current location: home.
feeling a little: crushed
now playing: nobody's innocent - redcar
I'll try to pick up this story where I left off.
I didn't actually start, did I?
Oh well, here goes nothing.
We'll start with my sophomore year of High School. Really, we're just going to breaze over it. Honestly, it didn't even get interesting until October 31st.
Why October 31st, you ask?
Well one- it was Halloween. My second-favorite holiday. We had a rehearsal for Urinetown (I was in the band) and, of course, I wore my costume to rehearsal. I was Cinderella, and damn I looked good.
One of my best friends, Eric, was in the band as well. He played bass (I seem to have a thing for bass players) and we'd been flirting back and forth since, well, September. A lot of people were pushing our relationship, namely his best friend Andy and his girlfriend Ella, whom I danced with.
So two, Eric asked me out on Halloween night. Of course I said yes, it would have been rude not to, because so many people wanted us together. I wasn't sure if I really liked him yet, but I figured, "what could go wrong?"
Turns out, plenty.
Jordan and I had been growing a lot closer. We originally met in eighth grade and I hated him. I never really had a reason, other than the fact that he was a smart-ass know-it-all, but who wasn't in eighth grade? I was.
We were in the same english class first semester, and sat right near each other. We flirted shamelessly. It was my favorite class, and Jordan and I soon became really tight friends. We talked on the phone every night, even though I knew it made Eric jealous. The truth was, I really liked Jordan. It sounds bad, but I'd be with Eric and wish I was with Jordan. With Eric I felt like I was only going through the motions just to make him and everyone else happy, not because I actually loved him.
Saturday, February 24th. My band, Stroke of Genius, was supposed to have a show, but it got cancelled due to an awful ice storm. Since Jordan and I live so close together, I was taking him home. We pulled out of one of our band members' driveways, and he said to me,
"This is the worst day of my life."
I asked why.
"Turns out, I'm definitely moving."
The threat had been looming for a while of a job transfer for Jordan's stepfather - to Denmark. I'd dreaded it and cried over it, but I didn't think it would actually happen. I cried on the way home, which was probably a really bad idea in hindsight, the roads were really dangerous and the ice impared my vision enough. But I cried anyway. We got to his house and pulled in the driveway. I turned off the car and took off my seatbelt, and stared out of the windshield. Finally, Jordan reached over and gave me a hug, and I cried into his coat for over 20 minutes.
That was the first time he held my hand.
We hugged each other and cried for a long time, and it would have been longer had my mom not gotten worried about me driving in the bad weather. As he got out of the car, he said four words that still ring in my ears. His voice is still so clear, choked and quiet, trying to fight through the tears and stay strong.
"I love you, Lyz."
"I love you too, Jordan."
A lot hit me right then. I'd always loved Jordan. I always had, and I knew I always would. It wasn't Eric that I wanted to be with. I never called Eric when I was upset, Eric was never my preferred crying shoulder, it was always Jordan. I knew I was going through the motions to make everyone else happy.
So I decided to make a decision for me.
I got home and Jordan and I talked on the phone for eight hours. I don't remember what we talked about. Most of it was silence on both ends of the phone, but I didn't care. I knew he was there.
So on February 26, two days later, I broke up with Eric. Over the phone, mind you, so I felt really really shallow. But I did. I tried to explain things in the nicest way possible, but nothing like that can sound nice. I felt cold and hearless... it was awful.
But February 27, Jordan asked me out. I knew that we wouldn't have much time to be together, but I didn't care. I loved him and I wanted to make the most of the time we had.
We got a lot of dirty looks and hate mail, but neither of us cared. We were finally together, and that was what we both wanted in the first place.