j*Coff (_____sexmeup) wrote,

i should have been at the homecoming game today cheering for the amazing westborough rangers football team. and right now i should be at the homecoming dance having an awesome time with my girls.

but ... nope. becuase i was too cool for westborough that i had to be sent off to the FUCKING STUPID winch.
yeah i might be getting a good education there but the rest of it is bullshit.. i can't deal with rules at all, and since i have to friggen LIVE there i have to deal with every single rule in the fucking book. and i'm not saying that i dont have rules at home, cause i definently do, but if i wasnt boarding at this school and i could go home everyday i wouldnt have to deal with half the rules, and i would be able to go out on the weekends becuase im doing really well in all my classes. UGH. i'm sorry. i'm just so mad about this. i wanted to spend all my years going to highschool with spic... it's been me & her since 7th grade.. and then BOOM!!! i have to go to a completely different school and i dont ever get to see her. like, what the fuck is that about !? it's so weird, i don't know, we went through alot of shit last year with each other and then we finally got over all of it by the end of the year so we were perfectly fine and everything was like it used to be ... but now i don't even get to go to school with her. same goes with kristina, me and her got pretty close this year, and we practically hung out everyday during the summer. UGH. i hate this so much. i miss all my friends.

the winch isn't making my life any better, and i'm not making any better choices here then i would be at home.. i'm probably making worse decisions, i seriously don't know what the fuck i'm doing with my life. i'm just still really mad about that one weekend, i know i should get over it, well i am over what happened to me, i'm just not over what i did to john becuase i never wanted to hurt him, and i dont know, everythings going to be different now, and i really try not to think about it, and lately i've been doing really well, but now, i dunno, i would be listening to a song or something and it would remind me of him and i and i'll start thinking about him and i'll just get really upset. and there's nothing i can do. LIVE & LEARN!! ugh. yeah, i live, and this is probably the first mistake that i've actually learned something from... this mistake made me realize that i should definently not drink as much as i did, or maybe not even drink at all for a little while, especially if i have boyfriend... i don't know, i fucked up a relationship that was really really important to me, and i don't want to go off and fuck up again. you know?

i'm so mad at myself. i wish i could always just say no!!! .... but, obviously, it never seems that i can. and the worse thing about it, when i'm doing something wrong, i don't think twice about it and i don't worry about getting caught.

yeah, i dunno.

i'm gunna go bake some cookies

xoxox <3yous
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