| from nothing to nowhere |
[Aug. 13th, 2008|03:29 am] |
it was one of those 'what's wrong with me' weekends. sick of seeing everyone around me happy. i know, that's shitty, but when do i get my turn? okay, im done feeling sorry for myself.
i've lost interest in going out again. sick of seeing the same faces in the same places. well, except the people i'm out with. i really do love my friends.
i think i made a bad move the other day. not one of those 'i'm going to have coffee with an old 'friend', that end up with me riding the F train home the next morning with my bra shoved in my purse' kind of bad moves. but something more...well, nevermind. i'm really working on getting my head on straight.
no really.
the weather has been amazing. it's just a tease, but it's bringing back all sorts of feelings. feelings of excitement. loneliness. confusion. i'm really looking forward to this fall.
minus the me turning 27 part.
gag. |
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| don't confuse my only life... |
[Jul. 19th, 2008|08:24 pm] |
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May. 31st, 2006 02:09 am
It's late. it's early. i can't sleep.
so much on my mind and there's really only one person i want to talk to at the moment.
no one else will do. not even you.
laying in bed with the windows open. feels so great...the breeze.
i've been thinking alot about my father. about how we havent talked in nearly 6 months. about how much he hurt me the last time we spoke. i usually don't take things personally when it comes from him, but for some reason this has really bothered me. The last thing he told me was that no man would ever marry me. (he was upset about my last tattoo) The only job i will get is with the circus. and that basically i was a failure and i have ruined myself.
So maybe drinking a bottle of wine and being on the computer is a bad idea?
i don't care anymore. i stopped making sense a long time ago.
....I apologize for this letter, but I have not one soul to send my thoughts to, for they are not grand thoughts of great passions, but weak thoughts of defeat and decay, of forlorn loneliness, and unhappy passivity.
love, your mia
No matter. we will know we knew each other, and when the wind blows,
and the silence is felt, you will remember me.
this is truly unfair.
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| tonight, this is killing me |
[Jul. 18th, 2008|09:39 pm] |
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tonight i was reminded of my first heart ache. i listened to radiohead's black star on repeat until i'd run out of tears. |
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[Jul. 4th, 2008|10:08 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | cut copy- time stands still | ] |
my three day 'weekend' is almost over. it was mildly productive. went out a couple times at night and went to the natural history museum for the billionth time. i think the last time i was there was this past winter. as usual i got there with only an hour before closing. must . see. dinosaur. bones.
if my passport was stolen, do i have to wait a million years to get it and pay the same amount? ugh...what a nightmare.
my stomach still hurts and i need a haircut.
ps. happy birthday Anastasia. i heart you homo.
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[Jun. 16th, 2008|01:47 am] |
Today was work and no brunch. not cleaning my apartment and dancing around to the new lil wayne. feeling guilty about being a shit daughter.
ya ya ya.
i think i've had an anxiety attack every night for the past couple weeks. i've actually been sleeping with the lights on (don't laugh).
jay and i have been staying up watching horror movies every night this month. even when i go out we'll watch one when i get home...still staying up till 7am. cant seem to shake the horrible sleeping schedule i picked up a couple months ago.
it's got a little better now. i can sleep in 3 hour intervals. working has helped alot. the whole month of april i was getting up at 7pm and going to bed at 11am....staying out drinking til 5am wasnt helping either.
oh so yeah, if you havent seen a l'interieur (inside) you should. 'sa french movie about a pregnant woman who is being terrorized by some mysterious woman...blah blah blah it's bloody.
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| a certian someone |
[May. 4th, 2008|04:50 am] |
The cat's in the sink, the dogs tipped the bin, and i don't believe i brushed my teeth today...or even left my bed. thinking about what i said yesterday. ok, what i didn't say. i'm an idiot.
after years of forgetting and moving on, i don't know how to tell you how i feel anymore. i don't remember how to tell anyone how i feel anymore.
i'd like to thank all the losers i've dated here in ny for that one. yeah i'll place blame....i swear i was never like this in austin.
i don't believe in true love anymore.
i've completely isolated myself from everyone i know this past few days. i'd almost forgot how much i enjoy my own company.
yesterday haddy finally became friends with the blow dryer. i think that may have been the highlight of my entire day...that and eating an entire box of cinnamon life.
by the way, i've been listening to the new M83. yeah, not growing on me. |
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[Mar. 4th, 2008|04:31 pm] |
so this is my last night in ny...for who knows how long.
i've spent the last few days hanging out with mister ricardo. he's an awesome friend and it's a relief to be around people i can feel comfortable being myself around. sunday i made him go to the natural history museum with me. one of the many places i wanted to go before i left.
tonight drinks with craig, george, and yas!
aw pasha. |
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| Young girl, one day you will be old ... |
[Feb. 23rd, 2008|05:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | restlessboredirrationalanxious | ] |
today i quit my job.
bought a one-way ticket out of New York.
i ship off in 6 days.
it's that time again.
Jay and Scott are in Philly...have the place to myself.
hmmmm.... |
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[Feb. 21st, 2008|12:44 am] |
so last night i had a dream that i cheated on my boyfriend..(ahem, james mcavoy) with mark ronson.
mmmmmmmmm |
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[Feb. 18th, 2008|11:14 pm] |
Ever since i lost Soma ive been so paranoid about anything that seems off with Haddy or Pasha. i got home from work today and Haddy was severely bloated to the point where she couldnt really get up without a struggle. i go online and read about dog "bloat" and of course start to panic. i got in a cab and took her to our emergency pet clinic.
the place i brought Soma. the place Soma died. i hadnt been there since. holy moly was it emotional. as soon as i walked in i felt sick. while waiting for the doctor i stared at the very same picture on the wall that i stared at for hours while staying over night with Soma. as soon as they brought us in the room i completely broke down.
anywho, $400 later and Haddy is fine. little porker just ate too fast to digest her food.
looks like i wont be getting "these" anytime soon... |
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| get out of my head...im trying to sleep. thanks. |
[Feb. 12th, 2008|05:33 pm] |
woke up at 4pm today. had the biggest headache in the world from sleeping too late.
looked out the window and it was snowing. about time.
scott was throwing up because of really bad food poisoning, so i took the dogs out with me to get him some sprite.
haddox is totally smiling for the camera here.
i managed to put off everything i needed to get done today. there are so many things i dont know where to start. probably getting a new passport. i was really hoping after my purse was stolen at least my passport would have been found. mailed to me. whatever.
nope.
btw, is it true that Polaroid is no longer going to be making Polaroid cameras and film? that's just criminal. |
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[Feb. 10th, 2008|10:45 pm] |
i dedicated this entire day to eating unhealthy.
seriously, i'm laying on the couch right now like a beached whale.
cant. move.
the grammys were kinda dull, and i'll admit i only watched to see amy winehouse perform.
i must be really emotional at the moment cos i'm pretty sure i shed a tear when she won. shhh.
now it's the time of night i dread most...
that 11 to 6am stretch of insomnia. maybe tonight i'll luck out.
xx |
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[Feb. 9th, 2008|01:50 am] |
once upon a time there was a girl who kept staring at her phone every 5 minutes. just like a big loser, she was seeing if you had called yet. "maybe its not working?" she thought.
fuck, just call me already....i know you're thinking about me right now. |
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| back to this |
[Feb. 9th, 2008|01:05 am] |
getting drunk in the middle of the day is never a good idea.
throws off the day completely. up all night with a hangover?
im bored with everything and want to move again. if it wasnt for my brother i would have moved already. really far away.
i realize this will probably be the last time we'll ever live together and be this close. we've grown so much together this past year. i think i'll enjoy it as long as possible. even if that means i have to stay in ny a while longer. tragic.
im not sure what ive been running from this past few months, but my life has been a mess. im doing things i usually look down on people for doing. ive never been more irresponsible in my life. (well, my adult life...hmm actually scratch that)
and i've found myself telling all the right things to the wrong people again. opening my heart up to people who dont care. and its all because i am unable to tell the one person in the world how i feel about them.
god, i love you.
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| don't make eye contact |
[Feb. 6th, 2008|10:12 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | junior boys....quit crampin' my shit yo | ] |
it was 65 degrees out today. what the shit?
life is good.
just wish it wasn't so predictable. |
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| does this thing still work? |
[Feb. 3rd, 2008|01:28 am] |
testing 1...2...3...
ahem,
im back...
obviously this means nothing interesting is going on in my life, but oh well.
im glad to see a lot of my friends still use theirs ;)
most of my entries are still going to be friends only, but there will be some public ones here and there.
xx |
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[Sep. 21st, 2007|09:44 pm] |
im old. i got 2 cakes this year. this one from jay and one from craig and yas that said, 'happy birthday dyke'. awwwwwww
so yeah, today was great. |
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[Jul. 29th, 2007|10:22 pm] |
ate indian for lunch and thai for dinner.
about to explode in 3..2..1... |
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| i've said it once, and i'll say it again.... |
[Feb. 27th, 2007|10:30 pm] |
so, while smoking my last cigarette and picking the left over muffin from my teeth during lunch today, i decided it was time for a change. again.
i need to stop depending on other people to make me happy... and start doing it myself. i've been letting people control my moods for far too long.
how do you keep yourself happy?
today was dumb. not as dumb as the time i forgot how old i was. and definitely not as dumb as the time i convinced myself, while talking to Jaime, that i had been to Minneapolis. Later on i realized i had really only been there on Tony Hawk's american wasteland. 'no really, i swear i was there. yeah...im pretty sure i did an indy over a water fountain??'
retard. |
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[Jan. 13th, 2007|02:10 pm] |
my apartment is cold and filthy.
i'm refusing to clean the bathroom again.
i haven't slept well in weeks. i was kept up last night by one roommate getting fucked all night and the other snoring like a fat hog. disgusting.
ugh, i need to get out of here.
not answering my phone today. really, there is only one person in the world i want to talk to.
off to Coney Island with the ex husband. hopefully sweet pictures will come out of this trip. |
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