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Kayla Mariel [entries|friends|calendar]
Kayla Mariel

when i watch you
wanna do you
right where you're standing
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[06 Jan 2008|04:59pm]
i'm deleting this to start anew.

kayla_mariel

add that oneeeee
(slash) red cat

SUNDAY NIGHTS PARTY [14 Oct 2006|10:23am]
There are some things that need to be addressed.

First and foremost.
Whoever thought that it was cool to say that they respected me and then steal money from my family should know that they are a piece of shit.
I want the forty dollars back.
It was for lunch for my two sisters for the week and its unfair that you took it.
And now I have to take money out of my own account to compensate for what was stolen.
It might acutally be more than 40$.

Secondly.
When you saw that I wasnt home.
That was your cue to LEAVE.
There were no people there that were adults.
If anything had happened...I cannot imagine how it would have been dealt with.

I have the right to be mad at my 14 year old sister for getting drunk and not handling the situation properly.
In my opinion she's too young.
However, I spoke to her like an adult and I handled the situation like an adult would, because I am an adult.
My sister and I have an understanding as to why what she did was stupid and irresponsible.
I am responsible for my family while my parents are away and she went behind my back and made it impossible for me to do what I'm supposed to.

I am not accusing anyone and I'm sorry that you are all busy getting drunk and cannot realize that I have the right to feel disrespected.

It surprises me that you can look at my sister and say you like me/know me/respect me...
and do some of the things that went on here.

My neighbor is a cop.
He was home.
Had he caught my sister with people over and she was shitfaced.
My parents could have gotten in serious trouble.
They are in Las Vegas, it would have killed me to have them come home to deal with teenagers who have no respect for their home and property.

Next time my sister calls you up and she's drunk, dont bring people with you to "help her".
But, there wont be a next time. At least with out me around.

yellow cat
(slash) red cat

[12 Sep 2006|12:44pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I want to change some of the things about me.

1. I want to learn how to manage me emotions better.
2. I want to learn how to manage my stress level, so that i dont always seem mad.
3. I dont want to stop being my awkward self, but I want to learn how to express myself because this awkwardness paralyzes me and I can't communicate what it wrong with me or why something makes me feel this way or that way.
4. I want to change how I communicate with people. I want to learn how to listen to what people say before I jump down their throat.

That's all I can think of for now.
Plus, I have class.


yellow cat
(slash) red cat

SUMMER 06! [18 Aug 2006|02:10pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

My summer was one for realization.
I realized that some people just cannot be trusted.
Some people will stab you in the back.
There are always people that will not like you no matter how much you like them.
And there are people who will never realize how much you love them and how much you are willing to do for them.
They will always remember the bad things and never the good.
They will think of the worst things about you, and not the best.
And they will find a way to ruin a friendship you tried so hard to build.
And they will blame you for it's downfall.
I cannot change that.
I did my best and you can believe it or dismiss it.

I realized that the best friends are the ones you would never expect.
The ones that maybe you dont know as well.
I can never repay them for the confidence they have given me and the love they have shared.
Olena, Rachel, Jess, Julie, Jessie.
I couldnt thank those girls enough for all they have done.
They are they only girls I can picture spending time with.
They are they only girls who dont act like gossipy girls.
I love you ladies.

I love my life right now.
I think I've finally found a comfortable place.

I have soooo many pictures. and a few videos.
Caution: OVERLOAD, and not all sized.
SUMMER 06 beginning to Collapse )

(slash) red cat

blahhh [18 Jun 2006|12:49am]
[ mood | content ]

So.
I sleep till one everyday.
Except when I get up earlier for whatever reason.

I leave for Maine the 25th for the rest of the summer.
I am not home for an extended period of time until...Thanksgiving? X-mas?
I'm really sad to be leaving home and my friends.
REALLY SAD.
But college will be really good for me.
I'm ready to start my...life.



I spend my time with the best of people.
Olena is probably the best friend a girl could ask for, no drama, no maintenance.
She just likes doin it.
We like to do it.
AKA, go shopping and laugh at eachother.
I'm going to die being 2 hours away from her.
But...WEEKENDS BABY.


Therefore I Am monday.
dance rehearsals tuesday-thursday
maine friday for my first CFY show!
dance recital (BACK IN m-boro) saturday
MAINE again for the summer sunday and Therefore I Am in Maine,
hopefully...the show will not be cancelled.

This summer is going to either be all work and little play...
or an equal amount of both.
I am hoping for door number 2.

(slash) red cat

PICTURES [31 May 2006|12:46pm]
[ mood | content ]

I spent the evening with Olena.
I sexified her new hair do.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

LOVECollapse )


Grad rehearsal this morning was lame.
But I felt exhilerated to be having one.

Grad Party Saturday, so far 87 people have RSVPed.
I'm expecting close to 100.
My mother is INSANE.

Prom FRIDAY!
Pete is going to be the best date ever.
I have a dress and shoes and jewelry.
I have a hair appointment.
But I need a nail appointment.
DAMN.


James thursday..tomorrow?
i never see him besides shows.
i think i may be missing out on a potential good friendship.
James reads this...sometimes.
I'm not to cool for James.

I'm so excited to get my camera.
Nikon Coolpix L1.
a guy that worked at Ritz camera for 5 years said that Nikons were the least sent out camera for repair.
Canon was one of the top 2.
and he recommended me the L1 before I even asked about it.
My mind is made up.

(slash) red cat

[19 May 2006|09:10pm]
i have to take my monroe out to work.
i havent decided what im going to do yet.

yellow cat
(slash) red cat

i cannot sleep. damn starbucks. [29 Mar 2006|10:59pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

I am so emotional right now.
These thoughts and statements are in no way cohesive.


I am so comfortable with, and yet so scared of, myself.

I feel like telling people my deepest feelings, only makes me more distant from them.
They can't possibly understand. And, I don't expect them to.

I know that at this point in my life, I am finally ready for boys.
They may be confusing and all the other adjectives that come along with the male species, but at the same time...I know that now, more than ever, I understand where they are coming from.

I am emotionally a wreck. But as much as I am a wreck, I am emotionally mature.


I am still so scared of what is going to happen when I finally fall in love.
Whether it be a boyfriend, or a true friend.
What happens? Are they going to get sick of me and move on?
If I change, will they decide it's automatically for the worse?

I need a true companion.
Someone to challenge me.
Challenge me physically, to make me stronger.
Emotionally, to make me stronger, to understand others' emotions.
Intellectually, to debate with me.
Psychologicall, to make me stronger...

I feel like I cannot challenge myself forever.
I cannot hide from what I am scared to try.

I am not shy.
God knows I'm loud and obnoxious.

But I need a balance.

I go to shows to meet people..to be social.
To hear new music also..but I love the people.
But i get so socailly afraid.
Who here is going to hurt me?
It's an automatic thought.

I am scared to trust.
I am scared to make mistakes.

I have great self esteem.
I know I cannot change me.
I know...this is the way i talk, walk, dance, dress, speak, style...I get it.
But I also know that not everyone understands me, or likes me.
I dont want to be misunderstood, or disliked.
Because I always want to know why.
I dont want to be the outsider.
I want a zillion aquaintances and awesome phone numbers to call.

But...
I love my friends.
They all add a little bit to me, that i cannot find in myself.

Leeah-
you challenge me to find and experience new things.
this is because you persevere through any and all things thown your way.

Olena-
you have the kindest smile.
you are accepting and generous.

Rachel-
no one could ever be as independent as you.
i cant even fathom how you stay afloat sometimes.

Julie and J-Lee-
even though this is a new friendship,
i have already learned how to let loose.
you bring out my true care free attitude and my want to be crazy.

SRD!-
i just feel blessed to be loved by two wonderful girls.
you are some of the best people to enter my life,
you accept me and you wouldnt have me any other way.

Bobby-
you fight me,
you make me so angry.
But i love you nonetheless.


Alex-
you have made me realize so many good things about myself.
i probably wouldnt feel this self esteem with out your guidance and honesty.
i love and miss you!







wow.
so after i just wrote my goodbyes...

haha honestly.
i love you all dearly.




















i just need to get out.
i need to find my way.
i need to comprehend what it is that i search for.
this void is almost painful.


i know there is so much more that i am feeling.
but its just so .... unexplainable.
and i cant write what i cannot explain,
i still have alot of people to meet.
i still have more heart to be broken before it's mended.
i still have more self actualization that needs to be done.

i need to start living.
so that i can get the reward.

WHERE ARE YOU?


yellow cat
(slash) red cat

[27 Mar 2006|09:34pm]
[ mood | amused ]

so life is busy.
school is drawing near it's close.
i couldnt be more excited.
i couldnt have better new friends, or better old ones.

Image hosting by Photobucket

Image hosting by Photobucket

better extension photosCollapse )

yellow cat
(slash) red cat

[27 Jan 2006|12:54pm]
my iPod has gone missing. it was stolen today. my life has ended.
Image hosting by Photobucket




















































[edit] it has been returned!
(slash) red cat

a public post because i want EVERYONE to see this. [24 May 2005|07:59pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

and in this moment i am happy, happyCollapse )

i love those girls with all of my fucking heart and and all of the blood in my body.
honestly.
nobody knows how much i love them. not one person.
i don't even think that they know how much they mean to me.

i wish you were hereCollapse )

and that chick is the most amazing soul.
she is an old soul. way before her time.
and her and i are gonna be together forever

yellow cat
(slash) red cat

[29 Nov 2004|05:13pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com





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thanks katie for journal inspiration, and codes! haha

<3

yellow cat
(slash) red cat

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