i'm so scared. terrified. of right now, and the next the moment. of tomorrow, and all the tomorrows that will follow. i don't know where i'm going, what i'm doing. i don't know what i want to, where i want to be. i've been lying and smoking and sleeping too muuch or too little or not at all. been bitching and whining and never solving anything. creating problems and feeding my anti-narcissism. daydreaming and nightmaring. i haven't been living enough. been living too much. i don't know how much longer i can function this way. nevermind. i'm not functioning. i'm losti'mlosti'mlost. parents, school, none of itmatters to me, i have no cause, no reason to be upset because i say they have no effect on me.
i can't keep this up. something's going to give.
bitchwhinemoan.bitchwhinemoan. repeat everysecondforytggfykchfcu
everytime i'm on drugs it reminds me of the time i OD'd and makes me reevaluate myself over and over again. because i'm not sure how different doing drugs and trying to kill yourself are. they're both an attempt to escape.
fuck i'm hysterical and delirious and ui can't even bring myself to type properly
i'm going to go lie in my bed and obsess somemore.