| no sayer. |
[Mar. 9th, 2010|11:36 pm]
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you're stuck in my mind all the time.
i wonder what it will be like when we're all gone.... |
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| now we're on a different level |
[Mar. 1st, 2010|02:29 pm]
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nothing will ever be good enough for you.
this is how it interprets "now i'm up here - and you're down here _"
leave it to full house to teach us all of our valuable life lessons. |
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| ambush |
[Feb. 25th, 2010|12:42 am]
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i started looking back at my old posts. my archives reach all the way back to 2003. 7 years is a long time to have a journal. with age comes fewer posts, but it's something you always come back to. posts 7 years ago consisted of everything i did during my days. i physically remember being excited, reading the posts where i was excited. it's weird because it's now a document that can go with pictures and visions and the past. and for most of us, we need to relive the past. for some of us, to find out what could have happened in certain situations. although we may have feelings that aren't shut off we also don't have closure to certain things as well. my friends now are hopeful for me, but are quick to tell me my chances. they offer their advice and their examples. i just want them to tell me what i want to hear. (that's always the case) but now.. now.. we can't always have what we want. life just isn't that easy. is it? i just wish she saw how hard i'm trying. |
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| typing. |
[Sep. 26th, 2009|07:12 pm]
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it's either the beginning or the end. |
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| at our worst. |
[May. 5th, 2009|01:02 am]
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I'm at my best when I'm at my worst
I'm at my worst when it's not rehearsed
I don't want to know the goddamn words
I don't want to have to spell it out
Don't want to mumble what I'm trying to say
I want to scream it from my foaming mouth
Shoot out the lights and ride away
I'm in my worst when I'm at my best
I'm at my best when I'm trying to look
and think and talk and sing and read and write
Like all the rest
We're all just trying to play our roles
In a play that runs ad nauseum
I hate this damn enlightenment
We were better off as animals
Right!
We're at our best when it's from our hips
From our hips we don't give a sh!t
It just feels good, and that's no sin
It's the only way to feel alive
The closest thing to being born again
And when baby comes, it's job well done
Roll in the hay
Or roll around the sun
We're at our worst when it's from our lips
From our lips we caused a rift
And the world is falling in
From Babel to barroom brawls
Our words have formed a death sentence
And I wish that we had never talked
Our hips said it all
And I wish that we had never talked
Our hips said it all
and you. you're the same as me.
you enjoyed it. you still do. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 23rd, 2009|05:57 pm]
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this is the day where you gather all your thoughts and come up with a plan for the future. think about where your parents will be in two years. whether or not you'll continue to care or hate the same people you do today. whether the friends you have right now will be there (and the same) in four months time. whether your siblings will be happy with the roads that they've gone down.
it's kind of like throwing a baseball up into the air and wishing it never came down.
countdown: 116 days left.
time for a cig. |
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| follow the day and reach towards the sun |
[Feb. 22nd, 2009|01:22 pm]
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Life is forever changing.
I just realized i want to be a mastermind who types out long essays and tries to keep cigarette ashes from the keyboard. where smoke fills the room and you can see rays of light from a city window break through the smoke.
BUT
Watching your brother sleep with a fan as the only sound overhead giving you that slight breeze and where the smoke rolls out the double screen window is just as enjoyable.
I want to move after we venture to the "NetherNetherlands." Collin and I talked about getting an RV when we come back and living it in....so we can sleep in a different area every night and simulate the feeling of "being on tour." I'm also quitting my long drawn out term at Murphy's Marketplace when the time arises. (after i get my two weeks paid vacation) It's like i've been in a second high school. When August shows up I will have almost been there 5 and a half years. Being held back an extra year and a half and graduating to another chapter of FREE life is just what i need.
I miss writing. |
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| this paper cut sucks |
[Sep. 14th, 2008|04:20 am]
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when everything else seems to dissipate. there is always fall weather.
when everyone else seems to leave on a whim. there is always a parking lot cigarette.
when people start to realize things about you, that you didn't think was wrong until they think it's wrong. there is always someone who is on your side.
i never wanted certain things to stop. but for personal growth, i guess it's fine. what's not fine, is the overwhelming feeling that things change.
it doesn't start out so easy on both ends. but gradually i get better.
if you just let yourself feel nothing...well, feel nothing for the split second it hurts, and then reassure yourself that something will fill the void. it will come back.
and at least i can go to sleep happy. bub. |
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sleep_tight_