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[kaleidoscope of colors - 2004] [22 Jul 2004|03:47pm] kaleidoscope of colors colors shifting through my heart heart full of things left unspoken unspoken words echo echo through the years years are now what separate separate the two of us kaleidoscope of colors colors paint the sky sky blackened with tears tears drown the love for you you are no longer in my heart heart sifting the colors colors of pain are discarded discarded like the two of us kaleidoscope of colors colors of dark and light light my path and guide my step step through the door door separating the two of us kaleidoscope of colors colors telling me to love you you are no longer a part of me me and you -- no longer the two of us kaleidoscope of colors 1 rainy night // cry your eyes to sleep

[untitled - 2004] [22 Jul 2004|03:28pm] darkness creeping all around blood flowing from my wrists pain sweeping through my body knife lying on the ground I feel so cold I feel so weak I never thought you could hurt me not this much I thought I was stronger I thought I could fight but in the end I guess it doesn't matter you're stronger than I you'll ignore the pain you won't notice when I'm gone you won't feel a thing you'll continue your worthless life and I will be gone nothing more than dust a silent memory lasting less than a second you won't realize you loved me and that you could have saved me you won't realize you killed me you wouldn't care anyway damn you. cry your eyes to sleep

[invisible - 2004] [22 Jul 2004|03:23pm] even though I know I'm invisible to you I can't help but to wonder what if you could see me? what if I did exist? would you care for me or would you wish me invisible? I know I'm not the best I know I'm not your first choice but I wish you would glance just glance in my direction if you could see me would you wish me invisible? I could take you in my arms I could soothe your fears I could end your pain I could end your tears don't you see me? I'm giving you my love don't you hear me? Im shouting it! I love you! do you not hear me? do you not see me? or maybe you do see me but you are wishing me invisible is that it? do you see me? I can see you I see your heart I see your dreams I see your hopes I know you don't care for her do you care for me? could you ever care for me? I love you I wish you would see you've never been invisible to me cry your eyes to sleep

[untitled - 2004] [22 Jul 2004|03:20pm] one of these days life will come back to haunt you to hurt you to make you bleed you won't want to be alive you'll only want to die to curl up and cry to curl up and die I don't think I'll feel pity I don't think I'll cry your death will mean nothing to me nothing that's all you've ever been to me that's all you ever were nothing I never loved you I couldn't even pretend I knew you wanted me to but I just couldn't you are nothing to me cry your eyes to sleep

[falls apart - 2004] [13 Jul 2004|08:49pm] shouted silence empty dreams my only wish falls apart desolate rooms groaning earth my only love falls apart crying hearts clouded sight my only dream falls apart bleeding heart undying death all of me falls apart cry your eyes to sleep

[untitled - 2004] [13 Jul 2004|08:48pm] tears form behind my eyes eyes that have seen too much much has happened to me since then then you came back back into my heart heart has fallen to pieces pieces scattered on the floor floor falls from beneath my feet feet stumbling and falling falling so hard for you you will never know. cry your eyes to sleep

[untitled - 2004] [13 Jul 2004|08:47pm] I'm lying here writing to you wishing you were here praying you'll hear my words I'm looking at your picture tracing your lovely features hoping someday you'll know seeing your smiles aren't meant for me I'm loving you cherishing our inkling of a relationship realizing that I'm not who you want crying because I know I never will be but I'm loving you anyway cry your eyes to sleep

[for that i hate you - 2004] [13 Jul 2004|08:47pm] I saw your face last night for the first time in months I couldn't help but smile when you appeared but you didn't even speak to me you weren't there for me you were there for her only for her you don't care about me at all and for that I hate you but I'm addicted to you I need you and that is why I love you but you make me sick you don't love me hell, you probably don't like me let alone know me so you ignore me and for that I hate you but all at the same time I see your smile and I can't help but to fall in love and for that I hate you cry your eyes to sleep

[i'm sorry mom - 2003 - for mom] [09 Jul 2004|08:56pm] I'm sorry Mom I know I'm not the daughter You dreamed of having This isn't your fault I promise I should be stronger I shouldn't cry I shouldn't hate her I know that But it's so hard to love her She thinks she's better Just because she's older I know I shouldn't blame her It's my fault I'm the way I am Maybe you'd like it more If I were gone Do you think you would? I don't blame you if you do I don't like me either But maybe I should stay Maybe I am a good daughter Maybe you love me the way I am I'm scared, though, Mom I feel like you're going to leave I couldn't take that I know I shouldn't be so selfish But it's because I love you, Mom I love you cry your eyes to sleep

[don't want you there - 2003] [09 Jul 2004|08:56pm] When I find someone I don't want you there When I fall in love I don't want you there When my heart is broken I don't want you there When it heals I don't want you there When I am engaged I don't want you there When I get married I don't want you there When I am pregnant I don't want you there When I give birth I don't want you there When I get sick I don't want you there When I die I don't want you there If you went through what I do You wouldn't want me there cry your eyes to sleep

[don't think i do - 2003] [09 Jul 2004|08:55pm] Crying again Twisted agony Do you like to see me cry? Is there a corner of you That enjoys to torture? You think you're so cool You think you're better You think everyone loves you Well . . . I don't think I do cry your eyes to sleep

[kill me - 2003] [09 Jul 2004|08:54pm] Sometimes I wish I could die Right now is one of those times I don't like this life I live I don't want it I want to be rid of it You try to take my friends You can have them I don't deserve them You try to be like me You can be me I don't want this job It doesn't end The pain suffocates me But it doesn't let me die I don't want to take my life Will you do it for me? It would be like any other time You hit me Just do it What can I do to get you angry? Get you to hurt me Get you to suffocate me Just a little more I know you want to do it I know you hate me But if you hate me Why can't you just kill me? cry your eyes to sleep

[for my mom - 2002 - for mom] [09 Jul 2004|08:54pm] I look at your face Full of sadness Forlorn Are you missing something? Did you lose something? I look at your eyes Full of unshed tears You refuse to let them fall You make yourself Be strong I look at your heart So full of love Spilling into our hands Wash the sadness away Let the tears fall So that you can breathe A loving husband Six children Two trusting cats What you said you wanted Are you happy? Is it a true happiness? This is the life You said you wanted Isn't it? cry your eyes to sleep

[i am - 2002] [09 Jul 2004|08:53pm] I am What am I? I am all that you fear I am What am I? I am the demons The demons that you're hiding from Running from I am What am I? I am what I am Please don't run Please don't hide I am What am I? I am what I am And always will be I am What am I? I am me Nothing more Nothing less I am me I am What am I? 1 rainy night // cry your eyes to sleep

[a shooting star - 2002] [09 Jul 2004|08:52pm] look there look now do you see it? over there moving now can you catch it? flying away from there so fast now will you make a wish? for even all the wishes there will disappear now can you feel it? look there look now do you see it? cry your eyes to sleep

[be me - 2002] [09 Jul 2004|08:51pm] What would I give If I could finally Be me? What would I pay For one day allowed to Be me? Anything, anything! I will give you anything If you would only Let me breathe. I so desperately need to Be me I cannot live All of my life Being this Dark shell of nothingness. What would I give If I could finally Be me? cry your eyes to sleep

[and then you said goodbye - 2002] [09 Jul 2004|08:50pm] They were together so long Happy friends, one hoping for more Never letting out her love But praying for his heart He told her he was leaving soon Going out of state She couldn't go with him She still had things to do After one year he left her Left her crying for his love But he was no longer close Not close enough to tell Too far away to hold She never got the chance to say What I need to say to you Finally I was ready Finally I could tell you And then you said goodbye cry your eyes to sleep

[let me breathe - 2002] [09 Jul 2004|08:49pm] There's nothing I can do To bring you back You've left me alone here Bound and broken in the cold Let me breathe There's nothing I can say To bring you home You left me in the dark Lying among the brush Let me breathe There's no tears I can cry To bring you by my side You went away, so far away I'm torn up inside and out Let me breathe There's nothing in the world I can give to bring you back There's no reason to live each day But I'm tied to my existence here And I don't want to breathe cry your eyes to sleep

[forever in my hold - 2002] [09 Jul 2004|08:49pm] I offer you forever Forever in my hold I offer you darkness Darkness in my grasp I offer you eternity Eternity with me I offer you my strength Strength to fight your weakness I offer you everything Everything I can give That only I can give Take my hand and follow me Into the darkness Into the blissful darkness We shall live an eternity Eternity forever Do you accept my offer My offer of darkness To live forever Forever in my hold cry your eyes to sleep

[tossing and turning - 2002] [09 Jul 2004|08:48pm] Tossing and turning All alone in my bed Glorious thoughts of you Running through my head Tossing and turning Without you by my side Missing you with all of me Needing you inside Tossing and turning Crying a thousand tears Crimson as my flowing blood Engulfing me in fears Tossing and turning No one here to comfort me No warming caresses Nothing how it should be Tossing and turning I endlessly live Never forgetting your smile Or all the love you had to give cry your eyes to sleep

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