I am so terribly conflicted. Accidentally asked both Remus and Regulus to Hogsmeade and now I feel as if I'm going to end up abandoning both of them. I desperately want to spend time with Remus because I haven't lately and right now, of all times, I don't want him to feel alone. He's the only one of my friends that visibly cares about me, and the only I've actually been talking to on a fairly regular basis (James, I would rightly like to know why you're so busy all the time). Not that we've been able to really talk lately, but I was hoping we'd do that on the trip. And Regulus. My beautiful baby brother. On a sort of whim, because I was really enjoying his company, I asked him if he'd like to go to Hogsmeade with me... and then I promptly realized that I'd already planned on doing that with Remus but made no effort to say anything about it. I want to spend time with him, he's my kid brother, and save the other night (will elaborate in a bit) we haven't spent time around each other in a long time. I mean, we have, at home - but that's different, because I'm never the same person around mum.
( Private; Sirius' eyes only.Collapse )
I guess I'll just time-share myself. Yes. That will solve things. Of course, Hogsmeade is happening in just a few hours, so I'd better decide how I want to go about that...
In any case, I spent the other night with Regulus. We went to the kitchens after-hours to eat, which was nice, and we talked about classes and such and caught each up on everything. After that, we went out near to the lake and just sort of star-gazed for a while. It was a lot like when we were kids, which I miss desperately, and we were able to talk about being friends and brothers and love and the Black family without argument. It was like... all I can say is that it was like when we were younger, when no one had these misconceptions about other people, when we were just children in the same family. I miss that. I've always been protective over Regulus, yes; however, I've never felt particularly close to him since we were very small. But that night felt like all of that didn't matter because we were brothers again, friends again. We stayed out quite late, and even after I got back to Gryffindor tower, I couldn't get to sleep.
Unfortunately, though, I feel a bit guilty about the whole thing - like I'm becoming a bad influence on Regulus or something. I don't know why, it's just sort of at the back of my mind.
( Private to RemusCollapse )
Ah, well, off to catch a bit of rest before Hogsmeade - Remus, Regulus, I am terribly sorry. And don't either of you dare offer to go with someone else, because I want to go with both of you. I know you'd both do that, so don't.