I feel really melancholy at the moment.
Cause i just talked to Blair and he was all like making me feel like shit and stuff. So i was like, "you are making me feel depressed, im going now". And i didnt wait for a reply. He'll be all pissed off at me now i bet.
*Nick just txt me*
But im not really phased by it. He always takes so long to txt me back, it makes me feel sad then it makes me feel pathetic for being sad.
I guess thats why i avoid getting close to people because i really do just fall apart at the slightest thing they do wrong to me. Even if unintentionally.
I suppose i just feel insecure about the whole thing like, im not good enough or i dont have enough experience and he wont like me anymore.
Its just relationships you know? Its like someone that is around you all the fucking time, you tell them everything, they own you, they suffocate you.
I cannot stand the thought of this. Because ive pretty much always been alone my whole life.
I know now that if i do start something with Nick, i will be a wreck all the time. Happy, but a fucking wreck.
I wish i werent so weak.
I feel shity that i havent got a job. That im being a little bitch to my parents. That im so nervous about things. That music is just not satisfying me. That i feel sick and i cant eat anything. That i know i wont get any sleep tonight because i'll be thinking about these things.
C'mon Fuck The World.