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Finding myself....
was harder than i thought
I honestly really don't know what happened and well, I'm not doing so hot right now. I don't want to be alone forever. :(

Just wanted things to work out for once.
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I knew I was damaged good at one point in my life. That my mind was fractured and there seemed to be little pieces missing from the puzzle. But I am at a very odd place right now.

It seems that fate wants everything for me now, that it's giving me the get of jail free card and allowed happiness to finally be at play.

I have a succesful webcomic that I enjoy working on, I have a possible job thanks to someone I consider a good friend and thanks to that webcomic, I have a publisher looking over my first real comic script and I think I may have found the right girl for me finally.

After all this time, after Christine, Danielle, the confusion with abbie, the stuff with jess and being led on on more then one occasion. I feel that something is finally write I've only known her a few days now and it seems like I'm relearning everything that I seemingly forgot about trying to be in a relationship with someone.

I'm scared, almost to the point of being terrified that there will be someway I'll manage to fuck up and lose just like always. It feels like the ride is still climbing up to the highest point before it drops you and you get that thrill before it's all over.

I just, I want it to work out really. I want my license and a car so I can take this part of my life into my own hands and not turn back.

I mean I'm finally getting the hours at work I deserve and it took me so long to fight for that.

It feels like my life is finally making some sense again and I really hope it improves from here. Finding love again, being succesfull and being able to have people proud of you. It's all someone like me can ask for.

Here's hoping it works out.

Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: awake awake
Current Music: Amanda Palmer

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Things are moving a head at a very fast pace right now which has me excited. When I finally sit my eyes down to work out some character backgrounds several things happen:

A few new characters are introduced into the world.
The city that most of the story takes place in is named
and things start falling into place

I still want brittany on covers but right now it looks like there is still no artist attached to the project. I'm more comfortable working out the story and all the beats and then finding an artist that falls in love with the project before having someone just start flat out working on the project. Things are moving fast though so keep watching, i'll post some updates whenever avaliable.

On other note Comicrelated.com is getting a brand new look very soon and I will be writing a second weekly column. The second column will be a fun series dedicated to season 3 of heroes. I have a name in mind and can't wait for the premiere so I can start working on it.

For why I love comics there is a special edition coming out very soon dedicated to a very popular request. Thats it for now though, we'll see what happens next.

Current Mood: cheerful cheerful
Current Music: Dr. Horrible's sing along blog

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Lately I've been in a very strange place. The work situation jumped from completely in my control to just losing everything . What I mean by that is that my lovely boss has decided to and I quote "give me a week to get my closings looking better or I'm off the schedule"

great guy he is right? I got really, really pissed off because I had to hear it from marie who has become like a second mother to me. She really is awesome and when I finally do leave I can't not talk to her. I was so angry that if I had been in contact with my boss today I may have actually quit. But my level headed intuition kicked my ass back into sense mode and remembered that I am not a quitter. My closes are actually solid and I do everything right. But you know from a previous entry that it seems like the man will do anything to get rid of me. (after almost 2 years with no write ups or anything I think it would be suspicious to get rid of an employee without any problems don't you?)

Oh and I've developed grey hairs in the back of my head, looks like a damned bald spot. I'm 21, way too young to be bald or greying. grrr

Moving on to more positive nots we are on column number 8 for comic related: http://www.comicrelated.com/commentary/er_008.html

Chuck is amazing and I love writing for the site, he's an amazingly nice guy and definitely fun to play idea's off of. I'll be joining the podcasts eventually too which has me pretty excited. And the site's getting a brand new look in a month which should be awesome.

I guess thats it for now though, gonna continue to be stressed out or some shit. I have today off though so it looks like I may go job searching in town.

Current Mood: aggravated aggravated
Current Music: older crowd - mc chris

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I'm going to quit my job. Well put in my two weeks, all I need is a new job before I go rushing to do that. Its just i'm honestly at this point in my life done with papa gino's, I've and this is no jokes, I've gained grey hairs staying at this job for this long. Its almost been 2 years and I've held out as long as I can but well, i'll see if I can explain:

My Boss is a drunk: Alcohol seems to be a huge part of his life. Which is really really sad and I feel sorry for him. But hey speaking of feeling sorry for people, he apparently feels sorry for me because I read comics. Which is really pathetic on his part. At least I fucking read! And don't spend all my damn time drinking.

My hours have been cut tremendously. And by that I mean I can jump from anywhere to 40 to 38 to this week 27. That is not acceptable to me by any terms whatsoever. I've worked hard for the company and even got injured with almost 3rd degree burns at several junctures in time.

I've become stressed and all around mentally unhealthy due to actions by my boss and a few coworkers (some of which don't work for the company anymore) my boss makes fun of me, a lot. In the harshest ways possible for no reason. I don't know why I put up with it and it really is mentally damaging and not helping my already injured state of mind.

I am very polite with guests when they are in the resturaunt / trained in several area's that make me  a very strong asset, yet my boss once again is there to call me useless and that I do absolutely nothing.

I have been put in physical danger as a guest has actually decided to run behind the counter and stand next to me and completely yell at me and almost hit me. (all over a hot dog mind you) but I honestly do not feel safe in my work space anymore and that should not happen.

Right now thats honestly all I can think of, but its definitely why I can't work there anymore, its time for me to find somewhere where I know I'll be treated right.

Moving on I am actually pretty horribly depressed lately some of which is connected to losing people I considered close friends here in Holden. All due to actions that I fully do not regret or think I owe an apology for. While in New York for the con I, with someone I trust completely smoked for the first time. Didn't really like it that much, no big deal.

Not according to pat and Amber mind you. I get to work one day to discover that Ben thinks I'm some sort of drug addict, which really, really gets me heated. I don't know what exactly was said nor do I honestly care anymore. All I know is that I don't appreciate an attack on my character for trying something once. Pat told Amber about it who in turn told Ben who though I was a drug addict, so obviously something bad was said. A few days before this, pat was still talking to me and fine after discovering this happened. I don't know what changed. And Amber was just trying to find more reason to be angry at me.

Speaking of Amber, that situation gets a little more fun. Amber was visiting Ben at work one night because she doesn't work with us anymore. So me and Ben are having a conversation about something, joking around like we usually do and the word bitch comes out of my mouth. For some history here, amber hates that word. Doesn't mind the word cunt like at all, but start running if you use that word. Anyways, I immediately apoligize for using the word around her to which she gets angry and says that i'm not sorry. Mind you, the word was not directed at her, nor could it have really been taken offense to the way it was used. I tell her she's right and that i'm not actually sorry because its really not that bad and I know plenty of women that use it and how some of my closest friends joke around with it. She continues to tear into me for it saying that I treat women horribly and that she hopes my next girlfriend is a complete idiot without an IQ and stupid shit like that. I finally just shake it off and ask why she's acting so feministic all the sudden. Mind you, thats exactly what I said, I did not actually call her a feminist. She freaks out once again, sits on the bench and waits for ben to be done. She gives me a nasty look while i'm leaving. I have not talked to her since.

its been over a month and yet she still feels she's owed an apology. WTF?

Anyways, Ben/Amber/Pat were 3 of my closest friends in Holden and some of the first I really made. It upsets me that I'd lose people so stupidly over such stupid shit. But thats whats been happening and what i've been dealing with.

I'll end this entry on a positive note as I now write a column for www.comicrelated.com  and having a blast with it so far. The owner of the site chuck is a great guy and has invited me to join the pdocasts after we get a few columns under my belt.

Current Mood: aggravated aggravated
Current Music: Mc chris is dead

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Interesting last few weeks. Been doing a lot of interviews with people like Dan Milano, Phil Hester and a few others I can't name yet.

For those of you who haven't been seeing anything from me lately i've been working on my weekly column:

Conversations with yourself!

I'm having a blast with it so far and really enjoying the people I've got to talk with. A few reviews and several things all planned soon. I know I've mentioned it once before but hey I'm really starting to live more of my dream.

Current Mood: bouncy bouncy
Current Music: MCR

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Well I've been a very very busy man. New York comic con, several movies and a few interviews with some of the coolest creators around have kept me busy while still working "full time" at papa gino's.

See I do "full time" like that because my boss thinks 30 hours are full time. He's a bitch, can't really change anything. Could speak to the new DM if I ever meet him.

Anyways yeah everything that I spoke of abive can be found at my new column: Conversations with yourself

I enjoy it a lot and its helping me slowly branch out into pop culture journalism which is something i've been wanting to do for a long time now.

Anyways thats it for now, go read the column!

Current Mood: cheerful cheerful
Current Music: MC chris is dead

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God how much shit can one guy put up with? Apparently a lot, I have a lot of things bothering me lately and I'm trying my best not to snap or start smoking again. (Because thats just a bad idea, need to take better care of myself)

I feel like i'm back to patient zero again, social pariah boy! Seriously peeps, I miss a lot of you. WTF?

Hung out with Kristy last saturday, had a fun time for the most part, except for having to awkwardly meet her new love interest who she wanted my opinion on. He seemed like a good guy at first, nice and down to earth....until he took a pot shot at me. It went like this:

"Have fun going on your comic book mission, I used to collect those back in the day." (eyes rolling, condescending voice and just all around acting like a tool) whats your problem man? Sorry that you know, I'm trying to hang out with my friend who your trying to fuck, but hey next time I'll let her be fucking used again just like most of her exes. And back in the day? According to Kristy, your 22! That makes you 2 years older than me, back in what day? When you weren't a tool?

But I digress, I just watched Jay Leno who is obviosly incredibly jealous that Conan is 10 times more popular than he's ever been and guess what he spent a whole segment on? Making fun of a bunch of warm hearted cos players who humored his little show. All he did the whole time was make fun of each one of them and how unapproachable they were. If they were so unaproachable, why did they talk to you? Idiot.

And work, work has sucked lately, i'm so glad i'm leaving on my trip in 3 weeks, don't think I could survive much more of this shit lately.
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I feel like Thor when he slept for 2 years and it was never mentioned again. Why do I feel like this you ask? Well just what the hell have I been doing the last 2 years that is exciting.

I could look through like 50 of these old entries and just end up more dissapointed in what my life seems to have resulted in.

Wow Eric I mean you've managed to gain a dead end job, barely getting full time anymore like you know, you were hired on it. You got hired on at 8.25 been working there for over a year and half now and how much do I make you ask? How much does a .15 cent raise sound to you? Cause yeah, thats what I got. I'm so sick of being pushed around and fucked with mentally when it comes to my GM at the resturaunt. I'm just emotionally exhausted.

Which speaking of: When did my mood disorder start kicking my ass again? I really, really don't have the money for a therapist though seeing harvey might actually help me work out the problems in my life that have been building for 2 years now. I miss Jen, like badly. During High school she was the closest friend a guy could ask for and I've lost her completely and it sucks.

Maybe you know I could smoke pot and drink all the time instead of facing the real world, that would make life fucking grand....oh wait, no that would just be a stupid decision.

Only positive right now seems to be that the con is in 32 days. I am so incredibly amped that you have no idea. I just really wish that it didn't feel like my friends didn't want me around anymore.  :(

Current Mood: aggravated aggravated

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I'll get to that in a minute but I got my tax return back, got some cool stuff. Rock band is amazing, like one of the funnest and most addicting things ever.

Anyways, finally saw planet terror and it joins the list of movies I will be able to watch over and over again the rest of my life and still enjoy them. (its interesting that list)

But now to the nerdyness. I get to meet a scotsman! Not just any scottsman mind you but a visionary comic book scribe a man that understands Wolverine, made me fall back in love with superman, a man who has me reading batman. Hell this is the guy writing dc's biggest event in a trilogy. Grant Morrison will be in New York for new york comic con!!!!!

Oh and who else is on that list mind you? Well let me tell you:

Bryan Hitch- Artist of the ultimates, current artist of fantastic four
Mike Mignola- creator of Hellboy!
Alex Ross- A man who's basically drawn every character in every comic universe. A man who got me an A - on my fine arts project in high school
Ethan Van Sciver- the artist who my tattoo is loosely based on and helped me get right back into green lantern
Dale Eaglesham- current artist of the JSA
Steve Mcniven- currently one of the hottest artists in comics
Rob Liefield- who I finally get to have my encounter with. For history I shall post an entry devoted to it, some of you know it.
Amanda conner- for she is pretty and draws good ;p
and Steve niles.

Grants the only writer announced so far but can you imagine if Geoff Johns and Dan Slott get on the guest list, Geoff got me back into DC god I can't wait. 10 weeks!!!

Right now I kind of wish it was saturday though, can't wait to see chelsea. :)
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So I picked up a copy of The Escapists 2 days ago and I'd like to say what a blast this book was. It inspires me to get writing again because for all the moodiness that I've been going through for a while now, its time for a change. I've already become a small bit of a happier person and I'm going to try and complete the Hunter Chronicles by the end of 2009. And then move on to another project finally giving Zack a well deserved break from the idea's stowed in my head. But the more I think about it, the more I realize things like the escapists and league of extraordinary gentleman:the black dossier have inspired me. Not only will this be a giant love letter to the comic book industry but it will be a nod to cult sci fi movies and just packed with material by the time i'm done with this I may be creatively drained for god knows how long but its time to finally map out what i'm calling "the casebook" in which during the main story Zack will flash back to earlier cases and he'll find more and more of what Frank's battles as the doombug brought him. Hell I'll even add more and more into the mystery of where xen comes from exactly.

Its time, I'm not going to be a slacker anymore I want to write this for me, for my grandparents who are obviously no longer with us but always believed in me as a kid. I'm writing this thing that was my dream from all the way back in 7th grade when I escaped the bullying by going into this world filled with people with amazing powers, talking skeletons and a detective who's just trying to get out of his mentor's shadow.

Current Mood: cheerful cheerful

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Its only the first month in 2008 and we may just have already got the best movie of the year. Go see Cloverfield and let yourself get fully immersed. This thing will change the movie going experience. 

Current Mood: tired tired

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I feel as though very recently that life has got quite repetitive. After getting my heart broken by a close friend, I've moved on a little and am still dealing with it. But things aren't exactly working out as I wished them too.

Being the start of a new year you'd figure....new things would happen?

Not so the case apparently. Ah well, things will hopefully change soon. Maybe my viewing of cloverfield. (I've seen artisitic renderings of the monster, I'm amped.) Will fix my addled mind.

Current Mood: contemplative contemplative

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Well I'm done. So tired of all this fucking shit, I really really am.

God things apparently were as usual one sided. I don't need a third fucking party coming at me with their protentious text as if they are more intelligent. Because here's the news flash bambi: You like ICP, that right there means your not anywhere close to being intelligent.

So fucking done with everything as of late.

Current Mood: aggravated aggravated

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You ever meet that perfect someone? The person that when you let them get close enough knows you better than anyone else in the world?

She's my mary jane to my peter parker.
The lois Lane to my Clark Kent
The Iris to my Barry Allen

You guys get my point, sure things got bad between us for a while and I'm sure their are moments where we drive each other crazy but she's the girl for me. She was the only one to be there for me at my grandfather's wake, the only girl to ever make my heart beat out of my chest.

Its just hard to describe how much I care about her and its definitely why I've never been able to meet anyone else.

To you Danielle, the most amazing girl I know.

Current Mood: accomplished accomplished

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Wonder if I spoke that backwards if would actually work.

People at work need to stop being dicks, steve needs to learn to write my fucking hours properly and people need to stop making snide comments. I'm the lead fucking grill cook at that resturaunt, end of fucking story. Yes, congrats amber your now a grill cook, thats awesome. But back the fuck down with your stupid little 'jokes'

and another thing, I wish to meet girls that are into comic books that you know, I can actually be into and meet them before my friends do.

And danielle needs to make up her mind, I'm so fucking confused about everything.
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Its time to win her heart once and for all....do I need to fight a dragon or something? :)

Danielle called me last night right before I called her, only got to talk to her for like 20 minutes but it still made the end of 2007 that much better.

Current Mood: amused amused

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And that my friends made me laugh and just shake my head. It was a very odd moment but I took it as a compliment.

Anyways, christmas was decent. I felt out of place with my family just like I always do....but thats because I have nothing in common with my family!

I got 40 bucks worth of itunes gift cards, most of which is already gone. I got cool new jackets and 75 bucks worth of america express gift cards, which goes toward this weeks pull. Countdown Arena ends this week and I am very hooked. Comic are out on friday this week too, which is odd.

Work sucked for the most part tonight, but hey I managed to score more hours.

And after a long hiatus, I shall finally be working on the hunter chronicles again.

Oh and you: Why have you not finished reading buffy yet? 10 issues! You can't be that busy, I want to hear your opinions!

Oh and I love most of you because well your all my family. ;p

Current Mood: bored bored

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God, your all fucking immature. Can just one fucking person get into the holiday spirit?

Drop all your fucking bullshit and just act your ages because I'm honestly done with all of you.

Current Mood: aggravated aggravated

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Family christmas party equal eric ending up feelings really, really shitty about himself. I have to put up with an uncle who thinks its okay to say the word "fag", a cousin who does everything right. (even though you know he got caught drunking) driving and just for the most part, faking having fun.

But whatever, I digress. I saw sweeney todd early this afternoon and seeing how it was a tim burton flick, I did not expect as much gore as what was in it. I mean its a fun musical with the sense of a horror movie and doesn't pull any punches. The cast is amazing and everything was pulled off brilliantly.

At the end of today I end up exhausted and wanting to curl up into a ball and rest, knowing tomorrow is going to fucking suuuuuck.

Oh and as a sidenote: What the hell is up with everyone? Insanity suddenly decide to hit before the holiday season or something?

Current Mood: accomplished accomplished
Current Music: MSI

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