[

mood

|

amused

]

A week till my 18th birthday!

^^

[	Current Location	|	room	]
[	mood	|	cheerful	]
[	music	|	buzzzzz	]

this situation happened today:

*Amy goes to bathroom*

...10 minutes later of working on assignments..

*amy gets distracted and finds tv in school canteen*

*amy see Wii advert on tv and is amazed at its greatness*

Amy: "ohh i want to have a Wii!!!"

Yvette: What again?? *look surprised*

Amy: ROFL (loltimesabillion) 

[	Current Location	|	room	]
[	mood	|	cranky	]

i am seething right now..angry..upset..annoyed

i hate being criticised, i hate being told off and i hate hearing negative things all the time

ever since my mum has left to go overseas

my dad has been giving me shit

so far i could say i have had a billion lectures and telling offs

it doesnt seem to stop..cause no matter what i do..i piss off my dad

i mean last night..i had a great night out with him..i have never gone and had dinner and a movie just with him before

it was nice..i came home and felt great about myself and went to sleep thinking all the telling offs and yelling would stop and that from now on we would only be heading upwards

i was so WRONG

so i have been doing housework..and i do my share around the house

but u know when people think of something and somehow start to rbing other problems into a telling off..and it has this ball effect that doesnt seem to stop and the whole things just blows out of the water

ive been doing my MYER training for the past two days..and now i can finally get a shift and work for MYER. i no longer have to work for Michels Patisserie and make coffee and sell cake

yesterday..i decided to do some washing, so i woke up around 7, and i was meeting other MYER people at 8:15

i was only doing essentials..so stuff like undies and bras and cardigans and a dress got washed.

i figured since it was a small wash..i could move the pointer to "small wash" and i thought it wouldnt take long and that id be able to hang it out before i left the house

since i didnt know how long the "small wash" went for, i chanced my luck..so i have a shower..get all dressed and im ready to go out

i go down to the laundry and the washing hasnt finished yet..it i waited any longer id be keeping those MYER people waiting at the train station for me

and i would be making us all late too

so i decided to leave it going..it would stop when it was finished and when i got home..i could hang it out.

so i decide to leave

and i get to meet those people fine and im early to my training day

i come home

and dads in the greatest mood (in my mind i still know i have to hang out the washing and not leave it sitting in the washing machine)

he passes me the paper when i come in from training

and suggests we see a movie and ger something to eat..the only thing is the movie "deception" that we want to see is on at 7pm

and i came in from training just after 6

so dad got dressed

and i didnt mention to him anything about the washing

so i thought to myself

"oh well thats ok..ill just hang it out in the morning then..it will ok to hang it out then..the washing isnt THAT urgent"

so i got out with my dad

and we have the most greatest time..the movie was really interesting and then we got fish and chips

and had a great conversation..like for the first time..it wasnt an effing lecture

and the fish and chips was sooo yummy too

so i come home

and i feel on top of the world

i talk to ratch on the phone and i felt even more happier

NB: this kid is like seriously the greatest thing on the planet to me, he makes me smile no matter how bad i feel and makes everything seem wonderful, i dont know how he does it..but the way he acts in general puts a smile on my face..i hope im with him for a long time cause he really makes my heart flutter and he doesnt even have to try

i go to sleep feeling great about myself

my alarm goes off at 7am and i fall back asleep due to tiredness.

i wake up at 10:30am

dads fine with me, i go to the bathroom..then i notice MY washing hanging on the verandah

then dad says he needs to talk to me about the washing 

he starts to get a little angry explainging how he woke up at 4am and noticed my washing in the washing machine

but he wasnt just angry

he decided to blow up and add other things that are wrong in my life also

it really put me down..made me feel useless

he talked about schooling

and asked me why i finished school and didnt drop out in yr 10

(he thinks apparently i should have dropped out and attempted to get a job)

now i dont know whether he was trying to make me feel useless..but it worked

"the sooner u get a job the better"

thats his rule..as soon as i get a job..then i will fully learn about life..so until i get a proper job dad will not get off my back

he's been doing these lectures for years

but each time he always hits me in the bud again

and it brings me down

criticising me gets me nowhere

and yeah he's a realist and i hate it..i hate it heaps

and i dont see why he has to be such a dick

by saying that i have cost him alot of money

did i tell him to pay for things for me?

did i tell him to spoil me

i mean geez he called me a spoilt and selfish little girl

im selfish cause
a) i never sit through the room with him and watch tv with him or speak to him instead of doing my assignments
b) i leave the washing in the washing machine 
c) im never considerate of others

i mean how is that selfish?

just cause i want to hang out with my friends during the day

i mean he goes to work..and im on tafe holidays so i can afford to relax a little

cause when i was at tafe..i would be at tafe all day then i would come home and do my homwork that was my routine

tafe.homework.tv with parents. amys leisure time.bed.tafe again

there is nothing wrong with my routine

just cause it doesnt suit him

i mean sure his routine is 

work.come home and leisure.eat.family time.sleep. work

and just cause mum is overseas..doesnt mean that i know have to be 24.7 the new mum until she gets back..i mean i cant sit through the livingroom all the time and talk to him..i have assignments i need to finish

so who is being selfish now?

i have a routine..i have a social life

and like he has a routine..but he doesnt have friends who want to see him everyday. i mean after all
im in the spring of my life im in a social stage where i want to go out and have fun

he has lived most of his life and he wants to retire soon. so we have our own priorities

i mean if i could give everything back and do things myself just to make him know how much i love family and love the support they have given me

i would so do it

id move out and prove to him that i can live life

but he loves me..and he's scared of things for me..but by shouting at me how does that help?

i really dont get it

i mean i love him 

he just needs reassurance that i will be ok..and that my total career hasnt started yet

till i finish my tafe course

he is too advanced in my life at the moment

cause im still a kid..im still living at home and i still can afford to have fun

so why should i have a cranky pants

when we both miss mum

we both want to help in the household

and we both are fmaily

sometimes u just have to deal with it

but like this lecture went on for 4 HOURS!

like at 2:30pm i was still in my pjs

dad went out to the pub at 2:45pm

and i never cried so hard in my life

i ran to my room and just cried

i hate fighting with him..its like so pointless and adds stress to our lives

its so stupid like seriously

like URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*ends rant*

i may come back and rant someone but ive run out of things

still my dad is annoying and im still confused

=[
 

[	mood	|	bouncy	]
[	music	|	HAPPY	]

ok..so right now im supposed to be working on my assignments

which i know i should definately be working on right now..ive avoided doing them for many days. Have been going out instead and enjoying the fresh air..

I have  a myers workshop day tmoz

im pretty geed

yeah thats my goss

i better get to work

[

mood

|

cheerful

]

mum comes back in two weeks


yyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssss!!!!








*JUMPS OF JOY*

[	Current Location	|	room	]
[	mood	|	cranky	]

Ok so im going to be frank

IM PEEVED

completely and utterly

ive had things up to here

and its only been id say 10 days?

ok..so my grandad passed and my mum booked a flight to go over there..shes gone for a month. leaving me and my dad ALONE and TOGETHER. As dad put it..were flatmates for a month, and that we must share jobs and make sure the house is run.

first of all..

im finding this quite hard

ive done so much housework its unbelievable (im trying my best not to sound like a spoilt brat/dramaqueen cause its not my intention)

so far this week i have
* ironed
*sorted through clothes
* cleaned my room
*made my bed everyday
* taken out the rubbish (and the recycling when i remember)
* make my own lunch 
* do the washing
* hang out the washing (and try not be late to tafe)
* vaccuumed all rooms in the house
* i even so far this week made my dads bed 3 times
* do the dishes
* bring in the washing
* juggle assignments
* make dad feel like he;s loved

ok on the last point..dad has been a sort of pain in the ass when it comes to this situation
this whole week..i had three assignments due. three very big and important assignments.
one was due monday..so i handed it no prob
then monday night..whilst talking to dad and watching tv i also managed to finish my essay, i started it at 10pm cause dad wanted to hang out with me before he slept.
then like tuesday  arvo i was hanging out with ratch..and im supposed to be home before 6.
so i stand in my stairwell at 5:45pm..i went into my kitchen and told dad i was outside in the stairwell with ratch.at EXACTLY 6 my dad calls my name and makes me say goodbye to ratch.

then my dad starts calling me selfish and not caring and not thinking of dad and how im disobeying his rule and i should be in the house and not in the stairwell as promised before 6. (but like i so was in the house before 6! hes turning crazy)

so he then explains to me..that his work is annoying him HENCE the crappy mood he's in..BUT like that gives him no excuse to get peeved at me..i mean yeah sure he misses mum and i do too..and work is annoying..but dont take it out on me. and cause dads a sook, and thinks i didnt want to hang out with him..i watched tv with him and he was constantly asking me questions about what im doing on the weekend and blah blah. so i didnt even get to work on my third and final assignment cause by the time dad finally went to sleep. i was too tired and couldnt be effed.

then like its wednesday night, and i dont see ratch, so im home early..i get there at like before 5, and im deadset certain on finishing my marketing audit thats due the next day. so i rev myself up for me telling dad that i have an assignment to work on. so i come in..and he's watching tv..and i can smell stew so im like thinking to myself "oh awesome! stew for dinner"

so i sit down and watch tv with him for 10 minutes. he asks me about my day and i explain it "same old same old" and i give him some detail about it.then it goes quiet and we watch more tv

by this point im certain to annouce im going through the room to work on my assignment. so i full on annouce "well im going to work on my assignment" *piss bolts to room*

and i tackle my assignment..2 hours and im finished

i arise from my chair and organise my assignment

then i hear my name shouted

its my dad and he's uber peeved "whats happening eh???" "arent u talking to me or sumt???"

and i was like "of course im talking to u"

and he was like "then how come u didnt say hi and talk to me when u came in? u just went straight into ur room"

me: "im working on assignments"

dad: "i dont care what ur doing but u should warn me anyway"

me: "but u told me assignments are important..so i tackled it..so later i can watch tv with u"

dad: *changes subject* "did u ever think to ask me whats the plan? like whats for tea? or am i ur servant where i make u dinner and u come out only when ur stomach is rumbling"

me: "urh" *is very confused but realises dad is cranky* 

(i was so lucky i finished my assignment before he told me off, cause after that i watched tv with him and talked to him and he calmed down)

geez..my dad just misses mum too much..so im the replacement mum..cause mum and dad gossiped every night

so now i have to sit and watch soccer with him and listen to him get annoyed at me

i mean i say out loud " urgh i need a haircut before i go back to tafe in two weeks"

and he starts ranting about how my mum gets her haircut from the same hairdresser and how my hairdresser cuts old peoples hair and how shes old herself..and he makes fun by saying she isnt trendy and that i should find a trendy hairdressser.

so i start with the whole "u dont think shes trendy? u dont like the way she cuts hair..are u saying my hair isnt rendy?"

seriously my dad suck at putting his point across

cause he sounds so negative half the time

i always thinks he's giving me a telling off

plus..this whole week the convo's we;ve been having is "we need to do the washing tmoz ok?"

i mean BORING

then tonight right

i was going to go out..but dad wouldnt let me..cause he wanted to spend more quality time with me

i mean its lovely..but i want to see people my own age

and plus with the amount of jobs im doing..i think im going crazy myself

and yeah

so im peeved

and now i feel a little better

*smile*
 

[	Current Location	|	tafe library	]
[	mood	|	melancholy	]

16 days ago

my grandad was admitted to hospital for looking yellow and feeling lethargic

the hospital said he had dehydration and he needed to stay over night

they decided to do further test on him and keep him in hospital till those tests were run


about a week ago

they found out my grandad had cancer..


they were unaware as to whether it was liver cancer or lung cancer..but they knew it was agressive

they asked him if he wanted chemo..he said no

but as a man of 73

i think he thought it would be too much for him to handle

and then so suddenly 

just only yesterday he slipped into a coma whilst chatting to the nurses

they called my aunty and uncle just before it happened

but they were too late to see him

in that period of 10 minutes..he unpainfully passed away

and he left us..to spend time with granny

in the end i thought he just missed gran too much

and gran wanted him more then anything

my uncle told me a couple of days ago

"if a man dies first..the woman can live on and live in the man's memory..if the woman dies first..the man realises how much he cant live without her"

my mums going to fly over to edinburgh on thursday

we'd all go but we cant afford it

i just feel lucky i was over in scotland to celebrate my first christmas and new year with granny and grandad.

cause 7 days after the new year of 2007 my gran died

and more than a year later now

my grandad has died

grandad will always be in my heart..all of yesterday i had no idea

i finished tafe like normal and texted my mum to see if i could hang out with ratch for a bit

my mum was fine and was all "sure hen..go out and hang out with ratch..come home whenever"

normally when i ask to hang out after tafe..she calls me up and tells me u can hang out..but u have assignments and should be home before a blah blah certain time

though it never really occurred to me

that when i did get home..dad would pull me out into the stairwell and tell me then and there

in the end i found out the real reason why they let me stay out and be happy and distracted

i just wish mum could have flown over in time to hold his hand