DS

今夜的星空，

灰灰地。

今夜的心情，

暗暗地。

好想找个避风港，
安顿好船只。

好想找个能让我哭泣的胸膛。

却没有。
却没有。

今夜看着过去在美国生活的照片，
不仅，
内心下雪了。

好寒冷，却又温馨。

心底莫名的空虚。

工作太忙碌，我根本无能为力。

我好想逃回那美丽的时光。

但心里却知道，无法再回到过去。

事实冷冰冰的打在脸上，痛在心内。

好想躲在怀里哭泣。

我。真的。好。无能为力。

我需要一个和我一起哭泣的人/
他们都要我的每一部份。但我又不是唐三藏/
我给了。但我还剩下多少？/
我没有了自己，因为给了太多/
今天辞职的念头好强/
会不会一股冲动我就这样把自己给炒了？/
每天做我不喜欢的事/
我又死了一点。/
没多少点可剩/
天啊!这样的日子还有多久？/
好想挖个洞把自己钻进去冬眠/

Click to enlarge!!
Well, I completed within the timing as planned! Now looking to clocking it under 3 hrs!

feel empowered. don't lose sight of what is your inspiration!

what happens when you find that your life is not fulfilling?

nothing satisfies you

not even swensen's earthquake, which you loved dearly.

not even your routine therapeutic "clean your room" sessions.

you just find everything fucked up.

the world is fucked up.

i am seriously fucked.

nothing satisfies.

fuck this world.

if there is a term called race prep fatigue, then i guess i am getting it.

last fri after work i went to swim... felt so weak and couldn't glide when i tried to propel myself forward..
gave up after swimming 1.2km

today was supposed to have swim sq. under swim coach... but kena fly airplane... he didn't tell me no lesson..
frankly speaking, i loathe the pool on weekends. so many ppl,kids,ah tiongs...... (pls shave ur underarms, ladies!)

started to do the routine warm up swims, but after 400metres, gave up.
mentally drained. cant push myself. im so fatigued.

every time i train, i aim to better the time previously.
but its so hard to challenge myself to be better than yesterday...
so much so that i am disheartened.

how to do tri in 14 days' time i got no idea.
i can do all 3 separately, but when u piece all 3 together....
**disheartened**

对不起我把你删掉了。从msn删掉了。
我没有信心不会对你产生感觉。
面对不喜欢我的你，
我只能落难逃离，
以免最后一道防备线被攻破。
我是缩头乌龟，但在众人面前，我是潇洒的我。
所以我得毫不在乎的不把你放在眼里。
这也是我最后所存的尊严。

Some of you might know, some might not...

I signed up for PD tri.
Yes, Port Dickson Triathlon, Olympic Distance.
That constitutes to 1.5km swim, 40km bike, 10km run.

In a moment of overzealous, 不质量立-ness, I signed up for PD Tri, under the.... encouragement of alvin, my swim coach.

So i set out to train for my tri... swim and run........ and.....
i feel so much like giving up!

Like what my bro puts across -
you can do both, either way, but u cannot do all 3 together.

As much as i want to refute that I can do it........
truth to be told,
its so hard to bring my stamina to that level.

1 more month. How do I train to that level!?
I can't even swim non stop.
X_X

i am so fucking irritable.
every slight thing irritates me.
i really think i can't fucking stand it (in singapore) anymore.
gimme freedom
gimme room to breathe
gimme a highway where i can speed
gimme a track that i can run without dying of lung polluted-ness
gimme a road that i can drive and finish listening to an album
gimme.my.personal.space.

i am suppressing....suppressing....suppressing.......
till i feel so out of breath even when sitting down.
i just wanna scream till i can't scream anymore
run till i pass out;
punch till i collapse
cry till i sleep

sometimes i wish i am dead.
life is such a torture.
where are the colors of the rainbows?
i see it but i dun feel it.
what can i look forward to in life..........?

唱的好真实。。。 打入心底了。

莲蓬头洒下的水珠打在脸上
不知不觉思潮又往不开心的地方去。

没错，留下来的人较痛苦。

不久，我已分不出泪珠与水珠。
湿湿地浇入我的心底。
把怦怦跳动的心给冻寒了。

你走的第25天。。。
（心）还是很痛。

看了绮贞的电影，有段情节，她骂道，“妈的！全都乱了！”

她指的是经期。

明天就要到tioman潜水的我，如感深受 -
妈的！全都乱了！
姨妈来的太迟，害我潜水时有姨妈陪……
郁闷。
我不会用月经棉栓.
怎么塞啊？？？！！！！！