Cobwebs and Strange

wastingthedawn_ @ 2006-01-16T16:56:00

2006-01-16T14:56:54Z

sorry can't upload many pics as i'm being charged for the computer time but here's 2 pics from Berdasdorp where I'm living right now...

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-12-18T12:15:00

2005-12-18T10:20:01Z

Hey peoples, I'm in south africa right now. I was in Capetown for a week, site seeing mostly...ssaw some animals, some volunteer centres, Madela's cell from the apartide era!!! It's been pretty amazing. For the last week I've been in a nature reserve in the mountains doing alot of work in the bush and lots of hiking. It's insanley beautiful! There's no phones or electricity so we're roughing it alot. Also I'm living with liike 40 other volunteers so it's an interesting situation, everyones crazy! :) Anyway, I'm leaving for another Nature reserve somewhere else on monday where I'll be staying for 2 weeks, including the holidays, although it does not really feel like Christmas in my head. I won't have an address until January when I get to the community where i'll be living. All's well. The world is beautiful. Peace&Love

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-11-28T15:45:00

2005-11-28T22:50:11Z

GOODBYE EVERYONE!!!

I don't think I'll be able to update this again for quite a while, so good bye.
I'm off to Edmonton tommorrow for a few days, all packed and ready to go. THen on December second I have a long few days of flying: Edmonton>Vancouver>Franfert>Capetown. Then a week in Cape town, a month working in nature resereves in south africa, then finally get to settle down about 2 hours out of Capetown in a small community and live and work there until March. If I get the change to update i'll tell you im ok :) .
Anyway though that's all there is...I'm pretty scared/unbelievably excited.

peace&love
-Alex

Thank you party

2005-11-22T04:09:53Z

Here are some pictures from the thank you party we put on for the community this last Sunday. It was a really good turn out. I can't believe I finished the first half of the program, I'm so proud. South Africa is so soon!

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-11-15T21:38:00

2005-11-16T04:44:23Z

I'm feeling a little lonley right now. It's weird I saw Toronto Airport on the TV today and remebered September 6 and leaving I got so sad I burst into tears, and I was already feeling sad today. I just feel very un-special. Like everyone around me is so special and talented and I'm just sort of plain y'knw?. I don't know. I guess I'm just restless, ready for some more change. Africa is in less then 3 weeks now. I'm deffinatly welcoming that change. I'm finally going to get there after all this time. I don't know. THings are fine, I'm just really erked right now.

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-10-30T12:08:00

2005-10-30T19:14:44Z

I went to the mountains yesterday with my group. It was completley stunning I was not even sure how to handle it at the time. Like I wanted to find some way to freeze everything and hold on to everymoment but eventually i had to just let go and enjoy it as it passed. It was really fun.
Here's a link to some of the pictures I took...

http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=126719

Anyway, what else...I saw a really amazing acoustic band at the coffee shop on Friday night, it made me terribly homesick getting to see that type of music being played and I briefly jammed with them after but mostly wanted to just get home and write some music because I was feeling so very inspired. I sang at an open mic the Saterday before too, it went really really well, I might post pictures once I get a hold of the lady who took them.

Other then that, I have less the a month here before I set off to the next part of my adventure. I leave for South Africa on Nov. 27th I believe. I'm so excited. So excited to get to step onto african soil and live by oceans and mountains just outside of Capetown. Then after that it's only 3 months until I get to see my home again.*sigh*

Alright. See you guys later.
Peace&Love

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-09-14T11:59:00

2005-09-14T17:53:26Z

Hye peoples,
I have to be very quick. I'm on lunch break right now, the nI have to get back to my seminars until 5:00pm. I'm in Alberta, everyones really nice. I'm homesick as hell and missy ou all horribly but I'm dealing. I'm learning lots of environmentalism, gender issues, cultures, anti-oppression, etc...I go to South Africa is December. Not Mozambique like I thought, actually just outside of Cape Town in a small community. Well, that's just a quickie public update on what I'm doing. I move to a new house and familly today, the people I have been with were so very nice, Ill be sad to leave them, but my new house should be fine too...I'm pretty open about everything.
Alright back to seminars...I hope everyones well, send me letters!!! please. I'm writing like a lunatic, those should come around soon.
peace and love
you're all wonderful.
-Alex

p.s. I START WORK NEXT WEEK IN A HYDROPONICS GREENHOUSE! how cool is that?

new perspective

2005-08-22T18:04:17Z

Alright, yesterday was just a downer, I'm thinking clear again. I'm very excited about going it's just so easy to get caught up in being sad about leaving because this is all a time of goodbyes and lasts, everywhere I go it's seeing and doing things for the last time before I leave, that's what really freaks me out, not to mention just the thought of how much I'll miss everyone I love. But It's such a wonderful thing, such a great experience, I need this. Besides it's not like I'm ending things here, just leaving for a while, and oh man I have great things waiting for me when I do come back, and such exciting stuff waiting for me when I leave. 15 days now I think. I saw some of my friends last night, it made me feel much better. And you know what, Im going to wright some damn goood music when I'm away :)and it'll finally be different from everything else I write. I'm bringing my boyfriends guitar instead of my own because it's just sort of a spare anyway, I named her Polly. As long as I have a guitar I'll be fine. Everythings going to be great. Finally something new, new scenery, new experience, New Perspective.

Program starts in less then 3 weeks...

2005-08-21T12:05:09Z

I suppose things are ok...It's not that I'm unhapppy, because everything is fine...and yet I feel this knagging sadness in my gut, this stress, this fear of leaving. There's too much to do, and I'm going for so long, and I'm so scared of being alone. I also feel to poor to hang out with my friends there's so much of my trip to pay for I just can't spare anything for that sort of stuff, and I feel like this asshole mooch, and I'm just not fun enough anyway, they all have better more fun things to do in worlds I just can't make it to. And no one understands. I'm sorry i'm being such a downer- not that anyone reads this. It's just I feel really shitty this morning. I cried myself to sleep again last night and ususally when that happens sleep is like refuge and you wake up feeling better. Today I woke still in tears, and I don't understand why I can't make it go away- I half want to leave, but I don't. I don't want to go, I don't want to stay- I feel really lost. I just want to sleep.

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-06-05T10:32:00

2005-06-05T14:35:20Z

I'm so in love with the world, and the fact I have a hang over of sorts itn't even altering that in the least. Life is so fucking good.

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-05-16T00:38:00

2005-05-16T04:41:35Z

I feel so very isolated...and it's just the start. I seriously can't wait for school tommorow.

Lemon Tree by Fools Garden definatly sums it up...

I'm sitting here in the boring room
It's just another rainy Sunday afternoon
I'm wasting my time
I got nothing to do
I'm hanging around
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder

I'm driving around in my car
I'm driving too fast
I'm driving too far
I'd like to change my point of view
I feel so lonely
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree

I'm sitting here
I miss the power
I'd like to go out taking a shower
But there's a heavy cloud inside my head
I feel so tired
Put myself into bed
Well, nothing ever happens and I wonder

Isolation is not good for me
Isolation I don't want to sit on the lemon-tree

I'm steppin' around in the desert of joy
Baby anyhow I'll get another toy
And everything will happen and you wonder

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
And I wonder, wonder

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see, and all that I can see, and all that I can see
Is just a yellow lemon-tree

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-04-01T19:41:00

2005-04-02T00:53:03Z

I'm so insanley happy it's spring. Everything is so wonderful.

Ah, life...

(P.S. On this day last year I saw David Bowie!!! *swoon*)

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-03-28T19:54:00

2005-03-29T01:27:02Z

School should be illigal during Spring and Summer...life is too fucking beautiful to be writing stupid essays on Political Development in Central America. I'm to happy to think objectivly. I'm to happy to think at all (about such things as i'm being forced to at the moment...)I just want to live. Winter is all about resting, reflecting, and thinking about things as opposed to living them, it's good for that, learning random crap is pretty enjoyable when the world is not alive with growth and movement, keeps us going. But Spring and summer, they are the time for action, creativity, and beauty. NOT ESSAYS FOR FUCK SAKE!
.......I'm tired.

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-03-21T19:17:00

2005-03-22T00:20:13Z

I feel really good right now. Really good. Even though I have so much homework that I want to throw myself in front of a train, I just don't care, I will soon, but not now. Now I'm going to go write music.

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-03-18T12:27:00

2005-03-18T17:34:20Z

I feel like such a dirt bag today...

Butterflys-Reverse Butterflys-and back again

2005-03-17T15:37:52Z

Hey! I went to my World Youth Evaluation, and I got in! As long as I pass my medical on Monday I'm up for a placement, and if I get a placement I could be in Africa, Latin America, Asia, or the Carribian by August. How scary is that?

I've been having a beautiful week all over.

Except for right now I guess...I'm doing a 13 hour shift at work. I was supposed to be here at 6:00am but didn't come and got in some trouble...That would have been like 15 hours here...oh my. And what makes it worst is I forgot my homwork and have nothing to do here...and I'm hungry and can't go out of here to get food until 9:00 tonight. Maybe I can get a friend to bring me some food and my backpack come noon...

~Peace&Love~
-Bye

calm before the storm...

2005-02-25T21:12:17Z

I feel like everything around me is changing. Or at least on the verge of changing...like the calm before the storm, and it will never me the same again, I know it. It leaves me with an excitment and restlessness in my blood to see what will be and embrace it, but also sad at all that will be lost...But I guess the rainbow could only stay was one whole for so long before having to seperate and colour the world...

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-02-18T19:03:00

2005-02-19T00:12:23Z

I watched this really amazing world music program the other day. Music really does connect the world. Even though I had no idea what anybody was saying it just did not matter, you could listen to it and just absorb the history and present of their culture and everything they'd been though.

Alot of them had really neat instruments too...

I was pretty intrigued...

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-02-18T17:50:00

2005-02-18T23:13:18Z

Ok, here's something I've been thinking about for a while...

In today's society most of the people in the public eye are thin, ya? I'm constantly hearing complaining about this, and that they should have more "normal sized woman" in media, and that these woman are bad for young girls self esteem and all of that... anorexia is a huge problem in our society, and lots of people have self image problems because of it, right?

Now before I move on I just want to say, I don't mean any offence to bigger people by any means, you don't have to be thin to be beautiful, not at all, there is no difference in my mind personally in people's beauty due to weight.

But is this really a battle worth fighting? Everyone keeps saying media figures should look more like everyday people. But let us now think about North America, and Western culture in general. What do we have a bigger problem with Anorexia, or Obesity? Our problem in this society is not being too thin, but being too big, people are eating to a point where it's making them unhealthy, is that something we want to encourage more in the media. And especially when more then half of the world does not have enough food to get by on. We have so much, and excess ourselves in it so often, that our average sized person has more body fat then they require, is that somthing to be proud of? When people are starving?

I am by no means too skinny, but I get people telling me i'd better go eat something and put meat on my bones and shit. Well frankly, I'd rather not eat unless I'm hungry, and if I feel like pigging out for no reason, or eating more then I need...I'd rather remind myself of the starving mothers and fathers in Africa and lots of others places in the world who don't even have enough food to keep their children alive. Because that's a real problem. I'm not saying self image is not something to be concerned about, I'm just saying instead of people torturing themselves about being fat, just remember everything you have, that most of the world doesn't. And if you want to complain about models being too thin, maybe just remember that they are not hurting anybody but themselves by being to thin. The way I see obesity is instead of buying that extra pack of snacks, maybe you sponcer a child or something with that money, it solves both the weight problem your having so much trouble with, and helps keep a child ALIVE!

This is just something thats been really bothering me latley...That people in our society even have the oppertunity to have "weight problems" when there are so many hungry people out there just desturbs me to my bones. And I Know that I'm part of the problem.

Just please think about it ok?

So here's the challange: Everytime you go to purchase, or eat a piece of food that your body does not really really need, take that money and put it towards sponcering a child or something...If we could all do this it could make such a difference in the world.

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-02-02T14:43:00

2005-02-02T19:47:49Z

For the last few hours I've been playing guitar and singing for my birdies in the kitchen. It was one of those beautiful moments, I had sunlight in my face, the room was bright and warm and all 4 birds were twittering joyfully along with me, and whenever I stopped they would and when I'd start another song they'd continue...It was just really lovley...I felt as if we passed the pet-owner relationship and found this certain never before found kinship through our music...

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-01-31T20:30:00

2005-02-01T01:35:52Z

You know what my favorite thing in the world is? When just for a split second you glance around at whatever situation you are living at that moment and realize that it's something you have fantasized about before...and that you are truly happy in that moment, and are living out your little daydreams...I love that.

subconcious cowardice...

2005-01-27T13:55:55Z

I had the most horrible dream I've ever had last night.

The world was a holocaust.

I was put in a situation where if I stepped up and walked into the room of oviously certain death I could have saved the life of a child or two, but I didn't. I saved myself. I hope with all my might that if put into that situation in real like I would do differently.

The rest was just running from the cops in fear of being put back into the camp. Nobody could be trusted. Anyone could be a secret cop or spy.

In the beginning of the dream I was really in love too...and he urged me to save myself, then when I did, He left me. I had to run, and hide for my life not only knowing I had basically killed beautiful children and crying mothers but also that he did not love me enough to stay with me in those horrible times, just to add to the pain.

********************

(on a lighter note I had a dream before all of that that I was working at this really cool mini club where great bands were always playing. I was doing crowed control and this guy was heckeling so I asked him to stop and we got into a screaming argument about the direction of music, and I was fighting from the point of view as a musician, he, a critic. Then he started trying to break my finger, I was scared he's destroy my guitar playing abilities and I screamed for help, and Slash and Scott Weiland came and pulled him off and consoled me, we were all friends and stuff...)

********************

I need to get the images of dying, screaming children, and mothers out of my mind.

I'm a dirty, disgusting, subconcious coawrd...

What's your road, man?

2005-01-26T17:47:35Z

This is a self portrait I just finished colouring...

Air

2005-01-26T15:17:45Z

This morning I woke up and watched smurfs...y'know I don't think I really gave that cartoon the attention it deserved when I was young. It's so wonderful! I love the smurfs...Then I watched Fresh Prince of Bellair, and they did a really bad anti-drug special...Other then that I've just been given an endless chain of commands and jobs for the day...loads of studying and cleaning...

But beyond the daily shit jobs, there's the friends, the imagination, and the musical instruments...good stuff.

Anyway a more important note, I think I'm truly happy with life. I have no idea what i'm doing with my life and that's the way I like it. School taught me that I need to worry about the future all the time and get things done immidiently... I don't want to waste my youth with that shit, i'll go to university when I feel like it... Right now I want to be a traveling musician, so that's what I'll do...I really need time to re-gain myself...I realized over the last year I've become this person who I really don't like, a person who worries and wants everything to be solid plans, and overthinks everything, yet never lives...just dreams of living. None of that's what I want...living just happens and that's when the images are realitys...

wastingthedawn_ @ 2005-01-18T17:47:00

2005-01-18T22:53:58Z

Well I went to the SASS workshop thing the other day, Carl Dixon was there...He's wonderful. Such a great voice, I love watching people make music more then anything...Any way everyone made me get up and sing a song...and as much as I wanted to I really lost my nerve...I got up and my hands turned to sausages that could not hit the stings right, and my mouth filled with sand...making it impossible for me to sing...But I did it. And I think I did a really bad job...but oh well, whats importantant is I did it, it will only get more comfortable the more I do it. It's already this mad addiction, performing, I need to do it, I'm just scared. But everyone reassured me that I did a good job...and the ysay I can sing! imagine that? what I always wanted more then anything in the world, I can possible already do? I hope at least. I think I'm getting better all the time.