How quickly I forget that this is meaningless .art is why I get up in the morning.
?
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Monday, November 20th, 2006

Subject:thelma and louise
Time:6:02 pm.

piiiccttreeeeeeehiaothe

 


mmmhmmm hawk and dreads made by woodglue

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
meee when i went to see rent with my grandma, best plaaayyyy. 

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
good drunken nights. love that hat. 
\

suckk my titties


and eat my cunt. 


thankskkksk guys. 
goodnight

pussy pussy pussy marijuana

body.

Subject:.if your stomach feels weak.
Time:5:41 pm.

I think some things would be better off unsaid. 
Sometimes I wish people wouldn't tell me things.

Kyle gets out soon. and that is wonderful. him being locked up has made me realize alot of things. I miss him.

I havn't had my meds, the ones i like to take for a week. it's fucking with me alot. I don't liek it, when i don't take them it changes my mood completly and the way I am. When I take them I am more stable, less likely to snap and fucking break your face.

I live with my g-ma again. I go to the anderson center once a week. me and my mom can't get along. she has problems, and so do i. and that's why we clash. there the same fucking problems. don't put two fucking bi polar crazy bitches in one house together, especially if they both refuse to take meds for it. 

OHHH YEA.

let me clarify something, ME AND STACEY HOPKINS ARE NOT AND HAVE NEVER HAD SEX YOU STUPID CUNTRAGS. i am sick of this fucking rumor, it's stresssing me out even more. holes holes holes in my tummy. just because me, stacey, and kyle are together 24/7 and are BEST FRIENDS, doesn't mean im fucking stacey you shit dicks. get a fucking life and keep my name out of your low life mouths.

anyways. the past week, i hate my mind. im in one of those really long lasting moods, that makes me sit around and think alot, and then cry when i see a fucking smooshed banana peel or some shit like that. i hate crying for no good fucking reason. makkee it go away. i love sleeping, because when you are asleep, you don't feel your tummy in knots and you don't feel like thinking about everything. you dream.

i vent and i vent and i vent and i vent and i let it all build up inside until one day i snap. and then that's just a stupid bad day. then you do the things that make your body feel numb and your mind feel free and it all goes away. what can i say kids.

god i'm so cold right now. i wish i were wearing sweats.

i just need some ramons,blackeyedpeas,sublime,and bobmarely right now. and maybe a little bit of my friend maryjane.

then there's this one person, that makes me feel alright. and makes my mind happy and free, the kind of thing that drugs can't do. this one person makes me smile more than you!

friends. god idk what to do with them. i have so many that just h3ay38ha;oite. then i got them good ones. then i got them confusing ones. theoihaohiteihoaht then i have tjjustistt blah. friends. hey guys i'm confused. hold me. love me nowww or never. thankkkkkk you and goodnight.

body.

Saturday, October 28th, 2006

Subject:?question?
Time:2:07 am.
I want my picture to either be in the center or the right corner.
i have been messing with html for hours.
i cant figure it out.

help?
[1] .i am writing graffitti on your body.

Friday, October 27th, 2006

Subject:bytheway itriedtosay i'dbethere.
Time:2:29 pm.
cumshot

wellll. myboyfriend whom i love. is most defintly in jail.
thespace bar on this keyboard doesnt work.
i miss my boyfriend. he's been in there for about 2weeks. andhe might be inthere fora while.
Ihave been hanging out with kyle obryant.mybest friend. and josh davis. and stacey. and kelsey.

i miss kyle.
when your with someboyd everyday andyou love them. then suddenly theyare taken away from you right under your eyes andyou can't do a damn thing about it.
it's horrible. 

it's like losing a part of me.

plus i cant stop stealing.

past 3 days.
2 new dresses.
8 shirts.
2 sweaters.
a walkmen.
a halloween costuem.
an amazing leopard hat.
lots of food.
fishnets.accessories.
an amazing bag.

ahhhh i can'tstop.
most of the cloths are stripes as well. i like stripes.

im going to stop.
first i couldn't stop drinking.
it's still hard to not drink.REALLY hard.
 then it was pills.which was juust stupid.

and now this.
why can't i just be not normal. but stay out of trouble.
I need more friends.
good friends.

i go to the anderson center once aweek now.
me and mymom dofamily counseling.
i have severe ADHD but  I dontwant to take meds for it.
they want to give me meds for my bi-polar.
i dont want them.
itwill cahnge me.
i already take shit for being depressed.


but all in all.
Iam a happy normal teenage dirtbag garbage badass.
that's me.

i try to love as much as i can.
somebody adopt me.
hold me and make me yours.


[2] .i am writing graffitti on your body.

Friday, September 8th, 2006

Subject:.hello my name is suzanne.
Time:9:24 am.

p.s

.very recent pictutes. 

p.p.s i don't go out with the kyle in these pictures [[kyle obryant]]. i go out with kyle loy. 
thank you.


kyle obryants little sister and suzanne


me and kyle
[[love this]]


suzannnnneeee


this is an older one, when my hair wasnt black.





:[
miss mack sleeping on my couch


HAHA
this is old. like 4 months.  me my mom and my little brother at the greatest place ever, THE ZOO. p.s my mom is much better looking. 



and the me and the penguins. 
[[mess]]


that's all
goodbye.
[2] .i am writing graffitti on your body.

Subject:five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred mintues
Time:9:20 am.


i miss mack more than words can describe.
he was my breathe.
and now he's in florida.
i think he's coming to visit soon and he's gonna stay with me.



im at ebbertt. we just had break. we are the only class who gets break everyday, ours is 20 minutes long.

i found Destiny, my cousin in the line and she bought a pretzel and we shared it. she's alway so nice. i love her.

my mountain dew is almost gone and that makes me really sad. im fuckin thirsty.



I MISS LEXI.
a whole bunch.
i tried calling her yesterday.
no luck.

my jeans are too tight, and theres a huge rip by my crouch so i had to wear polka dotted leggings. i hate leggings. everybody wears them now. fucking dicks.

me mason kyle eric
sunday
stone sour
ounce
ohhhh im so excited.
youdontevenknow.
body.

Thursday, September 7th, 2006

Subject:.yea son.
Time:9:44 am.
Mood: cold.
I'm at ebbertt right now. i love going to school here in the mornings. were about to leave, in ten minutes, i get to smoke. so yea. i havn't updated in forever because i don't use the computer that much anymore. I'm always with kyle [[loy]], amazing boyfriend. let me tell ya. i know, it doesn't make sense. im gay. ahh it's crazy. i don't touch his penis and we don't have sex. it works out.

i need a dollar for lunch.
im HUNGRY SON.

ehaiohteoeoihaohitoheeaieheaiohtouie
the buses need to get here. i want to go back to highland so i can get my zero gauge. i have a two in right now. im excited, movin on up. and tiddles is giving me double zeroes, but i don't know if i want to go that big.

i really need a job by the way. if anybody has any suggestions and knows of anywhere where i could get one. no joke.

eohihaohierhoirehiaihoe;iaiohteoiaijothoeia;hot
im gonna put new pictures up of me and and yea.
okay.
5 more minutes.
I CAN'T FIND THIS FUCKING FILE ON MY COMPUTER. it's making me very angry, you don't even know.

my cubicle is amazing. it has me, kyle, derek, ani difranco, regina spektor, marilyn monroe, rent, abby [[rip]], the walrus and teh carpenter, lots of amzing pictures. i love my cubicle. i don't ever want to give it up.

i read. all the time now. everyday. everyeeahtioe
white oleander is amazing.
and im reading the memory artists by jeffrey moore right now.
it's about this kid with synesthesia. amazing shit.

im reading 1984 and great expectations too. there really good.
GO READ GUYS.
:]
body.

Thursday, April 13th, 2006

Subject:to austin
Time:5:29 pm.


dear austin.
i love you
your still my best friend.
i miss you
i hate not talkign to you
i hate not seeing you.

i hate a date with ashley friday.
please wish me luck.
im really scared and nervous.
i wishi could talk to you about it.


you fucking queer.
god.
i love you
bye.
[1] .i am writing graffitti on your body.

Sunday, April 9th, 2006

Subject:life is over-rated.
Time:8:44 pm.
Mood: rushed.
so spring break was amazing.
i went to see tubring with my friend andrea in cleveland ohio. it was a six hour drive there, and a seven hour drive back.
it was amazing.

and i was with lexi alot.
we just drank
and had sex
and smoked pot.
and watched t/v.
it's the life yo.

i drink all the time.
whenim not drinking or smoking i feen so bad. andi hate it. i hate it.


buttt this is how things were.
we got drunk. sobbered up. drank more. smoked pot. woke up, drank some because it was right there.
we neveer stoppped.

and i also hung out with christian.
that was fun.

but. i wish i woulda spent some of it with ashley.
she drives me 309u039hjoiehot.
and it makes me hate her sometimes.
but at the same time. i love her.
love over-powers the hate.

i really want a chilli dog.
and this one girl.
right now.
ehhh. mixed emotions. ahhh.

austins an asshole.
the end.

blha blah blah blah blah suck it. hard.
i feel like shit.
i have all this bottled in feeeling for ehoiahto3ie and ahh.
nigger. fuck shit . bitch. cunt. go die. assholes

hah funny time


and the this ugly girl.



:]

and poh yea. ehotie

me and nikki are love




and me and my soulmate.


:]

sigh.

ahhei.
no.

mkay.

 

yea. i miss them.





and this is beautiful






[2] .i am writing graffitti on your body.

Sunday, April 2nd, 2006

Subject:when she makes me sad.
Time:6:00 pm.


so this guy
named christian
wants his whisky
and
hes not gonna get it.

and haha
it's funny.
body.

Saturday, April 1st, 2006

Subject:i suck
Time:9:48 am.





so hiii. my name is suzanne.

and i leave my nfasldjkf;lawksdjf name up on otehre pepoijls computer.

tlke thing is i types lyke this and everyicong still can reaasd and comprehend.


isnt that amazing?

i think so.

YAY!

btw, guys. never leave your name up at your BEST FRIENDS HOUSE coz he will type something.
-The Corey
[1] .i am writing graffitti on your body.

Thursday, March 30th, 2006

Subject:this is the town where the clowns put it down baby
Time:7:27 pm.
Mood: crushed.

do you think im faking when im laying next to you

[[nothing left for me to lose]]

so here's the thing. I have to take my meds everyday. when i don't really bad things happen. 
i hate that me and my mom fight all the time. cause im too non motivated to do ANYTHING. once you lose that somebody, nothing else realy matters. yea it sucks being so pathetic, but hey it happens. go die. 

i hate school, but i have to start actualy goign to graduate. they took me out of my gym class because hes going to fail me anyways and put me in a resource class, with HIM. ehh. not looking forward to that, at all. 

[[it must me somethign on my mind]]

"i love you suzanne e brinker, i want to grow up and marry you."
go to hell. 


my font wont go back small. that's stupid. 
sigh. i feel sick. 
ALWAYS. 
i wish it would go away. 
i really do feel hopeless all the time. 

i miss brooke. i want to go and cry on her lap and babble on about how bad things are and then feel happy because she's there. 
her and austin will always be my best friends. 
everytime i write in my book and say how i hate everybody in teh school i always put [[not brooke]]

humph. 
im gay. 
i suck. 
you make me want to pull all my hair out.
funny the way that things work 

i know somebody who is pregggy and you don't. cause you all suck, really bad. now please go die. 

i honestly cannot wait until this friday and saturday. 
the show, then lexi. lexi is fun, especially last weekend.

blah. im thirsty and i want a cigarette, and i have two dollars cause soembody gave it to me. im gonna get a job soon, cause my birthday is may 2nd and i will be sixteen. 
i want rollarblades for my birthday.

[2] .i am writing graffitti on your body.

Thursday, March 23rd, 2006

Time:4:04 am.
Mood: accomplished.
1. List ten things you want to say to ten differnt people but know you never will.
2. Don't say who they are.
3. Disable comments.
4. Never discuss it again.

1 .You were my world. My everything. The breathe in my lungs. The blood in my stupid pitiful veins.I loved you. I love you. I will never give up on you. I wish that I could. [[sorry atg]]. I was always scared of you. You always made me nervous. I was in love with what yoiu showed me and gave to me. I was in love with what you used to be. Not who you have become. Drugs/pills are what killed us. I dream of you every single night to this day. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I wish that i didn't. I hate waking up to the though of you every fucking morning. If i can't have you. I wish that you were out of my life for good.
2. You are so fucking beautiful. You literally took my breathe away. I loved messaging with yoiu back and fourth on myspace. I loved telling you how amazing you are, and how beautiful you are. I will still think of our first kiss. Of us being togther, but you never let it be because yoiu were scared. You never took a chance. Girls always do the wrong thing.
3. I want to fuck your brains out and take 308538 pictures in the process.
4. You smell so bad. i wish that you would shower more. I'm never around you because your scent seroiusly gags me. sorry.
5. I hate you. I hate you for leaving me and amanda 14 years ago. I hate yoiu for making me come find you. I hate you moving so close, AND THEN LEAVING WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE. I hate you for getting married again. I hate you for every time you have ever said "i love you" to me and amanda. You are already dead to me. Nothing can change that. You have NEVER been there for me. Please just stay away.
6. You are a disgrace to the world. You are taking up precious space on this world. You don't deserve to breathe the same air that I do. If you killed yourself nobody that mattered would even care.
7. I love you more than anybody in the world. I care about you more than anybody in the world. If you died I would be nothing.
8. If i had a dollar for everytime you dissapointed me. I enough money to not give a shit. You were supposed to be the person who cared for me most. But you let him take you over. You let him ruin it. You let him take over your life. We don't even talk anymore. You are still number one. I love you.
9. I wish that I never met you. But at the same time everyday since I have met you I am happy. You have taught me things, yet you have broken my heart. I wish I could tell you in that short time how much you meant to me. I wanted you more than anybody. You will always make me smile.
10. sigh. You are the biggest fucking cocksucking cunt ass bitch i have ever met in my life. you always made me feel like i was on top of the world. but it was all a lie. lie lie lie. That's all you know how to do. I'm sorry. I hope that you learn something useful someday.
body.

Subject:whoa niggies
Time:12:34 am.
Mood: busy.




this is the town where the clowns put it down baby
[[I TOLD YOU WE WADNT PLAYIN]]



whats up guys.
sorry i havnt been on.
i havnt been writting at all lately.
i hate it.
i have no motivation to.

so i hate that everybody hates austin.
yes. he is a huge asshole and very blunt.
he has alot of fucking opinions.
andi dont agree with alot of them.

but dont get mad at me or hate me because he is y best friend.
if only you guys knew what we have been through.
nobody really knows.

we are best friends.

i love him more than anybody.
and always will.

p.s dont worry kyle. il ove you too




I ALSO LOVE TECH N9NE.
im about to make it famous so you take your J.O.B and shove it up your anus.




i am sick righ tnow.
i am about to take a showr.
cause i can smell me.
i havnt gone to school in three days.
but i seroiusly never go to school anyways.

i cant wait until this weekend.
lexi/foxy shazam/oh boy nigga.



but yea.
i will be up all night. because i slept in until six p/m. and fuck my sister took my pizza. i want that right now.
im hungry.
all the time.
but im not fat.
makes no sense i know.

i havnt got to smoke for three days because i have been sick.
okay i have been smoking for two years.
THREE DAYS IS KILING ME.



so everybody can go die.
actually i am really sick of people.
if i still talk to you, your lucky.
you really are.
im tired of peopel complaing to me how we never hang out.
FUCKING CALL ME DICK FUCKS.
god.


sigh.
i actually really want to shower and that is really wierd.
i liek bitching on l/j.
it;s nice.


yikes
emo.
my knuckkles are looking better though.
i need to stop getting mad and hitting things.
but it helps.



that doesnt look like me.
at all.
but i love my eye in this one.
its a bad pic though.
just dont tell anybody.
thank you.



thats what i live for.
i think i almost love movies more than music.
all i do is watch movies.
seroiusly.
and drink and smoke.
its a good life.
i dont drink/smoke bhecause its cool
i do it because i like it.
i like how it makes me feel.
and i like having a good itme.
and it helps.



Imma slacker, never did I have a lot of dough
Imma slacker, smoking pot and watchin' videos
Imma slacker, go whichever way the wind blows
Those just tuning in I'm just letting' ya know
That Imma slacker, every time I take a look around
Imma slacker, stuck upon my face is a frown
I don't do enough, I just fool around
Ya'll can go to hell, how does that sound



Get to the party and my homies gotta pay 4 me
Holidays [[fuck thanksgiving]] them just be another day 4 me
Getting' drunk hoping I get to the crilla safely
Pray 4 me cause I'm needing money majorly


sorry guys. im done.
no im not. i lied.
im tired of girls being stupid.
okay im tired of one girl being stupid.
she drove me crazy.
but she just let me down AGAIN.
but it's cool. im talking to three other ladies.
and there all beautiful.


check it out.





[2] .i am writing graffitti on your body.

Sunday, February 12th, 2006

Subject:& .the. .words. .are. .tasteless.
Time:9:09 pm.
Mood: pissed off.


friday=amazing.
made me think alot though.

saturday

went to the show.
ludo is amazing.
say topher, that made me REALLY happy.
can you say hot box.
and he bought me a shirt.


last song
last band [[ghost of maine]]
abby gets kicked in the back of the head
passes out
can't stay concious
[[FREAK OUT]]
lexi calls 911
me,amelia, and lexi followed the ambulance to the hospital.

3 hours later i get to see abby.
she's so cute and i love her.
and she had to get a catscan
i hope she's okay.
she got released this morning.
i gave her a kiss on the forehead, she kissed me on the neck. that's when you know abby is not well. [[haha]]

andrea picks me and lexi up.[[at 3 in zee morning]]
steak n shake
[[drama drama drama]]
sluts,whores,and skanks.
[[I CAN'T HANDLE THIS]]
but i pull through
[[maggen/zach/kristen freak out. i want to punch all of them in the throats]]
maggen got her bellybutton pierced in her/not professionally done.
.anyways.
zach,andrea,kristen,me, and lexi decide to go to the hilton [[hotel]]
we don't get there until 5 in zee morning.
didn't start drinking until what 5:01. [[heh]]
drunk and running around a fancy fucking hotel.
we ended up racking up zachs tab for food.
elevator.sixth floor.big huge comfy chair.we shove it in the elevator.take it to the fourth floor. [[rebels]]
i love andrea drunk
but it was getting boring. i was sitting alone cause instead of getting hyper, i got really relaxed, so i sucked.
slept
woke up at 1
decided not to check out until 6
we all talked abotu shit, it was nice.
[[drama/one person]]
we sure did take: books.blow dryer.razors.shaving creame.tooth brushes.cups.pens.randon things.keyhole.&iwouldatookthisneatblanekt.butitwastoobig.
then we left.
did i mention i love lexi's dead.


i also found out one of my good friends sure does have an eating disorder and now weighs 97 pounds and they won't stop.
[[stupid]]

my tummy kinda hurts from stress. i want to talk to him just for a moment. but it's not gonna happen. i just ate 2 corndogs and a piece of cake, but god am i hungry. nicks an asshole. zach is not an asshole. lexi is a cunt. and im a nigger. i love this song. i love hotles. we spent alot of money. i miss abby. i miss lexi. i miss douche bag. im getting chunky [[don't deny it]]. i guess im gonna see a fight tomorrow. people piss me off. im now pissed. goodbye.

.you fucking fat ass, grow up.
[2] .i am writing graffitti on your body.

Saturday, February 11th, 2006

Subject:.cause it's pretty. duhh.
Time:3:21 pm.
Mood: hungry.
i have like 9 more new ones. but this computer is slow. so this is the only one i have resized and photobucketed and shit.
 
 
 
I like my hair in this picture. alot.
body.

Subject:there's this kid. and i love them.
Time:2:05 pm.
Mood: cold.


.sigh.

i want to go to sleep.
and not wake up for 4 years.

i want to have no emotions. i want to not hear anything. i want to go away. i want the bullshit to end .[[ but don't we all]]. i want you. i want my mind to shut down.

15 year old teenage fairy tale.

I am so obsessed with fairy tales, fantasy, fairy's, love. all that jazz.

10th kingdom is my fav. movie ever.

now i have a craving to read harry potter.

mmmhmmm
[1] .i am writing graffitti on your body.

Thursday, February 9th, 2006

Subject:we've all had friends, but we stand alone___.
Time:6:58 pm.
Mood: creative.

 

me yesterday

 

austing singing to me

nikki made the picture like cartoon or something so it looks wierd.

 

lexi. enough said.

mack.me.heather.

nikki at masons party. that was full of vodka. yummy. good party.

 

me very drunk at masons  party. VERY drunk

the party where i peeeed on my pants. yea.

very drunk again. yea.

ehh. at beths. i dont liekit. but kyle said it was good, so i used it.

ohh i love them. alot. and then some more.

 

 

mkay. igot obred. and nikkis coming over like righ tnow. so shes gonna take a cool picture of me. i like the way my hair is. so im exicted. iwill post it. asap.

[7] .i am writing graffitti on your body.

Wednesday, February 8th, 2006

Subject:and I've lost it all.. I'm sorry oh, I'm sorry NO.
Time:5:31 pm.
Mood: content.



& tonight I will take off & I won't stop until i find you. My feel will get weary, but my eyes will still shine.


yes, i am still in a writting mood.

& my fears are over now
--hollywood undead mmmhmmm

yesterday started to be the worse day ever, the day where i lost everything that had any meaning to me. my everything. him.

but then, somehow everything got regained. it's like a new fucking beginning.

i wrote this at the beginning of the day

.___. this is nothing more than a dream
the nightmare of a lifetime
she's like the whore you never had
love her like she's your last
make her scream & toss
let this lust run free
nothign can stop your loving poisoned heart now
in my mind you are the most beautiful thing
Did i mention to scream you are everything to me.___.


look into my eyes & tell me this is wrong, you can't deny me

then i wrote this at the end of the day

.__.tonight was the new start
the start of everything amazing
now and forever
nothing can tear us apart
we are made perfect
two parts that fit as one
love is wandering around your eyes tonight
i will catch one glimpse
& make this alright
nothign will stop us now

this time take my hand
&
i will NEVER let go




sigh.

yesterday
i cried
i shoke
i couldnt breathe
i thought it was the end of everything.

then he shed his first tear.
and that's when i knew it would all be okay.

and this time when the i love you's were said
it was so fucking real.






IT'S CHRISTMAS IN HOLLYWOOD
SANTA'S BACK UP IN THE HOOD
SO MEET ME UNDER THE MISELTOE
AND LET'S FUCK.
mmmhmm i love hollywood undead


i am content right now
and i want nothing but to be in his arms

i can't wait until school tomorrow.
[1] .i am writing graffitti on your body.

Tuesday, February 7th, 2006

Subject:run like hell and DON'T look back
Time:4:44 pm.
Mood:hopeless.


and when all else fails look up to the stars and whisper his name


i have been writting all day
bad day.

& did i mention to scream you are EVERYTHING to me.
i'm so frustrated
and i feel absolutly hopeless in every way possible.
and your not here to comfort me or kiss me and tell me it's all alright.

well fuck you.

i want to skip a breathe and move on to the next life.

i can't stop writting.
and i have cried twice today.

i'm so sick of this on going circling bullshit.
and you can't just wish things away
cause then life would be too beautiful.

i will capture your every breathe and hold it with me forever

.you cant escape.

i'm so sick of school
and im SO SICK of people running their mouths, i wish they would just shut the fuck up.

take me away to your fantasy

see i can't stop writting damnit.

sigh.

i have lost the will to live
simply nothing more to give
there is nothing more for me
-MetaLlica baby

they are fucking right now
and i feel alone.

so i'm gonna go pee.
write some more
and maybe post it, if i like it.

i will keep chasing you & i wish you would look back and just look into my eyes and try to deny me
[2] .i am writing graffitti on your body.

LiveJournal for suzanne.

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