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howling at the moon

allie ali ally
16 September 1988
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Twenty-Two. Navajo. Landscape Architecture Student. Virgo (September 16). INTJ.

       Frightening, isn't it? ^ Yes, well that's just how it is. I'm not complicated, but I have a need for thouroughness and details that would make it seem so. I would like to have the consistency autobiographies call for, but I change my mind too frequently for such things. I guarantee that even this small area will change continuously - if not to nitpick at its content or punctuation then to make the paragraphs appear more balanced because I am ridiculous for those sorts of things.

        I don't care all that much for small talk and have no natural talent for it. I'm condescending and sarcastic when people mistake my niceties for something they might gain the upper hand with or when you're boring. When I do get a hold of good conversation I speak quickly, involving my arms, diagrams, and tell three stories at once. I can be rather frank and enjoy other people's frankness. I know a sincere person when I see one and value them greatly. I'd say my most obvious scruple is personal relationships. I wouldn't go so far as to say I don't care for them, but I don't devote a lot of time to them. I have good friends and see them perhaps, once a month in person? I do have a lot of . . . single serving friends and semester friends. I'm almost always doing homework or reading or dancing wildly. I'm terrible at making plans - I like spur of the moment, midnight, or day-of sort of things. I'm difficult (if not impossible) to keep. I keep you, but I am not kept - you will not be fooled.

        I am landscape architectural student at ASU. My hair and sleep patterns have not entirely been normal since I've started. Hmm.

        I'm enthusiastic about everything. I am an observer. I change subject without notice. I can't tell a short story. I'm always moving my leg or tapping my foot or drumming my fingers - this is especially obvious after having been in a car with me. I am really restless, very fidgety, and a sleuth when it comes to learning who you are. I have a loud laugh for being so soft spoken. I like taking care of other people's health. I like classic novels. I love to examine hands and handwriting and you'll think I'm strange. I watch Avatar: The Last Airbender, Batman Beyond, and House. I like Sherlock Homes, Bruce Wayne, and Eugenio Recuenco for his style. I hate long flights. I want to rob a bank. I read big useless books and enjoy them greatly. I read around four at a time and carry at least two in my purse. I hate reality TV and celebrity magazines and when people cry. Google says I am a Thinker and that I've been doing drag for five years.

. . . beauty, independence, knowledge, growth, honor, creativity, but above all things I seek WISDOM and -

sin•cer•i•ty sin-ser-i-tee

       –noun, plural -ties. freedom from deceit, hypocrisy, or duplicity; probity in intention or in communicating; earnestness.

       "Tell me one last thing," said Harry. "Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?"
       Dumbledore beamed at him, and his voice sounded loud and strong in Harry's ears even though the bright mist was descending again, obscuring his figure.
       "Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"


       "Who am I? I am who I say I am and tomorrow someone else entirely. You are too nostalgic, you want memory to secure you, console you. The past is a bore. What matters is only oneself and what one creates from what one has learned. Imagination uses what it needs and discards the rest -- where you want to erect a museum. Don't hoard the past, Astrid. Don't cherish anything. Burn it. The artist is the phoenix who burns to emerge."

LARRY: Well put me out of my misery. Do you desire me, because I'm being pretty fucking honest about my feelings for you?
ALICE: Your feelings?
LARRY: Whatever.
ALICE: No, I don't desire you.
LARRY: Thank you. Thank you sincerely for your honesty.
LARRY: You think you haven't given anything of yourselves. You think because you don't love us or desire us or even like us, you think you've won.
ALICE: It's not a war.

       "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
       "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
       "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
       "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."