i need SOMETHING. anything. everything.
to cry. drugs. to scream. to talk. to run away.to go parachuting. to GET OUT. i was seriously contemplating not coming home from work tomorrow; it'd be so easy, to just walk to the bus station and GO, i have some money. i wouldn't be gone forever, just long enough. i just want to disappear for a while, i don't want to deal with the mundane problems of suburbia. i want a more tangible monster than my inner demons; i want to have to sleep on the streets, staring at the sparkling sky, i want to wander around aimlessly, with no purpose, just to walk. i want. i want to be made grateful for what i have, i take everything so goddamn for granted. i can't do it anymore, thisthisthis rountine, this day in day out, nose to the grindstone, reveling in my mediocrity. i'm not living, i'm existing. and i can't TAKE it anymore. it hurts, it really does; i can feel it welling in my chest, a dead weight making it hard to move, to breathe. i'm recycled, used, i need... ineedineedineedineed. that's all. ijustfuckingneed. give me. i want it all, every color, every expression, every emotion, every experience, all you fears, crushed hopes, broken dreams. everything, i want it all. i feel so empty but so heavy at the same time, a hollow shell made of lead, drop me in water and i'd sink as i fill with it, bubbles of carbon dioxide rising to the surface but at least i'd be full.