DS

last fri after work i went to swim... felt so weak and couldn't glide when i tried to propel myself forward..
gave up after swimming 1.2km

today was supposed to have swim sq. under swim coach... but kena fly airplane... he didn't tell me no lesson..
frankly speaking, i loathe the pool on weekends. so many ppl,kids,ah tiongs...... (pls shave ur underarms, ladies!)

started to do the routine warm up swims, but after 400metres, gave up.
mentally drained. cant push myself. im so fatigued.

how to do tri in 14 days' time i got no idea.
i can do all 3 separately, but when u piece all 3 together....
**disheartened**

I signed up for PD tri.
Yes, Port Dickson Triathlon, Olympic Distance.
That constitutes to 1.5km swim, 40km bike, 10km run.

In a moment of overzealous, 不质量立-ness, I signed up for PD Tri, under the.... encouragement of alvin, my swim coach.

So i set out to train for my tri... swim and run........ and.....
i feel so much like giving up!

Like what my bro puts across -
you can do both, either way, but u cannot do all 3 together.

As much as i want to refute that I can do it........
truth to be told,
its so hard to bring my stamina to that level.

1 more month. How do I train to that level!?
I can't even swim non stop.
X_X

i am suppressing....suppressing....suppressing.......
till i feel so out of breath even when sitting down.
i just wanna scream till i can't scream anymore
run till i pass out;
punch till i collapse
cry till i sleep

sometimes i wish i am dead.
life is such a torture.
where are the colors of the rainbows?
i see it but i dun feel it.
what can i look forward to in life..........?

没错，留下来的人较痛苦。

不久，我已分不出泪珠与水珠。
湿湿地浇入我的心底。
把怦怦跳动的心给冻寒了。

你走的第25天。。。
（心）还是很痛。

她指的是经期。

明天就要到tioman潜水的我，如感深受 -
妈的！全都乱了！
姨妈来的太迟，害我潜水时有姨妈陪……
郁闷。
我不会用月经棉栓.
怎么塞啊？？？！！！！！

在小贩中心用晚餐，
就坐在一间卖粽子店的正前方。

心又碎了。
也许我真的是水做的， 心是玻璃做的。

大姨做的粽子赞到不行！
在美国的时候，端午节还特别想尝到她做的粽子！
（我）回来了之后，你知道我想吃，索性就“补包”给我。
但我又为你做了些什么？

愧疚的心情，带着悠悠的不舍。
你离开的第九天。。。

我还是不能相信。
无法泰然面对。

看见你毫无反击能力，好无助的躺在病房里，
我身平第一次觉得
太震撼了。但是震得心都碎了……

在加护病房看见你的ecg， 觉得大事不妙。
心电图根本不像常人的心律。

在医院看你的两天后，你走了。
在接获通知你从医院赶往回家的路上，
原本要去医院探望你的我们，飞奔去你家。
但迟了一步，你以先行了。

我强忍着泪水，哽因。
压印着、压印着……
我没有放声大哭，只有不停的巴眼角的泪水擦掉。

你走的很安详。
毫无痛苦似的。
安心的走吧…………

永在怀念中。

p/s: 过了9天，我还是无法相信你逝世的事实。心里会不舍，而因为不舍疼痛。感觉太不实际了。
pp/s:不要问候。不懈被问候。你要我怎么回答？不会回答，所以不懈被问候。

right now i am counting down - to someONE's concert.

the previous time i counted down to something, was when I was in US, counting down the days till I leave the north rim. It was of tumultuous pain for me. I remembered as I counted double digits to single digit, my heart would wallow deeper and deeper, for I know, this is one part of an amazing, exciting and fulfilling chapter of my life that I will close for the rest of my days.
I remembered vividly as the numbers dwindled to 9, I would sigh softly. Looking at every brick and wall at the North rim, every rock and every pebble, every chipmunk, and every sunrise and sunset, I would sigh softly.

As much as I tried to erode my memories of the rim, it just take a simple thing to invoke all my memories...

We talked about me, we talked about them, and we talked about shir.
shir is the aunt agony between us, and i am Ms Nonchalant.
whenever the couple argues, shir will be the peacemaker, and see that the couple kiss and make up.

On the day prior to our chilling session, the couple had an argument and were like kind of on the brink of breaking up..
So shir called and told me that the couple quarreled and might not be meeting us tmr night cos they might have a cold war....
I coolly told shir, " don't worry, they will make it up tmr!"
So all falls into plan. They made up by the next day, and we went chillin'

As shir cajoled the pair to share their parts of the arguments, shir tried to analyse and provide solutions... like "it was a miscomm, u shld have this this, u shld have that that..."

and i sat there abit stoning...shir informed them that "daphne said you guys will make it up and so nonchalant lor!"

the pair agreed.

What?! Me?! Nonchalant?! Well... cos i know the couple will make it up!
My explanation was " i m engineer-trained. according to statistics, there wasn't one time that the pair didn't kiss and make up......"

to my credit, i think i should add this to substantiate my point -

arguments borne out of anger usually ends up in reconcilation
arguments borne out of resignation..... goes down from thereon...

and that's why I know, they will kiss and make up!

almeen-hume loop - 47m12s

So today I went to *trim* my hair. Had enough of my crazy mane.
Initially wanted a trim, just to trim off the split ends, and maintain the general shape...
however, i walked out of the salon in a different hairstyle.
that's when it struck me - i am really unpredictable (at times)..

anyways I'm glad i made it an effort to cut off my hair..

desperately need to read to 'stock up' on my language compartment!!

So, results are out.

I felt alright during the swim, just the fierce swimmers slapped and kicked me. Audaciously swam OVER me.
The route was very confusing, resulting in me swimming very crooked, in short, swam more than required cos i was not swimming in straight lines.

After the swim, transition was ok, not messy, while running i saw raymond's favourite auntie! The one with hair like kerrie ware! i was pacing her for the first 3 km, but lost her soon after(or rather, i was DROPPED). The auntie hiong hiong one lor. haha i lose.
The run was enjoyable, not much drips and hills, but the rain came down soon after, making my running shoes logged with water, adding to the weight.
Had a rather strong finish, and the results -

Swim+run: 1 hr 49 mins
Swim: 44 mins +
Run: 1 hr 5mins.
2 PBs, (somemore 2 do in one shot! hahaha!)
Ranked 94 out or 166 (Women's open, however my wave started with the veterans and women's open...)

Hello O-D tri, here i come!
WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!