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I want it now, I want you now

keep my heart somewhere drugs don't go..
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It rains in heaven all day long. [17 Sep 2009|06:08pm]
[ mood | happy ]

What the hell is up!! It's been like a year since I've updated this shit, rock on.
So yeahhhh, update update update..Mark and I broke up sometime in May, I think the day I went to rehab it was over with, well he didn't know but I did cos I'm the one who broke up with him but yeahhhh, shits been good, started school and stuff, got two more days left and then i'm done, then can take me state test and shit and get in a Hospital. Gonna start lookin' at some apartments soon and hopefully put down some moneyz on a place and move in around October/early November :) can't wait to start my new life, freshly single, about to have a great ass job, got a brand new car, SOBER, things are starting to look up and I enjoy it to the fullest, then in January gonna start school and work towards my RN. Soo yeah ima lay off and take it easy on the whole relationship thing and let it come to me, I'm done chasin' after boys and tryna make it work, if it's supposed to be and work out then it'll work out, if not then whatevs, i ain't stressin' over it, just spent the last 3 months in a relationship right after Mark and it wasa a waste of time but i learned a lot of shit hahah, it was more bad then good but it's cool, im done stressin' over it and if he wants me then he can show me, but he doesn't so fuck him, he's missing out on a good ass girl and a chance to start makin' it more serious by movin' in with me once I get an apartment but oh well thats his decision, time to get a MAN :) heh..yeahh neway, I miss Markie pooh but I hope to see him once he gets outta jail which will be really really soon :D i miss that paranna lip motha fucka lol that man is my best friend and will be until I die no joke.

ahhh. yeahhh ok well idk what more to say other than life is good and im doing very well!

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Family is Blood...? [25 Dec 2008|12:04am]
When you consider your cousins to be your fucking brothers, you think of your relationship with them to be strong as anything; unbreakable;untouchable;unstoppable. Or atleast that's what I thought until tonight. I've grown up with them since the day I was born. I looked up to the older one while growing up with him. He is everything I ever wanted in an older brother. He was the star of his football team. He was popular, had a gorgeous girlfriend, had lots of friends, was a great person, and everything he did or said was just generally cool. There's always been this underlying love for eachother that was unsaid. We never had to, nor did we ever do because of the comfort level. He'd tell me if any boy hurt me in any harmful way, mentally or physically he'd kill them in a heartbeat. As soon as he told me that, I just knew he loved me like his younger sister. I don't even use the term "cousin" because he isn't that to me. He is my brother. My aunt; his mother, had three boys, not one girl. She tells everyone that my sister and I are her girls she's never had. My mom tells everyone that my "brothers" are the sons she never had. So now you can see the closeness of our family, and how tight-nit we are with one another. Even on his birthday in April, I went so far to get him a card- which I've never done before. Yes, every year we celebrate his birthday with the whole family, but this year was different. This year I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me, and how much I loved him, and respected him. I wanted him to know, that this year it was going to be different. When I went to Hallmark, I went to the "Brother" section. Found the best card describing all my feelings. I picked it out, went home, sat down and wrote my heart out on that card. I gave it to him, and he loved it. It really really touched his heart. So therefore I'd think that him and I had a really great relationship. But something has changed in the past few months, something sure has changed.

Now, for some reason he likes to talk shit about me behind my back, to no other than my own boyfriend. OK Great, I get that I'm a bitch. I understand that, and I take 100% full responsibilitie on that. I get it. But I also know that I can be a 100% generally nice person to be around also. So I'd kinda understand if I walked around being a huge fucking bitch to everyone in the family-- that's not the case here. If I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch to Mark. Alright? So let's see, the only reason he calls me a bitch, is because I'm a bitch to Mark. Does he know our problems? No. Does he know why I'm a bitch? No. Does he see what goes on behind closed doors? No. Hm..No.No.No. I didn't think so. And heres the thing, every fucking time, he tells me to quit. And I do, but it REALLY pisses me off when I'm telling Mark something, and he'll look at me and say "Samantha, quit". Dude, I'm not fucking twelve. I do understand my actions, I'm aware of it. I'm not a fucking little girl anymore that's just going through that awkward stage of life. I get it. It makes me super angry to the point sometimes when I wish I wasn't in this fucking family anymore when he'll talk shit to Mark about me. He takes Marks side every single time instead of mine. He has NEVER taken my side in the past two and a half years; not once. It's sad because supposibly I'm his sister, yeah fucking right.

And it's just not that. It's that he'll even go so far to tell Mark, "Why are you still with her, if I were you, I'd be gone, I wouldn't let her do that shit." COOL? Heres the fucked up part of it. He's in a relationship, but do I ever fucking say anything to him? No. He's in just as fucked up relationship as I am, but I'd better not even THINK Of saying anything to him. Nooo way. Can't do it, because that's totally stepping outta line. What fucking line? He's four years older than me. THATS IT. Not like he's 10 years older than me. He's not my father. Just like tonight, I was doing something with this styrofome shit, and there was pieces on the floor, I was aware of it, and I had all of the intention of cleaning it up, but oh wait, there he goes, "Samantha clean that up now" NO SHIT. Ok so I let it go, whatever ya know. Then I was playing with the six week old puppy lucy, she was sleeping so I laid her on the couch, I kept tucking her in, and all that, oh and I had her sleeping on my chest for the past hour before that, while everyone is in the other room except for my mom, my aunt, and my grandparents, so he comes in the room and goes "Samantha, I think she's fine" what the fuck ever. And THEN there was trash right infront of me, like a fucking envelope that was already opened, I picked it up, and set it back down, checked on the puppy before I got, and he goes "Samahta, throw that away".................SERIOUSLY DUDE?

...so I do, come back out, and he goes in the kitchen, and so does Mark..and I guess he goes to Mark "It's not like I want to say; "I never want to see you again"..but I can't stand being around her anymore cos all she does is bitch"...........WHAT THE FUCK...

I'm pretty sure I didn't do fucking SHIT, and he was being the fucking asshole to me ALL day for no fucking reason. I can't stand this bullshit. I can't stand my family anymore because all of them are always against me, even if I didn't do shit.

I can't win, at all.
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This is the end, my dearest friend, the end. [21 Dec 2008|08:35pm]
It's been years. No, it's been months. Nothings new. Nothing is ever new. Except I'm the bread winner this time, don't know how long, don't want to know how long until change. Change is something that will never be done unless you put forth the effort. You'll never know where it'll lead you. You could be the best person in the world, make the wrong decision, and your life will be changed forever. Change is something that I don't welcome with open arms. At-All. It's nothing i'm excited for. But It will happen. Come a time, most everything will change. I can't do anything about it. I can jump on it and move forward, or I can stay and do nothing. We will have to see what decisions I make in the next few months to determine the future that I hold in my hand, and throw it like a fucking frisbee hoping that it will come back around eventually. And, I need to be INDEPENDANT. And I plan to be. I know I'm strong.


THAT....That is the ONE thing that will never change.
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I don't feel at all like I fall. [03 Aug 2008|05:23pm]
It's nice. It's ok. It's boring. It's lame. All at once. I'm lazy. I'm a bitch. I hate work. I hate working. I hate leaving my bed. I hate showering. I hate going places. I hate people. I love my family. I love my bed. Gotta go to work, gotta go to work. Got to have a job.

It's more so a love/hate relationship between me and my life. How's that possible? Because my life likes to move too quickly for my liking. I can't catch up with it. So fuck it. Leave it alone and maybe eventually the clock will slow down. This will never end.

All I know, is that I have my friend back. An old friend that I was very involved with. An ex. The only one that plagued me. But it's ok now. He's fine. We're fine. We're back to the normal Brandon and Sam, just cut off the intimacy or the emotions, and what does that give you..there you go, friends! Just friends.

And I claim im not excited with my life anymore so i blame this town, this job, these friends, but the truth is that it's myself. I'm trying to understand myself and pinpoint who I am, and when I've finally get it figured out, then I change the whole damn plan.
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a first love is definitly a history maker [12 Jun 2008|03:55pm]
"I realized how happy i was and how good things are. Life does get bad sometimes but when its good, its worth it. Just moments like that are worth being alive for. And so is realizing that i still had the girl im in love with. I love samantha so much. As i layed there in donnies room with the breeze and the sun i knew that i want to hold on to this girl for as long as i possibly can. Ill go through anything to be with her cuz i know it will be worth it."

I don't care how many years go by, I don't care how many boyfriends I date, I don't care how well they treat me, or buy me nice things. No matter what, I mean no matter what, He will always hold that weakspot in my heart. It could be now, or give it twenties years, but I know when I see him, he will grab ahold of that weakspot and i will be on the ground for him. As sad as it is, it's the truth.
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What was hidden behind your smile? [08 Jun 2008|08:44pm]
[ mood | awake ]

My parent's are gone. They went to Niagara Falls, until Wednesday for my mother's 50th birthday. Trust me, she doesn't look any where near 50 years old. She's absolutely beautiful and stunning. She's always been fucking amazingly beautiful her whole life. When she was in her twenties she was asked to be in the Miss USA beauty pageant. She turned it down at the time because of her boyfriend who was the biggest douche this side of Michigan; he didn't want her to leave and pretty much see the world, and actually have a big shot of winning it. But then again, I wouldn't be here. But anyway, She's lost like 20 pounds and is skinnier every day and is lookin' better by the second, though the weight thing doesn't matter to me or anyone else because we think she's perfect the way she is, it makes her feel great. Anyway, they went and their staying at the Marriott hotel that has a balcony and the fall's are right outside their window. I bet it's BEAUTIFUL and I'm hella jealous. So yeah, it's me and my sister Suri til then, and of course Mark. It's cute though because now my mother like considers Mark as her son-in-law pretty much, that when she goes grocery shopping she'll make sure to buy him a ben&jerry's ice cream, and the soda he likes and all the meals. She went shopping last night and got everything we all loved, and when she talked to me she was like "Well, I'm goin' shopping for you Suri and Mark to get you food while we're gone" Haha. Instead of just saying me and Suri, she naturally said Mark. She's even went so far as to buy him a new pillow because she bought us all new feathered down comfortable expensive pillows and Mark loved it after we got it, that she went back and got one for him. It's so adorable. He's definitely part of the family. My dad who is a very independent person, who keeps to himself, and doesn't talk to anyone really, not even me; asked Mark if he wanted to go fishing sometime together. My father and Mark go downtown to my dad's work and Mark helps him take our new wooden doors to get them stained and stuff. It's really sweet too.

My sister Suri and I have gotten so close recently; the past 5 months, and it's quite insane. We can talk about anything. I fully trust her, and she has trust in me. We can talk about boys now since she's 15 and will be going into the tenth grade. I help her, from past experience's with Brandon, and I think my advice helps her a lot when she's going through shit with her ex boyfriend who is a complete douche and I hate him for making her cry. She really dug him for a while, and he broke up with her twice. I think it's because she's a very very smart girl, and has learned from my mistakes, and knows what not to do. But i'm there for her every time she's upset and i'm her shoulder to cry on. I really noticed how smart she had become a few months ago when her and I were driving, and had a serious conversation. Just the thing's she says and the way she says it makes her sound so smart and she knows what she's talking about. I mean I've know she was a smart girl, but the way she puts a sentence together makes me amazed.

I'm just really loving my family. Their amazing people, and recently I've thought to myself what it would be like with a different family. I got depressed because I have the most amazing people who care, and still i can be best friends with. Especially my mother, now that i'm older we've become best friends. We can talk about things that girl's wouldn't feel comfortable talk to their mom's about, like sex with their boyfriends, and stuff. I just love going into her room and laying in her bed and just talking before I go to my room.

Sorry for this long entry! Haha, but after all..it is a journal. I'll probably write more later tonight.

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If love could have saved you, you'd be alive forever. [04 Jun 2008|03:13pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Dear Miketo;

It's been quite sometime that you've been gone. Almost three years in August. I still have the cardboard poster in my room that Devyn and I made for your 19th birthday. It's filled with "Happy Birthday Michael" slurpee's pizza smiley faces jelly fish and star drawings. Triangle of Friendship was on there of course. Don't think, just because you're gone to a better place now, it's the end of TOF. When I told you we'd all be "best friend's forever no matter what happens" was the truth. Your mother still has the rock, the very rock that started the whole thing. It was kept in your room, exactly where you set it for a while after you left us. Now she has it in her study room I believe, but still it never left your house.

I wish you could see how much I've grown up and changed. I left Brandon, just like you told me I should. You told me things that I didn't want to believe or understand about him. You told me that he'd hurt me, that he was a cold hearted person that didn't care about anyone. You once said that I lost everything beautiful and amazing about me, and hopefully since then I gained it back. You are the only one that could tell if I'm back to the same goofy bright eyed warm hearted girl that I used to be before Brandon.

After you pasted, I heard that you loved me. I honestly didn't know. I really didn't, though you said that I knew. I don't know if it was a crush love, or just loved me as a best friend. Either way you were the best person I knew. I loved being around you. I loved when you would be such a gentleman and walk me home at night. I loved how you would give me your coat in late November at Gahona because I was cold, though you only had a t-shirt on. I loved how your cheeks would get rosy red, and how your smile was so bright and beautiful. I loved how you would do everything in your power to make me smile. I love how you were for me anytime I cried. There is so much that I want to say to you. I know I can't speak face to face, but I know you can hear my thoughts.

I visit your grave every so often. A few weeks ago, I went by myself, and left you a note. It rained the next day, but somehow the note was saved. Your aunt Lori went and told me that the note was completely still in tact. The ink didn't smear, and it was just like I left it. I left you a ciggarette too. I know you loved M. Reds.

I just want you to know...I still carry you in my heart.

I think I'm going to go get ready and see you in a few.

I love you Mikey Eddy Arty.
We are missing you horribly.
You will never be forgotten.<3

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headache [03 Jun 2008|10:45pm]
It's only 10:45 pm, and I'm considering sleep. Though I sleep all day everyday, and obviously have a sleeping disorder. Not insominia, but sleeping too much. I forgot what it's called. I have a low b-12 count. I once got a shot for it, and had to go back every month to get it; of course I forgot. So now it's back to going to bed at 10:30 and sleeping until 2pm. It's straight though. I need a full time job. This sucks, I've been graduated for a year now, and still not had any college or a real job to put down in my book of accomplishments. I couldn't care any less then I am now though. If I could, I'd get married be a house wife, cook dinner, clean, whatever.

I'll update later.
I'm out.

I had a sudden interuption.

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a new year [07 Jan 2008|06:54pm]
I spent new years at a few different places.
For starters, I went to eddies.
I jumped to Steve's to see Elyse
and then back to Marks house where everyone was fucked up and we all spent the night

It was nice.
Best new years I've had in my teen-life so far.

I have nothing really to say.
Other then my mom has surgery and i'm stuck in this house for a month and a half being her slave

ill update when im actually not depressed. tho there is nothing to be depressed about. i am.
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i'm so addictive [16 Nov 2007|09:41pm]
i'm so damn sweet.
i play the Sims Bustin Out for PS2 for 3 hours everynight.
it's kinda bad.
i've had erics system for a week now.
it's bad.
i'm considering buying it off of him
just so i can play the sims.

im dope
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its murder murder murder. [15 Nov 2007|02:10pm]
10 things you wish you could say to 10 different people right now:

1. I love you baby!
2. Let's get the goods
3. You are a fucking cunt.
4. Your sexy as hell, but an asshole.
5. Ill be there for you forever
6. I want to sleep today
7. You need to shower more often
8. Talk more, your way too quiet

Nine things about yourself
1. i'm addicted to Cashword scratch offs
2. i play the SIMS bustin out of ps2 for 3 hours everday
3. i smoke m.reds
4. ima bitch
5. i hate most girls
6. i luv my bf
7. i had 8 balls and studs and rings for my lip and lost ALL of 'em
8. I'm fuckin hott.
9. i like keisha cole

Eight ways to win your heart
1. be funny
2. gorgeous
3. honest
4. not stuck up
5. pretty smile
6. sexy bed eyes
7. be as hott as me so we are a really hott couple
8. dont fuckin cheat, and MAKE ME THE CENTER OF YOUR WORLD

Seven things that cross your mind a lot
1. the goods
2. mark
3. money
4. my shitty car
5. work
6. hopeing i dont get sick without the goods
7. i better not get a fuckin headache

Six things you wish you never did
1. drugs (NAHHT!)
2. turned into someone i wasnt when on H towards my family.
3. dated brandon he kinda ruined my life for a while
4. Not went to college
5. Worrying ALL THE TIME
6. beat up my sister all the time, haha

Five turn offs
1. fat girls that let themselves hang out everywhere
2. cunt bitches
3. people who dont shower
4. SICK teeth
5. guys who think there the SHIT, when they aint

Four turn ons
1. nice ass smile
2. showering, and smelling good
3. making me laugh and not making me mad
4. making me the center of their world

Three smileys that describe your life
1. ;]
2. :]
3. :*

Two things you want to do before you die
1. have babies with mark
2. live comfortably, lots of moneyyy
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It's Tila Bitchez [10 Nov 2007|12:13am]
Heh. Working is awesome. It is my life now. I hated working, and I've been working at lazertag for 3 years now. But suddenly..just suddenly..work has became my life. As so did Deliziosa (I don't know how to spell it). My mom works there, and she got me a job. I love the atmosphere, and I love the people that come in. I started today, and worked 10-3. But we opened at 11, and people came in at 12ish. My mother and I were the only two people that were waitressing, actually I wasn't even doing that, I just cleaned off tables, gave them there drinks, and brought them there food when it was ready. But by 3 o clock game around, we made $100 in tips. I got $30 from my mom, because it kinda wasn't fair that I get $50 cos she did the waitressing, and I just did whatever. Plus when it's slow I can sit at the table and eat, and talk on my phone, get cig breaks whenever I want, and even if I don't want to wait on tables, all i gotta say is "nah,i dont feel like it" and it's a done deal. I know I'm pretty boss.

As for zz, last saturday I decided to take a double, 12-4 7-12,
then sunday 12-5
thursday 7-9
friday 8-12
tomrw 11-6 then i plan on coming back at 7 or 8 til 1030
sunday 12-5.

last saturday i didnt even hafta work a double but did
thursday i didn't have to work but i did
friday i didn't have to work, but i called mike and he let me.

I'm a B A W L I N bitch;
so eat it.

Mark and I are extremely great. The best we've been yet, well not the best, but you know after a year and four months it gets kinda like whatever, but he can't wait to hang out with me everday, sometimes he even skips goin to college and comes over at 10 am and won't go home til 10pm; as for me i
m the same way, 'cept when i get offers to work i don't turn them down like i usually did, i'm addicted to work. But anyways, yeah, i'm really excited to get an apartment with him. We were lookin through some newspapers and circled the ones we could afford with a little bit of saving, so it's really exciting. Also christmas is coming up, and since we're having christmas eve here, like we usually do, we're getting two trees, one for upstairs and one down in the basement, and mark and I get to buy all new christmas decor and decorate the whole basement our style. It'll be cute, and I'm fuckin buying him $500 gift. heh.

Life is gggreat!
So if you wanna try and fuck it up.
You can go fuck yourself, because it aint gonna happen.
You can try, but trust me. I know better.
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got to find a reason my money's all gone. [06 Nov 2007|01:31pm]

Life is Life. Reallly. I feel ashamed of myself. My money is almost all gone. $2,600 in the bank on June 16th. Today, $600. And you would think that I have things to show for it. Nope. I'm not going to school, so it's not like it went there. It's spent on stupid stupid things. Ugh. Now i have to actually work more and put money back, if i want to keep taking money out. Like today. I have to take out $20, oh man oh man. Whatever, I'm gonna go to school in January, but probbbably not. I'm a lazy bitch. And I barely even work. I just want Mark to get rich or something so I can just move in with him and do nothing, just like clean the house and sleep all day. But that's not possible is it?

Fuck it.
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i'm goood. la la you can't tell me NOTHIN' [01 Nov 2007|04:51pm]
Went to a a little halloween party with our friends last night for an hour, last night it was fun. But at 11 we (mark michael and justin) ended up in Ypsi til about 4. It was so fun, I dressed up as little bo peep. It's very hott. But then I found out something about someone that i kinda was starting to think was sweet and was down with, but he fucking ruined it and i'm never going to go out there if he's in the same room..same house actually. 'specially cos it involves my best fucking friend and i don't put up with shit like that. Ugh..so after I left ypsi, i bitched to Mark all the way home about that stupid fucker. Swear, that mother fucker acts like he's gansta shit, he aint shit. Who the FUCK does he think he is...............
god i really fuckin hate white 'gangstazzzz fo sho girl'

pissin me off.

Excuse me...were you sayin somethin?
......uh uh you can't tell me nothin'
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It's too late. [31 Oct 2007|11:34am]
[ mood | sad ]

Yesterday was probably the most beautiful day so far. It was quite peaceful, and the air was just right. On top of such a great day, it was Michael's birthday. Mark Matt and I all got along really well yesterday, which is a first because usually there is little fight's between all of us, but not yesterday. We took flowers and a blanket from Mark's house, and went to the cemetary. We laid down the blanket and laid there, wiped off his headstone, layed a cowboy killer, some bud, and a quater. Last time we were there Mark poured his Jack over the grass. We didn't have any Jack this time, just some weed. It was so nice to visit him.

But one thing caught my eye.
A little old couple, had to be in there 80's. & she reminded me of my grandmother. We had a few extra flowers, so Matt and I decided to go and ask the couple if they would like to put it on there grave. They took it, but the little old lady, asked us "who did you lose" as she was crying, and we told her..and as she told us about her loved one, i started crying so bad. I held her as she cried on my shoulder, I ended up hugging her five times before I could walk away. But her grandson died four years ago, he was only 22, from a car accident. I helped her wipe off her headstone, and when the old couple left, I took sissors from the car, and cut the grass around the stone so you could see it better. Turns out, that before they left..she lives in Allen Park too. (The cemetary is in Riverview).

It made me feel so good. Really really good. How people can just come together like that, when you don't even know eachother. It was just a really good day.

...But once again, something else is on my mind. It seems as if I visit Mike at the cemetary, I come home and have these vivid dreams. The first dream I had, was that Mike was a ghost and no one could see him except for me. I went and laid my head on his chest, we talked about how it was while he's been gone and I said "Do you regret leaving us?" and he looked at me and said "Yes, I really do" put his head back down, because we were laying, and i looked up from my head being on his chest, and his eyes closed..and wouldn't wake back up..then i woke up.

The dream I had last night...was that I had was talking to him on the payphone, and I remember just crying and he was just telling me that everything's fine. I can't really remember it, it's very hazy, but when I do remember it, I bet it's very significant.

Honestly, I think these dreams are actually coming from him.
And I do believe that these dreams are us talking, and I think he's in a great place.

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I'm so cool, I shit ice cubes. [29 Oct 2007|10:45am]
[ mood | awake ]

Well, it has been sometime since i've updated this thing. I decided to give it a shot. Everything has been good. October is here, my favorite season, but last I remember...I think i gave up the love for October, and I believe November..was my favorite month. Shit, who cares. Tomorrow's Mike's birthday. I miss him. I think everyone is going over there, that'll be nice. I really can't believe it's only been two years since he's been gone. It seems so much longer but at the same time it feels like it just happened yesterday. Ugh, I miss his rosey cheeks.

On another note, I'm sick and it sucks. Runny nose, but stuffy. Headachy, and sore throat, this is fun!! Oh but last night was dope. I went and carved pumpkins at Mark's. Mark and I shared one and wrote "Mark & Sam" with two hearts on both sides, it looks awesome. Really, it turned out super nice.
Okay, I think i'm going to go now. whatever. peace.

<33Now I have a love for Leland Chapman (dog the b.h's son) HE'S FUcKIN SEXXXY!!!!<333

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It's a new year; all I got is a box full of dramamine and a cherry coke [05 Jan 2007|05:23pm]
Whoa now; I haven't written in this thing forever. Things are good, my life always is a rollercoaster of ups and downs, but who's life isn't? I need a car with a cd player because I need to listen to modest mouse everywhere I go. They bring me up, and back to places where sometimes I don't want to remember, but sometimes do. It's weird. I kinda miss how it all was; our "crew", our drives to wyndotte completely high, completely in touch of the world except not in the right way. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Oh let it break through.

But really; I have this weird feeling that I'll never change. I'll always be a sucker for opiates and modest mouse; driving around with windows down, smoking cigarettes in the morning; sitting at the pier in wyndotte and watching the sunrise. And really, I am ok with that. That's who I am; and I just need to find someone who is the same. He was my other half, and he was exactly like me in every way even if people don't believe it, they just never knew him the way I did. I've moved on, but my hearts always gonna be with him; my first love; everything we did was always fun and we wouldn't even have to ask where we were going; we'd just drive and know that we'd end up somewhere we both loved.. it's just so hard to find a person like that now. too bad it ended up that way, too bad.

this will never end, this will never end, this will n e v e r stop.
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first day [06 Sep 2006|10:57am]
[ mood | sad ]

Mark this day!!FIRST DAY OF SCHOOLLL..

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[03 Feb 2006|11:10pm]
hi, i don't have any friends anymore.
only because i apparently have no control over what i say anymore, except i really do. I just tell it how it mother fuckin' is. if they can't handle the truth they can just piss off right? yeah, alright sam, your a fuckin hand full.

so, i guess i should just move out of state.
living has never been so hard.
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[25 Nov 2005|01:44pm]
don't worry, this isn't friends only.
i just never update anymore, so you aren't missing out on anything.
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