When you consider your cousins to be your fucking brothers, you think of your relationship with them to be strong as anything; unbreakable;untouchable;unstoppable. Or atleast that's what I thought until tonight. I've grown up with them since the day I was born. I looked up to the older one while growing up with him. He is everything I ever wanted in an older brother. He was the star of his football team. He was popular, had a gorgeous girlfriend, had lots of friends, was a great person, and everything he did or said was just generally cool. There's always been this underlying love for eachother that was unsaid. We never had to, nor did we ever do because of the comfort level. He'd tell me if any boy hurt me in any harmful way, mentally or physically he'd kill them in a heartbeat. As soon as he told me that, I just knew he loved me like his younger sister. I don't even use the term "cousin" because he isn't that to me. He is my brother. My aunt; his mother, had three boys, not one girl. She tells everyone that my sister and I are her girls she's never had. My mom tells everyone that my "brothers" are the sons she never had. So now you can see the closeness of our family, and how tight-nit we are with one another. Even on his birthday in April, I went so far to get him a card- which I've never done before. Yes, every year we celebrate his birthday with the whole family, but this year was different. This year I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me, and how much I loved him, and respected him. I wanted him to know, that this year it was going to be different. When I went to Hallmark, I went to the "Brother" section. Found the best card describing all my feelings. I picked it out, went home, sat down and wrote my heart out on that card. I gave it to him, and he loved it. It really really touched his heart. So therefore I'd think that him and I had a really great relationship. But something has changed in the past few months, something sure has changed.
Now, for some reason he likes to talk shit about me behind my back, to no other than my own boyfriend. OK Great, I get that I'm a bitch. I understand that, and I take 100% full responsibilitie on that. I get it. But I also know that I can be a 100% generally nice person to be around also. So I'd kinda understand if I walked around being a huge fucking bitch to everyone in the family-- that's not the case here. If I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch to Mark. Alright? So let's see, the only reason he calls me a bitch, is because I'm a bitch to Mark. Does he know our problems? No. Does he know why I'm a bitch? No. Does he see what goes on behind closed doors? No. Hm..No.No.No. I didn't think so. And heres the thing, every fucking time, he tells me to quit. And I do, but it REALLY pisses me off when I'm telling Mark something, and he'll look at me and say "Samantha, quit". Dude, I'm not fucking twelve. I do understand my actions, I'm aware of it. I'm not a fucking little girl anymore that's just going through that awkward stage of life. I get it. It makes me super angry to the point sometimes when I wish I wasn't in this fucking family anymore when he'll talk shit to Mark about me. He takes Marks side every single time instead of mine. He has NEVER taken my side in the past two and a half years; not once. It's sad because supposibly I'm his sister, yeah fucking right.
And it's just not that. It's that he'll even go so far to tell Mark, "Why are you still with her, if I were you, I'd be gone, I wouldn't let her do that shit." COOL? Heres the fucked up part of it. He's in a relationship, but do I ever fucking say anything to him? No. He's in just as fucked up relationship as I am, but I'd better not even THINK Of saying anything to him. Nooo way. Can't do it, because that's totally stepping outta line. What fucking line? He's four years older than me. THATS IT. Not like he's 10 years older than me. He's not my father. Just like tonight, I was doing something with this styrofome shit, and there was pieces on the floor, I was aware of it, and I had all of the intention of cleaning it up, but oh wait, there he goes, "Samantha clean that up now" NO SHIT. Ok so I let it go, whatever ya know. Then I was playing with the six week old puppy lucy, she was sleeping so I laid her on the couch, I kept tucking her in, and all that, oh and I had her sleeping on my chest for the past hour before that, while everyone is in the other room except for my mom, my aunt, and my grandparents, so he comes in the room and goes "Samantha, I think she's fine" what the fuck ever. And THEN there was trash right infront of me, like a fucking envelope that was already opened, I picked it up, and set it back down, checked on the puppy before I got, and he goes "Samahta, throw that away".................SERIOUSLY DUDE?
...so I do, come back out, and he goes in the kitchen, and so does Mark..and I guess he goes to Mark "It's not like I want to say; "I never want to see you again"..but I can't stand being around her anymore cos all she does is bitch"...........WHAT THE FUCK...
I'm pretty sure I didn't do fucking SHIT, and he was being the fucking asshole to me ALL day for no fucking reason. I can't stand this bullshit. I can't stand my family anymore because all of them are always against me, even if I didn't do shit.
I can't win, at all.