?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Entries by tag: christianity

Second Chance Introduction

Woman, daughter, sister, aunt, best friend, future wife...

Broken, scarred, wanderer, empty...

Christian, adopted by grace, forgiven, loved, filled, renewed...

I am, (or have been), all of these things. Some pieces are seen by others, others I hold close to myself. I have a past, a story like everyone else. I am human, and that is the common ground we all share. I will tell my stories, sometimes completely truth as I recall it, others fragments of truth with fictional masks. We all have the desire to know and be known. I look forward to knowing you, and for you to take what you will from my journey.

This is my introduction for Second Chance Idol over at therealljidol

Something to think about...

Derek Webb is an artist who's lyrics always make me think. I was listening to the album Mockingbird earlier, and these words popped out at me like a bright red light...stop and ponder.
A King and a Kingdom
Derek Webb

who's your brother, who's your sister
you just walked passed him
i think you missed her
as we're all migrating to the place where our father lives
'cause we married in to a family of immigrants

(chorus)
my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man
my first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
it's to a king & a kingdom

there are two great lies that i’ve heard:
“the day you eat of the fruit of that tree, you will not surely die”
and that Jesus Christ was a white, middle-class republican
and if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like Him

(chorus)
my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man
my first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
it's to a king & a kingdom

(bridge)
but nothing unifies like a common enemy
and we’ve got one, sure as hell
but he may be living in your house
he may be raising up your kids
he may be sleeping with your wife
oh no, he may not look like you think

I just admire that this man is not afraid to be "offensive" for his God. The Christianity we practice today is so sanitized and watered down. This accompanied by the passage I read in 1 Thessolonians this morning have made for a large life question for me; who's gospel am I following? Is my Christianity a cultural decision of convenience or the center of my life.


Thoughts...

Don't blink, it's a happy entry!

Part of the pleasure of journaling is that I can say whatever I want in it. I can write down how I really feel without the masks of dailylife blocking the reality of the condition of my heart. I am depraved, broken, and coming undone, but these are only temporary chains. I've spent a lot of time hiding from my ghosts, and now I have to face them. Tackling them unfortunately requires this devilish pill that is making me ache all over, and renders me some days unable to function on a basic human level.

Journaling is my ketharsis. I'm sorry that so many of you are a part of this, especially the new people on my friends list. I have many happy parts of myself that are just currently drowning right now, but they'll emerge again.

All that said, here is my "good things" list.

+Carlie, Carrie, and Dom are the best friends I could ever have. I know I wrote about them in the LJ Idol entry from a few weeks ago, but it bares repeating. I have cut Blessing out of my life for the time being, (an X-boyfriend/misplaced bes friend who became way too entangled in my life...ask if you want more background,) and it hurts so much right now. I feel responsible for him, and miss him, and my sadness spills out onto my friends sometimes. I try so hard not to suck them into my vortex, but I can't help it sometimes. All I can say is that it's a good thing they're forgiving, graceous people. I want to show them how much they mean to me, but I don't know how. Words seem feeble at this point. I fail at emotions and outward expressions of appreciation sometimes...I just want them to know.

+I get a dog in a few short days!!! Praise God indeed. I think the time away will be good for me. I just hope my body can stand up to the training.

+I got a new Bible yesterday in hopes that it will inspire me to read it more. My faith is important to me, and it seems to have been swept under the rug and lost in the pile of emotional dust. I want my relationship with God to be complete, whole, and honest. I know not all of you are Christians, and this is not my atempt to "convert" anyone. I'm just expressing my inner thoughts and feelings from my personal life. So if you see more spiritual entries in the future, feel free to scroll past if need be. I won't be offended. Feel free to comment with opposingviews as well. As long as we all stay civil, there could be very productive conversations that occur.

I can't promise that more glowing entries will be coming soon, but please understand that this season of darkness will not last forever, and I will return to my regularly scheduled, sarcastic, rediculous self.

thank you for putting up with me...all of you