?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Squall [entries|friends|calendar]
Matt Sims

[ website | oh just my faceparty ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[19 May 2006|02:06pm]
k so this journal is basically dead for now
i will come back to it soon!
until then i am addicted to myspace, journal will be added there soon!
http://myspace.com/squall_
1 comment|post comment

take everything, I want you to. [19 Feb 2006|05:15am]
[ mood | amused ]

It has been a long time since I updated this. Much has happened. I have moved permanently to toronto; grounded myself here, I have a job, I am finishing my last credits here, I've applied to university again...I know I will get in.

My life has stabilized itself completely.

The last few months have been bizarre, superfluous, unnecessary in many ways, but I have also accomplished much. I have traveled , I have encountered new friends who have helped me and become positive influences, I have laboured on the film (making it as excellent as it possibly could be), and I began seriously developing a modeling career.
Living in Toronto, has been a levitating experience, a breath of euphoria, but it has also, in other ways, been a whirlpool which has drawn me away from my soul.

I have become sucked into the fire of a superficial world, and I have been burned.

I am not bitter (I have not been rejected from this lifestyle) and will never be..however living in the city has certainly taught me the nature of this lifestyle, taught me to lift my guard up...survive I suppose.
For every mistake I have done and hurt someone, five are thrown back at me.
I have come here vulnerable, meeting new friends and trying to ween out good influences from bad influences.
It feels like in kingston that fell right into my lap, where here it is an experience, a game.
Social fucking dodgeball.


And again it is not something I will be bitter about, everyone knows that I am always a positive, strong person, but it is certainly become something which I am aware of. And don't you dare say it has anything to do with a crowd I am with, it doesn't matter if you're at the yorkville, or myspace, or the village. Don't people realize that no matter where they go its the same thing?

I have known this (sometimes) selfish and vindictive lifestyle to the core, I have had it transfused on to me and I have purged it. I have gone through that learning experience. Its a parasite in this city. Through it, I have been betrayed by my friends, my lovers and myself.
Its a scarcity of love, and experiencing what it is to be human, and it happens when the nature of our surounding does not embrace these things
when the spirit is so digital, the body acts this way

Nobody can grasp love, who has not experienced love or has lost its concept, its a cycle...
and in this environment when you spend less time with yourself, and therefore less time with your soul, you are more likely to loose these concepts, and then influence other people that way, you loose the value of a nude soul.
People become disposable...you value image over reality...agendas over forgiveness...now over the future or past....your truth over real truth...subjective over objective...
reality becomes lost, washed out in the grey....selfish
we all know ambiguity in morals is just an excuse for people to get away with whatever the fuck they want. The soul understands absolute truths, there is no middle ground, just different experiences and values at coming to that truth, whatever it may be.
But not having a core truth, a core love, a soul, a solid color, makes you inhuman.

15 comments|post comment

[05 Feb 2006|11:33pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

hey folks, long time no talk, this site is going to be getting some serious redecorating and a facelift which would make joan rivers jealous....
so brace yourselves in the next month and a bit for that and another major update....
yay

8 comments|post comment

[21 Dec 2005|09:53pm]
myspace is the most pointless, hollow concoction which has ever existed.
Im glad I never fully wasted my time with it
or its (almost all of the time) moronic, contrived, childish fan club.
yuck.

anyway I'm in montreal, I'm enjoying myself, one of these days soon I shall update wih a big lj about LA, my recent trips to toronto and of course, montreal
and stuff :P
merry christmas
9 comments|post comment

yowza [01 Dec 2005|05:01pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.

stolen from minako_darkmoon



P.S L.A/West Hollywood journey to be posted soon. lots of pics. yay.

15 comments|post comment

[22 Nov 2005|07:13am]
[ mood | crazy ]

well I decided to have another update *gasp* within one week *shock* *horror*

anywho. last week was interesting and certainly different, I spent it all in Burlington with Bruce (as it was easier that way to get to shoots and such). David Andrew, one of the other actors, also spent the week there for the same reason (he's from around coubourg.)
Anywho every night I would just listen to music and waste away hours on msn, I got in this habit of going to bed at 5am and sleeping in till 4, which I had never done before, (usually I would wake up at 12 or 1 regardless of what time I went to bed at)
At night, when nobody was watching, I started getting into secretly fooling around with the edits on Bruce's computer which was also quite interesting, and sometimes I would watch cold case files marathons on a & e and get so scared I couldn't get to bed until 5am anyway.

On Wednesday I went to the Madonna launch party at Woody's, which was actually quite fun. Lots of media and fun people and such. I couldn't go to the after party at 5ive, as I am still working out issues with the management there *frustration*. I had an alright night regardless. It pissed me off however, because everyone kept telling me how awesome the 5ive party was. 5ive is 5ive though lol, I've been so many times anyway that its rare that anything that extraordinary happens.

On Friday I hung around with Gint and we went to my friend Andi's place. The bunch of us were planing on heading off to Return to New York (this big club kid party at the kool haus) but that didn't work out, so we just ended up straightening eachother's hair and listening to house music. ~__
Gint and I then walked from queen's quey to bloor and university, and we had a very down to earth, sheer conversation. I felt like I was clear headed and logical, which is often very difficult for me to be on a friday in downtown Toronto. We took the bus home to his house and cuddled and talked until we fell into a slumber.

On Saturday Gint and I went to the movies with his friends jenn and calvin.
They went to see pride and prejudice (yuck) while I went and saw Saw II.
Saw II was incredibly gory and bold, but entertaining, and I suppose it had a decent effect in the end of things. I started to get quite ill, however, as I had this slushie which happened to be nothing but pepsi syrop (as it was a pepsi slushie). It was too much sugar for my body to handle and I felt ill, which I had mistaken for being toronto-sick (which is a term I use when I've had enough of toronto and want to go back to kingston), so I scheduled to go on the next bus home to kingston. I decided to wait at eriks for it to come, but as soon as I had eaten and had some orange juice, I felt like a million bucks and wanted stay, however everything had already been scheduled. Then to rub it in my face some of my friends started arriving at eriks.

I didn't get to my house till 4:30, but regardless of the disappointment at missing out on a saturday, I had a nice long rest which was nice.

On Sunday, after sleeping in all day, I headed to brad's and we went to this bar called Brandee's. We happened to know the bar-tender and drank a few pints with her. At this point, we went on a search for more alcohol. We ended up at Pytor's and I happened to have left booze there, which we promptly snatched and headed for brad's house. We then watched Desperate House Wives drunk and bounced around beds and such.
Brad came to my house and was being a 'billboarder' as we'd like to say, and embarrassing and drunk. He kept talking to my parents and blurting out things he shouldn't have, I wanted to smack him.

I didn't get to bed till 6 am, and I didn't wake up till 6pm, at which point I pretty much went out and hung out with Brad again, we went to a pub and had a few beers with this russian guy who was strange and would keep making up stories of how he would write for famous plays and such, we knew they were lies because when brad and I started to question and become interested in what he was talking about he would stumble on his words and not know how to answer, and he would repeat himself. At one point he insulted brad when he was talking about the two of us, saying that I was more artistic because I was "blonde and fresh" (which were his exact words, and made no sense to being artistic), whereas brad had been more "bitten" by life. He emphasized on "bitten', and this promptly became an inside joke.

so it has been a bit of a slothy last two days, and here I am again on the internet in the morning, still up from last night.
tomorrow I intend to get back on track and try and do some things I have planned on doing with my break to Kingston...
like e-mail some people I need to e-mail
pull some strings for something I need to get done which I won't talk about
and get back on this song I've been remixing on the computer

but whatever, beer is fun, I feel fat, my cell phone is dead,
blah blah blah, I need to sleep
check out my myspace http://myspace.com/squall_
which is still under construction but decent at this point
(some body send me myspace configurations!)
~Matt

10 comments|post comment

Film and such! [15 Nov 2005|05:43am]
[ mood | calm ]

Well god damn its been ages since I've updated this thing.

For the last while I have been working quite hard on the film Struggle.
Its been going very well, I have attached a number of pictures of me on the set.

Until now I have not divulged very much about this project. I have been working on it all year, since the very commencing of its conceptualization.
It was the film, which has created incentive to be in Toronto so often and what I have often spent my time working at.

The film zones in on a group of gay scene kids in the village of Toronto. It starts off with the main character Darren (played by Damian Pelliconne) leaving home because of his abusive step dad and his naive mother. He leaves for downtown Toronto. There, he stumbles into the gay village and encounters Mark. Mark is a hustler. He sucks in kids who are in desperation and hooks them on drugs and forces them into prostitution. Then he makes money off of them. In tern, he gives his 'boys' a place to stay and a cash flow. Darren becomes sucked into this scene quite quickly. Two other of "Mark's boys" are Steve and Alex (me), a couple who are incredibly in love, despite their environment. This love is built up through a series of in-bed conversation scenes, in the middle of the night. However, this story takes a spin when Darren becomes interested in Steve. Steve finds starts to find solace in Darren. He is becoming weary of Alex and his issues. Steve cheats on Alex, and Alex starts to descend further into the world of drugs and prostitution as he is left behind by the love of his life, and the only love he ever knew in his life, Steve.
The film is spiced with a mystery of Alex's past, illustrated by sets of dream sequences.
There are also various sub plots and such to the story.

Anything else, I'm not going to tell you :P You'll have to watch it.
We are planning on entering it in to TIFF and hopefully pick up a distributor.


Here are the Film PicsCollapse )

You can also find them Here
at my newly launched online livejournal gallery


Otherwise in my life, I have been doing the usual club promotions, travelling, modelling, etc..

My fab cover came and went, it was on for the Halloween issue for 2 weeks. I believe I am doing another one at some point , but I am not certain when.

Fab CoverCollapse )


In other news I booked Digital Journal for another shoot, and at some point I have shoots with xy magazine, and a shoot in Montreal in a pitch to get into Giovanni.
I am also awaiting some pics which I did on the weekend, with a city lights theme to it.
I will post those when I can.

With travelling, I hope to go to Montreal soon, I am going with Ricky princejunius to Chicago for new years, I am going to New York within the next 3 months to shoot some scenes for Struggle, and I hope to go to San Diego at some point early next year. With some planning, hopefully this will all work out.



In terms of romance, I am falling more every day for Gint. We have spent the last few weekends together and it has been simply euphoric. The weekend before this past one, he came to Kingston (as I was there on break with the film) and apart from hanging with Matt Blake once, we watched the full first season of Desperate Housewives with Brad. It was awesome though, we just cuddled and lounged around, I loved it.
This last weekend I lounged around his house with him, while his parents were gone.
I was going through a bit of a stressful situation, so at times I was rude and irritable, but for the most part I had an excellent weekend with him. I really miss the way he feels and its only been a day
ack I'm becoming a big sap!


anywho, that's it for now, I shall update again soon

17 comments|post comment

[13 Nov 2005|08:41pm]
Hey Matt, it's gint.
You should really log out of you Lj, otherwise people could get into it.
:p
4 comments|post comment

[22 Sep 2005|04:59am]
[ mood | busy ]

well I had a pretty eventful last week and a bit

Following the weekend with gint and the kingston folk, I zipped back to toronto on the monday
and met with the tech crew of the film struggle I've been woking with.

Recently the production has really picked up, we have pretty much casted everyone and rehearsals are in full force. I feel like the story of the film has taken form and I feel like I have understood and explored my character and that I am prepared.

As production progresses I will explain more about my character, and the film in general. The Livejournal for the film is.
strugglethefilm

After meeting with the tech crew, I went to my friend drew's and pretty much chilled out there the whole night.

I watched the city from his window while he took a shower, and I thought. I can't remember what of.

On Tuesday I met with my friend James L Colin, we ate at this small pub on church street called ogrady's. It was rather nice. I felt refreshed, but anxious after meeting with him. He's a musician and song writer, and I felt inspired to do something musical after all the talk we had of music and singing and composition. Its been very difficult being away from my piano and computer. I feel detached from a gateway to my soul. I feel plucked from my roots.

With this inspiration but having no method to derive it from me, I walked up and down church street and then called drew to give him back the keys to his place.
After this, I was about to go further down the street when out of the corner of my eye somebody motioned for me to come over and see them. It was someone named Alan, who was sitting at patio of the pub across the street from Ogrady's. He announced that he was a producer of this film called "pick up the mic" and was here with the cast for the film festival. He told me about the screening and tickets. He introduced me to the cast. I started talking to everyone and it turned out that the film is a documentary about something called homohop, which is gay hip hop. The cast were the well known homohopers from across America. I stayed around with them and having no plans, I went back to their hotel and basically drank red bull and vodka, and watched them play truth or dare. After this we all headed to this ultra classy club called the crystal room. In the club there were chandaliers, beds, and it was an open bar :P.
I must of had a million pineapple and rums.
There was a special area for us and the rappers in the film and I just chilled and socialized with everyone.
some of the rappers were:
(Johnny Dangerous)
(JenRo)
(Deep Dickolective)
There were some pictures taken, but I am still in the process of retrieving them.

On Wednesday I paid for this workshop thing , which was supposed to be next monday.
For some reason I cannot recall most of the day, but I do remember that I ended up going to college night and stayed up all night with justin, trevor, and some other people.

I didn't get any sleep that night at all. The only reason I was able to survive Thursday was because I was eating well.
Andrew came down on Thursday, and we basically walked around and called people up trying to find somewhere to sleep, which was a very uncomfortable position to be in.
Eventually we slept. We slept for a good 14 hours.

On Friday we hung out with my friend Caesar, we then went to bitchslap, however I wasn't feeling it and ended up leaving early, this also happened with the hop on Saturday.

Sunday I did the photoshoot for the cover of fab (I know , I know :S), which was interesting.
You'll see. It's out October 20th.

After this, I met up with gint and we watched the ring 2, which was dreadful, but I had a good time because I was next to him. After the film, we sat and talked on the veranda, while he smoked a cigarette.
I told him about some of my past and he told me about his, we tried to make sense of it together, and actually found reason and soul within it all.
We slept in the same bed.

On my way down to take the bus back to Kingston I ran into a friend of mine, mikey. I hadn't seen him in awhile. A mutual friend of our's, Stephen, was sick, so we went to see him. I chilled with stphen and then caught the 3:30 bus home to Kingston. I was absurdly tired of Toronto at this point and didn't know what to make of the busy week.

Here is the lifestyle shot I did for digital jourrnal magazine. You can get it at chapters and barnes and noble, amongst other places. The other link is a bunch of photos from a brief shoot with a friend of mine to test how we interact, for future professional shoots.

Me In Digital Journal Magazine Summer 2005Collapse )

NarcissismCollapse )

19 comments|post comment

[15 Sep 2005|03:28pm]
[ mood | content ]

This weekend in kingstonCollapse )

More photo posts and a full post to come :P

20 comments|post comment

[29 Aug 2005|02:20am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

well...I feel bad, because its been another ridiculous period of time since I updated this and I said I would more often.
I suppose my situation recently hasn't permitted the old update of the livejournal...I've been in Toronto a lot which means no solid computer...and I have been working there.
Currently I've been doing an insane amount of promotion for this huge circuit party called foam. This means postering, flyering and going to clubs and talking about the party. Its been 'fun' but also quite draining and I feel superficial in the process. But it pays about 15 bucks an hour and has been helping me with some connections as well, so whatever works I suppose. I really enjoyed myself with it this weekend, however.
On Friday I went to bitchslap and there was this huge preformance which was an imitation of Michael Alig and the club kids, I found it thrilling. Then on Saturday I went to fly, which I had never been to before, so it had a novelty factor to it. The DJ was phenomenal too.
Now I am in Kingston. Brad, Matt, Sweeties and I all watched movies.

Otherwise, I have been regretting not being at university by this point. But some friends of mine have been helping me out with the way I feel about that. I think as long as I use the time well...it will be fruitful. Plus I am going to apply for part time university in January. I feel motivated now.
I think I lost focus with school this month...however regardless of people think I am completely organized and I know exactly what I am doing. I have a good plan. I will do things when it is time to do them. School would interfere with my agenda at this point...but by January I know for certain it would be a good idea to start it up. I feel confident and headstrong about this.

hmm, in terms of how I feel, my recent emotions are based on environment, and my environment keeps changing so anything I say about that is ephemeral.
However I found a guy I like...and he likes me back. haha I feel like I'm 12. but its a ray of light I suppose. I've been single for a year, I believe I'm ready for something else...its so hard to find guys I trust and who I can relate to on a multi-dimensional level.
hehe y'all will find out about it at some point.



otherwise film stuff is going well, music stuff is lagging, I'm meeting with some people soon though, to learn some more and set some shit up. And next week I really want to work on some singing and stuff in Kingston.
DJ TK said she liked my demo which made me happy ^_^

and nothing really changed with the modelling stuff. I still have to set up some shoots and such with that. Calling digital journal tomorrow.

Right now I'm just relaxing in Kingston...I'm back in Toronto tuesday for more promotion.

I think generally I have been doing quite well...my soul is not being exercised really, but a the summer comes to a close I believe there will be more time for that...and with relationship prospects and such, it will be quenched.

14 comments|post comment

From the States!!! [10 Aug 2005|09:12pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

hey everyone...ah I feel so much better now, Toronto entirely wore me out for Saturday and especially Monday night. There was just far too much fluster and I was hung over both days XD. It was also really this feeling of stagnancy and being tired in a "fast" environment. Being in a place inappropriate to how I felt. Monday was intersting though, it was the first day of rehearsals for the film. I quite enjoyed myself. I believe that with refinement, the cast will be great, I think as the days go along struggle will become larger and better of a production. The best part right now, is that we're in "the mode". Everything is starting to fall into place



Anywho,
I'm in Anne Arbour right now, which is about 45 minutes west of Detroit. Yesterday after an 11 hour bus ride (or should I say sojourn?), I arrived there. Oh god...I woke up in Toronto at 9:00am, took the 9:30am bus to Kingston , Taxi to my house, Burn some cds, get some shit sorted out, 3:30pm bus to Toronto, arrive at 6:20pm, take the 6:30 bus to Windsor. That trip was interesting, I didn't arrive till 11:45. Just a dreadful, long day. I passed through London Ontario which is probably the only city in Ontario which I haven't really visited. It was a lot like Kingston, very dirty, but liveable I suppose :P...my friend Ricky picked me up in Windsor and we drived through Detroit, and then arrived in Anne arbour, there was a party there which was fun, everyone was very choir-esque it very much reminded me of the Cantabile days, you'll know what I'm talking about, brad ^_^

Today Ricky and I walked around Anne Arbour, Anne Arbour is this melange of Kingston vs Lockport but cleaner and bigger and more diverse. It has like that American college pseudo small town feel to it, I quite enjoy it here, I am absolutely going to visit again, and of course I'm here till Sunday so it will be fantastic. I'll be checking out Detroit tomorrow... going to some clubs :P:P:P.

Anne Arbour is really thrusting me back into piano as well though, one of Ricky's friends is fantastic at piano, he's 15 and can play fucking mean Liszt and Chopin etudes, I've never seen anything like it before in my life. Ricky also plays piano and is quite good at it as well, so I've been picking it up again and fooling around with the piano there. Its nice to be cerebral again :S
I have also been doing a lot of thinking, just excavating some experiences which have happened with me over the last few months...its really this emotional chain of guilt, indifference, and then justification of the indifference and then guilt again...
I think its something I need to go through however...I think ultimately I am stopping looking back and looking forward...which has been very positive for me I believe.

hmm well after Anne Arbour its back to some buisness/art stuff but I'm excited for that as well :P:P

but I'll miss the hefty energy drinks here, whoa! heh :p

anywho
love ya all,
muah
~matt

10 comments|post comment

[06 Aug 2005|07:51pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

uhhh things have been just insane recently
...I have so much on plate in life right now, at times its overwhelming, but I've been doing my best to handle it, I think its going relatively well...just ridiculous at times.
I've been hopping from Toronto to Kingston to Montreal, Buffalo, and I'm going to Detroit this week and LA and NYC later this month. But, this is what I yearned for, so I am quite content. The nature of it is draining, but I love it. I skimmed through some older entries and they all revolve around feelings of stagnancy and now I am anything but stagnant... I believe my behavior recently also revolves around coming out of a two year relationship which held me down and blocked my opportunities, as well as living in kingston my whole life. I want to rebel against these things. I feel as if I am pursuing my true nature, my destiny.
I have still been keeping a window to my soul open, I wish I had more time to peer through it however...
but that will never be closed....

Its been awhile infact since I've spent a weekend in kingston...however this upcoming week will be nice and relaxing, I'm spending it in either anne harbour or toronto, depending on what happens tomorrow (waiting for a rpely back from someone, on weather they are coming to toronto or not), but I will most likely be spending it inside relaxing and working on some projects.
I have a number of projects in the works right now

- I am working on a song with my friend josh, doing the vocals for it, its going on an electronica compilation, however it is yet to be decided whether my version will be on there, w'ell see, even if not, I will get some clubplay around it. I'm really gun-ho about it, hope I'm not scaring you , josh :P

- I am planning to begin the composition of a full album in late summer/fall, I will be working with a bunch of djs and electronica composers, it is something i have been meaning to do for awhile and am very excited about. It will be electronica washed, with hints of all types of styles. Of course it will have vocals too!

- I am working on a film called struggle which I am starting rehearsals with very soon, its about street kids in toronto, and about solace...I have been toiling on it for ages but keeping it under wraps for social reasons, which will be resolved/leashed soon
I have also been talking to some other actors and writers and getting involved with other projects...

- I am working on modelling, I am in the new issue of Digital Journal Magazine which hits shelves next week
as a product show case model, I am working with some photographers, including the digital journal folk, and starting a portfolio. the mag should be all accross the US and Canada so check it out.

- I am refining skills with DJing and learning how to spin, my demo is out, I will post that soon, I still have to make a cover but I've been submitting that everywhere

I'm still planning to move to Toronto, I have to talk to York soon, my acceptance expired but they are severly hurting for people so I will hopefully/probably get in, and I have already accepted and confirmed Concordias offer, however this is on hold till the winter... w'ell see though...


I recently spent pretty much 2 weeks in Montreal which was certainly an experience. Montreal is like no where else, its this limbo in everything, its like imbetween land, I've been many times, but this was the first time I really savoured it...


well i'm in toronto right now at an interent cafe....
I will now from on, update regularly with little bits
yes, I think I will do this
love ya all :P:P:P:P

5 comments|post comment

[29 Jul 2005|03:47am]
[ mood | amused ]

A picture story for a June trip to TorontoCollapse )

A picture story for the recent trip to MontrealCollapse )

14 comments|post comment

[22 Jul 2005|08:42am]
ahhhh its like 11 million o clock right now
I haven't slept yet

I'm in toronto and had a get together with some friends for my birthday, and after everyone left my friend justin and I were up all night chatting on the balcony of my friend phil's condo.


well I thought I should let you all know its my birthday, and I expect many presents
including a picture cake with myself on it!

oh and of course a plack and a ham :D


I have many more things to tell however I must be off for the time being

I am off to montreal today

yar

jagameister and unity
yummy
6 comments|post comment

From Toronto and Buffalo, with love [05 Jul 2005|12:31am]
[ mood | bouncy ]

hey folks, lots going on right now, I am sooo excited for the summer despite some of the factors which I thought would be working against me.

Za Future

I have decided to accept my offer from Ryerson, I will be taking philosophy and music courses, and hopefully get into residence. This will probably only be for the first year, and then I will transfer elsewhere, where there will be an actual department for these subjects.
I decided Ryerson for its convenient location to other opportunities in my life, for its approach to electronic music and its English department.
I'll probably be visiting Montreal an awful lot as well when I'm overwhelmed by Toronto, so that will still be very much in my life. However I think people have this weird stigma about Toronto, although it can be draining, certainly not to the extent people make it out to be draining.
I am also not doing summer school *yay* I';m doing 2 correspondence courses instead.
A lot of doors have been opening for me this summer
this Saturday I am meeting with someone from digitaljournal.com who is interested in having me model for them, and wants to get me some other gigs in the modeling industry,
and I am also starting with some film work which I will reveal on here quite soon
so I'm in Toronto this weekend for a modeling gig and film stuff and the next weekend I am in Toronto as well for zee hop and probably the film and modeling stuff as well.
Then the weekend of the 22nd I shall have my Kingston birthday party that Friday (or saturday depending what happens). Then saturday I'm to Detroit (hopefully) for a final fantasy concert and then Windsor to see some friends, probably party it up at some Detroit clubs (I just felt like lil kim or something saying that >_<, at least crack won't be involved eh?).
Then last weekend of July I hope to be in Montreal for zee Montreal pride, hopefully go up with Kenny and brad, perhaps matt blake as well, I want to show brad and Matt around :P.
Then in august I was thinking of having a Toronto birthday bash on the 6th, not sure where, but I'm definitely going to make it crazy.
On the 12 I start za secret project, for two - three weeks then off to NYC for another yet to be revealed project
so yar!
a very crazy fun summer indeed. I'll be mowing a lot of lawns for this :D

Za Past

but anywho where have I been the last week?
Buffalo I say! I suppose I was just tieing up some loose ends with mikey...there were some residue feelings amongst such, I wanted to see if circumstances had changed enough, for a possibility of a prospect with him and I. I suppose I was a bit naive and engulfed by the past. I am a very nostalgic creature XD. The past is what ignited my curiosity to see him, I'm sure everyone has gone through that. I did love him. You know, it sounds cliche but I still do, in that ideal world which isn't tarnished by situation and circumstance, but I guess those things which don't make us work are all values to variables within his personality, like I mean circumstance will always change but I think to some degree he will always have the things in his personality which made us not work, so they could be brought out at any moment. I guess it was with me too, though...I have that same thing.
Its really based on a clash of egos I suppose, thats what I've figured out amongst all this rambling, however I guess there are other things to consider, like how he deals with our differences (such as ideas in religion and sex), how he deals with any potentially bad situation in general. I can't handle it at all. Its so fucking vexing for me.
I don't know, again I'd give it a third chance in the future if I'm single, when he's older. Not to say that he is immature in general, but I think time and exposure to the adult world could help the problems of ego, I mean once you reach the big city you get a culture shock, its far different from living in Barker. But for now it is time to move on, that chapter of my life was revisited, but I have far transcended those events. But I am not closing it for good for good. After all it was 2 years of my life.

And you know I am thankful for the time I was given last week and mike's general hospitality.

Za Pride

Before buffalo I had a fantastic weekend at pride. After finishing exams I zoomed off to Toronto on Thursday and when I got there I went straight to Stefan's. The first thing he did was slam down a red rave (energy drink) on the table for me. lol I was like * you know me toooo well*
We talked of exes and the colors of his walls, and friends and life. It was nice. I then zoomed downtown and immediately ran into justin and andi. Then princess and patrik and several other people congregated at a bench and we just hung out joked around, I finished my third energy drink *yikes*
and bantered on. Then andi and I went to ignition early, and he, being the fine gentlemen he is, got me a volunteer spot with prismtoronto (http://prismtoronto.com) which got me a vip pass to all the events, the whole honchulata. Ignition was amazing, I actually ran into 3 people I knew which was absurd. I drank red bulls, jaggermeister, vodka, but as I usually do while dancing, sweated it all out. The music was fantastic, it was like this electro deep house (best way of describing it)
I loved dancing to it.
Afterwards we met up with Justin and friends and walked to this guy named Jason (but everyone calls him britney)'s house where we lounged around till like 7am watching movies and such. Justin and I walked around till we found shoppers drug mart which was open all night and I got some products and we ate at McDonalds. mmmmm hot cakes.....
Then we took the street car back to Stefan's and took his bed as he was going for work.
On Friday we woke up, got ready and headed over to Terry and Brandon (bently's) house.
I err... um.. 'naired' there for pride and we ate McDonalds as well :P
oooooo I love my McDonalds.
After this we headed back downtown, got some booze, put it in cups justin went off for dinner, I walked around with a guy (apparently his name was adam) and became increasingly drunk. Church street was buzzing, it was insane. I was interviewed by city TV, and had my picture taken randomly a few times. I ran into a friend Chris.
I just enjoyed the buzz in more ways then 3 :D

Later I ran into Justin again and I was superbly drunk at this point.We hung out at church and Wellesley ran into tones of folk, including several Kingston people.
I ended up smoking pot which I usually never do, but to hell, it was pride,
We walked around some more,ran into princess and Patrick again and then i went to bitchslap...alone?
I was insanely drunk and high so it didn't matter, I ran into so many people as well and gathered a group...
the owner of 5ive also said I should submit a demo to him for DJing which I certainly will do soon, he gave me his card.
You know, to be honest I remember little about that night, the last thing was talking to Nick Factor in Burger King, I don't even remember what I did that night, other then that I got home late and that it was similar to Thursday. I hung out with Justin too. Geez thats weird I totally don't remember anything but that...anywho I know I got back at Stefan's and in Saturday morning I met with some folk, walked around and then went to Aqua. Which was awesome I volunteered there, drank a bit more, and danced to this amazingly hot deep house. Aqua was this big awesome water party during the day, I loved it. Then I went back to the mall, picked up my cell phone which was being charged, went downtown drunk again, ran into oodles of people from like Windsor, detroit, Toronto, kingston, Montreal, even England, it was like this big collaboration. After this, I went back to a friend's hotel and hung out with them, and then went to Joi where I volunteered but it was dreadful. I was worn out and had blisters and instead of like 2000 people in a small space there was 7000 people in a small space it was raverish.
I got to meet Boy George though :P
I just said hi and he said hi back, it was brief, he was DJing and I was backstage.
After this I hung out with some windsorish friends till like 9am, then woke up, tried to go to the parade which was packed, i couldn't walk anywhere, then ditched it hung out with mikey (TO) and then back home, then back downtown, hung out around 5ive again and then back to stefans, had a loooooooong sleep to revive myself and then that day I left for buffalo.

so thus, my friends, was my insane pride weekend, the first one in Toronto at least.
I dunno I mainly came for the party and friends, I'm not all about the "I'm GAYYYY RAWWWW!" thing
lol

but toodles I suppose

P.S
this is me cracked on saturday night, with blisters
its like this is matt,
this is matt after pride
ahhhh cronk matt sims
I'm not as fat as I look, I promise

21 comments|post comment

[18 Jun 2005|05:47pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

well I'm in toronto right now, my gig was last night!

It went generally well, I played some awesome tunes and I thought I mixed pretty well in addition to that. I got a lot of compliments :P. Some friends of mine from toronto came down for it; spike, justin, stefan, rik, tyler, graham amongst other folk. A good majority of my kingston friends went down as well which was quite nice, it was fun to see everyone mingle, I want my birthday party to be like that (which I shall be planning soon).
I played house, euro and deep house, and it was mostly the young people who were receptive to it, naturally, which as it happens, was not the majority. The old people were all lame and "I can't keep up with the kids today" about it. I really should have djed the huge party happening in kingston tonight, but I guess its all about working your way up. I certainly plan to pursue Djing however.
There are so many things on my mind right now that I want to dabble in, I feel like a kid in like an artistic amusement park. I sort of get an obscure pleasure at testing different arts and exploring them. I want to form a band, I want to up things with Djing, film, composing, electronica, poetry.

I have been feeling exhausted recently, but strangely content with this, perhaps I have become to acoustomed to feeling this way?
I find myself emerged in the virtual world till 1 or 2am even if I have school...
at least school is over on tuesday thank god.

I saw star wars the other day and I actually found it enthralling and really damn fun. It reminded me of the structure which Final Fantasy has, and certainly had the whole tortured anti hero thing going on which was nice
and darth vadar was so fucking hot before he got all fucked up
yumm evil boys :D

tonight I'm going to the hop *suprise suprise*
I think it shall be fun, I want to do something afterwards this time....

I feel like I'm morphing into a different person, I guess changes in enviornments....


you know my greatest fear is burning out, and becoming a vacant, overexposed being.

at which two songs come to mind
"reasons to be beautiful" by hole and
"I think I'm paranoid" by garbage :D

7 comments|post comment

[12 Jun 2005|07:25pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com


and you're alll coming....
or else!

14 comments|post comment

[09 Jun 2005|09:55pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]

well god-damn
its been awhile since I updated this thing.

its been rather hectic as usual and the school year is coming to a close, so I have an excuse.
It looks like with some work this week and next, I will be able to finish law and world history, and be alright for university.
I still have summer school and correspondence, but I also think with some work I will be able to conquer those last credits and get my diploma by July.
I haven't a clue which university I'm going to, and which city it will be in, but I'm accepting one of the offers on monday...who knows where it will be...everyone is pushing me for Montreal but I only have two friends there, and while I love the city the language barrier is vexing, and there seem to be no opportunities for me there.
whereas Toronto has prospects for a love life right now, music and film
friends, travelling, a job...
the only part is the people there and how overwhelming the city gets, which I definitely acknowledge.
and I'm not sure York would accept me completely if I took their offer
, and Ryerson doesn't have a music program....
so its all a gamble.

and this summer I am doing summer school for July which is something I am very apprehensive about
and I will be living in Toronto for august regardless of which offer I accept...

Anywho, in case you haven't heard I am DJing half of Kingston pride this year, it will be at the Portsmouth Olympic harbour, 53 Yonge Street, Kingston Ontario
the posters come out tomorrow and I'm doing promotion for it in Toronto tomorrow. I have some amazing music for my set, mostly house, usually Euro, and later on some good Euro pop/pop. My set starts at 11:30/12:00 and goes to 1:00, depending on which city you leave from, there are certain people taking cars, so I could definitely set people up with transportation, or if you go on greyhound with a friend its only 30 bucks there and back (from Montreal or Toronto to Kingston).
I'll post the poster in my lj. There will be an afterparty as its so short, or certainly a get together at my house. I believe, also if there is enough pressure, the event will definitely transcend into 2 or 3 am.
everyone's invited!!

Anywho
in terms of love life, I can't really say anything right now but
stuff about that will come out soon, I have my prospects :P

I talked to Javier last night which was great, I don't think we had talked very much since February, so I really enjoyed touching base with him and seeing what he was up to

ah so, I'm going up to Toronto this weekend very briefly to do some business ;)
and on Saturday I shall socialize with folk, maybe hang out with Erik, perhaps I shall call Stefan
I think I will bring along somebody new though I don't know who...hmm

ack I miss josh!
I must go to zee Montreal soon

ack
and its so fucking hot today, its like nuclear wasteland madness, I can't handle it AAA


hmm well expect the next post to me my poster

oh and pretty soon I'll be posting some compositions

love
~Matt

25 comments|post comment

[15 May 2005|04:43am]
[ mood | cold ]

I'm feeling contemplative right now,
Thats sort of a euphemism though.
I'm listening to some old, reflective garbage songs, like cup of coffee, the trick is to keep breathing and drive you home. I'm doing some soul searching.
I remember how I'd listen to cup of coffee when I was in love with Chris when I was 13 and 14, after we stopped talking to eachother.

"I'm walking empty streets, hoping we might meet
I see your car parked on the road.
The light on at your window,
I know for sure that you're home,
But I just have to pass on by "

Now I'm listening to some snide Alanis Morissette from her second album. I remember when I was very young I'd listen to the album late at night in my bed and romanticize and think.


I feel like I'm coming to a point where I'm coming out of a hybernation of delusion. And that all the image and wist is dissipating and I'm seeing the cold hard truth.

However, on the other hand, whose not to say that this is just a cynical time in my life? And that these so called ideals are actually achievable, at least in a delineated sense (not exactly as I pictured it but the essence of it being achievable.)Perhaps things in my life aren't this cut and dry and linear as I have been framing them.


I miss my friend Javier, he lost Internet so its been very difficult to keep in touch with him, but I connect with him on a very dear level, he would understand this. Sometimes I think I'm really in love with that guy. I could easily picture love happening between us...

I feel overwhelmed,
I have had a lot of opportunities for relationships recently but they seem to boil down to false idealism...there are parts of me I never seem to show anyone anymore...
I never have a chance to, so it becomes obvious that these crushes are idealist and on a whim.
It depresses me, as it feels like I may never get through to anyone...

But I guess I'm not even trying to right?
I suppose when someone who I can fundamentally relate to comes along, I'll show them my soul.

I'm not even too concerned with that but it has been festering in the back of my mind
when I come at home and lay in bed, when I play piano, and take walks.

There is a certain serenity of being single however, I feel a clear head space in a sense.

But that head space is often just inhabited again by my chaotic social life.

Social life has been also overwhelming, however I am enjoying myself. But Its nights like these, where all that catches up to me and I feel jaded and as if I would like to cry and get it all out, but have an inability to.

What an obscure log of thoughts this entry has been...

I will now be off to listen to Philip Glass and think more

14 comments|post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]