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krysta [r00ls]

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what i really meant to say [22 Feb 2009|01:30am]



It took my by surprise, When I saw you standing there
Close enough to touch, Breathing the same air
You asked me how I'd been
Am G F
I guess thats when I smiled and said just fine.
Oh but baby I was lying

What I really meant to say
Is I'm dying here inside
And I miss you more each day
Theres not a night I havent cried
And baby here's the truth
I'm still in love with you Yeahhh
That's what I really meant to say


And as you walked away the echo of my words
Cut just like a knife cut so deep it hurt
I held back the tears,
Am G F
Held on to my pride and watched you go
I wonder if youll ever know

What I really meant to say
Is I'm dying here inside
And I miss you more each day
Theres not a night I havent cried
And baby here's the truth
I'm still in love with you


What I really meant to say
Is I'm really not that strong
No matter how I try
Im still holding on
And heres the honest truth
I'm still in love with you Yeahhh
That's what I really meant to say
That's what I really meant to say
That's what I really meant to say

[13 Mar 2007|10:10pm]
no, not now
i will stand on black waters
and i will not let anything
nothing will take me

talk in your fucking whispers
because i can't hear you
your cliche knife of words
doesn't reach as far as you'd like
so flip your hair like it doesn't bother you
in the middle of the night
when dry sweat and guilt take over
while i sleep
and dream of sweet victory

and come tomorrow
we'll just do it again
and the day after and the next
waging this spar of spurs
until we grow up
bitter and betrayed
with less sparkle in our eyes
and more stone in our faces

but thanks for the necklace
i guess for never
i'll miss the paint and the pain
when we used to tell everything
and nothing escaped our reach
the hours and hours
the trust

and now that you're different
now that you throw insults
now that i know i can't
be anyone to you
i can forget your name
and you
you can kick me
punch me
shove me
but you'll never break me.

[13 Mar 2007|06:13pm]
tell me that my name shines
brighter than the sun
and that your lips burn
whenever you say it
tell me that your knees are jelly
that your words are lost
tell me that you've never known love
until right now, right here
no, don't
just keep it tucked somewhere
somewhere in your heart.

[13 Mar 2007|06:11pm]
i'll look at you
and tell you
how beautiful you are
and tall and smart
and that she's just jealous
and you're not just
just a failure
just a wannabe

comfort you
and support you
until your face glows again
like it did a long time ago
before you knew
what makeup was

build you up
as if i could
compare you to blocks
make you feel like
nobody is as wonderful

and you forget me
don't tell me that
i'm tall and smart
or that i have
a way with words
and creative eyes

i smile to keep you happy
not that you ever know
why can't you see
that it isn't just about you
and i'm not just
a fucking shoulder

i know its hard to think
that i'm more than just words
that help you with
all of your shit
i have insecurities too
and my time is never
never ever reciprocated

the hours i spend on the phone
just listening with the
occasional i know how you feel
because i do
even though its always about you
because you never know what to do
you feel those stupid remarks
just wanted you to know
me too.

[13 Mar 2007|06:10pm]
But thanks for telling me jackass
Because you know I couldn’t live with you
Much less without you
And I understand the demand
For the long blonde broad
With the brainless head
But I’m glad you told me when you did
Because at least now I can see you
The you with a snake shaped conscience
But you better watch your fall
Because I’m about to throw a curve ball
Just as much as you cheated
I did it more
And I liked knowing that you’d hurt
Since you did it to me before
Just watch me
I’m so over your fickle actions
This erratic attraction
My Sporadic infraction
Its called tact
But I suppose you don’t have that
As a matter of fact
I doubt you told her about me
I can’t imagine you would have the decency
Then again
You have her wrapped up
In that charming slander
That you call a lover’s drawl
I hope she can add though
Like you missing and new perfume
Is one big catastrophe
She’s amusing
I’m elite
But I swear
Soon you’ll come to me
About how things used to be
And don’t bother
Because just as the lily
Can never see past the trees
I see the way that
You could never really see me.

[13 Mar 2007|06:08pm]
maybe in another reality
maybe if the stars liked me
i see you so close
making any excuse to be near me
i know you're hiding your feelings
it shows
its just that you love her
she was first, she is first
i'll admit that the throbbing in my throat
gets annoying when i know
that it won't go away
and i'll be the first to say
that i could live without the weak ankles
and even though i'm sure
that we'll never ever be anything more
than a few sweet dreams
or the same song on repeat
i'll keep you in my heart
waiting forever
if that's what it takes
maybe you could be my greatest mistake.

[13 Mar 2007|06:06pm]
Waiting for you
To learn how to deal
Label your thoughts
Maybe then I’ll understand

King of hearts
You’re never high
Under spades
Where is your queen?

Waiting for you
To take down that poker face
This isn’t a game
And I’m beginning to lose faith

It has become second nature
Playing my cards
Holding my bluff
Waiting for a change
Waiting for a chance
Waiting for you

[13 Mar 2007|06:06pm]
it so vile
the way that love is
thrown around so casually
in today's society
like a flower been trashed
a sand castle splashed

i want to feel this thing
that songs are made of
that stories are forged from
i want it now

you're right in front of me
and i'm not able to care
can't even take the time
to see you're already mine

please just don't look at me
i hate seeing your soul
when mine is hidden
never translated, never written

i'm trying and trying
to give a little
with my take
make you proud
make you happy
make this right

and i can't say it now
but i swear i'll come through
you'll know when i stutter
i i love you.

[13 Mar 2007|06:04pm]
turn you head around
turn your heart off
we aren't here for that
i can't believe you didn't know

this isn't a mistake
my name's on the list
don't even condescend me
saying this stuff isn't for kids

you thought i was kidding
i was dead serious
i love sautering and drilling.
but you didn't know

because you see
not everything revolves around
you and me
and sometimes i do things
without thinking of you
your reputation too

so don't think i can't be without you
or that i can't think for myself,
following you in everthing you do
since i have my own mind
and this is for myself this time.

[13 Mar 2007|06:04pm]
a moment
to catch my breath
these words i keep inside
they wear me out

two distinct people
in one blurred frame
constantly concealed
finding excuses
wearing them as nooses

sinking into the soft silence
the one that knows the truth
the only one
silence everywhere but in my mind
wheels are always turning
trying to escape

can't bring the thoughts
out of my head
not without help
but i know i'm not crazy
even if no one believes me
i can see the one distinct me

[13 Mar 2007|05:58pm]
this is how you write a poem
you cry and scream and hurt inside
then let it out on paper with ink
saying that you just want to die
you write some pretty words you've always heard
like shimmer or vengeance or heartless romance
question yourself, and everyone else
lie feeble, thinking of somebacks and endings
assumptions and feelings
dream the dreams that aren't you own
just to be something that you know
and crumble from your thoughts into your soul
throw some verbal abuse on the infamous you
and finish it up with a witty line or two
when it's done just make your audience believe
that you never said anything to deceive.

[13 Mar 2007|05:58pm]
just listen
a man steps on a branch
but the branch was a tree
and he's jarred the roots
pulled all the life free
so this young sapling
will never reach the sky
the poor little thing
can never even try

and the man just goes home
to his family of three
and kisses his wife
oblivious of the tree
his kids find him asleep on the couch
they dare wake him up,
he makes not a sound
soon they jump on him
and to their surprise
he stirs with a yell
the littlest cries
on comes the curse
spit without recognition
makes the girls think twice
see the changes in their eyes

and his cycle has started again
he steps on this tree
cannot even see
that he is her mirror
instead of bringing her near
he's pushing away though
they'll follow in fear

watching these young girls die
only a little, only inside
parents unaware of what they do
but then again, the girls are too
they harden and lose
a little of the purity
the innocence

so mothers and fathers
watch your kids
they'll look for their own actions
in whatever you did
don't raise your voice
just give them love
because even if
you only killed the tree by mistake
it was not ever your life to take

[03 Jul 2006|11:09pm]
i know sometimes it seems like
you just can't get away from me.
and i apologize since i
don't mean for it to be like that
and most of the time
its just happy coincidence and
though it brings me to familiar knees,
the sight is sticky and unintentional
making my cheeks radiate;
instructing my heart to beat off key,
faster than electricity.
even your friends notice this
eager fate that brings us
to the same places
the same faces.
i'm growing fast enough to know
this awkward meeting and meeting
isn't without resentment in persuasion
other than my own
but rest assured i'm detached
in the only way i can be:
in determination.
i don't want to be near you
because i don't want to
fall in lust with you all over again.
i'm sorry that this is coming in
so lengthy a way
and that it has more emotion
than i had planned on.
the reason is i don't want to be a girl
sitting near the window,
always looking out
wanting what i don't have.
i still dream dreams.
dreams and pray for release
from your golden charm
i need to leave thoughts of you
somewhere deep and replace them
with a love of porcelain dolls
or violin music.
maybe i'll take up tennis
maybe i'll forget you.
and i'll never surround myself
with what-ifs and regret.
separate the truths
from the ecstacy of fiction
but i still keep hope near reality
that when you see me
i mean really see me
with my dishwater hair
and my filthy nails
and all the imperfections
that my mother calls quirks
you're going to smile
because that's the only thing
that you can remember how to do
since your mind has been captured
by the one you never wanted
but have always needed.
2 pearls|extracted.

misconstrue [20 Feb 2006|09:45am]
[ mood | predatory ]

speaking in english
speaking in english
but you don't understand
the words are long
the words are hard
you don't understand

dialects confuse,
dialects misconstrue
and we won't know
what we can't comprehend
we won't see
so we can pretend

teach the unreachable
reach the unteachable

this language:
it just can't be read
this life:
it just can't be led.

2 pearls|extracted.

tell me [20 Feb 2006|09:44am]
[ mood | listless ]

this is fake
this is wasted
tell me what you want

the education system
a joke
polly want a diploma?



didn't you know?
they only teach lies

in contempt
blame your mother
for the accent

knowledge is power
power is power

corrupt the minds
you can trick them
you can kick them

i won't tell
pinkie swear
i won't tell anyone

you're still too naive
and you'll always be

but i see
that rivers won't become trees
and rings are never free
and i know
that my consience won't ever leave
there is always something more
and i just need to believe

but i suppose
leads to deceit


and [20 Feb 2006|09:37am]
I often think that something isn’t right
Sometimes I see shadows pass by
But that’s when I grit my teeth and close my eyes
I hear condolences but never cries
In visions I see sentiments but no tears
I can’t imagine anyone that cares
But I can feel this shadow
Engulfing my body
Tormenting my mind
I know that something is biding its time
Tangled and distressed
I have not a sense of darkness or of light
Of malice or delight
To think nothing of bliss
To never trust the contentment
Embedded in a circle of adversity
My world, the bars
My life, the shackles
I can’t see the person I need to be
I can’t fulfill what I’ve set out to achieve
And I can feel it passing over me
The ignited desire to deceive
A silhouette shrouded with infidelity
The only friend that I choose to keep
Some days I just listen to it
It needs me to fade
I need it to exist
When I told my mother about all of this
And she told me that I was acting ridiculous
Because she’s a stern woman
But I still suspect that something is amiss
So I always keep an eye behind my back
Just in case

and [20 Feb 2006|09:35am]
because all it takes is just two words
to keep a world from crashing in
yeah, all it takes is one look
to save a world from oblivion.
and its just pretentious the way
we build ourselves past the sky
and yet we still expect
we expect to modest
we expect to be caring
we expect to be human.
we'll never meet our expectations
not by a long shot into space.
and we could rescue ourselves
we could end world hunger,
we could end every war
we could halt the inevitable
we could begin to love.
a simple "no" would suffice
we just get caught up in
the he said she said
lets make them the honorary dictators.
we could put the he's and the she's
we could put them in charge.
he said she said
he said she said lets blow it up
he said she said we'll kill thousands
he said she said we'll never make it out alive
he said she said it wasn't worth it.
the curse rolls steady and strong
and we could keep it going
rolling on and on.
because that's all it takes is the end
yeah, that's all it takes to comprehend.

[17 Feb 2006|09:43am]
[ mood | irritated ]

There’s one like the other
and the other like none
The former is Pisces,
The latter dubbed Leo.
Everyone knows they’re
The new breed of cancer
Saying they speak
Exclusively in answers,
They work in pastels
But dream in oils
They’ll find fortune
If time will allow.
They spend their minutes
As philanthropists
Their hours as bankers.
Independent and ardent
Who would endeavor to bet against
A couple of mere lads
From the wild wilted west?
“Not a gentlemen” exclaim the women,
“Not a politician!” reply the men.
Inseparable like teenage girls
Blunt like children
They make they’re millions
In the everyday give and take
Nothing in their heads
Except to make it
Anyway they can.
“In John we trust”
The penniless peddler
That they left in the dust
But the dust settles
Because wild wild westerns
Never end without a moral
Pisces done acquired himself a revolver
It’s a business and a business nevertheless
And one businessman has just
Been pronounced dead.
People are fickle creatures
From man to minister
A money transference
And the eulogy read
“But who could have expected
This sudden occurrence?”
“Not a gentleman” say the women,
“Not a politician” reply the men.


and [08 Feb 2006|09:38am]
In loving memory of my best friend:
Don’t worry, she’s not really dead.
She could always be quoted saying:
“Everything is too real
And nothing has enough fake.”
And she was always dramtic,
constantly suffering from
a chronic ache.
She’s broken every body part:
She broke an arm,
She broke a heart.
She dreamt of height
She yearned to explore
And just like me
She wanted to soar,
The professionals tore her down
Questioned her every rapport

“But didn’t you know girl?
Only angels and lawyers
Know how to fly.
And life isn’t living
If you don’t know how to reply.
Work on your speech.
Get rid of that stutter.
Just please, try to act
A little more like your mother.
Burn your diary.
Burn your books.
And don’t you throw
Any ungrateful looks
We made you what you are
And soon you’re going to be a star”

Now her hair matches her eyes
Practically dead and
awfully fried.
Her nails are coordinated
With her purse,
And she starts to record all of
Her thoughts in verse.
And she thinks she’s a poet
Because she can rhyme time and dime
But she is a poet because she
drinks green tea
and her favorite scents are
rosemary and thyme.
she likes to hide in her dreams
she likes to smile with her teeth.
This is in loving memory of my best friend.
Sometimes she wishes she were dead.

[02 Feb 2006|09:39am]
it exists in plurals
thrives in shadow
and make no mistake
it consumes you
the part of you
that needs to fail

it will grow and prosper
inside of your veins
and just let it
blind your judgement
until you tremble with guilt
until you shiver in fear

let it
eat you
let it
mislead you
complete you

it triggers the slander
and the officials
because eyes speak
louder than words
because attractions
cause distractions



call it a icy breeze on a hot day
call it ball and chain

call it a monster mash
or a heart attack

but i
i'll call it

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