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[30 Apr 2007|03:12pm]
i suppose the time called for change...

please kindly find me @


i will find you too
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[29 Apr 2007|10:00pm]
i'm sorry, i don't have enough outlets, here goes....

i've been in a funk lately when i'm alone. i feel inadequate. i feel like i have to compensate for something that i lack to bring to the table in friendships and the company that i keep. i wasn't a great guitar player so i tried to be cool and thoughtful to the dudes in seasick. stuff like paying for motels on tour, getting people random gifts, paying for food. now i don't see any of them anymore and while i have alot of other shit to spend my time on, i'm slightly more than bitter.

when i try to comprehend the actions and thoughts of some people, my mind becomes cloudy. i'm thinking of specific people, but being extremely vague.

i'm working, making money, having my own experiences. i really need my friends and i don't like it when people turn their back on me. i feel like i'm a pretty nice guy, so is it that some people are just shitty?

today we played frisbee. it was alot of fun but i'm really out of shape. i treated on rita's, they accept check cards now.

austin is going to be interesting. it's going to be a sobering experience to be away from everything i know.

i'm going to read and play guitar. i remember when i was able to spend time alone. i guess after this violently decadent weekend i'll have to get used to my own thoughts again. there's little comfort in always having myself to talk to.

if you read this, please think better of me than i do of myself

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[26 Apr 2007|04:10am]
it's definately 4:09 and i'm not exactly sure what to do about waking up tommorow on time (7:00am) or simply not going to sleep,
but being in my bed now is making the decision a little easier,
i understand that however i feel tommorow, i can crush cold with a solid nap in the afternoon,
tonight makes me glad that i have some good friends to laugh with,
i feel a weight off my chest, talking is good.

ps: i won $50 on scratch-offs today, don't you snakes ask for any money or services, it's alllll mine!
1 comment|post comment

[24 Apr 2007|10:42pm]
i feel weird, like somewhere between tired and reallly fucking tired

i woke up at 7am and drove 78 miles from Ewing to New Castle Delaware, worked for a few hours and split, driving what felt like 14,000 to get home
stopped in new brunswick and met up with some cool cats. we do art and shit. and i had some thinisu.
played softball tonight, went 2 for 4, had a run scored and two rbi's
ate indian leftovers and i'm sleeeeepy

call me sometime, we should be the type of friends that hang out regularly

ps: get married...

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[23 Apr 2007|04:03pm]
so, that weekend drained the shit out of me.

friday, queens, quick day, indian food that night, sleep immediately

saturday, shot my first wedding as first shooter, i'll throw some pics up, tell me what you think, long day, i basically worked for the price of the new flash i bought for my camera, i'm a pushover. whatever. work = 10 hours, night, 6 hours sleep.

sunday, shitty dance school in E. Brunswick, long day, limited pay, whatever! who else maybe $250 on sunday? it kinda sucked, had to work 7 hours. raritan river wall, got there late, camera battery died, whatever yo! got together with friends at night, stayed up too late, had a rough morning. estimated sleep: 4 hours

Monday as of right now, shitty morning commute into Philly compacted by traffic, getting lost and being late. pros: short day, 2 hours, $200 or so, whateevs, came home and crashed quickly.

Working in Delaware tommorow, shoooooot me now!

this entry is as jumbled as my mind right now.

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[20 Apr 2007|05:41pm]
so, i just bought $500+ worth of new photo gear and a new black dress shirt

fucking paydays make me wanna spend $$!!

friends, please get married so i can shoot you
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[18 Apr 2007|11:22pm]
so, today i worked my first day of two back to back in queens. left around 6 am, arrived around 7:15 and had a while to kill. I drew for a bit, came up with another tweaked throwup, listened to some music and waited.

eventually i got thirsty and walk to a little asian convienience store. vitamin water, cross word lotto card and a millionare lotto card. I didn't win, but here is my issue.

my problem is that i don't know when to stop. Now, while I did not spend every dollar in my pocket, I certainly felt the need to play more.

I grossed probably $2000-$2500, so my commission estimates to $400-$500. I spent 30-35 or so dollars on scratch offs. Do I have a problem? Sure. What can I do? Start winning!

how's everybody been?
1 comment|post comment

[16 Apr 2007|08:25pm]
i pretty much hooked myself up with no work for tommorow by convincing the school it would a good idea to cancel because alot of the kids would be absent and i'd have to come back for retakes anyways. small school, easily swayed.

i'm going to stay up as late as possible tonight and catch up on sleep tommorow. i'm going to read and watch dvds. i'm going to sleep on the living room floor as i have been doing for the past two nights. i'm not going to eat for the rest of the night because i believe that i have consumed enough food for at least 36 hours. i'm going to decadently wrap myself in blankets and pillows and start a new book. i'll let you know how it works out.

random thoughts,
the wedding on saturday should be an experience. i'm a bit of a slacker. i have trouble focusing in on completing a task. i am an incredibly jealous person, not of material posessions but attention and other things that are not easily calculated. i like to have fun.

awesome pictures from last nightCollapse )
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[14 Apr 2007|09:46pm]
post script,

is it even worth showering at 10 pm? if I'm going to be up all night, i suppose it would be a good look
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[14 Apr 2007|08:12pm]
i just slept for a little over 5 hours (2:30 - 7:45ish) and i'm pretty sure i've fucked up my schedule pretty bad. that's aright really because i can sleep in a little tommorow and i'm not working on monday. tuesday is in pompton plains and i think after work i'm going to ride back and forth on rt. 280 snapping graffiti flicks. there's alot of new stuff and alot of old stuff that i've never gotten around to flicking.

i met up with seth at the diner last night. he seems to be doing pretty well despite his parents growing older and weaker. he's looking for more work and considering retaking the night shifts at UPS. i swear some people are built of something completely different than what i am. i needz my sleep.

starting tuesday, i've got a full 7 days straight or more of work (not sure about next week yet) complete with a wedding on saturday and my first real dance school on sunday. next weekend is going to be a mess of stress. regardless, i'm making some good paper.

what i came on to write about was "little miss sunshine." what an amazing movie. i guess i'm talked out. and pizza. very good stuff. and friends, they rule too. and provolone cheese subs with the works + hot peppers. i like those alot too.
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[11 Apr 2007|06:49am]
It's before 7am, and i'm awake, you know today must be a work day.

I wish everyone else updated there journal sometime, i feel kinda like a dork,

who read this entry? you've been called out. comment.
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[08 Apr 2007|01:59am]
last night was a fun one. thanks to everyone who came out to kathy's party and made it as dope as it should have been.

as of right now i am enamored with this girl and her beautiful music... Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

additionally i am in love with not thinking about work. i go back on tuesday and the week should be light. i've got money for the week, i am up to date on all my bills. my room is still a mess, but i'm having an intervention with myself on monday. i am discarding or storing everything that does not get used on a weekly basis. maybe a list of 20 things to keep in my room would help. i need to make room for a record player so i can get to listening to some of the vinyl i've acquired. alot of my clothes are washed already, i'm going to donate a bunch. maybe give some t-shirts away. i'm not sure if i'm recording this for you ar for me. i can guarantee that if you're reading this it is only because you have nothing better to do.

my throat is dry, i sang alot of falsetto tonight. i only sing when i'm alone or in good company. i sing alot when i'm alone.

it's occured to me that i currently have no one that i would consider an enemy. definately degrees of friendship. but nobody that i'm really mad at or dislike. that doesn't happen often with me, though i'm not very angry in general. well whatever the case, i feel good
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[02 Apr 2007|11:54am]
consider me someone who hates computers and television but wastes entirely too much time sitting in front of them. I don't know how to simply complete the task and move on.

I've made a mental map for the day and I refuse to set the plans into motion. it should follow like this...

shower, dress, bank, dmv, babas, target, mall, kathys, home

plug food in somewhere and you've got what i will call a productive day off, except it looks wet and shitty outside, like a wet, shitty newspaper falling apart, stuck in some city gutter somewhere, and i'm not going to paint. and I'm fucking sick. probably from the beach on saturday night. not because the jersey shore is the toilet of the northeast coast, because it was cold as fuck. i contemplated swimming that night and surely would have succomb to cardiac arrest.

So the dillema lies, sleep over whatever sickness I have contracted in my musty, dusty, cesspool of a room or battle through, slay dragons and get down with the sickness. Call me up, I want to come over and kiss you and drink from the same glasses and make you sick like me.

no but really, call me up, i wanna hang out. i'll leave my sore throat at the door.
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[01 Apr 2007|10:39pm]
i hear the train at night and think about places that aren't here.

i've got most of the week off and besides the dmv and a day or two if painting, my plans are looking open.

i'm definately going to sleep in.
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[30 Mar 2007|03:21pm]
so, i coming off one the best work weeks i've had in a while and relaxing on the couch at home.

i don't know where my camera charger is and i'm going to need it pretty soon if i ever want to use my camera again.

i've decided that panera is one the greatest food chains available. so good.

softball practice tommorow afternoon, graf show tommorow night, kathy's party on sunday. no plans as of yet for the evening. anyone want to drive to the beach?
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[26 Mar 2007|10:45pm]
today work was dope, i got a smoothie with my lunch, it ruled and re-confirmed my love for smoothies...

i took a jammin nap too, and chilled. then i saw "Reign Over Me." I certainly enjoyed it. I would even recommend it. I'm getting worse with words. Things will get better. I will get better. Going to take out my eyes and play some guitar. good night err body
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he said he said he said he said heee said [21 Mar 2007|10:50pm]
I'm listening to modest mouse and my mother has fallen asleep within minutes of sitting in the living room armchair. She likes Johnny Cash, but not the shitty bootleg live recordings from Portugal. I like them all. I swear i'm ready for sleep but I slept for hours like a baby this afternoon. Today, I worked till 12, road a quad through nearly three feet deep water, soaking my shoes, socks and pants, flicked graffiti on dead bridges and ate a BK Veggie with fries and onion rings. some days it's like i just don't care anymore.

more than anything, I'm very excited to think about the upcoming weekend. Payday on Friday, so I'll have some money again. Dave and Liz come home and we haven't hung out in three months. I'm excited to see them and am pretty souped about next weeks work schedule as well. Three days in Succasauna, one in Hamilton, one in Wherever, Nj. Working near Philly on Friday, staying with Kathy tommorow night.

Good night to all and to all a good night,
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and it goes a little something like this... [20 Mar 2007|02:16am]
so, my past week/weekend has been nothing to scream about but some cool things did happen...

last week, worked in LI, saw movies 300, Black Snake Moan, laying around in underwear, wrapped in comforters, online scrabble decadence.

Friday, trudged home through sleet in a little under 3 hours, hung around, went to eric's to see 300 again but ended up sledding with errbody, had a blast, got real tired, fell asleep comfortably in eric's bed before anyone had left.

Saturday, woke up early, helped the rents, came home, showered, napped, napped, napped, kathy got home and we dilly dallyed a bit, got some great food at her great aunt's house and set off to the burlesque show at Asbury Lanes. Had a good time, met up with Douglass and danced a little, took pictures with some classy dancers... came home pooped and slept on the couch/living room floor.

Sunday, pancake breakfast with kathy and her fam, stopped by to see her dad and fam, came home to see my fam, ate dinner with best girlfriend, new boyfriends, fiancees, sister, newly pregnant sister (i'm going to be an uncle) and the mommas and poppas. Ate lightly, met with friends in rahway, played 360 and watched futurama.

Monday, woke and drove back to long island, sat in traffic, ran my gas tank entirely dry, not exactly sure what fuel source i was relying on, maybe desperation. put $5 in the tank, wrangled up some change, mailed my day's film, came home to some nutella on toast and conked the fuck out. i have been asleep from 4:30 pm through 10:00 pm and from 10:15 pm to 1:30 am that's about 8 hours, but the problem lies with the fact that it's now 2:30am and I don't want to lay in bed anymore. fuck it. I'm going back to sleep. my alarm clock is in my car. I'll be lucky to get up on time. I'm a mess right about now.

See you in the streets when I get out of work...
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[16 Mar 2007|07:27pm]
i spent $550 on hotels aone this week

long island is expensive and i got real spoiled this week

i'm home all next week. sweet
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[13 Mar 2007|12:38am]
i stayed at a real nice place last night, too bad it was only for 6 hours. i don't want to leave late anymore. i also think i got a deal because i showed up at midnight and asked for a 6:30 wakeup call.

how is everyone? livejournal seems kinda dead lately. actually, most of the internet that i visit has been lacking. hopefully everyone is enjoying the wonderful weather we have...

now it's late and i'm going to bed...

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