Hello. Sorry I've been quiet lately. Everytime I signed on, I just didn't know what to say, so I closed the window down.
Nothing major to report. It's still the same. Shamsa is back to her old ways. Sly bitch. When Mum rang me a few days ago, she told me she had a chat with Shamsa telling her to share the workload with me, so we'll be equal. But Shamsa is te type of person who only agrees on the basis of showing her good side, but never does the work. I don't know if I mentioned how filthy the house was when I got back from Pakistan. When I got back, Shamsa had been in Pakistan for 3 weeks. Before that, she was in England.
The house looked as if it hadn't been cleaned for 100 years. No joke. The kitchen tiles were grimy, the floor muddy, and the cupboards were covered in baby food, no doubt Liba's.
I cleaned everything spotless, the tiles shone, the floor sparkled. I left one tile as it was before to show Shamsa how to clean. It has been 3 weeks and more since I cleaned it. I left it that long to show her that they don't get dirty as they were within 3 weeks, which means that they got grimy after that period of time and that it meant she hadn't cleaned them for months...or at all while we were away.
And she had the nerve to tell me that I never cleaned! She put on her fake shock voice and asked "Saman, did you not clean at all? The house is filthy!" What a bitch! Did she somehow not see the mess she left behind? I said that the house was filthy when I gt back and she retaliated that she was in Pakistan too and that the men were home. Oh come on, she took Liba to Pakistan with her, so how did baby food get on cupboards? Exactly. She never cleaned. She's just trying to show everyone that she does more than I do.
Thing is, the men complained to me before she came back that she couldn't do a thing right, hahaahaha!
She can cook better than me, or so I thought, so I said she can do the cooking and I would do the cleaning. She, instead gave me Kitchen Duty and said she'd do dusting and cleaning. But, everyone uses the kitchen everyday and guess what she done today...
She decided to catch up with her friends today and they decided to throw a One-Dish party at one of her friend's houses. This, by the way, is her way of rubbing in my face that she is allowed to go out and I am not. So, she was making some dish this morning in the kitchen and her friend was over helping. I got up and went to have some breakfast and she totally ignored me. That just shows she is stuck up. She knew that I have to clean the kitchen, and she left all the mess there from her cooking. That's unfair. How about she clean up her own mess and I will clean up my own mess. Won't that be more fair? Just because I do work in the kitchen, does not mean that she can make as much as she pleases in the hope that *I* will clean it up! Maybe I should call over my cousins (as I'm not allowed friends) and have a party in the sitting room and leave the mess for *her* to clean up! Ha!

***
In the letter I wrote to Dad, (I haven't given it yet. I'll wait till he asks me again how things are) I mentioned that he was about to rape me. I've never been more afraid. The next day I was really quiet. Not until night did Shamsa say something to me. He came back from work and I blanked him totally and went to the kitchen because my brother was hungry. Shamsa came in and said to me "So, no hello or anything for your husband? I can't believe you won't even let him touch you, sex is such a small deal... " And I said "It's a small deal to you because you've done it before, no for me, because I haven't done it, and please don't judge me, you don't know what that brother of yours is REALLY like!" Then I burst out crying because I just couldn't keep my tears surpressed anymore. I'd prevented myself crying all day. That's when I told her that he was about to rape me and I stopped him. And then she showed some sympathy towards me.
I hate how she feels the need to butt into everything I do.
Last night, I was talking to her and told her about this dream. Ever since a few years ago I have been having dreams where I see that my teeth are falling out. I get them every now and then. I said that I looked up the meaning in a book which told me it meant someone in my family may fall ill. Guess what the Bitch replied?
"It's probably your mum. Because of you and Nazash she is ill. Did you know she isn't in the state she was in when you left?"
This kind of attitude annoys the hell out of me! Why does she have to be a bitch? I don't get it. I asked her to stop accusing me. Just because I won't have sex with her brother she is treating me shitty. I don't require/need her approval to live. Who is she to me, anyway? I don't care about her. It really beats me how she has the most adorabe baby but she is a bitch herself. Then after her remarks she acts OK again, especially when she needs something. Sly. Really sly.
So, last night i just felt like I had to get out the house. I went to Auntie Samina's house. Dad came too and I didn't even care much. I just wanted to be away from Shamsa. I hate their whole family.

***
Today, Auntie Kosar's friend set up a stall for charity in town square and she needed someone to do henna designs. Auntie Kosar asked me to come. He grudgingly dropped me off, throwing criticism at me all the way. I hate how he throws criticism and then acts normal again. See how he and his sister do that? They bash you and suddenly things are OK. Anyway, he made a nasty remark and then said "The weather's nice, isn't it?" Seriously.
I got there ate 2:30pm and I was meant to start at 12:00pm! Sehar was there too and it was rather busy! Everyone was in a queue and Sehar and I just made small patterns on everyone's hands/arms in order to leave enough mehndi for everyone.
 A few hours later, I went to Superdrug to top up my Internet modem and then came home with Misbah's mum, my Auntie Farhat.
And that is all for now.

Wow. Long post!