whew...thank GOD for kim, or else last night i would've imed scott and gone off the deep end. i felt like a pressure cooker, just gradually getting hotter and slowly compressing. i needed to let it all out.

i was so irate. i had so much negative energy in me, even water aerobics didn't make me feel better. it just made me feel more tired. so luckily she came in just in the nick of time, right before i imed scott and i was able to rage and vent to her. it was not a pretty sight, but i don't think i had done that in such a way in a very long time. i'm so glad that i did it to her, and not to scott because me totally losing it and turning into a psycho bitch would not be the best thing lol. i still know exactly how i feel and i feel like i'm still able to tell him how he's made me feel, which is a good thing, so if he ever ims me i'll be able to stand up for myself finally. i'm going to tell him not to bash himself because a) it lets him feel better about himself, and b) it makes me feel guilty. so it's my turn to tell him the way it is. and that's that.