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Don't blink, it's a happy entry!

Part of the pleasure of journaling is that I can say whatever I want in it. I can write down how I really feel without the masks of dailylife blocking the reality of the condition of my heart. I am depraved, broken, and coming undone, but these are only temporary chains. I've spent a lot of time hiding from my ghosts, and now I have to face them. Tackling them unfortunately requires this devilish pill that is making me ache all over, and renders me some days unable to function on a basic human level.

Journaling is my ketharsis. I'm sorry that so many of you are a part of this, especially the new people on my friends list. I have many happy parts of myself that are just currently drowning right now, but they'll emerge again.

All that said, here is my "good things" list.

+Carlie, Carrie, and Dom are the best friends I could ever have. I know I wrote about them in the LJ Idol entry from a few weeks ago, but it bares repeating. I have cut Blessing out of my life for the time being, (an X-boyfriend/misplaced bes friend who became way too entangled in my life...ask if you want more background,) and it hurts so much right now. I feel responsible for him, and miss him, and my sadness spills out onto my friends sometimes. I try so hard not to suck them into my vortex, but I can't help it sometimes. All I can say is that it's a good thing they're forgiving, graceous people. I want to show them how much they mean to me, but I don't know how. Words seem feeble at this point. I fail at emotions and outward expressions of appreciation sometimes...I just want them to know.

+I get a dog in a few short days!!! Praise God indeed. I think the time away will be good for me. I just hope my body can stand up to the training.

+I got a new Bible yesterday in hopes that it will inspire me to read it more. My faith is important to me, and it seems to have been swept under the rug and lost in the pile of emotional dust. I want my relationship with God to be complete, whole, and honest. I know not all of you are Christians, and this is not my atempt to "convert" anyone. I'm just expressing my inner thoughts and feelings from my personal life. So if you see more spiritual entries in the future, feel free to scroll past if need be. I won't be offended. Feel free to comment with opposingviews as well. As long as we all stay civil, there could be very productive conversations that occur.

I can't promise that more glowing entries will be coming soon, but please understand that this season of darkness will not last forever, and I will return to my regularly scheduled, sarcastic, rediculous self.

thank you for putting up with me...all of you

Comments

( 9 Tattoos — Write a Song )
johnmill79
Nov. 15th, 2008 05:17 pm (UTC)
Hugs. I think putting up a good things list is a good idea. Should try to do that myself. I'm glad that you're trying to do what you need so that you feel better.
ncc74302
Nov. 15th, 2008 05:31 pm (UTC)
Hey don't worry about it! We all have our down times, if you went through my journal you'd see I've had my share of it.

The Bible sounds like a good idea. I've admittedly been bad about mine too... need to get back in the Word.

BTW, I found you through Megan :) hope you don't mind me adding you!
____hejira
Nov. 15th, 2008 06:42 pm (UTC)
Of course I don't mind! Hooza for new friends. Thanks for letting me know though. Sometimes people add me and I don't notice because they don't comment.
greyling13
Nov. 17th, 2008 05:21 am (UTC)
Briley, meet Scott. Scott, Briley. Two amazingly cool people I am honored to call my friends. I love you guys!
scriblesnbraile
Nov. 16th, 2008 01:40 am (UTC)
Hi
I've been following your entries in therealljidol for the past few weeks. May I add you?
____hejira
Nov. 16th, 2008 02:26 am (UTC)
Re: Hi
You can certainly add me.
scriblesnbraile
Nov. 16th, 2008 02:43 am (UTC)
Cool, thanks. Good luck in training with your dog, by the way. Will this be your first one?
____hejira
Nov. 16th, 2008 04:42 am (UTC)
No it will be my second. My first retired in July after only three years of work.
tijuanagringo
Nov. 18th, 2008 03:47 am (UTC)
God is. Divine "Being" is a Verb.
( 9 Tattoos — Write a Song )

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