i get the feeling that if i were to see scott be around this girl i would get extremely upset. i keep having these confessionals with him, but lately it's more and more obvious to me that the little tidbits of his attention that he throws me are just not good enough. i've been thinking of giving him an ultimatum...either her or me. and i know without a doubt who he would choose. so that would basically force him to tell me that he doesn't like me enough. maybe that's what i need to hear. every time i talk to him i usually feel better, but within days i start to have that sinking feeling that i'm not gonna get what i want with him. i also get the feeling that he thinks i'm just here...waiting for him. as if i'm just waiting to jump into his open arms. that's not necessarily the case...i have my own shit to deal with. i'm still getting over a broken heart, and honestly, i don't know if i'm ready to start something with someone who hurt me so badly.

i'm just fooling myself. i know if he said tonight, "amanda, i want to date you," i'd jump on that. well, no i wouldn't. i'd try to make him understand exactly how much he's hurt me.