I'm in a New York State of Mind.

summer__stars_ @ 2007-03-16T01:39:00

2007-03-16T05:44:21Z

so happy its getting warmer out!

yesterday i cleaned for a while, then jim and i brought benjamin to the reservoir for a bit. then we went to the mall and i met his friends ray and michelle, they are nice. then we came back here for a bit and jim left.

today i printed lots of pictures out and cut them up to put on my bulletin board. when jim got out of work he came over for a bit and watched old school. then he left because i have to work at 630, but i cant sleep and now i have the hiccups. oh well. i guess im going to go try to sleep again, who knows.

summer__stars_ @ 2007-03-12T08:32:00

2007-03-12T15:39:19Z

I'm very happy at this time.

I would be happier, though, if I saw my friends more. I feel like they want nothing to do with me anymore, and that is okay I guess, but I hope it isn't true, because I miss them.

I just got home from work, blah. Downstocked stupid beads haha. I only have 9 hours this week, hoe lame. Stopped in and said hi to Jim :). We are going to go to Barnes and Noble today after he helps his dad and I pick up my mom.

It is SO NICE without my sister around. No little kids, no yelling. mmmmm so nice.

In the meantime, I think I am going to coinstar my change, clean tegans cage, maybe clean the house a bit and work on the flower horn thing that I'm making for my moms' friend.

and maybe go for a run because it is so nice out

summer__stars_ @ 2007-02-27T19:35:00

2007-02-28T00:54:53Z

Done with the overnights! Finally. They were okay, tiring though, and would have been alot alot alot better if one person in particular did not do them. (hah). Working mornings now. Everyday except thursday 7-12 or1. blah. Otherwise things are good. Just got home from Barnes and Noble and the mall with Jim. We picked each other a book to read, He picked The Watchers ( it is pretty good so far) and I picked Tell No One ( one of my favorites), and we sat and read 80 pages. Thursday we are going back and reading 80 more, should be fun. He is nice. Next week we are going snowboarding, and he will watch me fall and suck at it horribly, ahaha, since I have NEVER gone. Kinda pathetic, but I want to try. Should be fun. Today I went and saw my Granny. I miss her, she is so nice.
Need to start looking at schools again, I think I may just go to STCC for 2 years and then transfer, sounds good to me.
I think I am going to go sew for a bit, maybe clean my room a little, read, and then go to bed. Since I have to get up at 6 to bring my mom to work.

summer__stars_ @ 2007-02-02T10:21:00

2007-02-02T15:36:05Z

i feel kind of sick. stuffy nose , all that crap. i need to clean today, i need to have the whole house clean before i start the overnights my mom said. blah. i'm feeling kind of depressed anyways, even before i start these overnights, by the end of them i probably will be dead inside. hah. 3 weeks mon-fri working 9pm-8am. My boss even said that the people from corporate that are running them are "borderline abusive" and my mom said that they are awful too. Oh well, I need this money if i ever want my car back. My mom has given me back my license though, I'm happy about that. She has been letting me take the car alot, but that doesn't matter if noone hangs out with me. I feel like, lonely. I don't see anyone, and when I'm supposed to they usually bail. Am I that awful? I need to leave here. I have been seriously contemplating taking up my sisters offer to go to Florida with her, and maybe after the overnights I will. I know I shouldn't leave the people I have here, but I'm not happy, and this is the longest I have ever stayed in one place. I'm a creature of change, I thrive on it. I've been in mass since 7th grade, and in this house 2 years. I'm bored. And nothing around here is making me feel very welcome. I only think a handful of people would really care if I left, and I would visit them. We will see, maybe I will just leave for school next year, but school and I don't get along too well. I am NOT looking forward to going, even though I know i have to to do what I want to do with my life. Other than that, I'm working at 5. Bye.

summer__stars_ @ 2007-01-31T08:30:00

2007-01-31T13:49:21Z

i have to write about stuff, i have realized i keep too much in, and then blow up and cry and craft, its ugly. i'm really nervous about something that i cant talk about. but at 9:15 i will be gone doing it and i am SO NERVOUS. yea. i try to pretend im not, but i cant fool myself. Last night i went to work and Dani and Dana visited me, then they waited for me to get out and then they came and hung out for a bit. I get really pissed off when Dani constantly makes fun of everything i do, i mean i can take sarcasm but sometimes its too much. I told her about it though. So hopefully i wont feel stupid anymore. Today I'm working and then hanging out with Nick if my mother lets me use the CAR. I am really frustrated that my life has turned into one of a 40 year olds. I work, clean the house, watch my nephew, cook food, repeat. I'm tired all the time and comstantly in pain. My diabetes is worrying me lately. I don't feel like myself anymore. I feel drained. My medicine is turning me into a lump when i dont take it. I don't do ANYTHING unless i take it and I'm afraid I'm dependant on it. I haven't smoked in 3 days. I'm very happy with myself about that. I really shouldn't smoke with Diabetes. I know. I have organized all of my jewlery and bought a jewlery box at work im going to paint and fix because it was damaged. I really want to finish organizing my rooms completely so I can start working on projects again. I got a pattern for a messenger bag and awesome fabric. I can't wait to start that. I need to get a self healing mat, yes. But they are expensive. Sorta. I will just have to wait a bit. I also want to start keeping a real journal again. It's fun to write and draw little pictures, and have it be completely private, so i can write ANYTHING.

I have to go now. I really am lonely.

summer__stars_ @ 2006-10-01T01:02:00

2006-10-01T05:09:43Z

my life is coming together quite nicely, if i do say so myself, im going to hcc in january, boston in september, my mother and i worked out a plan that will actually work out, im probably getting a job at michaels, we will see on monday, i got a raise at the studio, and hopefully tomorrow i will get a venders booth at the flea market.

if all goes well, i should have my car running and move out by mid december!

wish me luck

rambles

2006-09-28T09:43:55Z

people drive too fast on my road. regular cars whip down it in the darkness, semi-trucks too, come so fast in the other direction that your windows rattle, and on rainy days you are sprayed with blinding splats of water. animals are always running around and getting hit by the constant flow of traffic also. almost every morning, i'll see a dead animal or two, a deflated lump of fur, the obnoxious smell of a squashed skunk. you get so used to seeing something like that out there that your heart sinks automatically and i end up sending compassionate feeling to a goddamn clump of carpet that fell out of the back of someones' trunk.

sometimes i feel very sorry for those animals, and other times i run out of pity and become impatient witht heir stupidity. i wonder why, with all of the lulls in traffic, they choose that moment to dart out across the road. i mean, an animal's instinct for survival is supposed to be so keen, right? yet here is the rattling of a semi, coming closer and closer every second, how can they not see or hear it? sometimes i cant help but think that there has to be a high rate of squirrel/opossum/skunk suicides. like this poor opossum has simply had enough rooting around for food, fighting the troubles he faces daily, tired of just being so damn ugly (since we all know they are jealous of the raccoons cuteness), that one day the sad sack says to himself "fuck it, i want this goddamn ups truck to take me out". i just wish that so many animals would take their troubled furry lives away from in front of my house, because then benjamin tried to eat the remains, and it just does not start off my day pleasantly, because then i cant stomach a waffle, i keep looking at it even though i dont want to, it just rains on my parade, dammit, so you furry creatures of ashley/wayside ave watch your back, and stop hating your lives.

summer__stars_ @ 2006-09-23T07:10:00

2006-09-23T11:17:33Z

this morning i woke up at around 4:30, took a shower, and took ben for a nice long walk, i evenwalked through the sprinklers, because i am HAPPY! then i came home and made my mom and i some nice fluffy pancakes, and now i will paint, get dressed, then my mother and i are off to LEE! and tagsaling on the way. then when i get home, i shall call ada, dani, and jaime fucking flowers and we will go on a sushi hunt. im happy! so so so so happy! and for no good reason and its amazing!

summer__stars_ @ 2006-09-18T00:59:00

2006-09-18T05:20:06Z

just hung out with matty, went to dennys and watched some crazy awesome wrestling movie

last night i went with nikki to tim and pauls gunther party, saw a bunch of cool kids, saw damien, agglkdjflkasnfskn

haha pictures!

the "gunthers"

awe tim!

ive redecorated my room, im extremely excited about it!

yes, and, i've been getting many things to craft, hopefully i should be starting up a table at the westfield flea market, some of my things i have made are for sale at Dragonfly Bookstore in westfield, you should check it out!, also, i am going to have a table at the montgomery craft fair, so, GO!

and!

but, on a sad note, i heard some heartbreaking news about jens' boyfriend bobby passing away, he was an awesome guy, its really sad how things can happen to such great people, just thinking about it makes me feel like crying, how close her and i used to be and how awful i feel for her having to deal with something like this, i dont even know what to say, just life is unfair sometimes.

cause baby girl's a queen

2006-09-07T01:08:19Z

past couple of days have been good, no work this week.

ada and nikki came over the other night and we made dinner, hamburgers and corn on the cob, it was fun, we are going to have "dinner parties" every weekend with julie, this week its thai food!

ada came over today and we were sitting on the porch and these creepy guys came by and one of them hit on ada massively and asked for her number, and she tried to give him a fake number, but he called her phone, it was awful haha

then we brought ben to the vet and held him down while they clipped his nailys, then colin came over and we played basketball, started to make this tie fighter model but got distracted with fabric paint, then got distracted with kingdom hearts, then we went for a walk and colin and ada went home, then i had a cup of tea!

summer__stars_ @ 2006-09-01T17:03:00

2006-09-01T21:11:32Z

if you have a problem with me, either don't talk to me and don't like me, or talk to me about it and we can sort it out. anonymous comments, no thankyou, if you cant even tell me who you are then you have no right to say anything harsh to anyone. and if you even knew the story you would understand why i dont want to talk about my brother so it is pretty fucking ridiculous to say anything to me about it. plus if you are going to say something as serious as that, you can not end it telling me i am ugly or that i have stick out ears, because thats incredibly mature.

so yes, comment me telling me how big of a ugly failure i am, but then leave your name or dont say anything at all.

plus, calling me a slut or anything of the sort can not even be done, because im probably one of the least "experienced" girls i know. :)

summer__stars_ @ 2006-08-26T02:41:00

2006-08-26T06:42:50Z

yeah, so im with julie ada and nikki and they are amazing

summer__stars_ @ 2006-08-20T21:27:00

2006-08-21T01:43:05Z

so i have moved my room into my mothers and my sisters old room, since they are connected by a door and now i have a craft room and a bedroom, and i am just simply rolling in the happiness, and im quite certain my mother is enjoying her new air conditioner and massive room, which i miss, but now i have two small rooms and two small closets, which is also awesome.

the past few days ive seen ada, kennedy, matty, marty, dani, mike mruk and karyn, whom i havent seen in a long time, and other people, its been a nice few days! karyn just got back from working in disney world, i would love to do that, im thinking about looking into it, id like to get out of this area for a while, also living near my sister and other family members would be quite awesome.

matty and marty came over last night after the show at the italian club. we played life on the computer, which i must say matty and i have been quite fond of lately. matty and i tied, then we all watched blue crush and most of sideways, which as marty says has "way too much dude ass".

they left at like 3 in the morning, good lord.
it was fun though.

today i over slept and missed sarahs call, when i called her back she wasnt home, it made me sad i wanted to see her badly. so i sat around all day, ada and i were going to go see snakes on a plane but then we realized we had no money. i watched the gymnastics competition and nastia liukin won, again, i love her so much!

tomorrow i may go to the park, and see eric, that would be quite wonderful, havent seen him in a few days and i miss him!

also, im enjoy the new leaf i have turn over onto, not involving myself in any "drama", its really made me much happier, its not worth holding grudges with people, because truthfully, everyone has probably "talked about me" at some point, and if they have, cool, i dont mind, im not perfect, i have flaws, and im no longer going to worry about what anyone says, just be civil and nice to everyone, its not worth wasting my time disliking someone.

also i made a purse, its cutesey.

summer__stars_ @ 2006-08-15T15:50:00

2006-08-15T20:29:59Z

friday
i took a long walk to go to danis house, didnt make it the whole way there, matty stopped and we went to danis, but she wasnt home. so matty dropped me off at home, i cleaned and puttered, then later matty and marty came to get me to go to mt. tom, we picked ada up on the way, and we had quite a good time, i like it there alot. heres some pics :-*

i even dance on mountains

some hot man

ada was getting ancy because i told her i'd do her on the top

so after that, i went home and eric and i went to see talladega nights, then watched the meteor shower, but didnt really see much, and plus it was freezing, i died.
saturday
went to a family picnic at my uncles house in chester. my family is insane, i've come to the conclusion. my mom started drinking before we even left. we got there, it was nice i guess haha, my hippie cousin from california showed up with her two kids, jedidiah and aowyn, yeah, cute names, hahaha, my aunt showed up with pink hair and a mini skirt that was wicked bright flowers, and shes like 60.... my other aunt is wicked religious and when we all said grace she was like moaning. and my other aunt has a little girl named sheena, because of sheena "queen of the jungle".... yeah basically they are all just ridiculous, ill post a big family picture as soon as someone sends us one, which im sure they will.
but my neices!

im going to be such a good mother haha

sunday
didnt do much, went to visit my step sister and step nephew in agawam around 4, they are moving to east longmeadow, i cant stand my nephew, hes the most spoiled child i have ever met and kept breaking apart the puzzle i was making :( hhaha, after i hung around for a while, then matty came and got me, and we went to friendlys and met up with dk, marsia, nick, jim, dave, pete,and marsia's friend. then we went back to dks house and hung out, then watched dog soldiers. it was fun, and i wanted to see the whole movie, but i felt really sick for some reason, i think my uncle jim didnt cook the burgers on saturday well enough, cause mine was kinda pink and juicy so i stopped eating it. yeah, so i threw up at dans, and then i just really wanted to go home and sleep so dave brought nick home and we stopped by since mel was in the hottub with some kids, it was nice to see her, then dave brought me home, i threw up all night and basically died. haha

monday
didnt do much because i felt like shit on a roll, took baths and stuff, haha tried to feel better, and sat on the couch and watched tv all day.

today i feel alot better, i went to get ice cream with shaver, it was nice to see him and catch up, we hung out here for a bit, then he left not too long ago, idk what im doing tonight, but hopefully something.

summer__stars_ @ 2006-08-09T06:07:00

2006-08-09T10:59:02Z

sunday
so sunday, during the day i went to the flea market, didnt get anything, just looked around and such. i think i may start making things for a new consignment shop in west springfield, ill have to call tomorrow and see what sorts of things they want, it would be cool to just give them things i make to sell and give me money, thats perfect for me! after i got home from my weekend flea market/tag sale adventure, i took a little nap, ate lunch, and just watched tv and movies with my mom. then i got a call from kennedy asking to go to the movies with marty and matty, so i said yes, went for a run, was laying around, then went to hadley with kennedy, matty, and marty. we got to the movie and the one we wanted to see was sold out so we decided to stop in at tanyas party. we were there, saw a bunch of people, found out im really not that bad at beer pong!, and hung out with some westside kids i hadnt seen in a while. kennedy left to bring marty and matty home, he was going to come back, but then the cops came and kicked everyone out. i ended up leaving with brandon, keith, dan, and sean. on the way home joe called and said he had gotten into an accident on shaker road with chad. so we drove around and found it, they were getting taken away in an ambulance. they smashed into a telephone pole and are okay physically but pretty much screwed since there was open alcohol and chad was driving drunk. we made sure they were ok, and then went to keiths house for a little bit, julianne and bryana showed up, we hung out for a bit and then bryana and julianne brought me home around 2. i was really shaky and didnt feel good since my blood glucose levels were kinda low, so i ate some and was puttering around. heather had no place to stay so i offered her to stay the night here, and she came over, she ate a huge sandwich, and we basically just laughed until we fell asleep. it was nice to see her and hang out, i love how its never akward with her and i no matter how long its been since we have seen each other. we woke up, heather left around 12 to go to work, and i started feeling really sick again and basically passed out, my mom brought me to the hospital and her friend heather stayed with me. i have to keep really close attention to my blood glucose levels from now on, i guess i didnt really realize how serious diabetes is. i had been kinda taking it as a joke.

monday
i slept when i got home from the hospital, for a lonngg time haha, when i woke up i went to the flywheel with matty and marty, it was fun, the singer of this band from israel was really weird, he was like molesting me julie and ada, made me dance with him, sat on us and put adas foot on his pee pee. he also flew around the flywheel like ben runs in circles, and stuck his head in the trash filled trashcan. i liked their music, however, it was fun. then kennedy came, we watched beneath the streets, and then kennedy brought me home.

tuesday
today i woke up and called kennedy, took a shower and ate a sandwich, then him and marty came to get me and we went and climbed mount tom.

views with my amazing camera phone :-*

my little bittle head

mike playing gameboy

so then we left and went to 7-11 to get the purple s'cream slushie that we heard on the radio, advertisement does work!. then we went to the mall, hung out for a while, then mike brought me home and kaci and matty and katie came to get me to go to an open mic night at the majestic, but it was sold out, so we ended up going to the mall again, talking to tim and amelia twice in one day! then kaci brought matty and i back to his house and we came back here with his car and watched almost famous.

today i hope i get to hang out with amelia before she leaves for canada, cause i love her. i will definately be visiting her in canada though, since shes getting and apartment, i hope she isnt racist about it and gets a color tv mannnngggg :-*. so yes, im quite happy.

bye!

summer__stars_ @ 2006-08-06T00:26:00

2006-08-06T04:35:54Z

so im pretty happy lately, things are fairly going my way

i havent really felt that good lately, which sucks, but oh welllll

friday
i did end up seeing tommy, he came to get me with rich. it was nice, we went to brandons for a while, chelsea came, we went to mcdonalds and got too much food, not chelsea, me, im a fatty.
we came back, chelsea dropped me off, and tommy was taking a ride on his friends new motorcycle, you know, guy crap. rich left not long after, and tommy and i went back to his house. we watched the incredibles and talked and cuddled, it was adorable really hahah, i really feel different around him than most guys ive dated, he makes me so happy, you know the butterflutterflies in the stomach, that cutsie poo stuff.

saturday
tommy and sprinkles! his dog brought me home at around 11, i slept for a while, then got up and my mom let me use the car so i went to the park with ben for a nice walk and he pimped all the ladies and tussled with some ducks. stopped at subway for a spicy italian :, ate it in the car with benny bop, then went home. tommy, rich, ada and i were going to go to the movies, but the boys were tired (pussies) haha and so we are going tomorrow after rich gets out of work. :) instead of the movies i went for a huge long run, it was insane. came home and passed out, now im eating spaghettios and about to go to sleep again :)

tomorrow i hope we go to the movies, and wednesday im supposed to go to the beach with tommy and rich and others, it should be awesome. im so happy aaaah

summer__stars_ @ 2006-08-04T01:28:00

2006-08-04T05:29:04Z

sunday
brought alicks home, went to my grandmas, then later i went to a bonfire at brandons with chelsea, we slept over. i met a boy, tom.it was cute. and i was ridiculously tipsy. and i almost won at beer pong, chelsea messeddddddd it up on triple overtime, but i love her and it was like the only one i had made hahaha.

monday
went to see a beatles cover band with nikki, ada, and squee. i had a really good time, it was nice to see them. lauren and i danced and danced and i love the little drummer boy. when i got home i passed out for a damn long time.

ada and i :)

tuesday
worked, puttered, ate, not too much else.

wednesday
worked, i hung out around here for a while, then gina came over. then rich and tommy came over, and we watched v for vendetta, which is a good movie. then we played life, gina left, we hung out for a little while longer and then rich and tommy went home. agh that boy. :)

thursday
went to work, came home and napped for a while. then went for a drive with tommy and rich, then to dicks and burger king. then i came home, hung out and worked on ginas birthday present. im really happy again and i value the friends i have alot.

tomorrow i dont really know what im going to be doing, maybe see tommy. that would be nice.

summer__stars_ @ 2006-06-30T12:58:00

2006-06-30T17:14:11Z

so, ive made a decision. i dont like smoking, and it sucks, i dont want to spend the money i earn on killing myself. i mean, its better than drugs and shit, because i dont enjoy that stuff, and i dont even drink much at all, why should i be smoking? it just makes me feel shitty, and not able to run. also, with diabetes i really shouldnt be smoking at all. so, if you like me and you see me smoking, take it from me and punch me in the face. okay, cool.

also, ive been going through all of my old things, since we are having a tag sale next weekend. i found these little wooden toys my dad made my sister and i when he own his auto/wood working shop. i put them in my closet on my dresser and it just makes me feel kind of better, knowing at one point my dad did care. another day, hopefully i find something to do today... tomorrow hopefully the beach with gina :] - if weather permits.

summer__stars_ @ 2006-02-20T14:45:00

2006-02-20T19:43:30Z

i was reading a book.
and there was a part where this girldidnt know how she truly cared about someone.

until he ended up in the hospital
and her state of worry made her so sick
that she realized how she truly felt.

you never know how you feel about someone until you think you wont see them again.

summer__stars_ @ 2006-01-31T19:17:00

2006-02-01T00:13:39Z

sometimes the person you want to be with is right under your nose and you cant realize that until you take things into perspective .

just a modern swinger

2006-02-01T00:04:02Z

new classes.
A- Environmental Science
B- CAD
C- Digital Photography
D- Spanish 4

i just switched into A and B so i haven't been to them yet. tomorrow shall be fun.

A- chelsea, dylan, brandon are in there, it will be just like gym last half. i hope its a good class.
B- danielle! and whitney, and brian and chrabby, LOL it should be fun with the hottest teacher jim gagna.
C- jen and danielle and me! and a bunch of others, but most of them are gay. the cameras are just like my old one, a step lower though :-*
D- spanish with seth, jesse, jeff, bridget, kensey, cooter. its so boring, but oh well.

im pretty bummed a bunch of friends went back to college.
lindseys house wont be the same without nekelle :-*
and chris is in new hampshire, which is really dumb. lol.

im so tired of high school
its wearing me out.
majorly.
i cannot wait until it is over and then i can be like. :)

christmas

2005-12-25T23:22:47Z

i have finally found that i can be happy.

and how simply awful i feel for my cousin. she has a disease called reflex sympathetic disorder (RSD.
it started a few years ago when she got a small cut on her hand from an ice skate.
she goes through so much pain all while staying fairly optimistic.
today i finally realized, at christmas, how amazing she truly is.

and how even though she isn't the "perfect" thing, that she has always been there
and how stupid her ex boyfriend is for leaving her.

i love her, and my family and i truly did have a nice christmas.

i didn't get hardly anything, and i wasnt in the most festive mood,
but this year really was one of the best in a while.

and sometimes, putting together a tiger puzzle with your cousin for two little boys and then watching a coral reef video with them is the best time that i have had in a while.

summer__stars_ @ 2005-12-22T00:16:00

2005-12-22T05:19:33Z

im pretty excited for christmas.
to see my family on sunday hmm,
not too sure about that,
but i guess it should be fun.

mmmmmm i wish i didn't live in a such a cold place.
i'm still not that used to putting coats on.
its weird. haha.
but i am a faggot.

aw.

2005-12-19T01:35:42Z

i like sticking my head out my window and watching mother nature strut her stuff

summer__stars_ @ 2005-12-12T20:31:00

2005-12-13T01:30:22Z

i like not fighting with people
dnenenenene
this weekend was fun.
friday i hung out with jordan and evan.
saturday we went and got lindsey, had some kinda good time on my street hahahah
then will came and we hung out and went to dennys.
then matt came,
and we wwatched tv and such.
sunday i went to the mall with danielle and ryan,
then we went for a walk, ryan went home and danielle and i hung out for a while.
then we went to bed
then school.
meh.