Katherine Margret

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-08-16T00:31:00

2008-08-16T04:32:54Z

i wish somebody would take me away from all that goes on within in this hectic life of mine and make it all alright

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-08-15T01:19:00

2008-08-15T05:20:20Z

let me tell you how good it feels to have my old best friend back in my life again

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-08-13T12:46:00

2008-08-13T16:51:17Z

june 28th ,2008 - august 13 , 2008
many days have passed and my return home has been quite life changing. The smallest of things have made the biggest of impact into me. Many nights spent reading or conintuing my wrightings of the novel iwill never reveal. Working many hours to ease the pain that i contine to hide inside but dont mind for it brings me the pleausres of having money.

theres so much to say but wright now i cant seem to find the words to desrcibe what has been goingon

ryan dirig, your a joke
a complete waste of energy and time
it was a fun 7 month long thing but totally not worht another damm day of my life.

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-06-12T14:09:00

2008-06-12T18:17:42Z

gotta love tits ( jimmy) and my best friend <3

gotta love my vietnam and tits chick !

so these past few weeks have been pretty intense but amazing
bars are pretty fun to show up at wasted & then get more drunk

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-05-30T08:38:00

2008-05-30T12:50:11Z

LIKE HILIRAY CLINTON IM THE BOSS

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-05-02T13:22:00

2008-05-02T17:30:15Z

i am falling hard and its the greatest feeling.
all those little cute things he does, makes me smile so much inside

hes just apassionite person and when he plays his guitar and sings
i melt away

band practice tonight
should be a good time as always

my best friend is awsome , never thought id meet somebody like her..
she literally is like the same person as me its great
like we both got fucke dup past and want the best future and are just trying to stay sane...idk cnt explain her
except for shes my best friend

=)

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-04-17T13:04:00

2008-04-17T17:07:30Z

everybody start's somehwere ; everybody also cope's with things in their own way, my way _ writing till it make's some sort of sense to myself.
i dont remember the day it all began or how i felt but it was something stronger that words couldnt describe. Didnt make sense to anybody not even my self. I know find out that everything i always thought was a lie that i was telling is the truth. He is actually who i desrcibed him to be
a lieng scumbag peice of shit drug addict who has good inetntions with the worst descion making in on how to get there.I have so many questions that i will never find answer's to, and to me they are simple question's but to him they are probabbly some of the worst things to answer and the hardest, because i know that the reason to justify how i was feeling on that day is impossible to say or write down for it just grew on me over time, maybe the reason he did drugs was to help him deal with life - maybe he did them again because he couldnt live with tomorrow, he couldnt live with the things he said yesterday.
i do not respect him for he is full of lies & cover-up lies.
whatever he is who he is, and i cant do anything about... and i shure as hell can`t change him.
i hate to take from him, i.e ... money //car ect, but after i have what i need in this visit home, i dont plan to return for quite a while.. its time i start to lead my one life on my own two feet.
my feelings and emotions are so mixed, at times hes great and i try to look past all of his faults, for i would not want anyone holding my faults against me... but its just so hard for he is my father.
whatever

my anxiety has become alot worse in the past 8 months.
nervous breakdowns are terrible and i freak out when somebody is standing behind me or looking over my shoulder
& even for that matter if i get touched... i jsut get irrated so easily..
help.

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-03-26T13:21:00

2008-03-26T17:26:56Z

i did it again
back in school to finish up for once
and i find my self being mroe concnered about socialization rather then my studies.
not only and i letting everybody else who cares about me down AGAIn
im doing it all over to myself.

STOP
CHANGE

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-03-25T13:45:00

2008-03-25T17:49:31Z

Forever in search of something greater and better, but truth is, its right in front of my eye's.

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-03-06T13:18:00

2008-03-06T18:22:14Z

Jewel // James Taylor // Marc Cohen // Neil Young // The eagle's // Rolling Stones
all make me feel closer to home.

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-02-27T10:58:00

2008-02-27T16:07:28Z

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<a alt=""Photobucket"></a>"" border=""0"" src=""http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s250/katerestinigga/katesneice.jpg"" target=""_blank"><img" katerestinigga="" s250="" albums="" s154.photobucket.com="" href="<a href="http://s154.photobucket.com/albums/s250/katerestinigga/?action=view&current=katesneice.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s250/katerestinigga/katesneice.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>"><img alt="" src="http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s250/katerestinigga/katesneice.jpg" /></a> if it wasnt for this little ray of sunshine into my life, things would be completly differnt. its funny how a baby comming into the world of somebody your related to .. can change your whole way of life i was living reckless ; careless ; irresponsipable and pretty much like a scumbag untill my sister messaged me and told me i wsnt going to be able to be the godmother of this chilid if i didnt change my ways. life couldnt be any better last saturday night & sunday went to lake como to go ice fishing & snowmobiling even thou  none of my tip -ups caught anything it was still an awsome experince to be out on the ice just chillin and what not... i went from 0-93 mph on a straightway on the ice on the snowmobile seriiously those things are awsome hung out with the cousins and family till 430 in the morning just drinkin some beers and talking it was the coolest thing ever going back to long island this weekend for my moms 50th surprise party.. hmm this should be interesting what would have been 2 years with tom ( feb.25.06) just passed.. its crazy to see ho0w much you can care about somebody and then boom once you brake  up its like there out of your life. he has a new girlfriend & im  reall yhappy for them but its still really hard, i really  cared about tom... everything he was about i loved and i guess maybe because he was my real first boyfriend & everything. whatever life goes on <img alt="" src="http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s250/katerestinigga/kr.jpg" /> thats sophia lilly ( my brothers baby) shes still really sick  & it brakes my heart to see her i think thats why i have trouble being around her with out gettin emotionall because it kills to see this kid hurting so much and shes only a a year old it kills to see my brother & his wife and the familes hearsts braking over this chilid she is  so strong & beautiful and one day is going to make a bigg differnce in the world i can tell already

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-02-20T10:10:00

2008-02-20T15:23:44Z

Memories are just where you laid them
Dragging the waters til the depths give up their dead
What did you expect to find?
Was it something you left behind?
Don't you remember anything I said when I said,
Don't fall away and leave me to myself
Don't fall away and leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again
And leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands
Love lies bleeding
Oh hold me now I feel contagious
Am I the only place that you've left to go?
She cries her life is like
Some movie in black and white
Dead actors faking lines, over and over and over again she cries
And I watched as you turned away
You don't remember, but I do
You never even tried

latetly i feel as if everything im doing isnt going to last, i feel the constant need for change
maybe this is because i was always moving around from groups of friends and never really had something concrete in my life that i was content with, except the music that beat's with my heart. I am supposed to be typing an essay on the reconstruction era, which just inspired my mind to drift off into a tangent about my life for som odd reason. I feel as if i allowed my self to grow up to quickly, and missed out on the all experinces that msot girls go through from 15-18. I was always around people who were older then me, and constantly trying to find a way to get messed up, and misse dout on the simple beauty of many other things in life. This past weekend i was out with friends who were all 21 & older and we landed up leaving their apartment and headed out to this bar in the hancock house, i had previsouly already been drinking and had two beer's with me which i was allowed to bring in. ( since the area i live in , is such a small place, everybody knew everybody ... but me being knew and walking in with everyone who was 21 i guess they just thought i was ) well anyways i landed up taking shots at the bar and then there was a fight between two people their, so my group of " FRIENDS" and i went across the streeet to this other bar called Moo's and i lande dup having a few more beers. I found myself in akward situations and conversation's , not due to my drinking but to the people i around were alot older. And it shocked me becasue never before did i feel akward or have trouble keeping conversation with odler people. Then i realized that with my drinking and what not i would have much rathered been with people my age & or just not at the bar. As much fun as it was, im finding out more and more that yeah drinkin is fun, but to not remember the next day and do stupid thing s & or say stupid things because of alcohol, is just silly right now. I think that i will give it up for a while untill im of age. I mean the ocassional party here & there maybe but im not going to plan on going out and drinking.
"I feel so alone & yet never have felt more alive "
literally like, i feel good again but yet so alone.
its so hard moving to a new place, its not so much the place
but its being yourself around all these new faces.
I finally have accepted me for being me and most of the time im pretty confident but everynow and then i find myself slipping up and feeling not so much like myself which gets a reaction from others everywhere around me because they are still trying to figure out who i am
the thing is, i dont care if they know about my past & they can hold it against me as much as they want,
i just want my future and present to not constantantlly be based on the past
even thou thats what got me to this point today
so should i be proud?
like im not ashmed
i dont know so much im going in circles.

i need to go snowboarding asap and just relax
OH WAit, thats right !
im going tomorrow =)

so much mor eon my mind, i could write for days.

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-01-24T13:32:00

2008-01-24T18:47:18Z

didnt get to go snowboarding last night which kinda bummed me out but thats okay cos next wensday im buyin a board from aj so money wont be an object to me.

i died my hair lighter brown with blonde highlights and it looks pretty kick ass not gunna lie..

tonight the harlem wizzards are playing a game at the hancock highschool, imma check it out.. seems interesting

saturday night im going into scranton with chris would should be an aawsome night.. everybody else calls him bubba cos thats been his nick name since he was like 14 they said and hes 26 now and they still do ... but i cant seem to find myself callin him that..whatever

not gunna lie.. im rockin these sneakers right now
http://www.sneakerfiles.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/new-nike-air-max-90-patent-leather-main.JPG
and they just loook kick ass
escp cos i got a shirt thats the same color green/yellow on them

somebody came up to me the other day & they were like i havnt seenen you repeat an outfit yet.. i dont get it.. how many clothes do you have

and i just laughed

two years ago i didnt give two shits what i wore but now a days i liek lookin all nice & still comfy as hell

this update is pointless but its killin time.

when i went back to longisland the thursday after christmas and stayed till new years day..the first few nights were kick ass and then new years eve i found my self with everybody again and falling back into old habits.. im so glad i dont live there anymore and am not caught up in all the drama and bullshit. like i saw my ex and it was really nice to see us on that friend level finally and then i just got to drunk & acted like an idiot.. i mean whatever that happnes...but i really wanted him to see how well i was doing.. i dont know why but i did. ANd then i came back up here and was talking with my aunt and she helped me realize, it shouldnt matter what he thinks, we had what we had and that was it.. his opions shouldnt matter to me cos were not even "friends" were people who just keep in touch every now and then and i have nothing to prove to him. and im finally content and its a kick ass feeeling cos now i can move on.

i went from having nobody i was truely interested in, two having two people who make me laugh alot, and are both really goodlooking with personalities that are beyond sky limit to math it...

i must also say and get it out.
i am proud of myself and i dont care how cocky that seems or whatever
from where i was to where i am now.. is such an accomplishment for myself

i still find myself down in the dumps, but then again who doesnt have those days
you cant smile everyday and mean it...

last weekend a solider who was over in iraq who was orginally from hancock ( the town that is 12 miles from my house) has passed away and everybody today has crowded the streets while his body was taken through the town and to the funeral home for a vewiing.there were soldiers and all types of goverment people.it was sad to see, cos all these people aorund here grew up with him and or knew him. because since its such a small town everybody knows everbody.

theres this show Gilmore Girls & or One tree hill with the small ass towns and schools
and thats pretty much where i live except i live in the middle of no where and its 12 miles to the nearst town.

life truely is crazy

well im done with this for now

nosotros creamos la revolution por vida !!!!

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-01-22T11:44:00

2008-01-22T16:46:42Z

take time to think.

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-01-15T15:35:00

2008-01-15T19:52:29Z

snowboarding was sick last week.. going again tomorrow with armando james ( A.J ) haha
hes gunna sell me his old boarrd for like 50 bill's i think, gunna be pretty sweet.

the snow has just been piling up day by day, i think the past few day;s i havnt seenen clearness in the sky and air.

its aboustly amazing

saturday night _ bowling with bubba dibbs anthony peewee the rock bucket & most likely kelly.

should be a good time.
that whole wood family has a hella lot of nicknames .

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-01-08T15:09:00

2008-01-08T20:11:20Z

this life im living is nothing compared to the one i could be leading.

so uphere in PA... for fun in the winter
everybody goes snowboarding..like ALL THE TIME.
for instance wensday nights - 4pm sesh till 10 pm.

im so pumped for that.

thatgirl_____ @ 2008-01-02T13:18:00

2008-01-02T18:19:37Z

what a twisted fucking world!

thatgirl_____ @ 2007-12-31T13:33:00

2007-12-31T18:35:25Z

seeing him again cleatred up alot of unspoken about pain.
his mother looked fabulous & he looked pretty good- i hate to see him stress thou & be upset.

my visit back home to longisland has been the best ever
again last night i did something i now wish i didnt
but WHATEVER.

i love my friends<3

and i hate her for the pain that shes brining upon him !

thatgirl_____ @ 2007-12-19T11:05:00

2007-12-19T16:08:24Z

finding out news like this is crazy
addict father in disgusie of just a sick father?
what a fucking loser.
who use's drugs that heavily and that strong when you have 4 kids & a wife
i fucking hate you.

thatgirl_____ @ 2007-11-16T09:21:00

2007-11-16T14:26:55Z

<big><big>
I PASSED M Y ROAD TEST =)

thatgirl_____ @ 2007-11-13T08:30:00

2007-11-13T13:32:11Z

my heart is beginng to speed up.

thatgirl_____ @ 2007-11-12T11:59:00

2007-11-12T17:00:29Z

i really just want to go HOME !
i feel like a vistor in my own home.

thatgirl_____ @ 2007-11-11T19:32:00

2007-11-12T00:46:47Z

a weekend home and and another lesson learned
maybe its true some place's jsut arnt for everyone... i came home and expected a weekend of nothin but fun
but instead i was taken by surprise by an run in with an ex & relization of fake friendships & people.
im glad i am where i am now & im glad im doing so much better then half of the people i know in my life
the family situation i guess will just never change & i have to learnt o grow & deal with it in other manners then
shuttin everyone out & just going to sleep but its hard when u get so mad & upset and no body will even listen
and your parents will never admit there flaws so im screwed in that situation in hope that they might change.
seems that money runs the loev in this family but its running me so far away that i never wanna come back again.

thatgirl_____ @ 2007-11-10T09:24:00

2007-11-10T14:25:50Z

being back on long island is the best thing ever.

thatgirl_____ @ 2007-11-08T11:31:00

2007-11-08T16:37:07Z

IM TOTALLY COMMING TO LONG ISLAND TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!