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  • Current Mood

This is what you do to me.

I hate her.
&& him. I do, I hate you.
What is so bad about me?

You even called her a whore to my face, and yet you still walk with her and treat her like she is the best thing.
& you pretty much ignore me?
Im not the whore.
Maybe thats what you want.
Maybe I should sleep with every guy around, Then would you want me?
Would you?
Well, im sorry that I am not like that.
Im sorry that I dont carry Stds and have sex here and there.

But fuck, I still like you.
Im going to have to get over you, Somehow.

This weekend is going to be great.
I am going to be meeting someone up @ Beatniks.
And they are going to turn my week around for alittle.
This is the guy I liked before I ever thought about you.
This is the guy who will help me get over you, Atleast for a few days.
&& you know why?
Because he is better than you.

He wont pretend like he likes me, and then never talk to me.
He wont call someone a whore, and then hang all over them, right in front of me.
I dont even see him that often at all, but guess what, Hes tries alittle bit more.

& that little whore,
Go ahead, do whatever you want with her.
Get those diseases, spread them baby.
I dont care.
I built my self-esteem enough to say this,
Just know that Im ten times better then that skank will ever be, and that your missing out on a whole lot darlin.
Maybe I can build up more esteem to say it to your face.
I will.
one day.

But what did I do.
I know.
I changed.
When I find out that I like someone, I act different around them.
Thats what I did with you, and i did it with Dakota.
When we saw eachother at beatniks the first couple of times, I was myself.
& The way you acted was as if you liked me.
You tried to make me kiss you.
& then I found out I liked you.
& now look.
I could hurt myself.
What is wrong with me.
I hate myself now, I really do.
You have made me realize how much of an idiot I am.
How stupid I am.
How stupid I LOOK.
I am myself, And I cant change.
But I want to.
I want to change the way I act in front of the guy I like.
In front of you.

But we cant all get what we want.
Well, I know I cant.
And thanks again for making me realize it.
I hate you.
I like you.
  • Current Mood
    crushed crushed

My notes are old.

So I cant do this.
I have put myself out there.
I have played hard to get.
And what it all comes down to
Is me falling to the ground.
There is nothing left,
Nothing left that I can do.
I really want him
But he doesnt want me too.
He sees me as nothing.
Just a girl I guess.
And ordinary girl
Nothing special about her,
And I guess thats what I am now
no one has changed me.
I was special one time, maybe.
But now thats all gone,
All I have is sorrow
for what I see that I cant have.
So all of you were right
who said I couldnt get it.

I didnt
And I never will.
But thanks for believing in me.
thanks Misery
for being my friend
for keeping me company.
I dont see why I still want him
Even though it makes me cry.
He is something special
in my eyes he really is.
What is wrong with me.
my name doesnt stand out in the crowd.
who am I kidding.
Alex stands for stupid.
Im just an Idiot.
Im just an Idiot.

By the way
Can you slow down
and be less hurtful.
Im getting really tired of this.
And one more thing..
Can you tell cupid to
come get his arrow
out of my back.
Oh wait.
Thats not an arrow.
I dont like backstabbers.
But thanks anyways.
Tell cupid not to even try.
Its not like he will anyways.
He never did for me.

-Alexxxx. Feb.12.06
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed

(no subject)

hey this is me, pay attention::
nameAlexxxx. Spell it right.
birthdayJanuary 12, 1991
hairNaturally brown. Black now.
ancestorsAre italian && polish.
weaknessThis one kid named Andrew :X
what makes me happyAlaina && my family.
other activitiesdancing, acting, && singing.
what makes me sadMy dad.
one word to describe myselfWeird.
do i...?
sing/play an instrumentsing. Piano && French horn.
loveI dont want to.
listento music.
pay attentionTo my friends.
like the rainLove.
believe in myselfIn some things.
want to get marriedSome day, not any time soon.
like schoolNot really.
place livingin a house.
musicNo music on right now. Just TV.
word/phrasepotatoe. && anus.
bookTo Kill a Mockingbird.
food/candyRamen noodles.
movieFiddler on the Roof.
songNo favorite.
do i believe
in magicNo.
in miraclesNever.
in myselfNope.
in othersIn my mom, && Alaina.
that music is powerfulAlittle.
that someone can change by themselvesYes.
that the world will change
in GodI dont know.
these are a few of my favorite things...
actor/actressActor::Ryan reynolds. Actress::Nicole Kidman?
book/storySeries of Unfortunate Events.
item i ownMy laptop.
song/cdNo favorite.

  • Current Mood
    tired tired