sleeptodream170

These are just my old myspace blogs that i want to delete.... but have still. they are long...



I will always picure you in...
Current mood: distraught

the sun.

I will always picture you in the sun.

I don't know why, but than again I do,

Because that is where i left you.

You were sitting in the sun, and the least i

could do was get up and walk away.

I didn't look back, I am not sure if you watched.

I am not even sure if you sat around long enough to watch me go.

Most people would think I Want To Hear You Sad.

But i don't. I don't want to hear anything.

If there is anyone in the sun.. than tell me..

what went wrong? I lost so many things.

Oceans, body parts, family members

scars, friendships, storms, and myself.

I left you in the sun. I left you in the sun?

I left you in a parking lot.

I left you in a bedroom.

I left you in a restaurant.

I left you in a crowd.

I left you at a party.

I left you at a wedding.

I left you at my doorstep.

I left you on the floor.

I left you in my living room.

I left you.

All of you.

I am leaver and giver.

I am complete hater and judger.

I swear under all of that I am a lover.

Because when you finally showed me

myself, I became someone else.

I kicked in doors and walked out of lives.

I gave things away, and i took plenty of things.

I kept my mouth shut while friends made mistakes.

I lied to you and you and you so that you would

never understand what really made me tick.

I told the truth to you. And I hate it.

I love that you know, but I hate it more.

I picture you fast asleep. Just

cause that is all i can handle right now.

I am a serial writer offer.

I am me, finding my way

but not knowing how much I will find.

Will I find all that I lost?

Will I find my sister? Will I find

the things you took from me?

Will I find a cure for my shaking hands

or my inability to stand up without

the room spinning?

Maybe it is all because i left you in the sun.

And that is where I will always picture you.

Cause I don't even know anymore if there

is anyone.

I just know that I picture you in the sun.

Wandering the same things as me:

"What went wrong?"

I never stopped typing... until I got to the Bible verse.
Category: Life

Sleep is for freaks and awake is for snakes.. .so you will just find me here... floating somewhere between asleep and awake. between here and away. i am the yellow light in your life. Just like that girl you can never get your hands on, but always seem to.

I am the person who you see when you are spacing out. Just leave me be... there is only room here for empty or full. We don't do half and half, we don't take half the virginity. It's all or nothing. So either buckle up or get the fuck out. Forever. Don't kiss my ass it makes me feel weird.

It's a symbol of affection from both of us. It could be the best thing.. or I could just be writing drunken limericks. I don't even remember what limericks are... but all i know is that I am looking for a kick in the teeth to make you realize when it is done or why.

Either way... just think of me as the girl between green and red. I am yellow. I am slightly unhealthy. I slightly refuse 3 meals a day. Slightly genius. I am dying a little more everyday.. but than again.. am I?

It's just the small, little things going clockwise that throw me off. That threw me between your sheets. That got you locked in my bedroom. Don't ask me anymore questions just have them all come as statements cause I don't even understand my life enough to answer your rhetorical questions. Just have statement about it ready.. say it... and maybe i will believe it and add it to my fucking diary.


So i liked you when I was 11.... 10 years later you are just another bloke checking me out in the rain. I don't want you anymore.. I have my own shit to worry about. I am simply a visual genius. I see you and I have you pinned down Physiologically and whatever. Whatever, get on or get out. I'm not the 7th grader you pawned for. Hahahahahaa I moved on and up.

For real welcome to the 20's. Welcome to me not being the girl you thought I was. Welcome to me caring about my family and my success more than your fantasies of what you thought life would be. This is more than the AC vent in your room.. this is me telling you the T-R-U-T-H. truth.

This is me saying sorry for all i did and did not do. This is me telling you that I know who I am without knowing who or what I want. This is me telling you that all i know is that families were not meant to be apart. I was born to be me and I am a step closer to being whatever that is.

This is me telling you that when I was given the chance I could not shoot a gun. This is me telling you that realization of who I could give it to is for real. This is me telling you that I am cashing out and moving to the country. To the place where they knew me as the girl who
shook everything. Yes, I'm grown now, but that just makes me more inclined to do what a want, and to push away what I do not want.


So the other day it came down a question of quantity or quality? From the outside in..(bahaha).. it looks like quantity... but in my own heart and soul i know it is quality. That is why I am up at 2 AM spilling my life story to a ether space of people who are looking for the same thing I am. Why don't we join forces? Just shut our mouths, give up and let go of our parent's divorces. (that's for my bitch of a sister... more like distant relative)

"She's prolly just drunk ranting anyways"


Whatever. Someone said I am more outspoken when I drink. Well I am. So now my guts are on the table. It's been 2 years. You will not know me when you see me again So peace.

It will be like it's been forever and we are strangers.

Wow I can chat up a storm.

xoxoxoxo

check..

Matthew 8: ?










 

BLAH
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Quiz/Survey

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
not really.... but i don't always want to drink alone

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
baths at night

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you could tell everything to?
yes

Has anyone told you they were gonna get your name tattooed on them?
some one is getting my birthday....... lol he owes me

Excited for anything this week?
Becks is coming to Caliiii.... there is trouble to make.



What are you wearing?
a white v neck + boy shorts



What are you doing tomorrow?
school.... i love it right now



What color is your hair?
blonde... i do my own hair..... lol full time student.



Have you ever told anyone you loved them?
yes

Have you ever passed out because of alcohol?
absolutely... 3 shots and it OVER lol

Want to get married?
i do. definately

How have you felt today?
much better.... just have to keep the good things on my mind


When was the last time you had butterflies?
it has been too long. i am in a dull lull.



What are you wearing on your feet?
nothing

Who last called you babe/baby?
if anyone ever calls me that... i think i will hit them. BE CREATIVE.

Last time you were disappointed?
today..... but it's less and less everyday.

Do you like being in pictures?
nope. I am like a Native American... pictures steal your soul. (except myspace and artistic/editorial pictures)

Are you happy at the moment?
i thought about it the other day... and honestly... i have not been happy in a year.

Do you tend to get pissed a lot?
yes. but i manage to keep it to myself.. unless it has to do with traffic

Do you know anyone with a lisp?
no

How did your day start off?
racing to get dressed before the exterminator arrived

Are you waiting for something?.
not really...... just for a new life. nothing else.


Do you hate the last guy/girl you had a conversation with?
no. lol..... he's my cousin.

What were you doing this morning at 7am?
sleeping

Has anyone got on your nerves lately?
absolutely. i have been very on edge.. everyone bugs me but bailey. and jenna.

Do you love your life?
i love parts of my life. and i think everything now will add up to a life i will love someday.

Does the last person who put their arms around you mean anything to you?
i don't remember the last person to do that...... i am always by myself.

Do you own a computer?
yes

What is your current mood?
blissfully unaware.


Are you crazy?
definately.

How long is your hair?
lol... past my shoulders.

Last shocking news you heard?
someone who made me smile everyday died.

Last thing you ate?
a carmel candy

What was the last thing you drank?
rum rum rum.

What's the last thing someone said to you?
we were talking about boob jobs... i don't remember the exact phrase.


Where's your cell phone?
who cares


Are you wearing makeup?
nope

Did you have a dream last night?
i rarely remember dreams.. and when i do they haunt me.... the good and the bad ones.

What makes you happy?
my choice to stray off my intended path.

Have you ever had a near death experience?
yes.

When was the last time you cried?
yesterday... it was the first time in months.

Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
yes

If you could have a superpower what would it be?
jumper shit.

What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
it is different everytime.... but i often notice brown eyes.
i LLOOOVVEE brown eyes.

What do you usually order from Starbucks?
i boyctot Starbucks coffee. k?


Have you ever kissed in the rain?
not yet.....

What/who are you thinking about right now?
people who should be forgotten


What should you be doing?
drinking water

What was the last thing to make you mad/angry?
i was cleaning out my desk.. and i found a picture of my sister and i... when i was really little... we were at the beach..... i put where i won't find it for a long time.

How often are you laughing?
as much as possible

Were you happy when you woke up today?
if my alarm wakes me up.... i'm not tooooo stoked lol.