January 10th, 2011

Recital

Second Chance Idol Week 1

Today is Tuesday... Monday... Friday... It doesn't even matter. They all feel the same, running together like blurry words before tired eyes. It is probably January or February. That is when this heavy weight settles into my head and pins me to my bed for weeks at a time. I sleep and read, hardly eat or speak. I don't want to see anyone, but I miss them all, and the irony of this makes perfect sense to my muddled mind.

"Take heart," they tell me, "chin up... It will get better... If you try harder you'll be happy... Think it and it will be so."

My heart is gone, buried under my bedroom floor waiting for the sun's extended stay to return to me. I'd like to see them smile with a heavy head, lost heart, and aching bones. I'd like to see their happy faces move through life in slow motion, desperate for retreat. I'd like to see them think their way out of the prison of their own mind.

This is the valley of the shadow of death...

I pray once again to make it through alive.


This has been my Week 1 entry for Second Chance Idol over at therealljidol
This is a short piece highlighting what it is like to struggle with Seasonal Affective Disorder, a form of depression with which so many of us struggle. I am managing very well this year all things considered, but I wanted to illustrate what it has been like for me in the past in order to provide some insight, and hopefully a little understanding, into such a difficult condition.
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