Graham ([info]tao_) wrote,
@ 2007-04-25 21:35:00
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Crapwatch--Collect Them All!
I'm going to start documenting the revealing titles of shitty, culturally polluting programs I keep coming across on telly. You know the ones I mean, the kind that seem as if Charlie Brooker has made them up, but are actually real!

The first one is on BBC3 ( a prime offender) right now. It's called, and I kid you not, 'Fuck Off, I'm a Hairy Woman'.

Send 'em in when you see them!

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[info]flamingkitties
2007-04-25 08:52 pm UTC (link)
Is that the one with the world's most miserable Muslim, Shazia Mirza....?

There's also Fuck off, I'm Ginger, and Fuck Off, I'm Fat. They're really not trying.

Can I nominate Posh Swap?

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[info]frankymole
2007-04-25 08:57 pm UTC (link)
Jo Brand's "boyfriend", Ricky-whatever-his-name-is, did *F*ck off I'm Fat" first :p

"F*ck off I'm not bothered"

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[info]victory_gin
2007-04-25 09:38 pm UTC (link)
They're also doing one called 'Fuck off I'm Ginger' or something similar.

I find this horrendously offensive. OH I'M SORRY MY FAMILY ARE IRISH. THE BLOODY BBC WOULDN'T PUT ON A 'FUCK OFF I'M ASIAN' show about how Chinese people are ridiculed. Because that would be a show about racism, not a lighthearted look at how people of celtic backgrounds have been and continue to be bloody persecuted.

It's just basic racism. Cunts.

Sorry for ranting all over your livejournal.

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I agree but
(Anonymous)
2007-04-29 11:12 pm UTC (link)
I agree, however, The issue of racism is clearly publicised and socially unnacceptable and illegal. Where as being offensive to people who are ginger, seems to be considered acceptable for some ridiculous reason, and isn't frowned upon or even largely recognised, as a result ginger people suffer horrible bullying and discrimination etc. which the program highlighted. I was pleased the program is on, as my boyfriend is ginger, as are several of my friends, it makes me really angry the way some people think it is acceptable to abuse them because of it, as you say it's affectivly racism, the program was trying to hightlight this and was quite interesting aswell...though some of the comments people made really pissed me off, but the show wasn't lighthearted and it did looked at the serious issues that people have had to face as a result of something as insignificant as haircolour.

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I don't actually mind...
(Anonymous)
2007-04-25 09:43 pm UTC (link)
...the idea of a show about what life is like for a hairy woman. It's a moderately trivial social issue, but hey, there's a place for that.

I don't mind hugely it having a catchpenny, exploitative title.

I mind that, unsuprisingly for a show with a moderately trivial subject and a catchpenny title, it was complete idiot bollocks. Failure to construct an argument or make a point or do anything other than waste poor the viewer's time.

(Reply to this)(Thread)
Re: I don't actually mind...
[info]stellanova
2007-04-25 10:52 pm UTC (link)
Yeah I agree (although I did think the title was annoying and obnoxious). There are interesting points to be made about the issue, but they certainly weren't made there.

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I don't actually mind...
(Anonymous)
2007-04-25 09:45 pm UTC (link)
...the idea of a show about what life is like for a hairy woman. It's a moderately trivial social issue, but hey, there's a place for that.

I don't mind hugely it having a catchpenny, exploitative title.

I mind that, unsuprisingly for a show with a moderately trivial subject and a catchpenny title, it was complete idiot bollocks. Failure to construct an argument or make a point or do anything other than waste the poor viewer's time.

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[info]amuchmoreexotic
2007-04-25 09:49 pm UTC (link)
The best-titled show is on ITV Play. It's one of those fleece-the-stupid phone-ins: pretty girl in a shiny cocktail dress, wordsearch, cash prizes. It catches your attention at first, but it's ultimately hollow and pointless. They call it "Glitterball".

The best bit is when the poor girl asks the (predominantly male, middle-aged) punters what sort of weekends they had. They always seem to answer "quiet".

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I have it on very good authority
(Anonymous)
2007-04-26 09:06 am UTC (link)
that a working title for a pitch for ITV Play was 'Land Of The Midnight Fun'

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[info]tao_
2007-04-25 09:56 pm UTC (link)
What I can't get over is that there's a show that tells the viewer, in its title, to fuck off. Surely the only response is, "Well, no, YOU fuck off." I think we should all refuse to pay our license fees until the BBC stops telling us to fuck off.

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[info]moscow_olympics
2007-04-26 12:19 am UTC (link)
I emitted a very loud "fuck off!" when I saw on the front cover of TV and Satellite Weekly that Allo! Allo! is coming back for a one off special.

Oh, and there's 'Fuck Off, I'm Ginger' which is part of the same Body Image series on BBC Three.

All these fucks. What ever happened to 'go away'?



(Reply to this)(Parent)
crapwatch
(Anonymous)
2007-04-25 10:23 pm UTC (link)
how about "Bus Pass Boob-Job" on channel 4 a while ago - for the under served
geriatric-cosmetic surgery enthusiast. Thanks Channel 4!

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[info]joepublic
2007-04-26 12:13 am UTC (link)
My Man Boobs and Me.

Oh, how edgy! Surely all of these social grey areas would be more "in your face" on peak-hour public transport than on the television? Then again, if you're going to attempt to making something less utterly mundane, you can't go past something as neo-modern as swearing...

It's actually quite good to have hard hitting media- Stuff that really grabs your attention, like that McDonald's ad campaign;

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

See, I'd never even thought about having sex with a hamburger, yet now I find it hard to stop. Tune in next week for, Fuck Off, I'm Fucking My Lunch.

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"F*ck off: We're afraid to swear!"
[info]jimmny
2007-04-26 01:42 am UTC (link)
Mr. Miss World: implies that's what the transgender community would call the ceremony when in fact it's Miss International Queen. It was on a day after 'The Worlds' Worst Sex Change Surgeon', what? was there an official competition?

what offended me obout 'Fuck off I'm Ginger' et al was the fact that they want to be 'outrageous' but have to put 'F**k off I'm Ginger' in the listngs, it's as insipid as 'T.F.I. Friday'. Cf The BullS**t Dectectives, stealing not only part of the name but some of the same targets as Penn and Teller's BullS**t.

Whoever named 'Panic Room' and 'Rush Hour' on bbc three must have thought that 20 odd people at least will tune in mistaking it for the films of the same name.

similarly with Two Pints of Lager and Packet of Crisps, an endless infini-part documentary on the old splongenessabounds hit.

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Crapwatch
(Anonymous)
2007-04-26 09:29 am UTC (link)
Wife swap revisited gets my goat. Wife swap was a waste of good electrons, nevermind time and money. There's no need to revisit it? Flooging. A. Dead. Sheep.

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[info]loveandgarbage
2007-04-26 09:32 am UTC (link)
BBC3 have been showing a series known as Freaky Eater: Addicted to - regularly lambasted by Harry Hill on his TV Burp, which includes Freaky Eaters: addicted to spaghetti hoops.

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DOG BORSTAL
(Anonymous)
2007-04-26 01:09 pm UTC (link)
I kind of choked on that title. next, BUDGIE BROADMOOR? DONKEY DACHAU?
Or maybe FUCK OFF, I'M AN ILL-TRAINED GERBIL.

The below is my favourite Gaelic show. I swear to God it's real.

CUNNTAS

Tha Cunntas a’ gabhail àite ann an Colaiste Rìoghail Lighichean Dhùn Èideann, le panail agus luchd-èisteachd a’ deasbad cuspairean an taghaidh.

That was the best title they could come up with?

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Re: DOG BORSTAL
[info]reincheque
2007-05-01 11:23 pm UTC (link)
"The below is my favourite Gaelic show. I swear to God it's real.

CUNNTAS

Tha Cunntas a’ gabhail àite ann an Colaiste Rìoghail Lighichean Dhùn Èideann, le panail agus luchd-èisteachd a’ deasbad cuspairean an taghaidh.

That was the best title they could come up with?"

Cunt? Ass? Works for me...:-)


Regards,


djp

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Re: DOG BORSTAL
(Anonymous)
2007-05-02 07:09 pm UTC (link)
What I love about 'Cunntas' is the idea that they can just ignore the meaning of the English word. It's so arrogant! As if English is the lesser-known language!

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Re: DOG BORSTAL
[info]reincheque
2007-05-02 07:38 pm UTC (link)
You mean it's not??? Gábh mo leithscéal!

regards,


djp

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More from Beeb 3
(Anonymous)
2007-04-26 01:47 pm UTC (link)
Another gem from the BBC's channel for pioneering new comedy: Help! My Dog's as Fat as Me.
There really is many issues to deal with in a programme with this title, all as depressingly ridiculous as each other.

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BoobTube
[info]trollop23
2007-04-26 05:00 pm UTC (link)
There was a show that only ran for one season called "The Littlest Groom". It was about a little man (dwarf) who had to choose a bride from a group of 12 women.
6 of the women were little people and the other 6 were of regular height.
I miss that show! it's sucked buttock but it was the most fascinating "reality shows" I had ever seen.

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BBC3 are at it again
[info]jmason
2007-04-26 08:23 pm UTC (link)
on right now: "The Bullshit Detective" -- http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/programmes/detective/

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[info]vivalabridgetta
2007-04-26 11:19 pm UTC (link)
BBC Three should just commission 'We Done Had a Row' already. But wouldn't they get stage school students to phone in and pretend to be oiks?

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[info]tao_
2007-04-27 11:35 am UTC (link)
'We Done Had a Row'!!! that is brilliant! Is that real or did you make it up? It's so hard to tell these days.

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[info]vivalabridgetta
2007-04-27 12:15 pm UTC (link)
Another TVGoHome-ism.

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(Anonymous)
2007-04-26 11:37 pm UTC (link)
TV is really depressingly bad at times. All of the "My dog is fatter than my ravioli-addicted mortagage advisor" bullshit is bad enough but I look at the adverts and I realise that it unfortunately does get worse. I've had the misfortune to watch ITV4 late at night to watch the football highlights and I just got bombarded with at least 10 ads for chatlines. "Call girls who want to talk to you". "Phone hot sexy foxy foxes for hot foxy sexy phone sex now and get free Lucy Pinder screensaver for your mobile phone." It's pathetic!

Adrian

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[info]vivalabridgetta
2007-04-27 12:42 pm UTC (link)
Right, that RedFox5 video with the near-naked ladies in the pool that certain Freeview Music channels advertise - are they for real?

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MORE CULTURAL POLLUTION
(Anonymous)
2007-04-27 04:00 pm UTC (link)
Mr Cho's Hundred Dollar Dog Wax Bonanza'
'Endometrium Cannon Grudge Match'
'Don't Pick At That, It's Filthy!'
'Some Get Dumpling, Some Get Tumour'
'Fuck Off, Just Fuck Off, Right?'
'Dirty Kumquat Challenge'
'Treat and Atrocity'

I'm almost certain these are all genuine shows. Almost certain.

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Too Posh to fucking wash? What does that even mean!?
[info]pugheth
2007-04-30 11:01 am UTC (link)
I remember a few years there was 'Too Posh to Wash' on BBC3. Surely the comissioning process there is just read a list of a thousand or so titles to a room full of dribbling idiots and any that are declared 'funnys' get greenlit.

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"Blind Young Things"
(Anonymous)
2007-05-04 12:45 am UTC (link)
Just saw a clip for this - "coming soon on More4".

I'm slightly bothered about whether the production team's dichotomy was to try and play on Pretty Young Things or Very Bad Things. Because the outcome is a title that is more ridiculous/hilarious (delete as your P.C. determines) than either option. Though in a twist of minor irony (yes, 'minory') Blind Young Things does actually look like a programme whose title is apt; the trailer depicts a forgettable docu-meant-to-be about a few under-30s who are blind and young and having a laugh just like any of their peers. Except because they're in a minority group its actually a thinly-veiled documentary for idiots who get home from work and watch this shite in order to weep out their suppressed pity so they can sleep soundly and wake up to face another day of meaningless bullshit. The world's gone mad, etc. Send help.

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