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[15 Oct 2004|02:01pm]

UGH! k, so LOTS has happened since i last wrote in here.. i don't even remember when that was.. but guess what!? JESSICA FUCKED UP AGAIN!!!!!!! yeah, im not going to go into detail about it becuase parts of it are a bit serious.. and yeah.. i don't want it all to go around. anyways.. i didn't get kicked out of the winch though, my mom decided to pull me from the program becuase i was taking advantage of the freedom and she needs to have me where she can get to me easily and that is at WHS! but im still really uber sad about everything becuase i made some extremely awesome friends up at the winch and i dont know if i'll get to see them again, i'm going to miss them soooo much!!
[ you seriously were one of my best friends, i know after that thing that happened the first weekend everything kind of changed, but i think we're pretty much back to normal, i'll still marry you if we are both single at 26! ]
slim [ i could always count on you to bring a smile to my face no matter how i was feeling. you made me very happy and i'm so glad i got to meet you and become friends with you. we've had some really good times together and i wish i was able to stay at the winch so i could be with you. *sorry* ]
sylvester [haha i remember you didn't want to be friends with me becuase i yelled at you the first time i met you, but then you gave me a second chance and we became pretty good friends. you're such a funny guy and i'm sorry i "lied" to you. it really wasn't a lie, if i didn't have to leave i would have made the lie be true before the end of the year]
taylor [you spend 5 seconds with this girl and you will fucking love her. you're the funniest person i've ever met. we've had some good times from 9-10 - claire when she thought she broke her leg jumping over the rocks and when i came out of the woods straddling that tree. haha mountain day with kassandra when we were all under the blanket to meet stu, you kept missing your mouth whenever you met stu, and that bird was making that insane noise that we kept hearing on the mountain when we met stu with everyone. good times on the mountain! ]

kassandra [i'm so glad i got to say bye to you! we've had so many good times! you're awesome, you were one of my best friends up at winch and you were such a great friend. i'm sorry i had to leave you!! :( i'll never forget when we went with taylor up that really dark road and we thought someone was behind us so we were freaking out and taylor was getting so mad at us because we were making her really scared, and neither of wanted to be walking on the outside so we were like running. i'll never forget when you poured your drink over nicks head, that was priceless. i hope everything works out between you and mitchell! ]

anna [you were the first girl i became friends this year! you are the most confusing girl i've ever met and you're fucking crazy! im gunna miss you and all your john&titus problems and im going to miss living in yours and julees room!! we've had so so sooo many good times! all those times when i made you listen to that one song over and over again and always singing "put it in my mouthhh!!" that time at dinner with sylvester .. 'you like soy saucce!?' haha he got so confused. we've had some really good talks too, always about our stupid little boy problems. :) thanks for everything.]
claire [haha i'll never forget that one time from 9-10 when we smacked heads running into the woods and we had to try and stay completely quiet becuase mrs christienson was out, then we went through 2 korean girls' window when we thought it was the window into laurens' room. oh god. 'it's me .. JESSICA!' you seriously said that 10 times a day. and that time when we went on the trail before my mom came, i had to make up some bullshit story about how we were looking for your hat, you told my mom how you cut your head so i said something about the hat that we were looking for and you ruined everything becuase you were all like 'uh.. what the hell are you talking about?!' hahah ... you're the coolest lesbian i know!  ]
kate [ you're one of the nicest girls i've ever met, thanks so much for being there for me and talking to me after the first weekend thing happened and the monday night thing happened, i really appreciate that ]
chawntell [it was really nice meeting you and playing volleyball with you, and i enjoy having interesting conversations with you online!! haha ]
T.C [ im so glad i met you! we've had some pretty interesting conversations. i'll always remember to wear my pants/shorts a little higher just for you. hahah ohman. and that one time on the OTC with taylor&kassandra and they were talking about that program they went to, we had no idea what they were talking about, and we were getting so confused 'cause they'd bring something up but then be like '... ohhh you guys wouldn't understand that' but then they'd continue talking about it. hehe ]
john kathe [ ahh! you're so insane, i love you! haha when i tried to kiss you. that one time when you were completely fucked and you were mad about anna, everytime you saw me you would hug me and not let go and you tell me all about anna and how i should go and yell at her for making you upset, and then you'd kiss me like you were a french person. but now you and anna are together and you're so cute! i love it!! oh man, you are ridiculous when you're fucked, same with cooney, especially on mountain .. oh my god. you guys were nuts.

cooneyyou and john were awesome. i loved you guys! haha you got mad at me 'cause i drank pretty much all of that shizz even though you had so much more back in your room, and on mountain day.. ohmygod.. you were trying to get down my pants so badly. hahaha. it's okay, 'cause how old am i!? ....... 17!! haha. ]</font>
pat you're fucking hilarious. you&mcgee making movies on mountain day "the winchendon witch project" you would always make up songs and i remember you made me laugh by singing a song about your balls freezing off when i was really upset about johnny :)]
dan [i'll never forget that one time when me and anna were acting all weird and she saw you and yelled "NAIL IT!" we thought it was the funniest thing in the world and you were so confused ]

noah[hahahahahah you're so cool. you fucked that girl and then she was your girlfriend.. even though you knew she was a SLUT, i knew she annoyed you to death! but you were too cool to get rid of her. hahaha it's okay though becuase you're an awesome kid and i would always look forward to the beginning of my math class when you would always come by to see me becuase you just loved me so much! haha mr. christien would always make fun of you because of it. ohmygod. everytime i think of you i just laugh. :) ]</font>
i plan on maybe going up sometime during february vacation to visit them all becuase westborough has different vacas then the winch so they will all still be in school. ...... yeah, so i'm going to miss the winch, even though i completely dreaded it in the beginning.. i'm still gunna miss it. whatever though.. i'm becoming depressed again. too much shit is happening, i know its my fault that all the shit actually happened, but almost every mistake i've made since i've been at the winch has lead to a wayyyy wayy wayyy bigger mistake, which leads to huge problems that i can't deal with. ugh. i have so much to say about what happened that monday, but i can't say it, who ever is reading this would understand so much more if i mentioned it. sorry :o/ .. it has to do with drinking though. you'll find out eventually.. i'll prolly write something about it when everything is hopefully all resolved and done and over with. BLAH!!!!!!!
yeah, this entry was uhm.... interesting.. but whatever i was bored so i decided to write things about people, becuase i like writing about memories becuase i've had some really good memories with these people so i decided to share them, and also, i am awesome! :) hahahaha yeahhhhhhhhhh im going to leave now. xoxoxox


westborough people -- see ya monday !!! :o)

[02 Oct 2004|10:35pm]

on the scales of desire your absence weighs more than someone else's presence
i wanna kiss reason goodbye today, i wanna show its purple essence
on your lips baby, it'll fade away return your natural iridescence

on the scales of desire your absence weighs more than someone else's presence

you make me feel uncalm and i think i like it
make me think of a song that i could not write
your melodies create themselves, i'm just a conduit

you make my heart accelerate and i'm on to it

for you, baby there's so much there's so much that i will do to be near the sweetness on you
funny everything seems so new when with you

[02 Oct 2004|07:52pm]
i should have been at the homecoming game today cheering for the amazing westborough rangers football team. and right now i should be at the homecoming dance having an awesome time with my girls.

but ... nope. becuase i was too cool for westborough that i had to be sent off to the FUCKING STUPID winch.
yeah i might be getting a good education there but the rest of it is bullshit.. i can't deal with rules at all, and since i have to friggen LIVE there i have to deal with every single rule in the fucking book. and i'm not saying that i dont have rules at home, cause i definently do, but if i wasnt boarding at this school and i could go home everyday i wouldnt have to deal with half the rules, and i would be able to go out on the weekends becuase im doing really well in all my classes. UGH. i'm sorry. i'm just so mad about this. i wanted to spend all my years going to highschool with spic... it's been me & her since 7th grade.. and then BOOM!!! i have to go to a completely different school and i dont ever get to see her. like, what the fuck is that about !? it's so weird, i don't know, we went through alot of shit last year with each other and then we finally got over all of it by the end of the year so we were perfectly fine and everything was like it used to be ... but now i don't even get to go to school with her. same goes with kristina, me and her got pretty close this year, and we practically hung out everyday during the summer. UGH. i hate this so much. i miss all my friends.

the winch isn't making my life any better, and i'm not making any better choices here then i would be at home.. i'm probably making worse decisions, i seriously don't know what the fuck i'm doing with my life. i'm just still really mad about that one weekend, i know i should get over it, well i am over what happened to me, i'm just not over what i did to john becuase i never wanted to hurt him, and i dont know, everythings going to be different now, and i really try not to think about it, and lately i've been doing really well, but now, i dunno, i would be listening to a song or something and it would remind me of him and i and i'll start thinking about him and i'll just get really upset. and there's nothing i can do. LIVE & LEARN!! ugh. yeah, i live, and this is probably the first mistake that i've actually learned something from... this mistake made me realize that i should definently not drink as much as i did, or maybe not even drink at all for a little while, especially if i have boyfriend... i don't know, i fucked up a relationship that was really really important to me, and i don't want to go off and fuck up again. you know?

i'm so mad at myself. i wish i could always just say no!!! .... but, obviously, it never seems that i can. and the worse thing about it, when i'm doing something wrong, i don't think twice about it and i don't worry about getting caught.

yeah, i dunno.

i'm gunna go bake some cookies

xoxox <3yous

i can be your sunshineeee [29 Sep 2004|02:28pm]
[ mood | sleeeepy!! ]

i havent updated in a while. so this is what's been going on... i'm at the lovely fucking winch :) and im having an awesome time. no. hah. i've already fucked up.. yeah, the first weekend i was here. WAY TO GO JESSICA!!!!!!! ... yeah, so i have a drinking offense, meaning if i break another rule i'll get kicked out, so i have to be really good. johnnymarsh and i are over... for reasons that wont be mentioned... hmm.. let's just say it was my fault, it was a huge mistake and yeah, im an idiot :) k, so that whole ordeal is really sad. but we are still talking so it's okay. i've been having a very stressful time here after that one saturday night, but things are getting better, and i'm pretty much over what happened that night becuase, well, i obviously can't change what has happened in the past, so i just have to learn from my mistakes. and i'm definently not over little johnny :( mm.. yeah i really fucked up. and i'm so mad at myself becuase i never wanted to hurt him. UGH!!!!!!!! *stupid jessica!!* ... anywho... but i've also had some good times.. i've been chillen with claire and anna alot, and they are bundles of fun. hahahahahah yeahhhhhhhhh! ...... k so i have to go home every weekend for the rest of the year and i have to stay in from 9-10 everynight here and i cant go off campus. so gay. ugh. whatever dude. i've been handling it pretty well, and i havent gotten in trouble for anything else, so i'm all set so far. yeah well im grounded at him for 3 more weekends or something. that's not that bad. and theres only like 28 more weeks of school. hah.. it's actually going by pretty fast. :) blahhhhhhhh there's like 5 more months till my birfdayyyyy! hahahh... and i have to spend it here cause its on a fucking wednesday or something. yeah, gay. but i'll be 16. and my mother is not allowed to change the rules for me, i will kill her if she does becuase its no fair. haha. yeah. IM SO TIRED. this entry is so pointless.. but i'm really bored so i don't care.. haha. mmm... it's almost fridayyyyy! k so i've been doing alright in school, i've only missed a few hw assignments, so thats not so bad, and im passing all my classes except for bio, but thats just becuase i didnt do so well on one of the test, but it was an A- before... so yeah, i'm still doing good. my teachers are all weird. my world history teacher, i swear to god he's a fucking stoner. his eyes are always blood shot, and he talks about bongs and shit. and then my english teacher has seriously NO EMOTIONS.. its so weird, when he laughs he's just like heh, and cracks a half ass smile. my math teacher is pretty cool, he's pretty funny too. and then my art teacher is alright,he's kind of weird too, hahah ohwell. and then there's my bio teacher... ehhhh yeah, she's alright, she kind of smells though. hahahah yeah. anywho... it's pretty boring here. and yeah... it's a little ridiculous, they have such stupid rules. it makes me really mad. ugh ugh ughhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah, i'm not going to go into detail on that subject... maybe later though. haha.. yeah well im seriously about to pass out. so im gunna go do... well, nothing. hahaha yeah

I MISS VICKI AND KRISTINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo <33333333333333333 i love yous

[12 Sep 2004|02:01pm]
actually, fuck it.

i'll just make entries when i come home on the weekends.



I HATE THIS!!!!!!!



[12 Sep 2004|12:26pm]
WICKED GAY!!!!!!!!! the winch can like read all the websites i go to. meaning they can look at my lj, so if i swear or whatever they can like take away my internet access, so i'm making a new lj for the winch that is swear free and what not. hahaha.. yeahh

so my new user name is gunna be x_te_dua_x

it means "i love you" in albanian. hahaha.

[11 Sep 2004|11:08pm]
I'm bored, and this survey actually isn't all that bad.. so enjoy!Collapse )

AGHHHHHH!!!!!!! i leave tomorrow. i'm leaving around three - O - clock. blahhhh de fucking blahhhhhh!! k so kristina came over tonight and we downloaded cheerleading mixes. hahah. then we went to target for a longgggg time!! and we sprayed each other with all this smelly stuff and squirted the shaving cream on the rack thingys (or whatever they are called) so we could smell them, and some dripped on to the floor. ahah. we make messes. then we came home and played cards. and it was fun! and im going to miss her so so so much when i got to the winch :o( same with errrryone else



[11 Sep 2004|03:44pm]

so tell me ... am i wasting my time ! ?



[10 Sep 2004|09:31pm]

ehehehehehehe <3

...atleast I have a boyfriend that calls me "

~ my sister


* you can't be let down..

  ..if you don't expect the world *


uhm. yeahhh! i'm bored and extremely tired. UGH!!!! i want icecream. but i NEED to have JIMMIES! on my icecream .. but i think my dad is all out of them! :o( 

this day has been a complete DRAG!!!!!! ohmygod.  kill me!!!!!!!!! BLAHHH!!!!

lataZ <3 haha

[10 Sep 2004|08:14pm]

yeah. i lied again. things aren't staying the same.

some things have already started to change ..


hmm. let's see how long this one lasts...


anyways. the highschool's first football game is tomorrow!! i really want to go so i can see all the cheer girls do there thing!!!!!!!

ugh. i leave on sunday for the fucking lovely winch.

can't stop, wont stop, VICKI 'N JESS! 'cause we, we get down baby, we get down, the BOYS, the BOYS, they love us, 'cause we stay fresh to death, we the best nothin' less!

hahahaha xoxoxoxoxo i love you girl! <3<3<3<3<3



[10 Sep 2004|10:58am]
wow.. cool, i'm so boredCollapse )

yeahhhhhh boys!!!!!!!! 24 to 27.

:o) :o)

k, i want icecream. <3333

[09 Sep 2004|08:25pm]



i wish i was going to see the

PATRIOTS tonight.

[09 Sep 2004|03:14pm]
awww i <3 kRiStEeNy!!Collapse )

YEAH AND GUESS WHAT................ EVEN MORE HAWT SHITTT!!!!!!!! yeah, bitch!!
you love it. haha and for once, it's not a survey

WOW!! so cool!!Collapse )


[09 Sep 2004|02:03pm]

ew! today was such a stupid day!!! i had to get up at 6:30 (GAY) to go to court (GAYER) and then wait around for like an hour (GAYEST) haha... yeah so nothing bad happened.. i just have to go to some "Stop Lift" thing like one saturday in either november or december, and it's for 6 hours, but after that i'm all set, and the stupid shoplifting thing is erased for my record. and then after that i sat in the car for like 2 hours while my dad was in a meeting. SO MUCH FUN!! i just played solitaire the whole time. so then my dad's like "Hey, how 'bout later you help watch matthew for an hour and a half" and i was like "uhm not thanks im tired and i dont want to at all, i just want to stay at my moms!" and he was like " I DO SO MUCH FOR YOU AND HELP YOU AND YOU CANT DO THIS!?" and i was like "no, sorry" and he was like "FINE, THEN THIS WEEKEND DON'T ASK ME TO LET YOU DO ANYTHING .. blah blah blah" and i was like OH MAH GAWDZ YER SO KEWL!!!!!!!!       anywho .. i have to go up to the winch and move in and all the WICKED FUN STUFF on sunday.

i made a mistake ... for one of the 8 people i met this summer i put down "john" but... it's spelled J - O - N!! so i'm very sorry! i<3u

so the first football game is this saturday. i think i might go. i want to see my girls cheer!!!! xoxoxox <3

OMGz!!! for some reason i was think about latin class last year, and i remembered that time when i just like threw up EVERYWHERE and then when i looked up ERIN and TIFFANIE were huddled together in the corner of the room!!!!!! hahaha, it was so funny&gross!! EEEK!! i miss tiffy and rinny!! 

yeah, so my AWESOME boyfriend definently gave me some wicked gay virus, but he claims that i gave it to him, which is a lie becuase as you know, he is the awesome one. and i dont give people virus' becuase well, i rock!! durr!!


um yeah. IM SO BORED and this stupid pre-set away message keeps popping up for me and its some link thats blah blah blah MY BEST FRIENDS!!!!!!!!! it's so annoying and its that fucking gay virus that Mr. Awesome gave me.

[07 Sep 2004|05:00pm]

I really do love you.



[[ i'm just a huge bitch ]]

and i'm sorry

[07 Sep 2004|11:14am]
survey.. but i deleted some gay questions so its a little diff. from the others. heheCollapse )

[07 Sep 2004|10:23am]

WOW!! just fuckin' wow!!!

you drive me crazy!!!!!!!

why do i put up with this shit!? i shouldn't have to, and i really don't have to, but i do anyways!!!!

and i won't end this little "relationship" becuase that wont make me any happier than i am now.


and you do give me a lot of shit to put up with!! so don't go off saying "well, you make me put up with so much more!" 'cause i don't at all.... the only shit i make you put up with is when i say something about mat or john and that isn't that often, and when ever i do you get so pissed off and blow shit out of proportion. and you get mad at me 'cause i talk to MY BEST FRIEND about you... GET THE FUCK OVER IT!!!!!!!! don't fucking give me all this bullshit about how you don't want her know about what is going on with us, and how it isnt her business... yeah but it's fucking MY business aswell.. so if i want to tell her, i'm ALLOWED to, i don't need your permission. and you get mad at me about the littlest things and i deal with it becuase i'm nice (i guess) well actually you just get mad in general about the littlest things, if you're mad at someone else or something, you'll be rude to me ... but guess what .... I ALWAYS FUCKING PUT UP WITH IT!!!!!!!!

k that's enough of that. i'm going back to sleep or something. i don't know


[06 Sep 2004|06:54pm]


[06 Sep 2004|01:14pm]

AWESOME!!!!! It actually is, believe me!! HahCollapse )

[06 Sep 2004|10:52am]
i don't care. everthings going to stay how it is right now. it's fine, it really is.
i love my little johnny marsh. :o)

fuck joe bowers. i don't even know why i was even thinking about wanting to talk to him or see him. that would have done nothing.

yeah, okay, and fuck all this other shit. i don't want to deal with any of it, so i'm just letting it go 'cause i'm sick of being stressed.

i'm not going to complain about how everything in my life is driving me crazy
this is the end.

so, THE END!!!!!!!!!!!

k.. moving along >>

blah de fucking blah.

i'm waiting for my mom to get home from the hostpital so we can go clothing shopping for school. oh boy oh boy! hm... the wedding singer is on tbs tonight at 9oclock!! yayyay. i <3 that movie. yeah, so i have to move into the winch on the 12th. i don't really know what to expect.. whatever though.

k so last night there was a moth in my room (ew) and it was being super annoying so i found a plastic bag and scooped it up (so then it would suffocate) then i shoved the plastic bag through the whole in my door so it would go in the hallway. hahaha... it's dead now :o)

mmmmmmmm yeah..... LATER!!! xoxo

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