always say this but it's the truth: it's really not everyday that you can throw six girls into an apartment, have them live together 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and then watch them get along so well.

it just feels so SO good to be all right with everything. i'm going home wednesday at 9am and i can't wait to pop my head into the kids store and see janelle. we have the whole weekened planned out for ourselves and it's going to be so relieving to spend time with her. i'm working almost all day thurday, and i'm so excited for that; i miss the adult store like crazy, and i miss the people i used to work with. i know i have midterms to study for, but all of this just makes those stupid tests worth studying for and getting through.

thank you. i really don't know who to.. i guess to anyone who has been apart of my life for the past two months. i have grown up so much in so little time and it really is something incredible to be able to realize that. the truth is that whatever may seem terrible for the moment is guaranteed to be something better in the long run. you can always take your past experiences, no matter how unpleasant they were, and apply them to your life at present as a means of learning.

it is possible to simultaneously embrace both good and bad. you should really try it, because it's such an essential part in growing up, moving on, and getting over all the insignificant nothings of life that we so often stick our faces in.

2 comments|post comment

[10 Oct 2004|02:52pm]
um. wow. i love college.
2 comments|post comment

[07 Oct 2004|12:12am]
i'm bad at not missing you. five days. :).
1 comment|post comment

hey now. [06 Oct 2004|02:05am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

it's odd, because as debilitating as i thought that would be, it was actually one of the most liberating experiences i've had in the past 8 months. i'm not gonna lie; i'm pretty proud of myself. i wish i could elaborate more, but i can't. hopefully i'll be able to at some point. all i can say is that i've come a hell of a way, and i can't even begin to explain how much better i like myself at this point in my life. i am so much stronger than i ever thought i could be, and i can hold my own pretty well. in other news, the vice presidential debate scared the hell out of me tonight and it's pretty decided that this country is doomed regardless of who is elected. i am terrified for my life. i need to get ouf of this country. yea. and socrates killed me tonight. so now it's time to sleep. goodnight. <3.

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at the wake [05 Oct 2004|01:57pm]
[ mood | intimidated ]

i have this horrible characteristic about me where i become so emotionally stirred by a song, or even just by the silliest piece of a song. and this one in particular has me feeling i may have made a terrible mistake. because when i think about how your voice on the other end of the phone makes me feel so completely at home, all i want to do is run to wherever you are. i know you're never going to see this because instant messaging and the internet just isn't your scene, and maybe that's better i guess. i'm just so afraid. i don't know what of exactly, it's just i know you're the first person who has taken a genuine interest in me since last february, and you're the first person who has seen me for practically everything i am since then. even if you think i'm hard to read, i'm so broken and scared inside. i'll wait a week and a half longer until i see you again and i guess i'll see how things go. because i know how willing to wait you are, and i don't know anyone else who would ever do that for me. i miss you. and i really can't explain why.

you're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead.

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autonomy vs. shame and doubt [05 Oct 2004|02:01am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

all is well down here in baltimore. the days are getting colder and much shorter, and things seem to be noticably falling into place. which is good. because i'm really happy with the way things have been going. this weekend should be great, and then next thursday i'm heading home for fall break. janelle and i have plans to get to the city and visit the nyu crew and to see a friend's show on the 16th. i'm so much looking forward to that, but while i'm here i'm still gonna keep having an incredible time. my parents told me i'm really lucky to have found such genuine girls here, and i'm starting to realize that now more than ever. anyway, i just finished my theology essay so in celebration i'm going to sleep. i think that's fair enough. :). oh; and happy birthday varin. <3. !

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[04 Oct 2004|01:53am]
laaaaa. i am so tired. goodnight. <3.
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danny devito i love your work. [03 Oct 2004|02:00am]
[ mood | content ]

i went to roosevelt field mall today and bought lots of clothes. then i ate one of the best dinners i've had in a while. then i laid in bed with my best friend and laughed for a good two hours. then i hung out with some incredible people over on lake avenue south. then i watched mean girls. ...then i went back to school. i'm excited to go back but coming home for a weekend is such a tease because i really want to stay and spend more time with everyone. BUT i'm coming home two more times this month so that will be fun. i love you all and it was so good to see everyone. have a safe trip back to whoever's going back to school. :).

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smiftown [02 Oct 2004|12:56am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

i'm HOME; on my parents' new pc! we made it back to long island with such good timing. i'm sure most of it had to do with the fact that i was driving about 82mph on I95, but the most of it was due to practically no traffic up until we headed onto staten island. it really wasn't that bad. as for tonight, i saw some of the greatest people in the world and i couldn't be happier. tomorrow is going to be incredible. it's great to be home. but i miss my roomies a lot; it's going to be odd sleeping by myself tonight. haha. well, goodnight 512, wherever you all are. and goodnight to everyone else. ppleaaase make it a point to see me if you're home; i really want to make sure i spend time with as many of you as possible while we're all together. oh man. i sound like barney or something? i don't know. i'm delerious. it's so late and i've been up since 7am. haa. peace lataaa. <3.

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soon ! [01 Oct 2004|01:50am]
[ mood | excited ]

i'm going home tomorrow and that makes me a very happy girl. pray i don't fall asleep at the wheel or crash my car or something typical that i'd do. i'll see all you smithtownies in less than 24hrs. go kerry. goodnight. <3.

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shooop [30 Sep 2004|01:56am]
[ mood | tired ]

classes were good today, but for some reason after philosophy and before spanish i completely passed out. i ended up not going to spanish but instead waking up to my cell phone ringing incessantly. i picked up and it was mary. soo i met up with her and brie and we got lunch at primos. i seriously sat around for the rest of the afternoon watching tv and doing virtuatlly nothing being that i've had my work done for tomorrow since the day before yesterday. so anyway. brie and i went to the gym and then i came back, showered really quickly, and drove over to MICA to hang out with pat. we watched 21 grams, which he liked a lot. i've seen it like three times already and it never gets old. and i'm glad he enjoyed it. so after dodging some bullets, i drove back uptown to school. i've been hanging around a bit, and now i'm just gonna get to sleep. i'm going home so soon and i really can't wait. i kinda wish i was gonna be around here this weekend, but i know home will be fun. so, that's all for now really. things have been pretty slow lately but i like it that way. goodnight. <3.

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so productive we are. [29 Sep 2004|10:41am]
[ mood | silly ]

"after class i'm going to read four chapters in my textbook."

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take a look at me now. [29 Sep 2004|12:46am]
[ mood | relaxed ]

so my lovely, amazing friend steve just sent me some incredible music and i'm actually extremely giddy about it. right now i'm listening to recycled air acoustic by the postal service and it's just so so wonderful. thank you steve. :). today was so much better than yesterday; i got an email from my theology professor this morning telling my class and i that our paper was postponed til next tuesday. that just lifts a huge weight off of my shoulders, and i can finally relax and get the time to talk to my professor about it. the only REAL downside to the day was having to walk in the rain back from the library to my room, but in all honestly, i oddly enjoyed it. i mean, when you have no control over a situation like that, the best thing to do is just find a way to enjoy it. so i came back here, changed into some warm clothes, and relaxed for the rest of the night. that's all, really. a pretty uneventful but much needed day. only two more til home. :). i'm so excited. goodnight. <3.

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didn't mean a thing to me. [27 Sep 2004|10:30pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

i'm messy and tired and stressed and weirded out and lots of other things that are disorganized and chaotic in my head and i just can't seem to put it all in proper order at this moment in time. i have so much to do before i go home and i feel like it's going to make this week drag and drag on. my theology essay is going to take every ounce of energy from me; i just know it. i'm going to talk to my professor about it but i'm terrified because i feel like he's going to think i'm incompetent. i don't know. i just need to push myself through this week of hectic assignments. help me.

i've got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots.

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