what i do

i loathe and despise myself because i'm moody and mopey...because scott hasn't talked to me today. well he has...but it was pretty dismissive...unlike the way we have been talking lately. i hate that i'm being like this...because i knew it would happen. dear god, why can't i get over him? he's worthless, manipulative, and not a good person. good people don't cheat on their girlfriends. technically he didn't, at least not with me, but he wanted to, and really didn't feel guilty about it. suck.

and i haven't talked to mat in 3 days. first off, i hope everything's ok...but if it's not that's no reason to return my phone calls. i know that things are pretty much winding down between us and that's fine, because i'm over it and it doesn't hurt or anything. but he should at least call so we can talk about it and end things maturely, and not like juvenile high school kids. again...i should've known.

after everything that happens to me...the only thing i can ever do is ask, 'why?' if i were a more pro-active person i would do something about it and change the way things in my life happen. but instead all i can do is sit back and let things run without having a say in it. it's a terrible personality flaw.

well it's late, and i really need to go to bed now.