An attempt to tip the scales' Journal

10:58pm: wow. looking back on the past entry made me laugh. i didnt do any of those things this summer. no more paris next year, no kayaking, no swimming, no quarries. just working and drama.

i have changed a lot this summer, but there are still the same issues that bother me. I am working too much and sleeping too much. i cant wait for school just because it is a change from work. this year for classes i am taking Anatomy and physiology, physchology, sociology, pre college math and topics, enlglish, art, and computers. i think its going to be a very good year.

on the other hand....why would someone so smart settle for someone so stupid? stop searching for happiness. it will find you if you just let it.

5:40pm: I cant wait for summer. The warm weather we had the other day was such a tease, but it made me feel sooo good. I cant wait to sleep late, have the weekends to myself, go to the beach, go KAYAKING with sasha and felicia, go to maine with andy, climb mount manadnok, go swimming, go back to the quarries, find NEW quarries, and accomplish things.

last summer was amazing, but this summer can only be better.i want to meet new people and find new places and do new things.


all in all.... I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN.
i also cant wait for paris next year, i need a break from the united states for a while.

7:59pm: wooow
i started going to the gym again, i am feeling better every day... about certain things. i met a boy, and things are.... weird. i am making them that way. i dont want to try. i hate persuing people- i wish i was the one being persued for once. ahhhh i dont know. i always do this to myself! :(

10:33pm: i have been working a lot lately. 5 days in a row this week.

i finally hung out with kristopher. we drifted in a parking lot with the beatles playing as loud as it could go. it was one of the best feelings ever!

i have learned in life that people come and go, but those who stick around through the bad times are going to stick around forever. i hope he is one of those people, because so far he has proved he is.

10:57pm: things may finally be getting back to normal in my life. all i want to do right now is focus on school and work. i cant deal with stress anymore!





i miss kristopher so badly i feel like im going crazy. i need to see him :(

2:17pm: The people closest to me are the ones farthest away. Everybody is changing. I am living a life of irony.

4:22pm: i am making myself dissapear.

10:40pm: Dear Rebecca,

You have terrible timing.

Sincerely,
Yourself.

6:20am: There are some things in life that are better left unsaid. In my position, those things were left unsaid for three years. Three years of frustration, anger, and hopefullness.... all let out in one night, to the one person i was hiding from for so long. One day he will realize. One day it will just click in his head. He will know what we could have had. Untill that day, i am going to let go.

7:55pm: iwishifeltprettyagain

6:45pm: i hate livejournal and people. people who lie excessively. and obsess!

10:32pm: I got hired at Wachusett Mountain. I will be either working in the sandwich and soup line, or at Starbucks. Tim told me he would switch me to Starbucks when i start working if i remind him. I haven't decided what i want to do yet, but regardless ... come and see me when the season starts!

6:07pm: I had so much fun last night at say anything! sasha punched some crazy bitch in the face and ripped out her earring. sasha gia and i met up with emily loren jake and THOS!<3 later i called robin and her friend and brought them to us. i have a lot of bruises and my side hurts from being pressed up against the bar again. I got the lead singers set list. i had a good time. :)

5:15pm: Tomorrow.. tomorrow...


say anything.

11:00am: I had a really reaallyyy fun night last night with giaaaaaa and sasha and nora and andy! i got to see thossy and em and kelly and KITS and cindi and tony j and i met sososos many people! i missed gia sosos much! and andyyy too! and it was wonderful hanging out with nora! i am going to hang out with them more now. i get my license in about a week and my life is going to be so mcuh beterrrr.i need to see sash more we are getting distant :(

my night was 100% amazing untill the very end. it was hard for me to even see him. it doesnt matter anymore. i am not going to let my stupidity ruin another night for me.

12:12am: I smell like ciggarettes, and nothing reminds me more of you than this.

8:49pm: He forgot about me.

6:02pm: My family. watch the video, the link is at the top of the page. I dont know why he did it. I dont know why this had to happen.


http://www1.whdh.com/news/articles/local/BO34069/

3:17pm: I remember driving fast with the music loud, i remember nights lit up so brightly with stars,

i remember.....

9:45am: last night i had sososososo much fun. i didnt hang out with my usual crowd, but i loved it! christina tiff and sarah gave me a ride home and came to see my aa dress. everyone liked it! then christina and sarah left to go eat cake for christina's birthday. i stayed home untill about 6 when amy and kara came over and picked me up. we went on an alcohol run and coundt find any untill we called lovely nate who got us 2 handles of bacardi razz and a liter of popv. i didnt touch the popov thank god. we went to karas house and so many people showed up during the course of the night but i cant even remember them all. i will try to name them.

kara me amy christina sarah steph tiff nate zack whitey dan justin brian carlos john tim inkie carter bobby andi cant remember if anyone else was


i wil have to finish wiritng this later

5:28pm: I'm tired. My hair is dyed dark again. Like the summer. I have a lot of cuts on my hands. I have a 93 in English, and an 87 in history. I havent found out my other grades yet. I decided i am going to to AA ball if i can find a dress. I found an adorable one at Macys but it was 140$ and they didnt have my size. I wish i had a date. I feel empty lately. i shoudlnt have done what i did at natalias.
i miss my friends.



I get my license the day after Thanksgiving.

8:49pm: In the past 3 months i have been with 3 guys and tom is the last one. i am done. they cant make me feel better anymore.

9:22pm: i can't wait for friday.... for many reasons!

6:17pm: I've done it once again. I hope this time, things don't work out the way they did with everyone else. Maybe i will be happy. who knows.

8:43pm: i've seen you a while now
long enough to be close
there's some things about you
that i should know
(i still don't)
with all the questions we didn't ask
our conversations could never last
our moments alone were scarce and few
it was just easier to hide the truth

if all of our secrets were exposed
would we be sharing the same bed
how 'bout if i broke the silence first
did i hear what you're thinking in your head
i need to be talked to, i need to be touched
i need you to hold me, i need to feel loved
and if i could open up to you
maybe i could open you up